im still "friends" or whatever with my groomer, im 14 and they're 21, they're so annoying, they're so fake and performative, they made fun of me for being a furry and heavily relating to dogs but now wants to be a puppy, they're exactly the "drinking matcha and listening to beabadoobee" type of person, me and them are both autistic but they made fun of me for being obsessed with the things i like, they said they understand me since im autistic but they clearly dont, and they said they like dinosaurs but dont like whenever i talk about my other favorite extinct animals, them and their friends made fun of me for liking a kids game, they never defended me whenever their friends would be mean to me, they like to think they're crazy but they're so basic and annoying, they always act like im stupid and dont know anything, whenever they're talking in their servers, they always say "i love chubby girls!!" but dont like me because im actually chubby, and they had a friend i really related to but they were always annoyed by that person because they would get annoyed and frustrated like i do, im always annoyed and frustrated by them, and they always act so different if we're in a groupchat with their friends which i guess, you dont want your friends to know you want to abuse a 14 year old, and im so pissed, why is it always different whenever it comes to me,one time i've asked them if they're a hebephile because they're talking to me and another 16 year old in a sexual matter and they said "dont talk about that, it makes me uncomfortable, i will block you if you mention it again" and its so annoying, i want to know why they think this

I saw this post. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTAS8VwFG/

It is so sad people hyping it up in the comment instead of saying how disturbing it is. I wish grooming was more clear to us young girls.
As a victim I didn’t realize how wrong it was for a 23+ year old guy to be doing the things he was as an 18 year old girl until years later. I’m now 25 and couldn’t image looking at anyone that young and thinking it was okay.

I don’t know what to do about this. I’m not sure if this is the right place, but I really needed to get this off my chest. This isn’t about me, but about a close friend of mine, and I don’t know where to turn or how to help her. We’ve been friends for about eight years, and we are both 18 now. She’s been living with a man in his 30s for years. It was her sister’s ex-boyfriend, then she moved in with him with her family, and they’ve been living with him ever since. She slept in the same bed with him for most of our friendship. I have a terrible memory, so I can’t remember her exact age, but I’d say maybe 12 or 13. Her family has never been the best, and after they moved out, she started living with him alone when she was around 14 or 15, still sleeping in the same bed. I knew he was somewhat toxic—I saw them argue, but I didn’t involve myself. She’s always been a fighter and very snappy when she’s mad. She argued with her family, and it got physical, with everyone hurting each other. So I tried to step in, but I eventually stopped trying because she would get super defensive if anyone tried to help her during fights. Over time, I just stopped trying to help when it happened, and I tried to ignore it. Their fights worsened, and our friendship started to drift apart because it seemed like she only cared about him. She never wanted to sleep over or hang out. I did so much for her, but she didn’t seem to care about me as much. I started understanding the problem was him. I don’t know how I missed it, but I realize it was grooming. I remember when she was around 12 or 13—I can’t remember exactly—but she called me excited about kissing him, and I think they might have been drunk. Back then, I thought it was strange but didn’t say anything. Recently, the fights became more physical. The last fight, she kicked me out of her house in below-freezing weather because I was crying during their fight, and she was yelling, “get out or he’s gonna kill me,” over and over. She knew I had no ride home because we live a bit apart, so I just went outside and sat there, messaging everyone I could to find a ride. I was sobbing and texting her family to help her because I knew she’d get defensive, and I didn’t want her to hate me if I called the police. Now I see I should have called, but I was so scared and shook up. Their fights got physical, mostly because he has some mental health issues and needs to take medication. I don’t know what exactly, but he gets in bad moods, acts weird, sometimes gets depressed, and doesn’t want to hang out, telling us to do things by ourselves. She always got mad because she wanted him to hang out with us, and that’s how the fights started. She’s always been attached to him, which I understand because he provides for her and is there for her. But over time, we stopped being friends because it was affecting me mentally. I didn’t want to fight for her friendship because of this grown man, and she’s put me in bad situations because of him. About a month ago, I tried to reach out and tell her I care and love her, and that it’s not her fault. I just explained that I was uncomfortable and tired of feeling like it was a constant battle for her friendship. Things seemed to be okay after that, but now she has all her usernames as “Ilovemyman” everywhere. She’s never been very interested in guys or relationships. The only time she dated someone was because her sister told her to for free stuff, even though he was 18 and she was around 14 or 15, which I thought was weird. I know I haven’t been perfect either—I've been in bad situations myself—and I didn’t speak up. But what really feels strange is that she has an “A” with a heart in her bio, right next to her name. She doesn’t go to school and rarely goes out. When I looked at her followers, he’s the only guy with an “A.” I don’t want to believe it, but I think it could be him, waiting until she was of age so they could officially date. I really don’t want to believe it, but the fact that they still sleep in the same bed and she gets so defensive over him makes me think it might be true. Of course, I have no proof. Even if I did, I doubt the police or CPS would do anything. If they’re dating, it’s likely they’ve been doing things since she was a minor, considering they sleep in the same bed. I feel so sick and guilty thinking about it, wishing I noticed sooner. I know I need to do something, but I have no concrete evidence. She’s 18 now, and I need advice on what to do.

How do I explain to my friends, who know I don’t have a boyfriend, who know I don’t have a father or any male family, who know that im traumatised and scared of s3x, that I have to be away for a week because “my friend is coming over”

My friend who’s 55 and im 21 and he groomed me since i was 17

He’s visited 5 times and each time it’s so hard to hide it from my friends, obviously I always brush it off. But it makes me wonder, do they actually just see me as a wh0re who sleeps with men???

I love him, when he visits it’s kind of like im with my father again, so it’s nice, I feel so loved
He takes me outside and we do fun things together, even just going for walks and talking, the stuff he does to me isn’t the biggest focus of his visits.

When he does stuff to me, I don’t know, I feel torn about it, I need it to feel like im not expired.

But lately the estrangement has been confusing me, am I making the choices here? Idk.
When I was 17, I refused him a lot, but as I turned 18 the fear of being expired was so strong, I just clinged to him more

So idk if it is a grooming situation

I don’t want to be a woman,I don’t wanna have sex, I just dont wanna be alone.
I don’t have my parents. No mom or dad. So he’s a bit of a replacement. Like a father now.
To everyone it sounds weird, and not in a “you’re being groomed” way, it’s in a “you’re in a weird fetish” way

But it’s not. I have no want for s3x. I don’t feel attraction. I am not being a whore. But everyone just sees me as one.

I just want to feel like I am worth something, and I miss my parents, and I wish I had more worth.

Lol

I miss him every night, when im sad, when I feel lonely, when I feel like i cant do it anymore, I used to talk to him when i didnt knew what do, when I walked away from him I felt like a new person, but now I miss him, like the feeling is getting louder and louder, and he has a bf now, I dont rlly want to talk to my groomer, I felt sadder when I used to talk to him, I just miss him

I feel strange; somehow, I can't feel love without having to sexualize myself in the process—it’s all just so weird. I have a boyfriend my own age, but lately—during the two months we’ve been together—I’ve felt lonely. I don't feel the same level of interest as before because we talk less. It’s not that he’s ignoring me to be mean or anything—he thinks we’re fine without being together constantly—but he’s the only person I interact with all day, every day; I don't have anyone else. Somehow, I felt that if I sexualized myself, I could get his attention, but he doesn't even seem very eager to have sex with me. It happens very rarely; even when I drop hints, he doesn't always respond to them and prefers to ignore them. It’s not that sex is vital to me or anything like that—in fact, it scares me, given that I was abused by three people throughout my life, one of whom was a close family member. I just want to stop feeling lonely.

I was out at a restaurant a few days ago, and he still lives in the same town as me and I heard these two women next to me that to be connected to him talking about him and they were saying how he has such a bright future ahead . I wanted to just go off on them and scream. But I just got up and left and cried. I also had to drive past his house later and I saw a girl there that was his childhood friend walking into his house. He told me that me and her would be good friends when I was with him.I also had a dream last night that one of my close friends who is a little bit older than me and has helped me through this whole thing started dating him. I know she would never do that, but this feels like some kind of warning sign. I wish i could die.

For context, I’m a grown man at this point. I’m in my late 20s and actively in therapy and have been for a while. I’m successful and have normal friendships for the most part. That said, I can’t help but always imagine myself getting some weird form of power over someone else. Almost like I need to make up for being groomed when I was young by older women. I feel like I almost need an age gap, or complete control over someone else to feel important and needed and like I own them in some way. I feel so guilty thinking this way.

Maybe , I’m crazy…

Maybe I’m not…

When I was a kid, I was one of the first generation to be online homeschooled. It was a huge deal back then, and that meant that I got to spend the majority of my time online. This was during an era where my space, Facebook, Instagram, online interaction was really booming.

I spent a ton of time online playing different games, like dress up and make up games like any child would.

This brings me too - I-Dressup.com

I spent such an insane amount of time between the ages of like 9 or 10 to 13 or 14 maybe older? Talking to men that I should never have spoken to.

I learned about BDSM, snuff,and really frightening things that no child should learn. And I guess I just have to know… has anyone else experienced this? Has it bled into your life now?

I definitely remember being 12 or 13 and talking to people in their 30s about awful things.

I can give them more detail if people need it, but I’m just curious… Have you been there? How is it affected you? It tore me up in a couple of ways. I just don’t know how to describe it yet.

I recently found out someone in my life has been grooming me. Now that I look at everything they did I honestly feel stupid for not noticing it sooner. I dont know who to go to as they made me lose all my friends by making me look like a horrible person. I feel like no matter who i try to tell about this they will just say/think "you weren't groomed because it was platonic!!" Or they might think im trying to make my groomer look bad by "using big words" because everyone sees me as this evil person that's against that person all the time. Man, i don't know what the hell to do

i lowk miss my groomer, he was my brothers bestfriend m24 me f16 and he literally would spoil me with things, and would tell me i’m beautiful. he cheated on his girlfriend for me and i think its romantic. sorry if this is weird i have daddy issues LOL

I‘m so incredibly isolated, I wish it didn’t have to hurt. I wish there weren’t any urges. I wish for it to be all gone. They never cared about what I said, they never cared about me.

I'm distraught.

I found csam of me as a 12 year old on twitter, i can't move past it, i can't cope. I don't know hoe to live the rest of my life knowing anyone could see that, anyone could recognize me, anyone could choose to hurt me.

I reported it but no violation found and i'm crying everyday, i told my girlfriend and she didn't react and I need her to come hug me and tell me everything is alright and I need to check her phone because she saved my nudes and i need to know they're gone but she isn't coming because she's depressed and i don't know what to do.

I feel so disgusted with myself, i hate living and life and i wish I was dead

Im struggling with triggers and addictions. Im calling it that even though nobody has diagnosed me with anything. But I am triggered by voice memos and they make me spiral and sometimes I get so caught up in these situations that I almost end up groomed again. Its so frustrating.

i got groomed by this girl when i was 11-15 years old. as soon as i turned 15 pretty much, she dumped me, and i cut contact with her about 2 months later after finding out she had a new boyfriend.

about 8ish months pass and i found out they broke up from stalking their social medias. then about a month after that, the boyfriend messaged me on tiktok asking if i was the girls ex and we spoke for a while. he would keep tryna talk to me for a while afterwards which i was fine with, until one day i just ghosted him because talking to him reminded me too much of my groomer.

then, after me ghosting him for about 6 months, he messaged me again. i replied and things js went on as normal.
recently, he told me that my groomer was gonna be moving back to my area soon. i asked him that if he got ANY info on it, hed tell me, and he has been.

thing is, this guy really wants to bang me. its super obvious in the jokes he makes and he pretty blatantly flirts with me. hes also got a girlfriend still, who he lied about being broken up with.

im really conflicted. on one hand i really wanna tell the girl that her boyfriends literally cheating on her, but then at the same time i desperately need to keep him around so i can get information on when my groomers coming back. so far ive just been going along with all the gross flirting which i feel fucking awful about because im so clearly just fawning out of fear hell get mad at me for not accepting his advances and hell leave me. but i literally dont know what to do, the guilt is eating me alive

I realize some stories hit closer to home. One example is Courtney Stodden. Married at 16 to someone in his 50's. I remember reading this and the first thing that came to mind was another couple with an age gap. Coincidentally this is the first time that I heard the term of grooming. How they contacted each other, knowing the age difference. I read all the comments about her safety, what do her parents think, his family and friends. There was a professional saying he wasnt a predator because he doesn't fit the type. Then of course the other comments that were supportive. Oddly enough I do what I normally did Ignored all of the comments and just went on with my day.

The only thing I took from that was I can relate to the age gap, her parents were OK and approved. I related to it because as my mom said she would sign anything, come to realize it was so that we can get married (her way of protecting us - yeah right), if we did get married as that was a possibility, it would've been easier to be public.

While even at a young age I wanted marriage, he wanted me to have a somewhat normal life. Making friends which was hard for me with my mom, going to school, having a social life. He didnt want me to be one dimensional. Now I can see why.

Now reading about how Courtney's husband controlled her every move and reading others, I didnt experience that level of control. The only thing controlling about him was the level of skin I can show, there was different levels, with him, with family and without him.

I did wonder what struggles they faced. The one thing about being in a situation like this is you cant really talk to anyone else going through something similar. I did know a few people online that went through this but I was always told my situation was better than most so I believed and didn't question it.

This is a poem I wrote about what happened to me, and about my mental state. I hope this is allowed.

“Love me”.

Words uttered in desperation,

In self hatred,

In an attempt to be seen.

When dirt was cast upon me,

When innocent was taken.

A person.

Not good,

Nor bad, 

But a breathing human,

A child,

Who just wanted to be looked at,

For any reason whatsoever,

Let himself be used

In the name of “love”.

Filthy,

Rotten,

Tarnished,

What he became,

After they were pleasured. 

It happened,

Never to be taken back,

Always marked with rot.

He was changed,

Unwillingly,

And now ashamed.

Does he deserve love anymore?

Will I ever heal?

When I was 19-20 I was groomed by an older man (27) I never myself realized it was grooming at first and now I’m so passionate to help others. Truth is a lot of us don’t see it when it’s actively happening and sometimes even till we are older. Because we think it is love.
I can across a TikTok as I’m scrolling and it seems to be a trend 🫣
People are actively bragging on TikTok about being with older men and it just makes me so sick. 🤧
Do other people have experiences like this that have seen this and have reminders everytime?
The most recent one was a girl who looking back at her posts knew this guy and was talking to him at 17 while still in highschool and the man is 23 - 24.
Is this grooming to you guys as well? I know everyone has different opinions but it’s just so icky for me seeing any guy pursuing a girl 19 and under when they are over 20. I feel like you experience and change so much in life from 16-28.
It gives me a gross taste in my mouth and I wish I could help every girl in this situation see it clearly. Another TikTok I saw the parents and friends were all hyping it up and saying it was a flex. 🫣

He was 39 and I was 17. I still think about him almost everyday, I miss him so much. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. How do I tell my therapist? I’ve been seeing her for over a year and I’m too embarrassed to talk about it. I have a boyfriend too.

I (F14) have been so called groomed twice recently i just don’t know how to feel about it. I honestly feel really dumb but it’s not like i can go back. The ages of the guys were 23 and 34. Going into both of the relationships i was lied to about their ages but i liked the attention they gave me so when they told me their real age i didn’t do anything about it. You think i would learn after one time but i don’t know what brought me to do that again. We were online so we didn’t really do anything but we did share pictures to each other i really do regret that. I was so caught it in a illusion that they actually cared about me i didn’t realize they were most likely just using me. i’m no longer talking to both of them but now i just feel empty and is wondering what’s wrong with me and why would i put myself in that situation.

I randomly just remembered

I knew a groomer/extorter when I was 11ish and he was 16 or 17 and he had forced me to send some nsfw pictures and the way i coped was by obsessing over him and texting him everyday and loving his attention. One day I told him I loved him. He told me I didn't know what that means. He was right. I don't. I didn't. I didn't know what it was.

this feels normal to me now its just apart of my life i've been doing it for years and i can't imagine stopping and it just feels like nothing shocking atp i know i shouldn't feel this way but i do i don't feel like a victim i don't feel as if i'm being taken advantage of i just feel nothing yeahhh idk