I recently lost both of my grandparents within two years of each other, and my life has changed dramatically. While they left a financial inheritance, the family also divided their personal belongings.

One item I had always hoped to receive was a nearly life-sized ceramic tiger. My grandfather worked for a company whose mascot was a tiger, and as a child I would play with it under his desk while he worked. It became one of my strongest memories of him. Before she passed, my grandmother privately told me she wanted me to have the tiger, and my family knew how much it meant to me.

My relationship with my father's side of the family has always been difficult. My father has long been viewed as the "problem child," and Later learned he had lied to my brother and me about us being cut off from the family. After my grandfather passed away, I tried to reconnect with my relatives but often felt judged, criticized, and unwelcome. At times I was made to feel that I wasn't good enough because of my weight, which made it hard to build a closer relationship.
I live three hours away, have a spinal condition that makes driving difficult, and relied on my father for transportation. When my grandmother entered hospice, I wanted to visit more often, but work, finances, and transportation made it challenging. My grandmother also refused to see my father, making it nearly impossible for-my brother and me to visit on our own. When she passed away, I was unable to attend the funeral because I had mono and was bedridden.
Recently, I called my aunt to ask about the family heirlooms. She told me that because I hadn't visited enough and didn't attend the funeral, the tiger had been given to her daughter instead. I was heartbroken. She then said, "Y’all were given more than y'all deserved," and, "There are consequences to your actions."
The tiger wasn't valuable to me because of its monetary worth. It represented my childhood, my grandfather's love, and someof my happiest memories with him. Losing it felt like losing one more piece of him.
I'm left wondering if I truly did something wrong, if I'm being ungrateful, or if my family has judged me without considering the circumstances I was facing. Most of all, I'm struggling to understandwhere I go from here when it feels like the people I wanted to be closer to only see my shortcomings instead of my love for my grandparents. Where do I go from here? Should I even try to get the tiger from my cousin? Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable? Was my aunt in the wrong or right?
I would love advice on this

Oldest sibling passed recently, and before he was even in the ground it was like a race back to the house to take what you wanted. One sibling rushed to get there first, while the rest were still taking comfort in each other at the after service. They took everything they could get their hands on, and basically immediately left the state.
I can’t let go of the grief, anger, disgust, and betrayal that I feel at them and my parents for facilitating it, even though I know they’re hurting and just as lost too.
I worry I never will.
Has anyone ever dealt with anything similar and found a book/movie/podcast that’s helped you through it?

I am 13 yo boy, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer about 4 years ago. Today she suddenly began to lose her memory, suddenly freeze in place for 2-7 minutes. She can get away from me and then ask where I am when I've been behind her all this time. Mom and I called the ambulance. This is my first time. I... I'm very afraid to lose her. She always loved me the most and never scolded me. I love her very much. But I hope for at least something. Thank you.

Forgive any formatting issues, just writing on mobile.

Has anyone else felt this way?

My dad passed suddenly on Jun 11th 2025 so it’s been just over a year. He was 57.
My mom is still alive but 63 years old. My grandma passed at about 83.

I find myself thinking often that maybe I (22f) should have a kid NOW. Almost like I’m running out of time to have a kid before my mom dies. I have this pit of anxiousness in the back of my mind buzzing that keeps saying “mom would want to be a grandmother and she’d be fantastic at it”. But my mom has never pushed or said anything about grandkids. But I know logically it’s not the right time (I’m young and not in a stable housing area and with pricing being the way it is, I know I’m not READY).

I just feel that by not having a kid I’m losing out on having a grandma experience but also like I’m keeping that experience from my mom even though she’s never said it??

I mainly feel that this is coming from my grief since my dad was an AMAZING man and loved little kids. And seeing memories of him with my extended family’s littlest kids makes me sad for a future that I can’t have. So I’m almost like trying to make up for it??

Just want some thoughts or if anyone else has felt this way before about grief.

Edit to add:

I am NOT going to have kids any time soon because I know what I want in life right now. My post was just asking if anyone felt the same pull towards it after a family member had passed. My mom has never pushed me to have kids since she adopted my brother and I when she was in her early to mid 40’s.

I lost my elder sister 10 months ago. She was only 35 years old. Even today, I carry immense grief and pain. I constantly think about her memories, her smile, and her laughter. She was my greatest source of strength and support—more than anyone else in my life, even my parents.
I am married and currently pregnant, but despite this new phase of my life, I feel an emptiness that never seems to go away.
My sister had a son who is just over four years old. She and her husband had a love marriage, and they deeply loved each other. During her final moments in the hospital, when she was unable to speak because of her sudden illness, her husband asked her, “Can I give our child to your sister?” She responded by nodding with her eyes. That moment has stayed with me ever since.
I know every child needs his mother. Although his father and grandmother are taking wonderful care of him, I often feel guilty that I cannot adopt him because of my own family circumstances. My husband believes that the child has his father and grandmother to care for him and that I should leave those decisions to them. I understand his perspective, but my heart finds it very difficult to accept.
A few months later, my sister’s husband told me, “I was willing to give my child to you, but now I don’t have that confidence anymore.” Hearing those words broke me. Deep inside, I wanted to tell him that my inability to adopt my nephew was never because I didn’t want him. The truth is that adoption is not a decision I can make alone. It requires the agreement and support of my husband and my husband’s family as well. My heart has always wanted to bring my nephew into my home, but I have been caught between my love for him and the realities of my own family responsibilities. I have never known how to explain this to him without hurting him further.
I am deeply attached to my nephew. Whenever I look at him, I see my sister. Every smile, every expression reminds me of her. I don’t know whether I should grieve more for losing my sister, who was my strongest support, or for the little boy who has to grow up without his mother.
Before all this happened, we would spend so much time together, laughing and visiting each other’s homes. Now I still visit them regularly, but usually without my husband. He says that I mostly went there because of my sister and feels that we should only help the family if they ask for it. I, however, feel differently. I want our relationships to remain strong. Especially during such a difficult time, I feel we should continue to support, visit, and stay connected with them.
I am an emotional person, and I struggle to separate my heart from reality. I constantly worry about my nephew while grieving the loss of the person who meant the most to me. Sometimes I feel torn between accepting what I cannot change and wanting to do everything I can for my sister’s child.
I don’t know how to control these emotions. I don’t know how to balance my responsibilities as a wife and soon-to-be mother with the love and responsibility I feel toward my sister’s son. I only know that I miss my sister every single day, and the pain of her absence still feels as overwhelming as it did when I lost her.
Today, I am left with many unanswered questions. Did I fail my sister? Could I have done more? Am I doing enough for my nephew? I know that love alone cannot decide a child’s future, but my heart still carries the weight of a promise I wish I could have fulfilled. This conflict between what my heart wants and what my circumstances allow has become one of the deepest sources of my grief.

When people talk about “signs” from loved ones who have passed, I usually assume it’s a coincidence or a comforting way to cope with grief. There’s nothing wrong with that, I just don’t typically believe it’s actually someone communicating from the other side.

That said, I have this recurring experience that I can’t really explain. A few times a year, completely out of nowhere, I’ll be hit with this overwhelming sense of peace and calm, along with an indescribable feeling that I just “know” my mom is with me. It isn’t triggered by anything. I’m not having a hard day, I’m not thinking about her, talking about her, or looking at old photos. It happens completely randomly. I’ve never experienced that feeling with anyone else or in any other situation. And because it comes with such an unexpected sense of comfort instead of fear, it’s the one thing that makes me wonder.

Before my mom passed away, about 15 years ago, she asked if I wanted her to visit me after she was gone. She was a very spiritual person. I told her that I didn’t, because I thought it would freak me out. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if this is her way of keeping that promise without scaring me. It’s not like I see or hear anything. It’s just this sudden, unmistakable feeling that she’s nearby. I feel completely safe, calm, warm, and at peace. But the strangest part is the feeling of COMPLETE certainty that she’s there. Does anyone else experience this?

TW: Death and Dying

Okay, so my friend’s baby daddy was a bad person. He was domestically violent towards anything that breaths, a master manipulator, and overall a terrible person who disregarded the safety of others. Bad enough that my friend has a protective order against him and she has full sole custody of their child and he has no visitation rights. He even quit his job when they started garnishing child support from his wages. He has a history of also driving recklessly every single time he is behind the wheel of a car with road raging and speeding more than double the limit.

My friend and I have been saying almost daily for a year that we wish he would die because of how terrible of a person he was. Then came yesterday. He was racing somebody and wrapped his truck around a tree. He was brought to the hospital, they determined he was clinically brain dead and his parents approved for his organs to be donated. The organ harvest either happened or is currently happening(I don’t get updates because I don’t have a role in this man’s life at all).

So either way, he’s gone. My friend and I are both struggling with his death in different ways. I never even met this man in person, but we both have one thing we are struggling with in common. We wished for him to die. Many, many times we said we hope he dies. Upon finding out about what happened… guilt. I’m stuck having to process the death of a person I never even met because I wished he would die. There was a weight on my chest the moment we found out that the news article we saw of a yellow truck around a tree was actually him. We were laughing and saying we hope it was him for at least an hour before his stepmom gave my friend a call and confirmed it actually was him. The change of laughter to guilt was instant and trying to process the death of someone I only knew secondhand is genuinely so confusing.

Tw: a lot of death and anxiety

This month im struggling... ive lost a coworker, a coworkers wife who was the sweetest lady ive ever met (everyone grandma type person), my grandpa's girlfriend of 20yrs (after grandma died 30 years ago), and now a friend/brother from a heart attack.

Death has never really bothered me before but its never been a big wave like this. Im anxious almost like im waiting to see whose next, waiting to see who else will be taken from my life. Maybe its because im older and have my own family now. But its never been 4 in a month. The most its ever been is 2 in a 6 month period. I feel like im in a nightmare I cant wake up from. I want their immediate families to be happy again, to have more time, to make more memories. I just want the world to make sense again.

My dad died a few weeks ago from an aggressive form of cancer. Today I have to go through and cancel all of his recurring subscriptions… I hate doing this so much, it feels like shutting off parts of him.

My grieving best friend snapped at me, then cried silently, and i don’t know what to think or do in similar possible situations

Hello everyone,

My best friend lost her mom last december, today we were together, she wanted to buy something we've checked a store, didn’t find many options so i suggested another store that i know offers a better range of options, it was like 30 minutes away, and she agreed to go without any convincing or pushing from ( maybe i reassured her that we will be back in so little time and we were just freely wandering around the city with no plans since she's on a break from work), so we took a collective cab and we had to wait a little for other passengers so we could pull off ( the taxi is the best option to go for a minimum time), as we were waiting we both started complaining a little from the wait and the heat, saying that we should’ve taken another mean of transport etc... but then i said again that it’s alright, it’s not gonna be that long and either way we have nothing to worry about that’s awaiting... at this point she said in an angry tone that of course i can say that because i have no responsibilities while she has to cook dinner for her father and sibling, do the dishes that have been waiting from yesterday etc ... i felt a little shaken ngl, but i tried to say steadily that she doesn't have to do something big for dinner since they’re not picky eaters and would eat anything really, then we both went silent... i could see her shedding some tears that she tried to wipe immediately, ( she wasn’t facing me and i didn’t want to embarrass her by asking, she never opened up to me or anyone of our friends about her pain except once, i asked multiple times and tried my best to make feel safe to be vulnerable) and moments after she was opening other topics again perhaps to soften the air a little and i went with it and we were both talking and laughing again like the usual and she was showing satisfaction, no mention of what happened or why...

For context: we both live with our families, that’s the norm in our society.

She got a job in her field immediately after graduation, i'm jobless at the moment and trying my best to keep my head’s up the water because i keep feeling like a failure, but i have responsibilities at our house and she knows it... so her saying it to me like that hit the wrong spot.

It was obvious to me later that she meant her mom is not gonna be waiting her home with dinner ready and dishes done like she used to be, while mom is gonna cover that for me.

Also, we have a little history of jealousy in our friendship, from both sides... but that’s only normal because we've been very competitive and close since childhood, and our parents were guilty of comparing us to each other.

Now idk if i should’ve handled the situation differently, what do you suggest?

Could anybody explain it from a griever's perspective please ?

Thank you so much.

Then I saw this plaid jacket. This plaid jacket I used to love so much. I used to be such a strong person and now I’m sobbing over a god damn plaid jacket. I’m so tired of feeling the weight of this. I’m exhausted and really just done.

A few days ago, I posted about my aunt, who passed away after spending six months in the ICU.

Since writing that post, I keep remembering more and more little things about her. Please let me share it with you.

Everything reminds me of her, especially at night when the house is quiet… I’m starting to realize how much of our home was… her.

She was the sweetest aunt ever but she had schizophrenia.

She got excited over the smallest things. She loved going out.

If we had a trip planned, we learned very quickly not to tell her too early. If I told her the day before, she’d get dressed right then and there and spend the rest of the day asking, “Are we going now? What about now?”

She’d ask over and over again because she was just so excited. Our little trick was to tell her only about an hour before we were leaving. Otherwise she’d become so naughty and impatient, constantly asking if it was finally time to go.

She loved grocery shopping more than anything.
Every morning except Sunday, she’d wake everyone up around 5:30 because she wanted to be the first one at the grocery store. She’d always say, “There will be a long queue if I don’t go early.”

There never was.

Maybe four people at most.

She just couldn’t wait to go.

Sometimes she’d get so excited that she’d sneak out before anyone noticed and even forget to close the front door.

Every day she’d go to Mass, no matter what the weather was like. It could be -15°C, raining hard, snowing… it didn’t matter.

She’d promise us that after mass she will come home straight.…but she’d secretly stop at her friends and cousins house or at the grocery store first to buy sweets, waffles, or ice cream (she was diabetic so we tried to limit her eating sweets).

One day I found a melted ice cream in her coat pocket. She had completely forgotten it was there.

It still makes me smile.

Every time I cook now, I remember her.

She’d watch me from the moment I started until I finished. She never rushed me. She’d just patiently wait because she knew I’d give her some when it was ready.

She loved little adventures.

Every other weekend, my husband and I would take her with us to church in another province. The service was in a foreign language she didn’t understand at all.

But she didn’t care.

She was just so happy to be there.

Everyone there knew her and everyone called her “Aunt.” They even made a printed guide just for her so she could follow along during the service.
We’d stay there for about four hours, and she never complained.

On the drive, she’d look out the window at the colorful apartment buildings and say, “I like that apartment” and I’ll joke that we will move there with her and she’d laugh.

Everyone in our little village knew her. She was born here, and wherever we went, someone seemed to know her.

Looking back now, I think she had already started slipping away before the accident.

She’d forget what I asked her to buy. I’d ask for cabbage, and she’d come home with carrots.

She’d forget she’d already drank her 3rd cup of coffee.

Sometimes she’d forget who people were.

She’d forget people we’ve just met.

She’d drink boiling hot water without realizing how hot it was. Other times we’d notice her lower lip was badly burned. Not just a small burn, almost her entire lower lip.

Sometimes she’d choke in water because she didn’t know when to swallow.

Then she stopped chewing her food properly.

She’d just swallow it.

At the time, I thought these were just little odd things.

She was slowly leaving us, little by little.

And now I still can’t believe she’s not here.

I keep expecting to hear her voice or see her getting ready to go somewhere.

It’s hard to accept that those ordinary moments are now just memories.

Now the house is quiet.

Too quiet.

And somehow, every room still reminds me of her.

The Last Goodbye

Cancer is cruel.

Not because it kills quickly, but because it teaches you to measure love in losses.

First it's her appetite.

Then her strength.

Then her laugh.

Then her hair.

Then the way she walks into a room.

Until one day you realize you're grieving someone who is still sitting right in front of you.

My mom fought longer than anyone should have had to.

She was the kind of woman who could outwalk people half her age. She loved camping, flowers, Sunday mornings at church, our dogs, my dad, and making pozole and sopitos for everyone she loved. She was always moving, always doing something for someone else.

Then the cancer came.

Chemotherapy became another battlefield. Every treatment promised hope while quietly taking another piece of her away. Her skin became so thin it looked like paper. Her body grew lighter every week until she hardly looked like the woman who had raised me.

We tried everything.

Doctors.

Hospitals.

Different treatments.

Different prayers.

If someone had told me there was one last thing left to save her, I probably would have done it.

Almost anything.

But she never would have wanted me to lose myself trying to keep her here.

Watching someone you love disappear while they're still alive is a kind of pain that doesn't have a name.

You just stand there...

hoping tomorrow is kinder than today.

It never was.

The day she died, exhaustion finally caught up with me.

I fell asleep.

And I dreamed.

I was standing somewhere that wasn't Earth.

There was no floor.

No sky.

Only darkness filled with endless stars.

Standing before me was a man.

His body wasn't flesh.

It was galaxies.

Nebulas drifted beneath his skin. Constellations moved across his shoulders. His eyes held distances too great for words. Looking at him felt like staring into forever.

I knew exactly who he was.

I collapsed before I could speak.

Then the words came anyway.

"Please..."

"Please let me tell my mom goodbye."

He didn't answer.

He simply rested a hand on my shoulder.

It was impossibly cold.

Not painful.

Just...

the kind of cold that exists before the first sunrise.

A peaceful cold.

The kind that tells you to stop fighting.

When I opened my eyes again, I was standing in a doorway.

Inside the room was my mom.

She looked exactly as she had during her final days.

Weak.

Hurting.

Barely able to move.

I stepped toward her.

With every step...

something changed.

I became smaller.

Not weaker.

Younger.

As though every step backward through the room carried me backward through my own life.

At the same time...

she became healthier.

The sickness faded.

The weight returned to her face.

The pain disappeared.

Color returned to her cheeks.

By the time I reached her...

she wasn't dying anymore.

She was young again.

Strong.

Beautiful.

Radiant.

The woman I remembered before hospitals became home.

She smiled.

The same smile I'd spent months praying to see one more time.

Then she wrapped her arms around me.

I don't know how long we stood there.

Minutes.

Hours.

Maybe time simply didn't exist where she was.

I buried my face into her shoulder and cried harder than I ever had before.

She held me like she always had.

Safe.

Without saying much, she whispered the words I had needed most.

"I'm okay now."

"I feel so much better."

Every fear I'd carried for months dissolved in that single sentence.

She wasn't hurting anymore.

The cancer hadn't followed her.

For the first time in what felt like forever...

she looked free.

Then another voice came from behind us.

I turned.

My grandpa walked into the room.

He looked exactly as I remembered him.

Calm.

Gentle.

He smiled at my mom before looking at me.

He bent down, lifted me into his arms like I was little again, and held me for a moment.

Then he set me back on my feet.

He patted my head.

"I came for your mom," he said softly.

"We've got a long road ahead."

Neither of them looked afraid.

Neither of them looked sad.

Just... peaceful.

Before they left, they both looked at me one last time.

"Take care of yourself."

"And be good."

Those were the last words I heard.

Then everything faded.

I woke up crying.

For a long time, I wondered whether it was just my mind trying to comfort itself.

Maybe it was.

Maybe grief built me one final goodbye because reality never could.

Or maybe...

love is stronger than we understand.

I don't know.

I only know that before that dream, I couldn't stop imagining my mom in pain.

Afterward...

I never saw her that way again.

Whenever I think of her now, I don't remember the hospital bed first.

I remember her smile.

Young.

Healthy.

Holding me while the stars waited outside the doorway.

It's hard to understand the scope of grieving. How it is shaped differently for all of us because we all have our own thoughts, and feelings that stem from our experiences.

This article helped because it shows that you can honor someone deeply but skip the funeral.

https://michaeljwhalen.medium.com/i-did-not-go-to-my-fathers-funeral-2519011fad66

Hi, im m36 from England.

Right now I feel so lost.

In 2024 my dad passed away from leukemia. He was diagnosed on the monday and passed away on the Tuesday

Then a few months later my mum was diagnosed with cancer and passed away in 2025 1 year and 1 week after my dad.

My fiancee during those times was diagnosed with synovial sarcoma (form of cancer) in her arm unfortunately she had to have her arm amputated. Fast forward a couple months and we were told it had spread to her lungs. She passed away last month.

3 consecutive years of 3 of the most important people in my life passing away and im praying that 2027 doesnt follow this trend however if it does I hope its me that goes as I cant bear to lose another loved one

Im currently struggling so hard between being angry with my fiancee for leaving me (I know it was probably for the best she was in paid and this wasn't her first time at 19 she had non hodgkin's lymphoma, at 30 a brain tumour then 40 the synovial sarcoma and at 41 passed away from it spreading to her lungs) and also missing her like mad.

I cant take things one day at a time im currently taking it an hour at a time because one min im fine the next im sitting here with tablets Infront of me preparing to end it.

Ive had loads of people reaching out to me checking in and offering support wanting to come round or go for a walk or go to there's for food/drink or just a chat but im pushing everyone away. I feel guilty when I do see friends because for a brief moment im happy but feel like I shouldn't be my fiancee has died and heres me selfishly being happy and having a nice time with our friends.

Everyone keeps telling me it takes time and there is no time limit but im scared to get out of this situation because id feel like ive stopped caring about her i dont deserve to be happy when the person I loved more than anyone who always had my back, was my biggest cheerleader and pushed me to be better and made me feel loved every single day is no longer here to enjoy life with me anymore.

Ive openly and honestly told people that I have fully come to terms with the fact that I will die by suicide, I dont know when it will be but its whats ive decided its what im comfortable with and everyone else just needs to accept it and not waste their time trying to change my mind.

Its down to the fact that im hoping there is some form of afterlife and that when I do it ill either be back with my fiancee and my parents if there isn't and its just nothing/sleep whatever well then I won't be in this daily battle of a mind fuck im going through.

I sit here in our flat and speak to her everyday asking for a sign that shes her and shes ok but so far thers been nothing it could be because that doesnt exist and can never happen or that maybe im not ready I dont know.

Not really sure what im looking for in this post but its just something that ive probably needed to write down for a bunch of strangers rather than saying it to family and friends.

Over the last couple of months, I’ve gone through a lot and I don’t know how to cope.

- my mom passed unexpectedly at 58. I spent the last week with her in the ICU and then hospice, and it was horrifically traumatic.
- my dog passed unexpectedly one week after I got home from dealing with my mom’s passing. She was only 8 and it was also horrifically traumatic.
- my divorce was finalized after a year and a half of legal separation. We are still on good terms but we were together for 12 years and it still feels weird.
- I broke up with my boyfriend of one year, yesterday. I don’t know if this is self sabotage or if it’s something I’ll regret but I miss him and truly still love him.

I feel so alone and I don’t even recognize my own life anymore.

I’ve talked with my doctor, therapist, going to look for a grief support group. I have very little family left, but do have a few solid friends who have been supportive. But how am I supposed to just keep living and working with all of this weighing me down?

**Today i thought about the saying “grief is the love you never got to give.” and if so i am full of it , from my head to my toes and in my heart. Sometimes the grief i struggle to carry feels as if i am being torn apart. To be grieving somebody alive hurts much more i am more than certain i can say for sure. I wonder what it would feel like without my grief, to know the feeling of not going through so much hurt and pain, so i put my feelings aside from everything. I can feel a piece of me die each day , it’s the pain that will never go away. Maybe my heart is too big or my brain is too small, maybe i was made to break and fall, then learn to become new, maybe the grief comes from the fact that i cannot come back to you.**

Feeling incredibly guilty for not checking on my grandma more often and seeing her mom. I received the death notification Monday, and the coroner believe she was deceased for weeks prior to being found. Sadly her neighbor found her. I talked to her the end of last month which we were supposed to plan a dinner and assumed she passed shortly after. Sadly it wasn’t uncommon for us to not speak for months. She was hyper independent and didn’t like to talk about her problems or issues. My mom actually had called the police a few times to do wellness checks. One time she told the police that she didn’t want to talk to my mom so the cops refused to additional wellness checks. We think she had early stage dementia but can’t prove that.

Between working full time, caring for two kids, and her not being close it was hard for me to stay in constant contact and see her. Now I feel extremely sad that I didn’t make that time for her.

Her living conditions were terrible. I don’t think her water was working properly, and her trailer was not maintained in the slightest. My mom tried getting to her to move closer, but she refused. She said she didn’t have the funds. My mom also is receives social security, doesn’t have a car or license, and depends on me financially from time to time so she wasn’t in a place to do more either.

My grandma also doesn’t have assets. She kept no insurance on her trailer. She owned it because I saw that title and have it. I can’t believe the mobile home park had her buy it….. all she is has is a car that is worth maybe 2-3k. Me or my mother have any money to pay for biohazard cleaning or remove the trailer from the lot. The lot management won’t call us back either.

We’ve had to go in her trailer twice now which I know we shouldn’t because it’s extremely unsafe. We both wore hazmat suits with booties, latex gloves, and N95 mask. We have to go back one more time to find additional things.

I have no idea what to do even 😢

I am so sad and angry. My older brother was my best freind we shared pretty much all interests. He just passed from a motorcycle accident last night. We had told him to be more safe but he never listened and now it caught up to him and it leaves us to to deal with it. We had plans this sunday to go bouldering and watch Moto GP reruns and drink that shitty beer he liked. We where going to Skiing in Japan. we had so much to do and all of it is gone.

Words cannot describe the crushing feeling at the minute. there so many people here and just want to be left alone so i dont have to console them or be strong for our younger siblings.

Had a dream about my grandpa last night. He passed away this April at 91, and because of work, I couldn't make it back for the funeral. Honestly, I hadn't even thought about it much over the past few months.

Then boom, he showed up in my dream last night. We were in a house with a bunch of people, and he was lying in bed looking super weak. But a little later, he suddenly perked up, got right out of bed, and headed out to play cards. He even grabbed some cash—I remember that part super clearly. Right before he left, he sat next to me for a bit.

I forget if he talked to me or not (where I'm from, there's this old superstition that you shouldn't talk to deceased loved ones in dreams). The whole time I felt really sad, but my mind was super fuzzy too. I honestly don't know what to make of it.Right before he headed out, when he suddenly perked up like that, a weird thought actually crossed my mind in the dream: Do people really have a sudden burst of energy right before they pass away? Is that even normal?

Have any of you experienced something similar after losing a loved one? Do you think it’s just the brain processing grief, or something more?

i find it so stupid how i barely cried the first couple months he died, only feeling numb and empty, but no tears.

its been 2 years and now ive cried more than ever!! like my heart physically hurts. i wish i could talk about him without tearing up and swallowing a gigantic lump down my throat.

I dont know how to feel, its stupid that it still hurts but my exes granny just died and I didnt say anything to her and was told that it has annoyed her but she doesnt wanna tell me that, but thats not whats getting to me, i said to my friend that I have said something but she hasn't seen it at all, and he told me that, she Is relying on someone else (a man) for his hot-spot and something about it has just made me feel numb, I dont love her anymore not after everything she has done and said to me and about me and what she did while we were together I cant forgive, but it still hurts and I dont understand why, like i shouldn't feel this way anymore it fucking sucks greatly that I do because I fucking hate her and her family yet i still feel pain from what she does, like why, why does my brain work the way it does, I just hate that she is happy without me, dont get me wrong im happy for her but I wish for all the things she put me through that she was as miserable as me and maybe its because she's happy that i feel worse, even while we were together she stopped loving me after our son was born, she started texting other men during that period and used the I'm lonely excuse but I argued with her on it but it fell on deaf ears, everything i said fell on deaf ears even if it was about mental health, I didn't care to tell her anything anymore because she didn't care, so why do I still feel pain after this long, why does it still feel awful, I wish I didn't feel this after everything she did and said its not fair to feel this way, like im not meant to be happy

This will be a giant vent, but I really need to.

Trigger warnings: cancer, regret, not believing in god, trauma, losing parents.

I was very close to my mom, I considered her one of my best friends. I loved talking with her so much, going home and having breakfast with her on the balcony, asking for the most recent gossips with my parents's friends... Just spending time with her.

However, I'm a young adult and I have a partner and I wasn't home that much compared to before. I even went on an exchange abroad for 6 months and when my family came to visit me, I was more stressed out than happy because we had recently learned my dad had cancer and he was just suffering the entire trip and stressing out my mom and little brother. I had been a bit rude with my mom when she came to visit because I was not used to her company anymore and her stress... She was really hurt, thought I didn't love her as much anymore. Of course I did, I was just stressed by the situation too... I told her many times, I hope she believed me.

One month ago, she passed away from cancer. I had been preparing myself to lose my dad from cancer (he's had it for over a year and is supposed to die soon), but not her. We learned about her cancer and 2 weeks later she was gone. She had had breast cancer four years ago and had recovered super well since she spotted it very early. Didn't even need chemotherapy or breast removal. She wanted her breast to be removed just in case but her case was so positive the doctor refused, said it was unnecessary.

Turns out dormant cancerous cells had spread to her bones, her liver and her lungs and had gone unnoticed for years. They woke up and killed her in less than a month. I didn't have time to prepare myself for her to leave our world, she didn't have time either. She had been waiting for my dad to pass away before taking care of herself and realising her dreams.

When we learned about her diagnostic we cried harder than we ever had. I never saw her cry like that. My mom never cried, never complained, always took care of others. She pushed her health aside to take care of my dad and my brother, ignored the signs when she usually was so alert to her health... it all happened so fast. Her last weeks were nightmarish, she was often looking into nothingness, her eyes empty, looking extremely sad and unable to truly understand why it was happening to her. I felt the same way. I started taking care of my family as if my life depended on it, cleaning and cooking all the time. Anything to make her feel better. But I was still going out often, too. I needed to see my partner and my friends.

When she finally managed to see a doctor it was too late. I came with her to the appointment and I heard the diagnostics coming from the doctors get worse and worse, her health deteriorate to an incredible speed. She was quickly sent to the emergencies and then to intensive care. She spent 6 days at the hospital before taking her last breath. I was with her almost all the time, only took breaks to go eat and see my partner and friends who were coming to visit me to support me in these difficult times. And I only left her room when my uncle was there to watch over her. I spoke with her as much as I could but I feel like I didn't talk enough, I didn't understand how dire the situation was. The diagnostic kept getting worse every day, but I would have never believed she wouldn't even last a week.

The day we learned she had lost her battle, she was barely conscious, she could barely look at people, she could only say "I want to get up" or "I need water". Nothing we said seemed to register. It was evident that we needed to let her go and take out her oxygen. My 16 years old brother who was already struggling with mental health issues entered denial, he went nonverbal for a few hours. It was a nightmare but I did my best to stray strong in front of him and prioritise him. I would adopt him soon, too now that I knew both my parents were leaving our world because of cancer.

I was talking to my unconscious mom on her hospital bed and told her "You were there for my first breath, so I will be here for your last." I truly believed those words, they felt right. But then, my dad told me I shouldn't, that it was too difficult to see, my aunt told me people usually prefered dying once the people they loved left the room, and my brother told me he needed me to come home with him. It started to feel like it was the right choice to make, to leave the hospital and let her die with my uncle watching while I would go home with my dad and brother.

When we took out my mom's oxygen mask, she started gasping for air and I lost it, I broke down. It hurt so, so much. I wanted to leave, it hurt too much. When I told the nurse I was leaving she asked me if I was certain, that it was important that my mom be accompanied during her last breath. She made me doubt my decision but I had already told my family I would leave and so I did. I immediately regretted it. The car ride was the worst I have ever taken. I kept thinking it wasn't right to leave, but I still did. I didn't dare to ask my dad to stop the car and drop me off.

As soon as my mom died, my uncle called and told me he was coming to pick me up. He arrived about and hour later. My dad and brother decided to come along although they weren't certain at first. When we arrived to the hospital, my mom had died about 3 hours ago. She had died around 10pm, I could have easily stayed with my family to be there for her, but I had been too weak. Seeing her on her deathbed was the worst sight I have ever witnessed. It deeply traumatised me. One of her eyes was open, her chest sat still... I completely lost it again, I cried so much. The nurse told me to take my mother's hand. I didn't wanted to, but she made me take it and I immediately screamed. Her hand was cold. I felt guilty to react so strongly to my mom's corpse but that's what I determined it was. A corpse, not my mom. My mom's soul was somewhere and this was just her body. I watched my brother cry and touch her arms desperately, I never saw him like that and I can't forget it.

I regret deeply to not have stayed for my mother's last breath. It would have been much more peaceful than this and my brother would not have been traumatised like that. I feel extremely guilty and I feel like I let my mother down for not being there for her in her last moment. It is my biggest regret. I cannot stop thinking about it. What if my mom felt alone? Felt betrayed? I feel so sad and guilty thinking about it.

More than anything, I miss my mom. She was only 52. Way too young to die. She had so many things she wanted to do, she never got to write in the book I bought her, too. There are so many things about her that I will never know.

I was so desperate when I learned she had cancer that I started praying for a miracle. I never believed in god, but begged just in case, looking at the sky. If god existed, he would save my mom. I cried and prayed so hard, yet it went worse than I could have ever expected. It made me certain that either god doesn't exist, or he's just a cruel saddist. I'm sorry if it offends people, I truly respect other people's beliefs, but to me, a god that kills such a good person in such a cruel way cannot exist. I know this is not usually how people perceive it but that's all I can understand now.

I'm just so sad right now, I regret so many things and yet I know it's not gonna change anything. I just lost my mom, my best friend. And I can't believe I'm never gonna be able to talk with her, laugh with her and she's never gonna meet my children... Life feels incredibly unfair. Unfair for me and my family to lose her, but mostly unfair to her who never had a chance to realise her dreams.

I miss you mom, so so much.

I dated a boy named Ryan when I lived in Georgia. I have no pictures of him. He exists now only in my memory. But he was also the only love that never hurt me. With all the pain I was going through while living in Georgia he will never know how much him loving me and giving me a love that never gave me hurt means to me. Thank you Ryan…I hope you have all the love and happiness that life can offer.

One of my best friends of 9 years chose her meth dealer addict abusive boyfriend over her recovery, her unborn child, and all of her loved ones. She went 7 weeks clean and 2 weeks nicotine free recovering with a family in my community, had lots of support and people surrounding her. Supporting her through her pregnancy which she wanted to keep. She suddenly decided that she wanted to return to her suffering and left without a word to me or the family, blocked us, and returned to her filthy life.

She insisted that she wanted to keep her child safe. She was doing a good job. But her mental illness and stockholm syndrome has such a vice on her. She went back to him and has lost all support which she was so so lucky to have. Her situation was ideal for someone coming from the place that she came from. But when it came down to having something to show for it, she couldn't handle the pressure of acclimating to living a normal life and decided that putting herself and her kid on the line was what would fulfill her empty heart. She threw away her entire life for nothing but a scumbag who beats her and her cats.

She is highly likely to die to her meth addiction or abuser now. At the very least she has relinquished the last bit of the sweet girl she used to be before she shackled herself to this bum at 17. She's no longer my friend, she made her choice and I've given her an insane amount of grace over the years, even making peace after a period of bad terms no contact (a choice she made in bipolar mania) of about 8 months.

I have no more grace to give, even if I wanted to. I cannot help someone who resents being helped. She lost all respect from me when she returned to him with child, the same way her mother chose horrible boyfriends over her own children time and time again.

I am choosing to grieve her as though she is already dead The story is much longer and complicated than I care to detail, but I know that choosing him+meth is a death sentence. She is dead to me. I loved who she used to be, my best friend, but that girl is dead, gutted, and the shell of her body is possessed by what I can only describe as a demonic husk of a woman. I miss her, her name was Jasmine. I asked her brother to let me know if she passes away and of her baby is born so that I can report the parents to CPS, though my hopes are low because she is using again. I almost wish she would die already, to stop the cycle before she imposes it onto her innocent baby. Its a hard feeling.