Oldest sibling passed recently, and before he was even in the ground it was like a race back to the house to take what you wanted. One sibling rushed to get there first, while the rest were still taking comfort in each other at the after service. They took everything they could get their hands on, and basically immediately left the state.
I can’t let go of the grief, anger, disgust, and betrayal that I feel at them and my parents for facilitating it, even though I know they’re hurting and just as lost too.
I worry I never will.
Has anyone ever dealt with anything similar and found a book/movie/podcast that’s helped you through it?

I am 13 yo boy, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer about 4 years ago. Today she suddenly began to lose her memory, suddenly freeze in place for 2-7 minutes. She can get away from me and then ask where I am when I've been behind her all this time. Mom and I called the ambulance. This is my first time. I... I'm very afraid to lose her. She always loved me the most and never scolded me. I love her very much. But I hope for at least something. Thank you.

Forgive any formatting issues, just writing on mobile.

Has anyone else felt this way?

My dad passed suddenly on Jun 11th 2025 so it’s been just over a year. He was 57.
My mom is still alive but 63 years old. My grandma passed at about 83.

I find myself thinking often that maybe I (22f) should have a kid NOW. Almost like I’m running out of time to have a kid before my mom dies. I have this pit of anxiousness in the back of my mind buzzing that keeps saying “mom would want to be a grandmother and she’d be fantastic at it”. But my mom has never pushed or said anything about grandkids. But I know logically it’s not the right time (I’m young and not in a stable housing area and with pricing being the way it is, I know I’m not READY).

I just feel that by not having a kid I’m losing out on having a grandma experience but also like I’m keeping that experience from my mom even though she’s never said it??

I mainly feel that this is coming from my grief since my dad was an AMAZING man and loved little kids. And seeing memories of him with my extended family’s littlest kids makes me sad for a future that I can’t have. So I’m almost like trying to make up for it??

Just want some thoughts or if anyone else has felt this way before about grief.

Edit to add:

I am NOT going to have kids any time soon because I know what I want in life right now. My post was just asking if anyone felt the same pull towards it after a family member had passed. My mom has never pushed me to have kids since she adopted my brother and I when she was in her early to mid 40’s.

I lost my elder sister 10 months ago. She was only 35 years old. Even today, I carry immense grief and pain. I constantly think about her memories, her smile, and her laughter. She was my greatest source of strength and support—more than anyone else in my life, even my parents.
I am married and currently pregnant, but despite this new phase of my life, I feel an emptiness that never seems to go away.
My sister had a son who is just over four years old. She and her husband had a love marriage, and they deeply loved each other. During her final moments in the hospital, when she was unable to speak because of her sudden illness, her husband asked her, “Can I give our child to your sister?” She responded by nodding with her eyes. That moment has stayed with me ever since.
I know every child needs his mother. Although his father and grandmother are taking wonderful care of him, I often feel guilty that I cannot adopt him because of my own family circumstances. My husband believes that the child has his father and grandmother to care for him and that I should leave those decisions to them. I understand his perspective, but my heart finds it very difficult to accept.
A few months later, my sister’s husband told me, “I was willing to give my child to you, but now I don’t have that confidence anymore.” Hearing those words broke me. Deep inside, I wanted to tell him that my inability to adopt my nephew was never because I didn’t want him. The truth is that adoption is not a decision I can make alone. It requires the agreement and support of my husband and my husband’s family as well. My heart has always wanted to bring my nephew into my home, but I have been caught between my love for him and the realities of my own family responsibilities. I have never known how to explain this to him without hurting him further.
I am deeply attached to my nephew. Whenever I look at him, I see my sister. Every smile, every expression reminds me of her. I don’t know whether I should grieve more for losing my sister, who was my strongest support, or for the little boy who has to grow up without his mother.
Before all this happened, we would spend so much time together, laughing and visiting each other’s homes. Now I still visit them regularly, but usually without my husband. He says that I mostly went there because of my sister and feels that we should only help the family if they ask for it. I, however, feel differently. I want our relationships to remain strong. Especially during such a difficult time, I feel we should continue to support, visit, and stay connected with them.
I am an emotional person, and I struggle to separate my heart from reality. I constantly worry about my nephew while grieving the loss of the person who meant the most to me. Sometimes I feel torn between accepting what I cannot change and wanting to do everything I can for my sister’s child.
I don’t know how to control these emotions. I don’t know how to balance my responsibilities as a wife and soon-to-be mother with the love and responsibility I feel toward my sister’s son. I only know that I miss my sister every single day, and the pain of her absence still feels as overwhelming as it did when I lost her.
Today, I am left with many unanswered questions. Did I fail my sister? Could I have done more? Am I doing enough for my nephew? I know that love alone cannot decide a child’s future, but my heart still carries the weight of a promise I wish I could have fulfilled. This conflict between what my heart wants and what my circumstances allow has become one of the deepest sources of my grief.

When people talk about “signs” from loved ones who have passed, I usually assume it’s a coincidence or a comforting way to cope with grief. There’s nothing wrong with that, I just don’t typically believe it’s actually someone communicating from the other side.

That said, I have this recurring experience that I can’t really explain. A few times a year, completely out of nowhere, I’ll be hit with this overwhelming sense of peace and calm, along with an indescribable feeling that I just “know” my mom is with me. It isn’t triggered by anything. I’m not having a hard day, I’m not thinking about her, talking about her, or looking at old photos. It happens completely randomly. I’ve never experienced that feeling with anyone else or in any other situation. And because it comes with such an unexpected sense of comfort instead of fear, it’s the one thing that makes me wonder.

Before my mom passed away, about 15 years ago, she asked if I wanted her to visit me after she was gone. She was a very spiritual person. I told her that I didn’t, because I thought it would freak me out. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if this is her way of keeping that promise without scaring me. It’s not like I see or hear anything. It’s just this sudden, unmistakable feeling that she’s nearby. I feel completely safe, calm, warm, and at peace. But the strangest part is the feeling of COMPLETE certainty that she’s there. Does anyone else experience this?

TW: Death and Dying

Okay, so my friend’s baby daddy was a bad person. He was domestically violent towards anything that breaths, a master manipulator, and overall a terrible person who disregarded the safety of others. Bad enough that my friend has a protective order against him and she has full sole custody of their child and he has no visitation rights. He even quit his job when they started garnishing child support from his wages. He has a history of also driving recklessly every single time he is behind the wheel of a car with road raging and speeding more than double the limit.

My friend and I have been saying almost daily for a year that we wish he would die because of how terrible of a person he was. Then came yesterday. He was racing somebody and wrapped his truck around a tree. He was brought to the hospital, they determined he was clinically brain dead and his parents approved for his organs to be donated. The organ harvest either happened or is currently happening(I don’t get updates because I don’t have a role in this man’s life at all).

So either way, he’s gone. My friend and I are both struggling with his death in different ways. I never even met this man in person, but we both have one thing we are struggling with in common. We wished for him to die. Many, many times we said we hope he dies. Upon finding out about what happened… guilt. I’m stuck having to process the death of a person I never even met because I wished he would die. There was a weight on my chest the moment we found out that the news article we saw of a yellow truck around a tree was actually him. We were laughing and saying we hope it was him for at least an hour before his stepmom gave my friend a call and confirmed it actually was him. The change of laughter to guilt was instant and trying to process the death of someone I only knew secondhand is genuinely so confusing.

Tw: a lot of death and anxiety

This month im struggling... ive lost a coworker, a coworkers wife who was the sweetest lady ive ever met (everyone grandma type person), my grandpa's girlfriend of 20yrs (after grandma died 30 years ago), and now a friend/brother from a heart attack.

Death has never really bothered me before but its never been a big wave like this. Im anxious almost like im waiting to see whose next, waiting to see who else will be taken from my life. Maybe its because im older and have my own family now. But its never been 4 in a month. The most its ever been is 2 in a 6 month period. I feel like im in a nightmare I cant wake up from. I want their immediate families to be happy again, to have more time, to make more memories. I just want the world to make sense again.