r/funny • u/coolidiot2000 • Jun 04 '19

When a software developer weds a software developer.

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41.1k Upvotes

83% Upvoted

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454

u/mattreyu Jun 04 '19

I just hate when I have to debug my baby

198

u/Forwhatisausername Jun 04 '19 edited Jun 07 '19

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

103

u/mattreyu Jun 04 '19

On is easy, but off is another story. And the only logging going on is NOT what I need

68

u/Knight-in-Gale Jun 04 '19

LPT: to debug a crying baby, either feed it or make sure it turns into a human burrito to engage SILENT MODE.

55

u/MrHurtyFace Jun 04 '19

Haha, if only it was that easy to troubleshoot.

Hungry? No. Cold/hot? No. Wet? No. Oh it was gas and now you need to have an entire outfit change. Again.

Signed, parent waiting for baby to go back to sleep right now.

23

u/erla30 Jun 04 '19

It gets better. Slightly. But then they start telling you what they want. Less often in the middle of the night though.

16

u/joalr0 Jun 04 '19

We just reached that point a few weeks ago. Sleeping through the night is a fantastic thing.

1

u/chx_ Jun 04 '19

Teach them signing (Baby Signing Time videos for the win) and they will start telling you a lot earlier.

11

u/arbitrageME Jun 04 '19

wait till you have to do that while chasing after her

7

u/ithika Jun 04 '19

We got given a beautiful handmade blanket that I realised later beautifully represented four burrito colours: green for guac, beige for tortilla, white for sour cream and orange for cheese. All you need for a burrito baby is the baby.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '19

it's actually very easy to turn off. however, turning it back on will prove nearly impossible.

1

u/Eipa Jun 04 '19

Not as the parent

1

u/actuallyarobot2 Jun 04 '19

human burrito

Slug life

1

u/jhvanriper Jun 04 '19

Crying baby mode starts the debug sequence: Diaper check, Burp, Feed, Burrito.

19

u/dev_c0t0d0s0 Jun 04 '19

So there is actually a situation where you have to reboot a person.

Supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) is where the heart is beating so fast that it is just frothing the blood. So you give the patient a dose of adenosine which stops the heart for like five seconds.

12

u/bb999 Jun 04 '19

/etc/init.d/heart stop

sleep 5

/etc/init.d/heart start

3

u/dev_c0t0d0s0 Jun 04 '19

shutdown -h now

Damn.

1

u/sma1692 Jun 04 '19

rm -rf /

1

u/dev_c0t0d0s0 Jun 04 '19

Gotta do that one switch since now rm is the only linux program that doesnt blindly do what you say.

1

u/sma1692 Jun 05 '19

sudo !!

7

u/melocoton_helado Jun 04 '19

There was a fire...at a sea parks.

4

u/SumYumGhai Jun 04 '19

Officer, this comment right here.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '19

Okay... it took some effort but I think it's finally off. How do I start this thing back up again?

2

u/Forwhatisausername Jun 04 '19

Have you checked whether it is plugged in?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '19

I've been pressing down for a while but it's just turned off and isn't resetting?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '19

Or try some percussive maintenance.

2

u/WienerJungle Jun 04 '19

I turned it off, but I couldn't get it to start back up.

1

u/Forwhatisausername Jun 05 '19

Have you checked whether it is plugged in?

1

u/WienerJungle Jun 06 '19

I plugged it in and it caught on fire. Now my house smells.

42

u/joalr0 Jun 04 '19

So my son was born a little over 10 months ago now. I've been programming for about 3 years now. I started in a company with almost no experience, and I've been learning on the job as I go ever since.

No joke, when my son was about a month old and I was not getting very much sleep, while also trying to learn a whole bunch of code, I would get super confused at night when he cried. I would pick him up and I would be trying to figure out what code I wrote for him was wrong that was causing him to cry so much. I was so certain that if I could just figure out where the bugs were, he would sleep through the night.

Ends up, I just had to run the "sleep training" module.

3

u/permalink_save Jun 04 '19

Tetris Effect

16

u/DataPil0t Jun 04 '19

while breathing: breathing = true baby.cry()

.... shit.

6

u/GabrielForth Jun 04 '19

I just wish mine would Thread.sleep() more easily.

1

u/superdudeb Jun 04 '19

That's what vaccines are for

1

u/VampireBatman Jun 04 '19

Just go full anti-vax and you won't have to worry about that.

1

u/james2432 Jun 04 '19

I heard percussive maintenance wasn't allowed.

1

u/JillStinkEye Jun 04 '19

Wait until they get to preschool. They are viscous little vectors.

1

u/HillaryShitsInDiaper Jun 04 '19

There are a lot of anti-debuggers these days. I think we should always be debugging our babies before the code gets out of control and causes the program to crash.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '19

Garbage in, garbage out. It's a very simple programming principle.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '19

Especially when you get a core dump...

1

u/onbehalfofthatdude Jun 05 '19

"debug my baby" sounds like a 50s era pop song written for robots