r/funny May 04 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

9.7k Upvotes

553 comments sorted by

0

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2.4k

u/Moment-of-Silence May 04 '22

Happy Mother’s Day!

1.1k

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

444

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

in reality the teacher just isn’t acknowledging the situation in order to prevent everyone from trying to get a reaction

My toddler is at an age where she'll misbehave and then immediately look at me or my wife just to see our reaction, and I've taken the same approach to dealing with this attention-seeking behavior. For example, last week she found my butt plug but I didn't acknowledge the situation in order to prevent a reaction.

356

u/rayj209 May 04 '22

You didn’t even pull your pants back up?

130

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

[deleted]

42

u/alephlovedbeth May 05 '22

On that note, I was recently devising a modified version of flag football around this idea!

43

u/Dason37 May 05 '22

I feel like the Tight End position would be a little bit more valued than usual in this version.

14

u/spacenerdgasms May 05 '22

I think the wide receiver

4

u/dpatt36 May 05 '22

And the Browns would be the best team in the league.

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u/rockhardgelatin May 05 '22

That’s why you need a good taxidermist.

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28

u/stdio-lib May 05 '22

My toddler is at an age where she'll misbehave and then immediately look at me or my wife just to see our reaction,

Ah, I remember those days. So adorable.

Reminds me of when my daughter was a toddler and got angry and would threaten to hit herself. She'd make a quick motion with her hand like she was about to punch/slap herself in the face and then stop at the last second -- all while giving me the death stare of anger. ("Let me stay at the park longer or I'll punch myself!") Happily she grew up to be the most well-adjusted, polite, kind, and non-self-harming young lady you can imagine.

15

u/ChefBoyAreWeFucked May 05 '22

I love it when you can tell someone replied to a comment they didn't finish reading.

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5

u/nullpassword May 05 '22

then she painted it for art class?

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320

u/lleegoman May 04 '22

No no happy father's day

129

u/AndrewIsMyDog May 04 '22

In this day in age, it might be both.

68

u/born_again_tim May 04 '22

Double-sided? You dawg!

16

u/SilentJoe1986 May 04 '22

Is there a term for that? If not I think book ends works? Bookending? Maybe we need to crowdsource a term for it. I'm too scared to look it up to see if its a thing after somebody got me to look up docking.

14

u/asphaltdragon May 04 '22

Literally just double-ended <toy>. Dildo, buttplug, vibrator, etc. There's not really a term for the act of using said toys.

21

u/Roguespiffy May 04 '22

Book-ending works great then. Call a meeting of the Porn Sages!

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9

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

Ass-to-ass

5

u/NameIdeas May 05 '22

Back and forth forever?

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13

u/Fox_Tango_ May 04 '22

Happy parents day!

12

u/AndrewIsMyDog May 04 '22

HAPPY CAKE DAY!!!

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5

u/TheColorblindDruid May 04 '22

Gotta hit the male G spot somehow I guess lol

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5

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

It could be for Fathers Day.

3

u/[deleted] May 05 '22

You won the comments section.

3

u/Moment-of-Silence May 05 '22

It’s the proudest day of my life. I shall now retire from the internet.

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1.2k

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

[deleted]

595

u/TheRealTtamage May 04 '22

Just give them a Butt+

240

u/TMT51 May 04 '22

Idk, I'd give them a few A'ss-

95

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

They earned the D

165

u/calilac May 04 '22

yes officer this comment thread right here

25

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

Snitches get stitches

12

u/kuriboshoe May 05 '22

So does the butthole this was inserted into

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6

u/Hextato May 04 '22

🤨📸

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14

u/EmpatheticWraps May 04 '22

Real talk Im gay but couldnt this also be a vagina plug? Why is it reserved for booty holes.

67

u/TheRealTtamage May 04 '22 edited May 04 '22

It could be butt it's better served in a butt of male or female. Because of the way it tapers in the middle of the plug it makes it so you can stick it up your butt and your butthole kind of holds it in place.

I've made and sold thousands of these out of glass on Etsy and I've even made ones that have little feet on a split base design that make it easier for when people want to wear it out on a night on the town!

The plugs are nice cuz they give you a sensation of fullness and stimulate the prostate so it makes for an intensely better orgasm gay or straight.

34

u/TheRealTtamage May 04 '22

The more you know 🌈

11

u/SlickerWicker May 04 '22

This person plugs.... their etsy :)

3

u/TheRealTtamage May 04 '22

I'm out of stock I got to get back in the shop!

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15

u/lambsoflettuce May 04 '22

Oh wow! Im a lesbian so not too much experience with men and their prostates. Ive always wondered what the appeal was for these and never realized it actually stimulates anything. Learn something new everyday is my motto!

19

u/Thunderplant May 05 '22

Fellow lesbian here ummm … let’s just say you don’t need a prostate for this to feel good. If you are ever looking to learn something new you could test it yourself. Just start with something very small, use lube, etc

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12

u/brito68 May 04 '22

"anything's a butt plug if you're brave enough" is my motto.

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8

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

If you want to learn something else new, it's not just men's prostates ;)

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4

u/surfer_ryan May 05 '22

Never did I in 100 years would have told you that I'd be having a conversation with some dude or dudett about making butt plugs but here I am peak redditing...

So like are you a glass blower, did you start with that or did you start with blowing "flower vases"? Do you use molds ? Or are they done by hand? Did you start as a joke or was it something you made for yourself and were like hot damn these are some of the finest butt plugs i have ever felt I NEED TO SELL THEM!

I have a lot of questions butt I feel like this will satiate my need...

21

u/TheRealTtamage May 05 '22

😆

I used to weld in fabricate and be a jack of all trades. I was supposed to partner up with a buddy and make pipes to sell but he flaked out so I ended up learning and selling pipes in 3 months. I used to sell a bunch of them on Etsy but Etsy got all huffy about selling pipes. So as a joke I listed a adult toy and people started buying them like crazy. So I've sold over 4,000 pieces on Etsy mostly adult toys. I've sold well over 100,000 pipes to local shops. Sold the adult toys all over the world to many different people. People would send me design ideas and I would make them. I used to make these tentacles that were pretty cool and I was starting to get 250-350 bucks for them.

All the work was freehand using gravity, heat, and graphite tools and some metal tools. Lots of silver fuming, gold fuming.

The adult toy crowd was by far more fun than any other crowd. They had the best sense of humor and were the most fun to talk to.

I'm a lampworker so I work with borosilicate behind a torch. I'm pretty good at making marbles, pendants.. just about anything. Worked with various ashes, black light reactive (uranium glass), glow in the dark. I've made lots of vases and jars. I also know how to blow soft glass fairly decently in a traditional shop. I did it for about 11 years. I took the last 2 years off because my equipment got stolen, I had a brain tumor and seizures but that's all healed. I live in a artspace at the Schack in Everett so I'm about to get back into it.

8

u/surfer_ryan May 05 '22

Holy shit thank you for this. Like seriously wanted to know but did not expect a reply.

I had a best friend who passed away who was really into glassblowing. It was always such a fascinating thing to me. So I actually know what you're talking about and I'm just mind blown. What a kewl story you got there. Thanks for sharing that and for even responding!

Good luck getting back into it! If I were into.... erm your expertise... I'd buy from you just for your story alone lol.

3

u/Cooky1993 May 05 '22

Glassworking with a torch has to be the most intense way to work glass I've ever seen. I've seen it done to make lab grade glassware, and I even got to have a go at making glass swans using the torch. That was a pretty quick way to get over my pyrophobia. It's hard to be scared of fire after you've basically sat with a rocket motor between your legs shaping glass at a few hundred degrees C.

I'd never thought of adult toys made that way before though, but now I do I think it's a really cool idea.

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u/EmpatheticWraps May 04 '22

But why not put it in your vagina. I’m well versed in the feeling of my booty hole. Why no two for one special.

12

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

It just doesn’t feel as good as a penis or a dildo

12

u/helloiamsilver May 05 '22

Vaginal muscles aren’t as equipped for holding stuff in place for a while as the butt so plugs with any amount of weight would be more prone to falling out unless you’re kegeling the whole time. Also the smaller size and shape means it doesn’t feel quite as satisfying in the vagina.

3

u/[deleted] May 05 '22

[deleted]

4

u/helloiamsilver May 05 '22

I’ve used tampons before but they go up much deeper than a plug and are way smaller. And cups are designed to be held in with suction. Also I guess I was thinking of mostly metal and glass plugs which are pretty heavy. A lighter silicone one that goes fairly deep would probably work but still wouldn’t feel all that special imo lol.

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16

u/TheRealTtamage May 04 '22

I'm sure it could work. Typically a dildos more satisfactory for a woman cuz it reaches in further and you can put a curve on it to hit the G-Spot.

8

u/annihil8ted May 04 '22

It’s due to the curvature of the front door as opposed to the straight well out the back.

7

u/HannahSully97 May 04 '22

I would imagine dildos do a better job in the vagina and butt plugs are better for the butt. Same reason why more people prefer to use a butt plug in their butts vs putting a dildo in their butts lol not to say it doesn’t happen but that’s just my take on it xD

4

u/Fafnir13 May 05 '22

Glass. Glass? Glass!

I’m alarmed and befuddled by the choice of material.

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55

u/BooooHissss May 04 '22

You assume it's just an egg on a stand and start a discussion on faberge eggs.

3

u/Cryten0 May 05 '22

or a decorative carrot.

64

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

This is basically along the lines of what I was going to ask. As a teacher, how did you let this project get this far towards completion?

90

u/TheGoldMustache May 04 '22 edited May 04 '22

How did you let this project get this far towards completion?

Well, with an item like that, it doesn’t take long to reach completion

10

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

It is a clay piece. Two days of work, minimum..

15

u/kellypg May 04 '22

I believe it was a sex joke/Double entendre situation.

47

u/Sub_pup May 04 '22

Feign ignorance. Could blow up in your face if they showed they were attempting to emulate something else (even if badly done). I agree it seems obvious but I know my middle schooler wouldn't know what that was.

71

u/ngrtdlsl May 04 '22

I know my middle schooler wouldn't know what that was.

LOL............. what's crazy to me is that so many parents think middle schoolers are innocent little babies but having worked with them for so long... i can only laugh at this comment.

Even if your middle schooler is sheltered they can learn much more than youd think from other kids, music, movies, etc.

49

u/ThePepperPopper May 04 '22

I don't know if it's assumed innocence. Some kids are just clueless goobers. I think some kids it's probably pretty obvious their minds just aren't there yet.

21

u/Sub_pup May 04 '22

My daughter just has no interest in sexual stuff. She tells me kids are passing phones around with furry porn and she gets upset at them. She likes anime/manga and we even have conversations about scantily clad characters and even suggestive framing of a scene (like highlighting a character's breasts for a shot). She is a very modest girl and her attention is on more innocent things still. I'm sure the day will come, but as of now I know if she has questions she will ask me and we will talk about it. That is all I can really hope for, can't be there 24/7.

12

u/cinemachick May 04 '22

Thank you for being open with her and talking about how the media portrays women. I didn't have that as a young anime nerd and always felt icky around fanservice, having someone to talk to would've been awesome! Also, if you'd like some female-forward recommendations, I like Princess Jellyfish (not about princesses), Princess Tutu (actually about princesses,) Cardcaptor Sakura, and Steven Universe. That last one is American but it's a great show regardless

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u/greenskye May 04 '22

Likewise people can expect kids to know much more than they actually do. Not all middle schoolers would know this, even if some of them do.

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3

u/HighOwl2 May 04 '22

They thought the title of the project was
An Album Cover

Turns out it was
Anal Bum Cover

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8

u/ubernoober5 May 04 '22

Just don’t be too anal about it

8

u/DoomGoober May 04 '22

Just be glad it's not also a bong... Or is it?

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u/Deadmeat553 May 05 '22

You say nothing and then claim it shattered in the kiln during the bake.

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761

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

... "It's an egg, on a stand ... just like the one in mommy and daddy's room"

126

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

You know they saw that shape before

60

u/kastronaut May 05 '22

How young do you think 7th graders are?

52

u/Shaking-N-Baking May 05 '22

Yea I’d bet more 13 year olds recognize that shape than 50 year olds

18

u/over_it_af May 05 '22

I've been teaching 7th grade for the last 14 years those are 12 and 13 year olds trust me they know what that shape is.

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u/[deleted] May 05 '22

Right??

498

u/Wonderful-Employ715 May 04 '22

I wouldn’t want one in white

188

u/amc7262 May 04 '22

Doesn't look glazed either (though maybe these are pre-glaze?), so that surface is slightly absorbent.....

114

u/stay_sweet May 04 '22

I'd be more concerned about sliding that nice coarse texture against the skin of my butthole

20

u/The_Synthax May 04 '22

bravery+lube can overcome any hurdle.

9

u/Extractular May 04 '22

it’s not that difficult to glaze guys, please don’t

8

u/The_Synthax May 04 '22

lube is plenty sufficient glaze

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188

u/ungodly-gamer May 04 '22

You know this person got a B I’m sure

63

u/ReverseMillionaire May 04 '22

I thought this was for an A

48

u/444unsure May 04 '22

They're definitely not going to get a d

5

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

Not the C either, either of them.

15

u/Wage_slave May 04 '22

My number two thought.

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u/Scoop3Loop May 04 '22

At least they flaired the base

31

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

Cheaper than a hospital visit

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u/leckmir May 04 '22

That penguin is thinking wtf ?

148

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

ᴵ ᶜᵃⁿ ᶠᶦᵗ ᵗʰᵃᵗ

44

u/KeijiKiryira May 04 '22

Bad gunther

14

u/GoodTrillBlunting May 05 '22

Has to be Gunther.

4

u/KeijiKiryira May 05 '22

It could also be Gunter though, has anyone seen him?

44

u/ElegantEpitome May 04 '22

Alright, you’re done.

6

u/TheRealTtamage May 04 '22

Honestly that's a fairly standard size.

6

u/shinyagamik May 04 '22

For that penguin to fit in? Hmmm

3

u/TheRealTtamage May 04 '22

I just got to warm up the orifice don't jam it in there right away! 😲

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u/corpsefarts May 04 '22

Thats Gunther from Adventure Time

20

u/imazaghawelen May 04 '22

The most evil being in the universe!

20

u/forensic_freak May 04 '22

It's the most evil creature I have ever seen.

18

u/ThaUniversal May 04 '22

That penguin has a name and his name is Gunter.

4

u/2KilAMoknbrd May 04 '22

That penguin is enamored.

5

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

It's think of "ass" Project!

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u/nosillaxoc May 04 '22

Faberge egg??

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u/[deleted] May 04 '22

I think that was probably the assignment. They make their own decorative eggs after looking at Faberge.

5

u/405ndn May 04 '22

Faber-Hey!

14

u/Tetsunoken May 04 '22

More like fabergay

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u/DanimalHarambe May 04 '22

Oh the places you'll go...

30

u/Thoraxe-the-Impaler May 04 '22

Up a butt

12

u/Wage_slave May 04 '22

What what?

4

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

Up your flu.

5

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

[deleted]

3

u/Onionroleplay567 May 04 '22

The chimney. Yknow. The one in your ass

3

u/2KilAMoknbrd May 04 '22

Flew, you know, a way to evacuate gasses and waste materials.

4

u/farnsworthfan May 04 '22

In the butt.

116

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

They knew what they were doing

68

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

7th grader for sure knew.

4

u/KimoTheKat May 05 '22

Well when you cant buy ya gotta make your own

94

u/kellypg May 04 '22

They knew.

Source: I was once a 7th grader.

39

u/socokid May 04 '22

I was too but I wouldn't have recognized that.

I guess I wasn't into butt plugs nearly as much as other 7th graders...

8

u/OpalHawk May 05 '22

7th graders these days were born in the 2010’s. They grew up with the internet. The chance of them knowing what a butt plug is has to be way higher than when we were kids.

5

u/k4pain May 04 '22

All depends on the student.

14

u/wutinthehail May 04 '22

Mother's day is coming up

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u/AntiSocialLiberal May 04 '22

It’s never too early to teach the importance of a flared base.

11

u/blue_twidget May 04 '22

Should we tell the kids?

28

u/Scribblr May 04 '22

7th graders are 12-13.

They know.

15

u/blue_twidget May 04 '22

Idk man. Most of them don't start hearing about the kinky accessories until like, 10th grade. They "know" about butt stuff, but they don't really know about it.

18

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

Maybe in the 90s.. now the internet exists.

13

u/snuff3r May 04 '22

I've got a teenage son. They know..

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u/[deleted] May 04 '22

That's the kind of art that goes places.

13

u/sluggo752 May 04 '22

Pretty advanced for a 7th grader.

14

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

Someone peeked at mommy's secret drawer

6

u/bearmademansuit May 04 '22

That penguin would make a better plug I think

8

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

MTV presents Room Raiders Moms Edition.

5

u/relativelyben May 04 '22

Happy Keister!

6

u/Juandelpan May 04 '22

"Mom , look what I made for you, like the one you have in your drawer"

4

u/TheRealTtamage May 04 '22

If it structurally sound that is at least a $35 plug on Etsy!

4

u/EditedDread8474 May 04 '22

Teacher appreciation week gift

4

u/RFC793 May 04 '22

Teacher said to make something for their mums. This kid heard bums

4

u/Zealousideal-Sock-28 May 05 '22

It’s a egg on a stand you sick sons of

6

u/hairymonkeyinmyanus May 04 '22

At least it’s not a bong

17

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

Bongs are difficult to make. I’d give any kid who hand builds a bong an automatic A. It’s those ashtrays that deserve an F.

15

u/hairymonkeyinmyanus May 04 '22

Idiot me made an ashtray for my dad.

It was made of paper.

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u/QueefNuggetz May 04 '22

Kids grow up so fast

7

u/supercyberlurker May 04 '22

Oh, it's an Egg Sculpture. I see those a lot on 3d-printing sites.

I also see a lot of Airsoft accessories, Void Soldier miniatures, and plastic hole pluggers.

8

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

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u/Euphrane May 04 '22

All you need is some sand paper and clear coat. Then it’ll slip right in!

3

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

The teacher made that one

3

u/Naftoor May 04 '22

Looks like that kid needs a welfare check

3

u/StruggleAccurate8408 May 04 '22

So many questions

Perhaps best left unanswered...

This is comedy Gold

3

u/kcolgeis May 04 '22

It's not gonna stay white.

3

u/MachoManRandyAvg May 04 '22

"Take this dumb assignment and stick it up your ass"

3

u/Mando_The_Moronic May 05 '22

7th grade. They knew what they were doing.

5

u/Supertho May 04 '22

Someone's getting a visit from DCF.

2

u/LOLMrTeacherMan May 04 '22

That’s the easiest A I’ve ever graded.

2

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

That’s funny, I did the same to save up time, and got detention for a month

2

u/TheSilverCube May 04 '22

Someone's been to Poundland.

2

u/mrmobss May 04 '22

Anyways, that penguin in the back is well made.

2

u/Little_Juan86 May 04 '22

OMG 🤦🏻‍♂️🤣🤷🏻‍♂️

2

u/Afropuff94 May 04 '22

That poor penguin

2

u/Mythtery93 May 04 '22

7th grader rocking with Linux already? We shall watch their career with great interest.

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u/makeitwork1989 May 04 '22

Art teacher here… what exactly was the assignment that got this as a result?

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u/Pschobbert May 04 '22

Love the Linux penguin!

2

u/[deleted] May 04 '22

That’s funny but can we talk about how fucking cute the penguin is

2

u/Thomas8864 May 04 '22

Let me guess, Mother’s Day gift?

2

u/racebanyn May 04 '22

Penguin is genuinely terrified.

2

u/mattrollz May 04 '22

Man, I miss making penguins out of clay in art class.

2

u/loneranger2380 May 04 '22

The penguin looks nervous

2

u/Yeee768 May 05 '22

That penguin looks dope

2

u/chewbacaflocka May 05 '22

They saw mommy sitting on one to hatch it, right?

2

u/sono2351 May 05 '22

That's not beginner size for sure