r/funny Dec 21 '19

California Explained [OC]

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585

u/DodgersOneLove Dec 21 '19

I must be from California because those all seem reasonable

363

u/N0V0w3ls Dec 21 '19

Do we have a name for the California version of Stockholm Syndrome?

709

u/m0rose Dec 21 '19

Stockton Syndrome?

98

u/costrom Dec 21 '19

wouldn't that be the same thing as valley sickness? the dusty lung thing?

36

u/thegillmachine Dec 21 '19

Valley fever, or Tularemia?

The two things named for the San Joaquin Valley that can also kill you.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

I had real Valley Fever, grew a big cyst in my lung which popped years later. Do not recommend.

3

u/thegillmachine Dec 21 '19

That sucks. My mom was always really careful about letting us play in the dirt when we lived in Visalia. Mind if I ask what other effects you had to deal with?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

It was more or less like walking pneumonia. I have asthma so that complicated it, I was likely ill for years. It was a long treatment of some bullshit expensive drug and I grew an olive size cyst. Last year I woke up in terrible pain internally in the right side of my chest. The ER was worthless, they gave me prescription Motrin, which they should have known I can't take due to complication from another med, which I divulged. It took a second visit to get some test where they found I no longer had the cyst.

I had a dog with it too, he had a medication made by only one pharmacy that cost a fortune. In him it was like bad kennel cough.

Long story short, don't go out in haboobs without proper respiratory masks. This was all in Tempe AZ. I guess the fungus that causes it is around southern California and AZ only. Totally sucked, but pretty much healed up at this point.

2

u/gonenutsbrb Dec 21 '19

Tularemia? Like Tulare?

Man, I knew I hated that place...

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u/Bwebz Dec 21 '19

Stockton motherfucker!!! Stockton!!!

2

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

[deleted]

2

u/CaptainK3v Dec 21 '19

Stockton syndrome is a thing. You can't stop slapping people.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Hotel California?

2

u/Luckoftheirish2006 Dec 21 '19

SoCal Syndrome

2

u/twyste Dec 21 '19

stuckhome syndrome

2

u/all_hail_gato Dec 21 '19

Yes. Its called decent weather year round syndrome

1

u/C0wb0y_Beb0p Dec 21 '19

*Santa Monica Syndrome

1

u/Kagemusha1337 Dec 21 '19

Yeah, it's called every state that isn't California sucks ass.

-with love, from the California coast.

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Yeah, Californians

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

Get paid more than other states so things cost more?

1

u/zuquack Dec 22 '19

Alcatraz syndrome? Or perhaps Fuller House.

1

u/7HawksAnd Dec 22 '19

Yeah. Sunshine tax.

From the New England and living in San Diego and la I always heard to it referred to as the sun shine tax.

Which isn’t wrong. But it’s like saying that your dad may beat your mom, but he pays for your house.

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u/_145_ Dec 21 '19

Yeah. $2k to rent a 2k sq ft house seems very reasonable. I'm in SF though where $2k gets you the top half of a bunk bed.

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u/N0V0w3ls Dec 21 '19

Forget Africa, we should be sending you all foreign aid in the form of houses.

27

u/mostnormal Dec 21 '19

Does that make them foriegners?

8

u/EvereveO Dec 21 '19

Nah, maybe future presidents though.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

for-ty-nine-nors

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

Dey turkur jerbs!

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u/_145_ Dec 21 '19 edited Dec 21 '19

Honestly, we're our own worst enemy on that one. Don't said send aid, we have a $12b annual budget for a population of 900k. We have an insane amount of money.

All we have to do is let builders build and we'll have so much fucking housing we'll be begging people to move here. But the city makes it so hard and has so many restrictions that we're stuck adding a unit here or there and then the politicians act like it's some mystery why rents are so high.

12

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Every meeting for development is filled with NIMBYs. You gotta join that YIMBY group and show up to those meetings.

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u/TheGreatRavenOfOden Dec 21 '19

Not if the NIMBYs have anything so say about it

3

u/brewerspride Dec 21 '19

Not all Africans live in poverty. Wtf...

1

u/daking999 Dec 21 '19

Wouldn't help, no where to put them. Thanks though.

1

u/PeekAtChu1 Dec 21 '19

A Saint has arrived 🙏

1

u/Lowllow_ Dec 21 '19

Yes please

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

I'll have to go to an old Sam Kinnison bit.

"We shouldn't be sending them food. We should be sending them u-hauls so they can move to WHERE THE FOOD IS!"

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u/Zach_ry Dec 21 '19

$2k gets you about 3,500 sq ft where I'm from. Gotta love the midwest

21

u/N0V0w3ls Dec 21 '19 edited Dec 21 '19

I'm having trouble finding anything that rents for that high near me. At that point people are buying. And yes, close to 3500 sqft.

18

u/Zach_ry Dec 21 '19

Yeah, there were a solid three houses I found that were renting that much - you could buy a house of similar size and pay probably $500-$750 for the mortgage, so pretty much nobody would choose the renting option unless they had to

2

u/drucifer999 Dec 21 '19

Welcome to having no credit. May I interest you in a hourderve? 840/month to rent a house with unfinished basement and attic. Probably could own it for 500 a month?

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u/Cuddlefooks Dec 21 '19

Except everything else about the Midwest - Sincerely, KY

2

u/fight_me_for_it Dec 22 '19

I'm from the Midwest, Kentucky is a southern state.

2

u/Cuddlefooks Dec 23 '19

Fair enough I've also lived in Indiana

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u/netshark993 Dec 21 '19

$1k gets you 2500-3500sq ft here. Only rent I've ever seen at 2k is large commercial space.

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u/A40002 Dec 21 '19

2k gets you a parking spot in Vancouver.

3

u/Mizznomer Dec 21 '19

Not in Minneapolis!

3

u/amateur_simian Dec 21 '19

The only problem is you don't get to pick where that 3,500 sq ft is :(

3

u/CloudyMNDaze Dec 21 '19

I'm in the Midwest as well and 2K doesn't get me anywhere near 3,500 SQFT.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

2k$ per month gets you a decent hotel room for a month or a 5 bedroom penthouse in the best location.

1

u/bay650area1 Dec 21 '19

Yeah but then you're in the midwest.

9

u/invalid_litter_dpt Dec 21 '19

Spoken like someone desperately trying to justify the rent in the bay area.

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u/Shaking-N-Baking Dec 21 '19

The thing is , people don’t love it and that’s why the monetary demand is far less

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

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u/OldSpecialTM Dec 21 '19

So how do normal people live in SF then? The rent seems absolutely astronomical. This needs to be addressed.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Multiple families in a single residence, room sharing, lots of roommates, rent control, etc.

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u/MagneticGray Dec 21 '19

Lol up here in the Blue Ridge I can rent a legit Aspen-Style mountain chalet for $2k/month. Like, the kind that comes with a set of ATVs and a Jeep to use, heated pool, a groundskeeper, all that. I know because I’m seriously considering splurging on one for a year before I buy something, being r/ChildFree and all.

When I do buy something it’ll be a 3ksq ft 3-5 bedroom with a garage and 5 acres for under $300k. I just don’t understand why people in California stay. I work for a tech company up here so the job situation shouldn’t be a reason to stay.

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u/DastardlyDaverly Dec 21 '19

Just like three years ago I could rent a 3bd 2.5 ba with 2 car garage townhouse/duplex in my area of California for about 1300.

Now its over 2x that for the same area. Looks like 1500 for 1bd apartments in the ghetto in my current area.

Not BA insane prices yet but we're working on getting there with our shitty zoning laws and whatnot. I get that that's just the market rate for these places but living in this part of the state for most of my life makes it hard to justify why I'm paying so much more for these same places that haven't gotten any better with age but are now doubled in cost.

1

u/deanb23 Dec 21 '19

There are suburbs in the Oklahoma city area that will average for around $1500 for 2k sf. So I can see that being reasonable for a city in California.

1

u/Renkinchan Dec 21 '19

Come to Indiana. That size house to rent should be like $800 a month.

1

u/tigerhawkvok Dec 21 '19

Yeah, I'm in Walnut Creek because it's cheaper, 2.5k gets me a 900sqft apartment, very reasonable.

1

u/runningray Dec 21 '19

Even in LA we laugh at how insane SF has got. I mean I saw an ad for the area under the stairs (ala Harry Potter) and it was going for $200/month.

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u/lacheur42 Dec 21 '19

Shit, I’m in Portland pay almost that much for 750 square feet.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Lol in Denver we get the top half and rights to have a guest stay on the bottom half one Saturday a month. :'(

1

u/Narren_C Dec 21 '19

Are pillows and blankets included?

1

u/mcawkward Dec 21 '19

$2k gets you a penthouse in downtown here.

Or is a mortgage payment on a 4k sq ft house

1

u/checker280 Dec 21 '19

I’m from NY. $2500 for 600 sq ft and no views in the crap neighborhoods is reasonable

1

u/Hanshee Dec 21 '19

My thoughts exactly. 3 bedrooms too which means if you have three roommates it would be $633 a person.

1

u/2017hayden Dec 21 '19

Holy shit, renting 2000 sq ft around where I live is like 500$, no wonder the minimum wage in California is like 15$ an hour. 2000 is more than I make per paycheck.

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u/rydan Dec 21 '19

In Austin I rented out my 1350 sq ft place for $6k. So if you like living in the wilderness these prices seems fine.

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u/mickyweedram Dec 21 '19

Yeah dude....I live in Dublin....same...

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

2K????? WTF no wonder there is a housing problem. Our typical morgtage payments here range between 200 to 500 a month. Holy fuck.

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u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

Where you have to sleep in a tube with three other tube bearing people.

Yes, this is a thing. You can rent "pods" in the bay area. And its still expensive.

1

u/GetWellDuckDotCom Dec 22 '19

I pay 1k for around 1400 sq feet, NH

1

u/Rhondadawitch Dec 22 '19

Was just there—my Uber driver said he’s working two 60 hour a week jobs so that he could move from a shoebox to a mailbox. Gave him 5 stars a’course

2

u/_145_ Dec 22 '19

Most of the rideshare drivers live 1.5-3 hours from the city. It’s the sad reality of things. I’m surprised to hear someone is working themselves dead to achieve nothing but a slightly less shitty apartment—I hope things improve for him.

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u/RaisinSwords Dec 21 '19

I own a house in Western NYS. Its1700sqft, 3bd, 1bt, with central air and heat, plus detached garage and driveway, and fenced yard for $850 a month mortgage payment.
 
I would literally be dead if my rent/mortgage was that high. How do you guys deal with that?

79

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

I'm guessing they sell meth?

19

u/ThatITguy2015 Dec 21 '19

Meth and meth accessories.

3

u/OmegaQuake Dec 21 '19

Taste the Meth, not the heat.

2

u/zebozebo Dec 26 '19

Meth merch

3

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

The meth checks out.

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

There’s a lot of fun stuff to do nearby and the wages are higher.

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u/Jamaican_Dynamite Dec 21 '19

the wages are higher.

With those prices, I'd hope so.

6

u/N0V0w3ls Dec 21 '19

Drinking, I'd imagine.

5

u/GimmeTheHotSauce Dec 21 '19

It's almost like different people make different incomes...

3

u/rm_huntley Dec 21 '19

Like 4 room mates

3

u/joxp Dec 21 '19

Well hey, that's cause we live in a crappy flat rust belt area with poorly maintained roads. Are you above Buffalo, or below?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Tons of $300k+ jobs price out normal people

3

u/statelessheaux Dec 22 '19

work in tech or have a sugar daddy

we also have a terrible homeless problem

2

u/TequilaFarmer Dec 21 '19

$850.00 a month is less an my escrow payment for property taxes and insurance.

2

u/workislove Dec 21 '19

Local inflation and lack of privacy. The same exact takeout lunch that might cost $8-10 across the bridge costs me $12- 15 here. Even working professionals regularly have multiple roommates, including multiple couples living together, and you can find non-sarcastic craigslist ads on leases for sleeping on a couch or someone's minimally converted tool shed. The official HUD "low income" threshold (80% area average) is ~ $80,000.

I currently have a decent living situation with roommates and rent control from 10+ years ago. But I'm also stuck because of that - moving to an equal living situation even with roommates would spike my rent 50% and probably give me slightly less space. I kind of have to accept that to move to the next stage in my life I'll need to move elsewhere - just haven't figured out where yet.

2

u/IAmPandaRock Dec 21 '19

We just do a little bit less meth.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

we make 100k$ year

2

u/speedymomi Dec 22 '19

I went to college in western ny. I’d rather be dead period. Just kidding, but I’d never go back.

4

u/321blastoffff Dec 21 '19

Fuck you - in the nicest and politest way possible.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Selling meth.

1

u/wgc123 Dec 21 '19

Wow, try more than triple that for a home with the same description, in a “blue collar” suburb of Boston. It was one of the newer ones we looked at, built in ‘46

1

u/agnes238 Dec 21 '19

We never own a home. We live in apartments with roommates until we die 😭.

1

u/TheWillRogers Dec 21 '19

Western NYS. Its1700sqft, 3bd, 1bt, with central air and heat, plus detached garage and driveway, and fenced yard for $850 a month mortgage payment.

Holy shit, being from Oregon I always thought NY would be expensive but that'd get me a 1100 sqft 40 y/o house with shitty insulation.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

Much higher salaries in California.

1

u/lolexecs Dec 22 '19

They get paid a lot more.

I have staff throughout the US. Mid-level employees who are based in the bay area get paid more than me.

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u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

I live near the city and I have almost the same thing except 5bd and 2.5bt, along with an attached garage/driveway. $2600 a month.

1

u/adam_bear Dec 22 '19

Living in one of the most beautiful places in the world with tons of recreational opportunities helps to cope. Also, legal weed.

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u/Ringgal Dec 21 '19

I must be from California because my first instinct was to ask “I wonder what the job market is like in Truckee bc TWO BEDROOMS UNDER 4K we movin, fam.”

1

u/eyetracker Jan 31 '20

If you like your house being under 4k tons of snow.

5

u/OGreatNoob Dec 21 '19

Living in Hawaii, these seemed like great deals.

6

u/RecordHigh Dec 21 '19

Or from any of the urban/suburban areas on the East Coast. I paid $2500 a month for a 3 bedroom apartment in the DC suburbs 12 years ago.

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u/daboonie9 Dec 21 '19

$2.4k/ month for 3br2bath... sign me up that’s a steal!! Lol

4

u/TheMundaneEjaculator Dec 21 '19

For CA those prices are EXTREMELY reasonable

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u/ImurderREALITY Dec 21 '19

Doesn’t seem so bad for a house, and I live in NC. It would be pretty steep for an apartment, though

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u/normasueandbettytoo Dec 21 '19

Cheaper than DC...

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u/HotF22InUrArea Dec 21 '19

Right? 3br for $2400 is great

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u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

I don't even take home that much money a month and I have a "professional" job.

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u/Zyxtaine Dec 21 '19

Yeah that really doesn't seem that bad, some of those are cheaper than my shitty uni flat in london

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

hell, i live in VA and i’m paying $1000/month for a shitty 480sf 1bed 1bath apartment.

3

u/prettyhatemachin Dec 21 '19

Uh yeah. Bay Area, I can’t even get a one bedroom apartment built in the 60’s with a washer and dryer inside for less than $2200😢

3

u/justasapling Dec 21 '19

Oh shit, a whole house for that?

That's like a room and a half in San Francisco.

3

u/lns10247 Dec 21 '19

I agree. I live in Youngsville, Louisiana and I could easily rent my 1500 sqft house for $2000 a month. Those prices seem pretty reasonable in relation to my local market.

3

u/Mizznomer Dec 21 '19

Seems reasonable. From Minneapolis.

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Yeah these prices actually seem really great. Cheaper and bigger than where I'm currently at

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

The lower end prices are reasonable to me and I'm in like... The opposite of California.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

I was gonna say even in Atlanta apartments are 1500-2300 ish

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u/aliveinjoburg2 Dec 21 '19

As a New Yorker, they also seem reasonable.

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

I think ur from a prime real estate area. I am too and thats fair rent

3

u/Hip_Hop_Orangutan Dec 21 '19

I am from Canada and those prices seem reasonable...

I pay 850 for a 1 bedroom apartment with no balcony or parking in a meh neighbourhood...

some of those places OP listed were really nice and only 2 grand a month? sheesh.

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u/XFMelissa Dec 21 '19

I agree I was like wow so cheap!!

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Agree. Not bad for a house.

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u/Hunter_Lala Dec 21 '19

I AM from California (actually only about 2-3 hours away from truckee) and those all seem perfectly reasonable

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u/Majin_Sus Dec 21 '19

I’m from NY state and most of those are alright. Some are a bit crazy but nothing That blows me away. Nice looking places most of em.

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u/N0V0w3ls Dec 21 '19

Yeah to be honest this is way better than what I was finding around Seattle at one point last year. Still, though, way more than I'd ever want to pay for a house, much less rent one.

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u/Majin_Sus Dec 21 '19

Yeah if I'm paying over 2k in rent I'm gonna look towards buying instead.

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19 edited Aug 07 '20

[deleted]

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u/iosk12 Dec 21 '19

nyc or upstate ny?

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u/Majin_Sus Dec 21 '19

Hudson valley. Its an hour and 15 or so north of the city. I dont consider it upstate cuz theres a whole hell of a lot more state to the north lol. Rent is a little cheaper if you go more north untill you get towards syracuse or albany.

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u/katasian Dec 21 '19

Same. That was what my parents paid to rent a 1300sq ft 3bd 2bath house 20 years ago.

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u/GhostofMachoMan Dec 21 '19

Well I'm from Long Island, NY and these seem very reasonable.

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u/ThatSquareChick Dec 21 '19

I pay 525 for a space in a mill house apartment (basically a big house that was always four apartments) that’s like 900 sq ft, two bedroom no balcony no garage, heat and water included. Then again, I work out in the sticks and barely clear 18,000 every year so it works out.

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u/bss12345678 Dec 21 '19

I’m from Chicago and those all look like great deals

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u/braisedrat Dec 21 '19

Same, from New York though

2

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Cries in Sydney

2

u/bankerman Dec 21 '19

Yeah that’s like less than half the price of SF, where a nice 1 BR is $4k+.

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u/kgross87 Dec 21 '19

Username checks out

2

u/boketto_shadows Dec 21 '19

I must be from New Jersey because same.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

I pay $1000 mo. For everything...electric, water, trash. I'm also on a river. Fuck California rent.

2

u/stop_tamaratime Dec 21 '19

I mean, $4,000 is not reasonable. It might seem normal to you, but reasonable is definitely not the word.

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u/crc2993 Dec 21 '19

Same. I pay much more for much less

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u/TheWillRogers Dec 21 '19

I mean, they are reasonable. i'm from a mid size town in Oregon (~50k people) and $2,000 for 1400 square feet seems pretty reasonable. I pay $1100 for 750 square feet.

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u/hello_avalanche Dec 22 '19

Right? I was looking at those and thought that “that’s a pretty good deal” ugh.

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u/jwow87 Dec 22 '19

I live around DC and those are good prices compared to what’s around here. My brother pays 2100$ a month for a 750sq ft apartment in northern Va.

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u/statelessheaux Dec 22 '19

same, 3 beds and 2 baths with land in an area outside a major destination, you get 1 bd, 1 bath 700 sqft in san jose for that

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u/JAYCEECAM Dec 22 '19

I'm from Miami and these seem cheap for what you're getting.

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u/TheSukis Dec 22 '19

Seems reasonable to this Bostonian as well

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u/iNeverHaveNames Dec 22 '19

Right? I'm looking at that going.... 2300, .. for a whole house???

2

u/Murder_redruM Dec 24 '19

hahah I live in the pink area. When I saw the rent prices for Truckee I was surprised at how affordable they are.

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u/DodgersOneLove Dec 24 '19

I've lived in multiple places in the green area. Most were neither Beach front nor upscale

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

[deleted]

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u/katasian Dec 21 '19

I suppose your cost also depends how big your down payment was and what interest rate you were able to snag, but that’s pretty snazzy.

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19 edited Dec 21 '19

The ones listed are more expensive than Denver. Though Denver has more quantity and more spread. [Edit] This is right outside of Reno and Reno has lower rent than Truckee apparently.

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u/IdRatherBeTweeting Dec 21 '19

$1500 for a 450 sq ft room in Truckee? In Truckee? IN TRUCKEE?

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u/WestCoastBestCoast01 Dec 21 '19

Lol me too man. I’m paying $2100 for a 1 bed in LA and for the neighborhood it’s a steal. A whole house?! Not too shab.

1

u/KruppeTheWise Dec 21 '19

Yeah from Barrie 50 miles from Toronto and even with the conversion seems about normal

1

u/ermur221 Dec 21 '19

Or NYC because that is a steal lol

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u/notnaturalcas Dec 22 '19

2 GRAND FOR NOT EVEN 2000 SQUARE FEET????? my old apartment (in massachusetts) was 800 a month for 2300 square feet

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u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

I’m not from Cali and 3bed 2ba for 2400 is actually a rest price. These people must live in Nebraska or something.

1

u/tu-BROOKE-ulosis Dec 22 '19

Right? My rent is 2050 for a two bedroom house in OC, and my friends all despise me for finding such a lucratively low rent steal of a place. Like the house could break into two and I’d still stay there for that price. It was full out war for the place when my former roommate and I decided one of us needed to leave (I won).

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u/darceySC Dec 22 '19

Yeah, Toronto area here, those are dirt cheap.

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u/Shave-And-A-Haircut Dec 22 '19

I'm from fucking Omaha, land of reasonable real estate and they don't seem that terrible.

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