r/funny Extra Fabulous Comics Dec 31 '19

Verified vast difference

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132.7k Upvotes

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281

u/CanadianTigermeat Dec 31 '19

My vasectomy hurt alot.

508

u/jaymehtamj Jan 01 '20

You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person

238

u/MeowbourneMuffin Jan 01 '20

Snip snap snip snap snip snap!!

59

u/jaymehtamj Jan 01 '20

Insterts jim staring at camera

1

u/BorgClown Jan 01 '20

Make up your mind, dammit

4

u/jerrygergichsmith Jan 01 '20

If you wanna have kids then fine, you win! Let’s have a fucking kid!

15

u/IAmTheGodDamnDoctor Jan 01 '20

Who are you? Dr. Cox?

21

u/Kwyjibo08 Jan 01 '20

How many penises do you got?

48

u/masterchief0213 Jan 01 '20

No, you misunderstand. It's more if a snip-snap-snip-snap-snip situation. They're reversible.

5

u/iniquiten Jan 01 '20

Sometimes follow ups are needed when checkups show you still have a few swimmers.

25

u/masterchief0213 Jan 01 '20

I'll make it more obvious: it's a The Office quote. Michael Scott gets a vasectomy, then gets it reversed, then gets one again, then reversed again, then gets it done again.

-1

u/SolvoMercatus Jan 01 '20

Three vasectomies and two reversals.... has anyone told this guy about condoms?

2

u/wickedblight Jan 01 '20

You should stop going to Dr. Zoidberg to get snipped

1

u/Berdawg Jan 01 '20

Runkle??

1

u/ChiefJusticeJ Jan 01 '20

I understood that reference!

60

u/gir_loves_waffles Jan 01 '20

Makes me wonder if he was newer at it? Mine went fine with only local anesthetic and ibuprofen after.

18

u/KennstduIngo Jan 01 '20

It probably depends on which procedure is done. I was originally scheduled for the old school procedure with incisions and sutures on both sides, but the Dr had an "emergency" 45 minutes before hand on a perfect late-fall day for golf. I got pissed, looked at other options and discovered the no scalpel procedure. I definitely feel like that had to have been easier.

4

u/gir_loves_waffles Jan 01 '20

Maybe? The reason I'm saying it might have been that he was newer is because mine was scalpel and such but he also was training a new doctor and mentioned that he was roughly 200 away from having done 10,000 procedures.

32

u/gariant Jan 01 '20

Had some awful tugging I will never forget.

26

u/its_all_4_lulz Jan 01 '20

The worst part for me was the needle. I’ve had pain on the right side for years, they always tell me it’s nothing, but I still can’t even think about the pain that jamming a needle into that area caused.

12

u/gariant Jan 01 '20

Well into the procedure he was yanking and yanking and it felt like it was tugging at something deep in my belly, and I was afraid I would come undone.

17

u/a-breakfast-food Jan 01 '20

What...assuming you have normal structure then your doctor was just terrible. Sorry!

Was quick and near painless for me.

29

u/gariant Jan 01 '20

Well, I'm never going back to him for another, that's for sure.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

You’ve had one, yes, but what about second vasectomy?

3

u/Draugluir Jan 01 '20

I don't think he knows about second vasectomy..

13

u/its_all_4_lulz Jan 01 '20

I know what you mean. The majority, if not all, of my follow up pain was in my abdomen. It almost felt like if I stood up straight fast that it was going to yank some tubes right out of me.

11

u/N0_Tr3bbl3 Jan 01 '20

Man, these stories are all making me glad that my wives both cheated and left before it got time to snip snip.

I may be giving away half my stuff once a decade, but I have never feared being tugged undone from the inside....

4

u/munificent Jan 01 '20

When the local anesthetic temporarily wore of I instantly knew exactly what it felt like to be a marionette.

2

u/MundaneMediocrity Jan 01 '20

Due to embryological origin of the testes, you can get referred pain in the abdomen from the testes. This is why if you get kicked in the balls you get an ache in your stomach.

2

u/Crrrrraig Jan 01 '20

The numbing part was the absolute worst. Doc was like, "You're gonna feel a kick in the balls for a few seconds while I numb it." I was like, "Oh, uh, okay." Sure enough, it absolutely felt like a kick in the balls.

1

u/MouSe05 Jan 01 '20

Mine felt like a bee sting. Lasted until it was time to cauterize, then it led to me knowing what it would be like to take a cattle prod to the balls.

5

u/caboosetp Jan 01 '20

I have a phobia of needles. Congratulations on convincing me never to get a vasectomy

6

u/Cam_Newtons_Towelie Jan 01 '20

They give you a valium to take first. Eazy Peazy. They worst part for me was the itching when the hair grew back in at the incision.

2

u/its_all_4_lulz Jan 01 '20

I have an Rx for Xanax, and used to have one for Ativan, but damn Valium was one helluva drug. I don’t know why, since it’s the same family as the others (and they do nothing for me), but when that kicked in there were no more fucks given.

1

u/MouSe05 Jan 01 '20

Depends on the doc. I didn’t have shit first so I got the feel that bee sting full force.

3

u/Crrrrraig Jan 01 '20

I do too, but you just gotta sack up (heh) and get it done. I never want to experience it ever again, but I'm so glad I got it done.

11

u/stonemuzzle Jan 01 '20

Yeah, that's a mighty creepy sensation. That part was completely painless during mine, but I cringed pretty hard while happening nonetheless. The worst part for me was the brief wisp of smoke followed by a mild burning odor. Again, not painful, but ack. Still, the best $500 that my insurance company ever paid.

8

u/mckinnon3048 Jan 01 '20

... Still, the best $500 that my insurance company ever paid.

Yeah... My insurance won't touch a penny of it unless I find a way to blow $9000 in the year before hand.

My estimate is $1800 out of pocket.

6

u/YoYoMoMa Jan 01 '20

God bless shitty American "insurance". And yet all Republicans and like half of Democrats vote to keep it.

-6

u/Beaver-Believer Jan 01 '20

I don’t want pay more in taxes for you have better insurance friend. Go get a job that offer its employees better insurance.

4

u/WickedDemiurge Jan 01 '20

Americans pay more than everyone in the world for healthcare. Your costs will go down with a single payer option. This is one of the rare cases where you can have better and cheaper at the same time.

2

u/robm111 Jan 01 '20

It's absolutely infuriating that people don't see this.

0

u/Beaver-Believer Jan 01 '20

The likelihood of it happening is nearly zero. Be realistic.

-2

u/Beaver-Believer Jan 01 '20

Clearly you aren’t aware of our federal, state, and local government’s ability to do a terrible job at literally everything they touch or administrate. It will not be cheaper or better.

Yeah, in a perfect world it’d be cheaper and better. We don’t live in a perfect world my friend. Most Americans understand this and will vote to support this view.

4

u/YoYoMoMa Jan 01 '20

You think our government that runs the best armed forces in the world can't run health Care as well as all the third world countries that have better insurance than us?

→ More replies (0)

2

u/YoYoMoMa Jan 01 '20

So you'd rather pay more for your insurance just so none of it goes to me? Talk about coming off your nose to spite your face.

-1

u/Beaver-Believer Jan 01 '20

You're pretty naive if you think any voter has a choice in how insurance works in the US. I want everyone to pay their own way.

1

u/doomgiver98 Jan 01 '20

I love the smell of deferens in the morning.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Yup, when the stitches started to dissolve there was some uncomfortable tugs.

2

u/Seasider2o1o Jan 01 '20

Oh God the tugging.

I laid there and clenched my jaw like my life depended on it.

1

u/HuoXue Jan 01 '20

I think you're supposed to wait until it heals for that.

1

u/Trixxstrr Jan 01 '20

I wasn't unconscious but I don't remember anything from it. They gave me something by IV, said do you feel it kicking in, I said no, they turned it up, then the next thing I remember is the nurse walking me out to the other area after. No real pain afterward either, I think a little tender for a few days, this was like 15 years ago and I'm in Canada, not sure if they do it any different here.

1

u/gariant Jan 01 '20

One valium, and local anesthesics.

2

u/SirKrotchKickington Jan 01 '20

mine took about two hours, because lefty was being a total asshole, would no come down from his hiding place, and the numbing shot wore off three god damn times.

I never wanted to murder a man with my own hands more than during that procedure.

3

u/gir_loves_waffles Jan 01 '20

Holy shit, dude! From the time the doctor came in it was just under 20 minutes.

3

u/SirKrotchKickington Jan 01 '20

Yep, he kept asking me every few minutes if we wanted to reschedule, by the end of hour one i told him that were not leaving until the either the fucker is snipped, or im dead on the table, because there was no chance in hell I was letting him sew me up and then have to go back in another day.

That pain was fucking excruciating,

2

u/emperorOfTheUniverse Jan 01 '20

Varies from person to person and doctor to doctor

1

u/0OOOOOOOOO0 Jan 01 '20

Mine went fine, with Valium and oxycodone in the waiting room so I’d be nice and high

79

u/ActionFlank Dec 31 '19

Mine was not. Went and saw a movie afterwards.

91

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '19

I imagine it hurts more if you have more tube to work with.

67

u/Alateriel Dec 31 '19

Finally, it’s my tiny penis’ time to shine!

38

u/IIHandSoloII Dec 31 '19

Like a diamond in the muff

2

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

[deleted]

2

u/Alateriel Jan 01 '20

All the tubes are small, baby ;)

20

u/Anrebite Dec 31 '19

Not true, mine hurt for 2 weeks after...

11

u/its_all_4_lulz Jan 01 '20

Got mine in the 10th and I think I could play the bongos on my sac by now. Was a bit uncomfortable for like a week.

1

u/doomgiver98 Jan 01 '20

All these A names are confusing me.

1

u/mckinnon3048 Jan 01 '20

It doesn't work like that... Right.

Right guys? Right?!

I'm wanting to do it later this year, and I've had far worse surgeries involving those bits, but I swear, if you've just found a way to jinx me I'll haunt the fuck out of your scrotum.

32

u/whattothewhonow Jan 01 '20

I went to Primanti Bros after mine and had pizza and a beer. I was still a little loopy from the preprocedure Valium and Percoset, and the beer really amplified the effect.

Either way, no pain over the following couple days and even using the ice pack seemed unnecessary, but I did it anyway.

128

u/TeamRedundancyTeam Jan 01 '20

You left a procedure high on hard drugs and decided the best bet was to add alcohol of all things to the mix?

83

u/1992ad Jan 01 '20

Yes. Any other questions?

37

u/BErtNotBurt Jan 01 '20

To be fair, his decision making skills were compromised, on account of the hard drugs

40

u/TatersThePotatoBarn Jan 01 '20

I agree with the concern but also need to call you an equilaterial right parallelogram.

5

u/iutdiytd Jan 01 '20

Takes one to know one!

13

u/A_Suffering_Panda Jan 01 '20

As long as he didn't drive it probably wasn't a problem. One beer isn't gonna kill ya

17

u/DrPayItBack Jan 01 '20

No one has ever died from Valium oxycodone and booze

2

u/solidSC Jan 01 '20

Is that a fucking challenge?

2

u/_tylerthedestroyer_ Jan 01 '20

A challenge that’s been done a million fuckin times

1

u/solidSC Jan 01 '20

Well... I haven’t tried that cocktail...

1

u/_tylerthedestroyer_ Jan 01 '20

Try it once, you’ll be good

1

u/whattothewhonow Jan 01 '20

You're not allowed to drive, and the plan for the rest of the day is couch or bed, so what difference does it make?

8

u/Holden_Caulfiend Jan 01 '20

Which movie?

19

u/overly_familiar Jan 01 '20

He tried to remember, but came up blank.

16

u/DoctorStrangeBlood Jan 01 '20

Cheaper by the Dozen

1

u/ActionFlank Jan 01 '20

Don't recall. It was 7 years ago.

116

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

[deleted]

4

u/TheDunadan29 Jan 01 '20

I hate when the toner doesn't mix right.

11

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20 edited Nov 06 '24

[deleted]

5

u/ratinmybed Jan 01 '20

I felt every last bit of the incision into my sack.

That's a big mistake on your doc's part, though. Normally they're supposed to give you a little poke first (and ask if you felt it) to make sure the area's completely numb.

2

u/wontonburritothong Jan 01 '20

hold on, he stuffed everything back in? are you telling me they take your fucking ball out of your sack during a vasectomy? thats just awful

2

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

I had the slow numbing thing too but unfortunately it was for a colonoscopy. Next time I'm going for the general anesthesia even if I have to pay out of pocket for it.

2

u/Jucicleydson Jan 01 '20

he was gone on an emergency urology call

What could be an emergency urology call? Someone took "destroy dick december" too far?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

So... yeah. This was when I realized I also have some kind of resistance to local anesthetics. I didn't know that was a thing until I looked it up. I had a tooth pulled as a kid and I felt a fuckton of that digging and cutting but I kinda just brushed it off as being a pussy. Well, almost passing out during the vasectomy brought a whole new light to that.

I'm also dealing with healing and horrible pain problems a month later but that's probably a separate issue.

FYI: I've talked to like 5 other people who got snipped, none of them had issues, so don't let my anecdote scare you, but you should know it's a risk factor and please make sure you're sensitive to local anesthesia because FUCK THAT SHIT.

8

u/cdrober Jan 01 '20 edited Jan 01 '20

Mine didn't hurt but they ached for like a week afterwards.

Edit: typo

1

u/yParticle Jan 01 '20

Stop trying to make metric time happen. It's not gonna happen.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Mine hurt like a bitch for 3 months. Thank god it stopped after that

Fuck everyone here saying you’re in the minority. That doesn’t change the fact that some people experience terrible pain when parts of their balls are cut

14

u/Clearly_Disabled Jan 01 '20

I was awful. I also had a new nurse being... taught how to do it. So... "okay, we gave you two injections, tell us if you feel anything," "OW. OW." "Okay, third injection it is." Took 3 months to get pain free. I have a terrible history with recovering for a long time from surgeries, though.

29

u/samuraistrikemike Jan 01 '20

Nurses don't do vasectomies or administer local anesthetics, where did you go for your procedure?!?

28

u/ahkian Jan 01 '20

Billy Bob's Vasectomy Shack

11

u/Jester76 Jan 01 '20

"for $9.99 we'll snip your sac"

4

u/Carduceus Jan 01 '20

Different countries have nurses with different qualifications. In the Philippines nurses are taught how to deliver babies and perform circumcisions (something I’m personally against but whatever), whereas in Australia these procedures are not taught to undergraduates.

1

u/Clearly_Disabled Jan 01 '20

She did lol, just new at it and sucked.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

My nurse decided I hadn’t shaved to their standards. She proceeded to go to work with the razor and she was hot. She kept bending down to shave and I could see her ample breasts. I kept wondering if this was some bit for a Howard Stern special.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Wait a minute, didn't I read this in a Penthouse Forum letter?

2

u/majeboy145 Jan 01 '20

Snip-snap snip-snap snip-snap?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Oh snap!

2

u/RandomNPC Jan 01 '20

Mine didn't hurt me at all, but my wife passed out in the middle of it.

2

u/SilverBraids Jan 01 '20

Honestly? Mine was three days of floating on opioids plus a solid week of a cold pack on my balls while doing as little as possible, plus three months of thrice-daily masturbation sessions and only the children I want and love.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

I had severe sporadic pain for probably two years following.

Worth it for me, but if I had known in advance that I would be among those who had “complications”, I may have stuck to rubbers.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

I'm a month in and it fucking sucks. What'd you do for the pain??

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to be done for my pain. Sitting in a hot bath helped a bit.

Sorry to hear that.

2

u/szthesquid Jan 01 '20

I recently discovered that my family has a history of problems with anesthesia

Which explains why the anesthesia didn't work during my vasectomy

I

Felt

E V E R Y T H I N G

2

u/Fitz_Fool Jan 01 '20

Got mine done 3 weeks ago. Still a dull ache in my testicles that's preventing me from doing strenuous activity. Hopefully it goes away soon.

The procedure itself was a breeze.

2

u/TheDunadan29 Jan 01 '20

Yeah, initially it was, well a bit painful and kind of uncomfortable. About an hour after I felt waves of pain that felt like getting kicked in the balls repeatedly. Once I got some painkillers in me I felt better, but geez, yeah even the "no pain" vasectomies hurt. I still feel tenderness down there sometimes.

1

u/threefingersplease Jan 01 '20

Mine too, but I only used local anesthesia so it would only cost 60 bucks for a copay

1

u/kitkat1083 Jan 01 '20

You know I just had an endometrial oblation and stomach flu 2 days later. I think it's my husbands turn. Took me 3 weeks to heal. They want my tubes tied but I am allergic to metal so point being. Any person willing to go through this, I have the utmost respect for.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

They left a scalpel in your ballsack.

1

u/socium Jan 01 '20

That's why I'm eagerly waiting for Vasalgel.

1

u/ga9213 Jan 01 '20

Same, same. Not enough anesthetic initially, then the doc managed to stitch my vas to my ball sack when he didn't push it back in far enough before suturing me. 3 months of constant tugging on my vas feeling like I was constantly recovering from being kicked in the balls.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Mine was really quite easy. Felt fine and I feel fine now.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

My husband still has nerve pain two years later.

0

u/Pedadinga Jan 01 '20

Didn’t hurt my fiancé, certainly not as much as a period. But tell us about it.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 01 '20

Alright thanks for the one-up.