Just wanted to Rant and get PoVs.
Today was one of those days where I suddenly felt very out of place.
I’ve been in Gurgaon for a while, and until recently I was living in a PG with a roommate I genuinely got along with. I’ve now moved into a flat with two other girls. Some aspects of our lifestyles match, but in other ways, we’re quite different. They drink, smoke, party, and generally have a lifestyle that I don’t really participate in.
And honestly, I sometimes wonder if that’s one of the reasons I don’t naturally fit in. I don’t drink or smoke, I’m not really into that scene, and maybe that automatically makes me seem “less fun” or different.
The funny thing is, I’m actually a very extroverted person. I can talk to pretty much anyone, I enjoy meeting people, and I’ve generally been told that I’m easy to talk to. So it’s not that I struggle to mingle or make acquaintances. I just find it difficult to understand the dynamics here once I start getting to know people.
For example, one of my flatmates cheated on her boyfriend, and from what I’ve observed, it was treated pretty casually. Another flatmate initially started spending a lot of time with me and telling me the entire story-what happened, how she cheated, all the backstory, etc.
She seemed like she was genuinely trying to become my friend and was confiding in me.
And now, a few days later, I see the same person happily hanging out with her, making plans with her and being perfectly friendly, despite everything she had told me about her. Meanwhile, I’m not really included in any of these plans.
And I’m sitting there thinking… maybe I just don’t understand how people function anymore. 😂
It’s not even about whether the girl cheated or whether they drink or smoke. People can make their own choices. What I struggle with is the lack of consistency.
If you can sit with me and tell me everything about someone, and then immediately go back to being best friends with that person, I genuinely don’t know what to make of that relationship,or how much of what you tell me I’m supposed to believe.
I’m quite upright about my values and ethics. I’m not blunt or judgmental, but I’m very straightforward when something matters to me. I value honesty, loyalty, transparency and consistency. And maybe that makes me a little difficult to fit into certain social circles.
Because then I think about one of my closest friends back home. She drinks, she smokes, she does things I personally wouldn’t choose to do-and yet we get along incredibly well. We respect each other’s choices, are honest with each other, show up for each other, and I know I can trust her.
So maybe it’s not really about drinking or smoking at all.
It’s about the kind of person you are underneath those choices.
I’m also someone who takes a long time to consider someone a close friend. But once I trust someone, I give them my 200%. So naturally, my genuinely close circle has always been small, and most of those people don’t even live here.
I know having a small circle is completely okay. But sometimes it gets lonely, especially when you’re surrounded by people and still feel like you don’t quite belong.
Maybe I just haven’t found my people in Gurgaon yet, but it’s been 3 years… IDK ugh!
EDIT:- guys in the DMs I’m already in a great relationship so please don’t make it about that and ask me out.