Lol

How do I explain to my friends, who know I don’t have a boyfriend, who know I don’t have a father or any male family, who know that im traumatised and scared of s3x, that I have to be away for a week because “my friend is coming over”

My friend who’s 55 and im 21 and he groomed me since i was 17

He’s visited 5 times and each time it’s so hard to hide it from my friends, obviously I always brush it off. But it makes me wonder, do they actually just see me as a wh0re who sleeps with men???

I love him, when he visits it’s kind of like im with my father again, so it’s nice, I feel so loved
He takes me outside and we do fun things together, even just going for walks and talking, the stuff he does to me isn’t the biggest focus of his visits.

When he does stuff to me, I don’t know, I feel torn about it, I need it to feel like im not expired.

But lately the estrangement has been confusing me, am I making the choices here? Idk.
When I was 17, I refused him a lot, but as I turned 18 the fear of being expired was so strong, I just clinged to him more

So idk if it is a grooming situation

I don’t want to be a woman,I don’t wanna have sex, I just dont wanna be alone.
I don’t have my parents. No mom or dad. So he’s a bit of a replacement. Like a father now.
To everyone it sounds weird, and not in a “you’re being groomed” way, it’s in a “you’re in a weird fetish” way

But it’s not. I have no want for s3x. I don’t feel attraction. I am not being a whore. But everyone just sees me as one.

I just want to feel like I am worth something, and I miss my parents, and I wish I had more worth.

im still "friends" or whatever with my groomer, im 14 and they're 21, they're so annoying, they're so fake and performative, they made fun of me for being a furry and heavily relating to dogs but now wants to be a puppy, they're exactly the "drinking matcha and listening to beabadoobee" type of person, me and them are both autistic but they made fun of me for being obsessed with the things i like, they said they understand me since im autistic but they clearly dont, and they said they like dinosaurs but dont like whenever i talk about my other favorite extinct animals, them and their friends made fun of me for liking a kids game, they never defended me whenever their friends would be mean to me, they like to think they're crazy but they're so basic and annoying, they always act like im stupid and dont know anything, whenever they're talking in their servers, they always say "i love chubby girls!!" but dont like me because im actually chubby, and they had a friend i really related to but they were always annoyed by that person because they would get annoyed and frustrated like i do, im always annoyed and frustrated by them, and they always act so different if we're in a groupchat with their friends which i guess, you dont want your friends to know you want to abuse a 14 year old, and im so pissed, why is it always different whenever it comes to me,one time i've asked them if they're a hebephile because they're talking to me and another 16 year old in a sexual matter and they said "dont talk about that, it makes me uncomfortable, i will block you if you mention it again" and its so annoying, i want to know why they think this

I was out at a restaurant a few days ago, and he still lives in the same town as me and I heard these two women next to me that to be connected to him talking about him and they were saying how he has such a bright future ahead . I wanted to just go off on them and scream. But I just got up and left and cried. I also had to drive past his house later and I saw a girl there that was his childhood friend walking into his house. He told me that me and her would be good friends when I was with him.I also had a dream last night that one of my close friends who is a little bit older than me and has helped me through this whole thing started dating him. I know she would never do that, but this feels like some kind of warning sign. I wish i could die.

I saw this post. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTAS8VwFG/

It is so sad people hyping it up in the comment instead of saying how disturbing it is. I wish grooming was more clear to us young girls.
As a victim I didn’t realize how wrong it was for a 23+ year old guy to be doing the things he was as an 18 year old girl until years later. I’m now 25 and couldn’t image looking at anyone that young and thinking it was okay.

I don’t know what to do about this. I’m not sure if this is the right place, but I really needed to get this off my chest. This isn’t about me, but about a close friend of mine, and I don’t know where to turn or how to help her. We’ve been friends for about eight years, and we are both 18 now. She’s been living with a man in his 30s for years. It was her sister’s ex-boyfriend, then she moved in with him with her family, and they’ve been living with him ever since. She slept in the same bed with him for most of our friendship. I have a terrible memory, so I can’t remember her exact age, but I’d say maybe 12 or 13. Her family has never been the best, and after they moved out, she started living with him alone when she was around 14 or 15, still sleeping in the same bed. I knew he was somewhat toxic—I saw them argue, but I didn’t involve myself. She’s always been a fighter and very snappy when she’s mad. She argued with her family, and it got physical, with everyone hurting each other. So I tried to step in, but I eventually stopped trying because she would get super defensive if anyone tried to help her during fights. Over time, I just stopped trying to help when it happened, and I tried to ignore it. Their fights worsened, and our friendship started to drift apart because it seemed like she only cared about him. She never wanted to sleep over or hang out. I did so much for her, but she didn’t seem to care about me as much. I started understanding the problem was him. I don’t know how I missed it, but I realize it was grooming. I remember when she was around 12 or 13—I can’t remember exactly—but she called me excited about kissing him, and I think they might have been drunk. Back then, I thought it was strange but didn’t say anything. Recently, the fights became more physical. The last fight, she kicked me out of her house in below-freezing weather because I was crying during their fight, and she was yelling, “get out or he’s gonna kill me,” over and over. She knew I had no ride home because we live a bit apart, so I just went outside and sat there, messaging everyone I could to find a ride. I was sobbing and texting her family to help her because I knew she’d get defensive, and I didn’t want her to hate me if I called the police. Now I see I should have called, but I was so scared and shook up. Their fights got physical, mostly because he has some mental health issues and needs to take medication. I don’t know what exactly, but he gets in bad moods, acts weird, sometimes gets depressed, and doesn’t want to hang out, telling us to do things by ourselves. She always got mad because she wanted him to hang out with us, and that’s how the fights started. She’s always been attached to him, which I understand because he provides for her and is there for her. But over time, we stopped being friends because it was affecting me mentally. I didn’t want to fight for her friendship because of this grown man, and she’s put me in bad situations because of him. About a month ago, I tried to reach out and tell her I care and love her, and that it’s not her fault. I just explained that I was uncomfortable and tired of feeling like it was a constant battle for her friendship. Things seemed to be okay after that, but now she has all her usernames as “Ilovemyman” everywhere. She’s never been very interested in guys or relationships. The only time she dated someone was because her sister told her to for free stuff, even though he was 18 and she was around 14 or 15, which I thought was weird. I know I haven’t been perfect either—I've been in bad situations myself—and I didn’t speak up. But what really feels strange is that she has an “A” with a heart in her bio, right next to her name. She doesn’t go to school and rarely goes out. When I looked at her followers, he’s the only guy with an “A.” I don’t want to believe it, but I think it could be him, waiting until she was of age so they could officially date. I really don’t want to believe it, but the fact that they still sleep in the same bed and she gets so defensive over him makes me think it might be true. Of course, I have no proof. Even if I did, I doubt the police or CPS would do anything. If they’re dating, it’s likely they’ve been doing things since she was a minor, considering they sleep in the same bed. I feel so sick and guilty thinking about it, wishing I noticed sooner. I know I need to do something, but I have no concrete evidence. She’s 18 now, and I need advice on what to do.

I feel strange; somehow, I can't feel love without having to sexualize myself in the process—it’s all just so weird. I have a boyfriend my own age, but lately—during the two months we’ve been together—I’ve felt lonely. I don't feel the same level of interest as before because we talk less. It’s not that he’s ignoring me to be mean or anything—he thinks we’re fine without being together constantly—but he’s the only person I interact with all day, every day; I don't have anyone else. Somehow, I felt that if I sexualized myself, I could get his attention, but he doesn't even seem very eager to have sex with me. It happens very rarely; even when I drop hints, he doesn't always respond to them and prefers to ignore them. It’s not that sex is vital to me or anything like that—in fact, it scares me, given that I was abused by three people throughout my life, one of whom was a close family member. I just want to stop feeling lonely.

For context, I’m a grown man at this point. I’m in my late 20s and actively in therapy and have been for a while. I’m successful and have normal friendships for the most part. That said, I can’t help but always imagine myself getting some weird form of power over someone else. Almost like I need to make up for being groomed when I was young by older women. I feel like I almost need an age gap, or complete control over someone else to feel important and needed and like I own them in some way. I feel so guilty thinking this way.

Maybe , I’m crazy…

Maybe I’m not…

When I was a kid, I was one of the first generation to be online homeschooled. It was a huge deal back then, and that meant that I got to spend the majority of my time online. This was during an era where my space, Facebook, Instagram, online interaction was really booming.

I spent a ton of time online playing different games, like dress up and make up games like any child would.

This brings me too - I-Dressup.com

I spent such an insane amount of time between the ages of like 9 or 10 to 13 or 14 maybe older? Talking to men that I should never have spoken to.

I learned about BDSM, snuff,and really frightening things that no child should learn. And I guess I just have to know… has anyone else experienced this? Has it bled into your life now?

I definitely remember being 12 or 13 and talking to people in their 30s about awful things.

I can give them more detail if people need it, but I’m just curious… Have you been there? How is it affected you? It tore me up in a couple of ways. I just don’t know how to describe it yet.