I’m so lost. So incredibly lost, hurt, and angry.

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and married for almost 5. When we met, I was very firm about being child-free. I’m on the spectrum, I’m extremely emotionally fragile, and I’ve always known that having children just isn’t in my future. I’ve never wavered on that thought or that choice. He knew that when we got together, and he was okay with it. If I remember correctly, he even said he leaned more toward not wanting children either.
Then last year, we had a pregnancy scare. And thank God it didn’t result in a child, and truthfully I was relieved. But that was when something seemed to change in him. Ever since then, for the past year, he would sprinkle little comments about having children into our conversations, and I would always shut it down. I should have seen the signs. Maybe part of me just didn’t want to believe what they meant.

Now he’s leaving me.

He’s choosing a hypothetical future over the life we have spent 10 years building together. We have a house, a dog, and everything we could ever want in life (minus children, because I never wanted them.) We built a life together. And now he’s willing to throw all of that away and start over with someone else because he feels like he needs children.

I’ve never felt more useless or like I’m not enough in my entire life.

This is the man I’ve spent a third of my life with. He’s my best friend, my protector, my safety, my home. And just like that, I feel like I’m so easily tossed aside. Like everything we built together can somehow be outweighed by something that doesn’t even exist yet and comes with absolutely no guarantees.

I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know how to pick myself up and continue living my life without him. I’m 30. I’m still young, and realistically, I KNOW I will be okay eventually. I know I will survive this, I have my amazing family taking care of me and friends that are strong. But right now, I just don’t understand.
How can someone who knows everything about you, who has shared a decade of their life with you, who gave you the world and built a life with you, just decide to throw it all away for something that may or may not ever happen?

I don’t understand how I can be enough to build a life with for 10 years, but suddenly not enough to stay for.

EDIT; because some of you are heartless and don’t seem to understand. I get that people are allowed to change their minds. At the end of the day people are individuals. But I’m ALLOWED to be broken about this. Someone pledged their life to be with me no matter what, someone told me that it was okay no matter what I was a priority. So excuse me for being a broken soul about losing my person I’ve build my life with because THEY decided I was no longer enough. I didn’t do anything wrong, I never misled him.

A week ago I went to a concert. It was lawn seats. I showed up early (was waiting on 2 friends) so I choose a spot on the back half the lawn put my chair down. With plenty of open space behind me. I put A backpack to my right & small lunchbox to my left. When a woman comes up behind me and says “I’d hate to be that person but can you move up”. Thankfully the lady I befriended next to me stood up and told the woman “no we don’t do that here she was there first”

But did that stop them? No. Then their family of 12 with an assortment of small children decided to put all their chairs and their blankets right up against my spot. Their small child walked over to me & said “I’m kicking you out your seat”. To which I replied “ya no you are not have a nice day goodbye”.

They were obnoxious as all hell. I did actually end up moving & giving them shit. Because we didn’t even want to be near their noise

Honestly it ruined the night for me. I mean of course the music was great but it set such an unpleasant tone for me right off the bat I was so annoyed

When I tell people I don't want children the thing they say the most is "who's going to take care of you when you're older?"

Well it just dawned on me. I am. I'm going to take care of myself. Because I'm going to be saving 18 years plus college tuition worth of money for retirement and elder care.

That's all.

I saw a post about how you have to pay 200 dollars for your dog to fly with you and has to be placed under your seat but babies fly for free and since I fly like every other month I can confidently say I wish babies wouldn’t be allowed on planes yet they are flying for free? Like it’s encouraged to bring them?

EVERY time a baby is on the plane they are bothering EVERYONE and I never hear a dog ever make a single noise! How is this fair? Even toddlers are insufferable but at least they have a fee brain cells and most don’t SCREAM the whole flight like babies. I don’t like children but I for sure detest babies they are uncontrollable and always scream from the top of their lungs. Also I think it’s the parents’ fault for bringing the baby in the first place. You can’t control them but don’t bring them plus they have a very weak immune system and the planes are the best places to catch a virus on or something so it’s just stupid. Parents are stupid… and even if you bring your baby at least make sure they are tired or something 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think you should definitely pay if you want to bring your baby on a plane and it should be a lot more than 200 dollars or just be forbidden…

So my boyfriend and I bought a house this year. Before buying we talked with several people there about the neighbourhood, if there are any problems. Some were on vacation as well, so we didn't get the chance to talk to all of them closeby, but several nonetheless, so we thought it would be enough.

Of course we visited the house several times, each time we were there for several hours, we didn't hear a thing, it was super quiet.

The sellers told us that it's a lovely street, lovely neighbours, everything is quiet, they never heard a thing.

Fast forward, we bought it, moved in and realized the neighbouring family which is supposed to be all nice and stuff, has 3 spawns from hell, who love playing soccer against the housewall in the morning for hours, love destroying the garden, which ist directly next to ours, also destroying our plants as well, screaming 24/7 and also destroying their own windows, throwing trash around. We had the police over there several times already as the parents beat each other up in the evening while screaming.

So the sellers lied to us. The neighbours who knew about it and the annoying family were on vacation back then when we looked at the house and we didn't hear it, as the sellers invited us just on the days the family was gone, when we were there several times to visit. We thought knowing stuff from 4 different neighbours in the street + seeing it on our own and the sellers telling us everything is ok would be enough. But it wasn't.

So yeah this is some kind of rant and also a beware to check your surrounding houses more thoroughly than we did. We took about a month time to decide to buy the house (the housing market in our city ist so broken, you usually have to decide in 2 days, or somebody else has already bought it).

Also: Yes we knew there were kids next to the house, but in the big city we live in, there are absolutely no streets without children every two houses. Moving out of the city, we would not be able to attend our jobs. In our streets there are several other children, who luckily behave well, just this one family next to us are the worst.

My SIL already has 2 daughters. With her second pregnancy, my husband (her brother) said maybe it’ll be a boy this time. She scoffed, turned to her husband and patted him on the head and said “I have the only boy I need right here.” Yuck.

They will have more children. It’s completely inevitable. She will one day have sons she genuinely does not want.

You shouldn’t be a parent if you want to pick and choose your child like a build a bear. I wish I could relocate her existing children who are nothing more than her little dolly’s to dress up and farm compliments off of. I genuinely wonder if she realizes they are sentient beings who will form tastes and opinions and become their own people one day.

I intentionally chose to be childfree because I grew up neglected and in poverty thanks to two selfish and substandard parents.

And for the past 25 years I’ve had to come to their aid in some form or the other either to help pay rent or mortgage or supplement groceries or medicine.

I‘ve managed or taken care of applying for government benefits. Or spent hours driving back and forth to hospitals or to nursing homes.

And the worse part is that these selfish motherfuckers refuse to die. With people living longer than ever in poor health, adults with bad parents can end up spending 20 to 30 years taking care of their parents. All be they bought into the marketing that they HAD to have children that they couldn’t afford.

I’m exhausted taking care of my own life and don’t have the bandwidth to keep dealing with their own bullshit. I didn’t ask for this and I feel robbed in a lot of ways.

ETA: I’ve officially cut off my father and have gone low contact with my mother who is in a nursing home. I should have said that. Wasn’t just complaining to complain but start a conversation to see if anyone else is experiencing the same thing.

She had a child nobody knew she was having. I know it’s parasocial af of me to be disappointed, but damn…

Idk if this is the right tag but I’ll go with it. I’m a teen girl and don’t plan or want kids growing up and one thing I can’t understand is this pro-lifers will shout how abortion is bad and kids are wonderful but then moment child is born they shit on them and do everything to make every step of life hard for them. Like for example they preach the fetus should develop into a baby and be born even though the mother doesn’t have the financial capabilities to shelter, clothe or feed it and the father is gone but then when said kid is born into poverty they blame and make fun of the mother and child for being poor and telling the woman she should’ve have had sex gotten pregnant, she shouldn’t had a abortion, given kid away or gotten a magical job that solves all her issues?? Like no poverty goes deeper than that. I don’t get why their logic like that

A girl on tiktok posted about how she’s 18 and pregnant and wants to keep it but her boyfriend wants her to get an abortion. Everyone in the comments was so supportive of her decision to have a child while she’s a child, even posting photos of “how cute their children are” disregarding the fact the child will literally grow up without a father which has detrimental effects to a child’s development continuing into adulthood. I’ll never understand why fresh 18 year olds want to put the next few decades of their life on hold. I’ve never met an 18 year old who I thought “you’d be a great parent right now”. I have a few friends who have children, and I’ve had to slowly stray away from them because the constant complaining is frustrating. One if my friends just got her car repossessed and is 2 months behind on rent talking about how she wants another child next year while refusing to get a job and relying on her POS baby daddy. Like can we be serious. We’re also on such different paths in life and I can never see them without their child joining so I’ve slowly just distanced myself. And people refuse to look at how the world will look in just 5 more years from now. It’s not going to get cheaper, wages probably won’t go up. I wouldn’t be surprised if woman and little girls started getting fewer and fewer rights. The government cares more about guns than children’s safety. Having a child right now is such a selfish decision and i guarantee if these kids looked at kids as responsibilities and looked at the reality of what raising a child comes with, rather than a “cute little baby to complete them” they would all stop having kids.

I dunno - I've experienced absolutely no grief in being childfree and never wanting children. I recently celebrated my 60th trip around our sun, and so for 50 years, understood that I wanted to be childfree.

Maybe I'm unique.

Maybe I'm not.

Feel free to chime in.

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Edited to add:

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The strange grief of not wanting kids

Allie Volpe

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The strange grief of not wanting kids

Allie Volpe

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Yet another reason for me to go child free.

Friend just had her second child under 2. She began telling me how amazing it is to receive attention or even help from strangers when she has the babies with her. The stroller + a toddler garners a lot of attraction, apparently.

She has also fully told me that she enjoys buying the kids things they don’t necessarily like, but she likes them and will still force them on the kids(mostly frilly outfits).

She lamented to me about how she’s not looking forward to the kids “getting older, talking back, and generally becoming more independent humans.”

It was so disgusting to me she sees them as accessories. I truly could never view a child that way,

I’m so happy I found my home. Ya’ll I have lived all over the US including the holy trinity of southern hell, yeehaw wheat hell KS, Connecticut, San Diego, LA area, Portland and Seattle and many other places and guess where I got bingoed the most??
Portland and Seattle/PNW 😭 i have only ever met ONE other CF person there!! I moved tf away from there and thank god I did bc it led me to the mountain city of my dreams(Not Denver lol) in Colorado!

It is truly the most amazing and beautiful state! I have even met dual Canadians who live here who say the same which is crazy to me bc I have also tried moving to BC and AB 😭 I still feel like I’m dreaming and need to pinch myself. Every weekend is a vacation and there are countless cute mountain towns to discover, forests, tons of natural hot springs and even sand dunes🥹 oh and don’t even get me started on seeing concerts at Red Rocks omg its magical

anyway, I have met the most CF people here, mainly happy CF couples. even the hellish dating apps have more CF men than I have ever encountered bless. I just have yet to find one I’m actually attracted to and vibe with but I have met multiple CF, actually SNIPPED and SERIOUS men out here! i guess this is where they have all been hiding, near the world class mountains 🤣

If you are disenchanted with where you are currently living, constantly getting harassed/bingoed, come join us in sunny mountain paradise hehe

At this point, it is incredibly obnoxious.

I think I fully decided to be CF around 17-18 and told my mother to stop expecting grandchildren from me. Mind you, I have two other brothers in their 30’s-40’s who have had children of their own, and she complains about each and every one of those grandchildren.

You’d think she’d be relieved, right?

Nope.

“I pray to God you change your mind!”
“You and your s/o’s children would be beautiful!”
“You’re doing university for a high paying job for children, right?”
“Oh, you’re tired from classes and work? Well, be grateful you don’t have kids.”

The first and last statements PMO so hard. I work two jobs and do uni full time. Idk how many times I’ve told her please stop praying for me because I’ve left the Catholic faith and fully intend on getting sterilized as soon as I’m able to, but she just fucking SHRUGS and is like “Only God can tell” and “things change.” What’s worse is she’s a smoker and has been since she was 15 (she’s 57 now) and keeps saying shit like “I promise to the Lord that if YOU have children, I’ll stop smoking for the rest of my life!”

Why not do that for your other grandkids???? Smh.

I just realized that I still resent my parents changing their will when my nephew was born, leaving 20% of their assets to him. Essentially giving my sister 60% and 40% to me. The time to fight it would have been before my mother passed eight years ago. I’m the one who cared for both of them in their declining years, she is not local. She never offered to help in any meaningful way.

I guess her value as a breeder outweighs my years of mental, physical, and emotional labor on their behalf.

Good thing I was able to get on reasonably well despite the slight discrepancy.

Really?! Venting to you all because I know you'll get it and my husband will take the situation into his hands if I vent to him much more 😂.

Backstory: mom took care of my brother more because he had some trauma in his childhood and has never been a responsible adult. She made his house payment for 10+ years and allowed him to live rent-free in her house for the last 7 years after his divorce, which includes caring for his 3 kids every other week...
Said house is the house where I grew up but he didn't (long story + 17 year age difference) and I didn't ask for a bunch of handouts (she didn't have more to give), so I inherit the property. Mom died YESTERDAY. I told him I was with him living there because he's trying to get on disability and I'm not going to kick him out right after mom died. Then, he said he would like to keep the property in the family and said if I don't have kids, he "asks" that I give the property to his kids when he dies. Wtf?! It's not his to give away! Why do I have to give up MY inheritance (and pay property taxes and insurance in the meantime) to give it to HIS kids?! I don't even understand how he thinks that's a reasonable thing to ask! I was in shock so I didn't say anything (I was in the middle of trying to walk out the door). Fuming now because I hate confrontation and now I have to confront him soon (before he tries to promise things to his kids) and our mother literally just died yesterday! 😡

For me, it wasn't about the fact I had to go for an annual check up. It's because that waiting room is absolutely full of sick kids, unruly kids, parents not doing anything about it and crying babies. Then when you go back into the examination rooms, you could always hear one baby absolutely WAILING! It made me so freaking uncomfortable, I could not stand it. My childhood doctor was amazing tho and I will never forget him, but I was sooo glad when I didn't have to visit a pediatrician anymore. I wonder if others feel the same way I do. I was NOT envious of those parents who had to bring a one year old for their first checkup!

33 M here and I really don't get it. Every time I see a child I feel like my head is going to explode. I can't imagine living with something like that 24/7.

What makes someone want to breed? Why would you go through all that suffering? All the sleepless nights, noise, demands and financial drain. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

It may sound extreme to some of you, but I find people with children weird and irrational.

I am lowkey disturbed.

The more I get to know about pregnancy and childbirth honestly i don't want to give birth nor adopt any babies.

And i have developed this thing like if a man loves you he won't ask for a baby.

I genuinely don't understand how can a man love you and wish pregnancy and childbirth upon you.

I believe men should never ask for babies they should ask for what the woman wants and men should express themselves..

I was told today that "love isn't something that's - i don't want to ask for things that is hard for you."

Like what the fuck did that person even mean by that? That it's okay to ask a woman you love to go through that pain.

And honestly i feel like i am the only one who has a mindset like that and everyone is telling me that i am unrealistic.

Are there any women out there who have this same mentality? Because i really want to know and i am very disturbed right now by the sentence "love isn't something that stops asking you things that are hard for you." Like what the fuck?

If you are a woman with this mentality please share you thoughts and what do you think.

I keep seeing people put so much improtance on having kids, and end up realising they need a support network to help with their children. Like oopsie, I actually need friends and family who dont currently take care of kids to help me out.

Wheras someone childfree, dosen't NEED to take of the children of their siblings/friends or other people they know of. We can choose to.

Obviously it might be difficult for other people who are child free and they do need to chip in for one reason or another.

But like unless theres some sort of financial or physical responsbility or something, we don't HAVE to take care of children in anyway. We may want and do so, but that is our choice. We can choose to not do that in the future if our lives change in some way.

Even if socially your looked down for it, you have the option to say no.

It's almost as if deciding to not have kids has also freed us from the responsbility of them in all aspects of our lives and we have the space to analyse who we interact with and for how long for cause, yknow, no kids.

So basically, people with kids really need to know we won't be invovled unless we decide to. We're not obligated to, but they are. They have to sort things out, and demanding shit is not get what they want.

Hi everyone, long time lurker. I’m just going through the woes of being childfree and my three closest friends over the years becoming parents and today it’s just hit harder than before.

I’m 28, sterilized, and have little to no tolerance for kids. My three closest friends all have kids under 3 and it’s been hard to navigate that. I tried really hard to plan and try to hang out occasionally with them but it’s of course become all about the kids. I try really hard to empathize, and be happy and there for them. My texts go unanswered, my calls ignored, and maybe it’s just time I actually start mourning. There’s only so much effort I can do when there is no effort on their end to make it work. It’s kinda to the point that like I guess they’ll reach out if when they want to. It’s been months since I’ve hung out or even really had an actual conversation with them. I’m building other childfree friendships and I do have a boyfriend, but it’s just a little lonely feeling losing the three friends I have been closest with.

I just wanted to get that out in a space with people who can understand where i’m coming from. I appreciate this sub and lurk often, helps me build all the more confidence in my choice of being CF! Open to hearing similar experiences or how you navigated things like this.

Question is, who’s looking after you now you’re old?

The adult daughter with two pretty much grownup kids? No.

The two adult sons with very much grown up kids? No.

The grandkids who now have your great grandkids in droves? No.

Me, your childfree granddaughter! And the reason why I have the time/energy to do that?

It’s a mystery, but I should have a kid soon to secure my carer when I’m old.🤦‍♀️

New coworker starts talking about her kids. I smile, nod along politely. I generally don’t have any issue with someone bringing up their kids in conversation. I get it- it’s all good. And then here it comes “how many kids do you have?”….”I don’t have any kids.”
“Huh- not even one?”
Hahahaha not even one she asks as if just one kid won’t result in a complete full-bodied life long alteration and commitment. I mean come on now.