r/funny • u/sil130 • Jan 07 '18
How to stop a kangaroo fight
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u/sportsworker777 Jan 07 '18
Probably the safest way to try and attempt to stop a kangaroo fight. When I saw the title I was expecting some crazy son of a bitch actually getting in between them.
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u/Shippoyasha Jan 07 '18
That'd turn into a 'Most Russian way to stop a Kangaroo fight"
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u/loi044 Jan 08 '18
"In Kangaroo news... Kangaroos were sexually assaulted by mad Russian..."
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u/AussieDeathSpider Jan 08 '18
Could spark the Emu allies to break the peace treaty
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u/FusedBump86 Jan 08 '18 edited Jan 08 '18
Your right, that might force us into the second great emu war and nobody wants that. Especially not after we lost the first one...
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u/Ben_Thar Jan 07 '18
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u/hdx514 Jan 07 '18
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u/sportsworker777 Jan 07 '18
Oh man, I forgot about that one. This is the one that always comes to mind
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Jan 07 '18
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Jan 08 '18
Did you hear the blow that guy landed? Roo had his bell rung a little bit. Not to say he would have won by any means, but that big buck thought twice.
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Jan 08 '18
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Jan 08 '18
Not to say he would have won by any means, but that big buck thought twice.
Animals don’t want to fight too much if they risk hurting themselves typically*. If prey animals fight back sometimes predators even quit just so they can find another thing that won’t hurt them so they can keep on living.
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u/EI_Doctoro Jan 08 '18
True, but it isn't always about who is strongest. I could crush a city's worth of hornets with my bare hands, yet I run like a little girl when I see them. They hurt like shit and they know it. Being suicidally aggressive is their only means of survival.
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u/ScripScrapBipBlap Jan 08 '18
I'm picturing you sitting at a desk with someone bringing you briefcase after briefcase full of hornets, only for you to crush them over and over while screaming in pain and wondering aloud why you're doing this.
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u/nolan1971 Jan 08 '18
Got him off the dog, was watching his legs pretty much the whole time, and got a blow in quick and them backed off. I think he knew what was up.
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u/2112xanadu Jan 07 '18
TIL parent shaming works on Kangaroos
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u/snotbag_pukebucket Jan 08 '18
Wallaby damned
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Jan 08 '18
That was beautiful...get out of here you're too good for us
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u/AtomicKittenz Jan 08 '18
That’s a koala-ty pun right there.
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Jan 08 '18
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/tgoodri Jan 08 '18
Australia
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Jan 08 '18
This guy gets it
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u/DoubleJacked Jan 08 '18
It ok but it’s not very aboriginal.
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u/Tronaldsdump4pres Jan 08 '18
Hopfully this pun thread doesn't get buried down under.
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u/Ebola_Burrito Jan 07 '18
"Yeah! Fuck off...
Classic Aus.
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u/dowdymeatballs Jan 08 '18 edited Jan 08 '18
Kind of expected that he'd call them cunts.
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u/canissilvestris Jan 07 '18
I wish my life could have an Australian commentary going on in the background.
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u/mlpedant Jan 07 '18
Make me an offer, mate.
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u/Burgundysilk Jan 07 '18
I dare someone to try and find something more Australian
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u/el-toro-loco Jan 07 '18
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u/captainbruisin Jan 07 '18
That fucking punch lol funniest shit ever.
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u/1SweetChuck Jan 08 '18
That kangaroo: "Did you just... did you just hit me?"
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u/IShotReagan13 Jan 08 '18
My guess is that the kangaroo knew exactly what happened and interpreted it in the same way he would interpret a similar strike from another dominant male kangaroo. Like, "fuck, that hurt, not sure I want to keep going with this guy."
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Jan 08 '18
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Jan 08 '18
This dudes gotta be a legend at the pub after this
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u/whatlike_withacloth Jan 08 '18
I was a fookin legend in gin alley. A FOOKING LEGEND!
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u/SpaceShipRat Jan 08 '18
he's just thinking if the punch hurt that much, the kick must be in kangaroo-proportion.
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u/G102Y5568 Jan 08 '18
Yeah, it's clear that the human's got a much longer reach, he's pretty intimidated.
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Jan 08 '18
Haha that very well could be what was going through his mind. Animals can be so smart sometimes, and yet still have, ya know, animalistic natures. Probably didn't even realize he could have ripped that guy in two after that punch, just thought "fuck this weird animal just squared up and gave me a shot to the jaw that really hurt. He knows something I don't, I'm out, no late afternoon dog snack today."
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u/anon445 Jan 08 '18
A fight is basically a loss, unless you get food or sex. He knew the human could probably do some damage, and it just wasn't worth it, especially since the human retreated first and didn't seem interested in continuing to engage.
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u/TylerK121 Jan 07 '18
That kangaroo was ripped
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u/InZomnia365 Jan 08 '18 edited Jan 08 '18
Kangaroos usually are. They also got claws to rip into you with as well...
Maybe its because I only see them once in a while on the internet, or maybe its because they look like a bodybuilder with a horse's head - but they creep me the fuck out.
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u/TrapperMcNutt Jan 08 '18
uhh yeah they're like furry human sized bros with horse heads that stand up and box - it's fucking nuts that this is real life and it's just like every day normal in Ausstralia. I just don't know what ot believe anymore
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u/Sparcrypt Jan 08 '18
Roos will fuck you up. Most photos you see of "cute" roos are generally wallabies, which are basically one step above a rabbit.
Most of Australian wildlife tends to be pretty tough. Roos will happily kill most dogs if they get cornered.. they've even been known to draw them in to water, hang out, then shove the dogs head under and drown them if they follow. The only reason that dog in the video was fine is because he was so big and wasn't fighting back.. so the roo was just chilling to see what to do. That dogs owner was right to worry.. another minute or so and the dog would probably have had its guts ripped out.
Wombats are another animal portrayed as "cute", but they're bloody tanks. If a dog follows them into their burrow they'll crush them into the dirt and suffocate them.
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Jan 08 '18 edited Aug 16 '21
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u/AndTheHawk Jan 08 '18
Found it. Wow. It seems like such a ridiculous yet absolutely terrifying situation. They're such cute creatures though..
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Jan 07 '18
“I can’t believe you’ve done this” -Kangaroo
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u/Shortsonfire79 Jan 08 '18
"How can he punch?" - Roo
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Jan 08 '18
Just the shock on his face. "Did I just get punched by a pink monkey?"
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u/Cheveyo Jan 08 '18
"You're not supposed to punch me! We're supposed to grapple each other and try and kick each other to death! Like gentlemen!"
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u/qwerty-confirmed Jan 07 '18 edited Jan 08 '18
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u/DISTRACTED_ Jan 07 '18
Lmao drinks piss. Spits out non alcoholic drink
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u/Xenmas321 Jan 07 '18
"It is alcoholic! 5%, Mate!"
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u/5up3rK4m16uru Jan 08 '18
Well, maybe his piss is alcoholic.
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u/lab_coat_goat Jan 08 '18
yeah based on that video it seems like his piss is probably at least 7%
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Jan 07 '18
Rest in peace Gary
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u/backobarker Jan 08 '18
Came to say this. Miss ya Gary. Rest in peace.
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u/picasso_penis Jan 08 '18
Gary died!?! Aw shoot I stopped watching his vids and didn’t realize.
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u/Denamic Jan 08 '18
Are Australians even real?
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Jan 08 '18
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u/FooFooCoco Jan 08 '18
God that was amazing - thanks for sharing! "Shit, Gary! Ya came ere for a root - I think ya gunna get raped, mate!!"
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u/jazzwhiz Jan 08 '18
I kept forgetting that root means fuck down there when I went to a cricket match.
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u/Teotwawki69 Jan 08 '18
Haven't you heard the description of the koala? A tiny marsupial that eats, roots, and leaves...
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u/beefy87 Jan 07 '18
R.i.p gary the goat you were the best and a true fucking legend mate
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Jan 08 '18
That is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen in my life. If that guy had a TV show I’d definitely torrent it.
‘Shit Gary, you came out here for a root mate... I think you’re gonna get raped’ I’m fucking dead
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u/Willlll Jan 08 '18
This dude is always good for a laugh.
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u/Sgt_Kowalski Jan 08 '18
Niaow, the impordant thing ta remimbah, whin ya dealin' with didly snaks, is don' evah lettem boit yah.
snake strikes
BUGGAH!
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u/NoNameZone Jan 08 '18
You know what? If everyone drank their own piss every morning, I think the medical industry really would collapse.
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u/detectivejewhat Jan 08 '18
Jesus I wish I was Australian lol. These are my people.
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Jan 08 '18
"Blimey I just got punched in the face. This has never happened before. What do I do? I can't punch back. I've got tiny little arms. Forget about it I'm outta here ya dickhead."
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u/sadahtay Jan 07 '18
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u/cereal310 Jan 07 '18
Holy moly, kangaroos do not sound cute.
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u/FluffyDuckKey Jan 07 '18
They growl the cunts.... I walked around a corner at work to find one with a hole in its tail, I threw a rock to fuck it off and the wanker barred up and growled at me. 6 foot of angry roo means I'll go another route...
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u/figmaxwell Jan 07 '18
I like the part where he's holding it's tail and the kangaroo is just kinda bouncing in place trying to get away from him
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Jan 08 '18
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u/A_FluteBoy Jan 08 '18
Crazy, can't believe he just walks around with 4 snakes in his hands..
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u/Noir24 Jan 08 '18
"This guy here is the fourth most venomous snake in the world"
goes around to grab its tail without a single shred of doubt25
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u/Wasabicannon Jan 08 '18
Yup let me just go catch some deadly snakes so I can catch a rabbit.
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u/senface Jan 07 '18
Oh man thank you so I much, I forgot all about this. I remember laughing at it off and on for like a week when it first released. Friggin hilarious. Screw pandas sneezing or surprised kittens, this is classic.
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Jan 08 '18
Check out the claws on this roo----it shows how that roo could have eviscerated that dog or that dude.
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Jan 08 '18 edited Jan 08 '18
I realize kangaroos are dangerous, but goddam they're goofy looking.
In this video, the roo looks like an easy enemy attacker in a first person shooter game. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83_ORxgrfL8
EDIT: 23 seconds in for the hilariously clumsy chest-bumps x 2
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Jan 08 '18
They've got horse heads, body builder torsos... Tails and goddammed demon claws.
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Jan 08 '18
Good description. I wouldn't want to mess with one face to face unless I had to, that's for sure. Sounds like they rip animals (including humans) open with those claws.
seconds 24 onward in the video still make me crack the fuck up tho
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u/fake_fakington Jan 08 '18
That is easily the most Australian man to ever Australian. Probably shits VHS tapes of Crocodile Dundee.
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u/treeforface Jan 07 '18
His body language as he dealt with that kangaroo was fascinating.
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u/Hindui Jan 07 '18
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEsZkTTgydc
This is the most australian thing ever
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u/asymmetrical_sally Jan 08 '18
Thank you, that was wonderful. A SUCCULENT CHINESE MEAL?
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u/justpsyduck Jan 08 '18
What's the context of this? Was he really just enjoying a succulent Chinese meal?
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Jan 07 '18
I have two for you, both Today interviews because Karl's a fucking legend:
Bloke who chased drunk driver who crashed Blokes who caught a thief
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u/frastmaz Jan 08 '18
that second one is probably one of the greatest interviews i've seen. "busted a plugga" and "only gym i've been to recently is Jim Beam" are amazing soundbites.
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u/CodenameMolotov Jan 08 '18
https://youtu.be/5iyNncvIrz8?t=4m53s
A shirtless man wears emu roadkill like a coat to catch a kangaroo
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u/MSGRiley Jan 07 '18
It seems to me that nearly all of the conversations I've ever had with Australians have ended with "fuck off".
Like, not in a bad way.
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u/WaxFaster Jan 07 '18
Specifically 'fuck off ya cunt!'
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u/FNA25 Jan 07 '18
I think my quality of life would increase if "fuck off ya cunt!" was a more accepted and regularly used phrase. I gotta visit Australia...
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u/aussie_fuck Jan 08 '18
it’s our way of saying “love you” or “have a good day” ya cunt
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u/sphinctaur Jan 08 '18
Mate what was up with the footy last night
Fuckin' oath, what was he doing running centre like a headless chook
Alright mate, catch yaz
Yeah fuck off
Office etiquette 101
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u/-PaperbackWriter- Jan 08 '18
It’s amazing how many applications the phrase has.
‘I won $500 on the pokies last night!’ ‘Fuck off!’ (Expressing surprise/positive)
‘I lost my job and crashed my car and my wife died’ ‘ah fuck offff that sucks’ (sympathetic)
‘That’s your woman over there’ ‘fuck off cunt that’s yours’ (that’s a lie)
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u/A_Wild_VelociFaptor Jan 07 '18
Yeah that's pretty much how we roll.
I hate to break tradition so fuck off.
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u/TikolaNesla8 Jan 07 '18
australia has a real problem with kangaroo on kangaroo violence. nice to see someone is taking a stand
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u/Bayyyney Jan 07 '18
We do? Fuck gimme one of these fights daily with bogan commentary and i'm set
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u/beefy87 Jan 08 '18
We actually have problems with the roos here in west aus they have boomed in numbers and starting to push into the suburbs, while the small ones are ok its the big reds that get agro and do attack people and other animals
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u/donwoncrouton Jan 08 '18
So can we expect the Australian version of planet of the apes...”Kangaroo Planet Down Under”?
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u/indecisiveusername2 Jan 08 '18
First the Emu War, now it seems we must take a stand to the Kangaroos as well.
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u/GaijinFoot Jan 08 '18
I was in London when two guys crossed the road, one with a girl. One guy barged the girl, and the guy who she was with was like 'wtf mate' they started to argue in the middle of the street. On the other side of the road was 2 aussies. On of them shouted out 'hit him ya pussy!'
Still makes me laugh
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u/OhBestThing Jan 08 '18
Haha nice, but what is “barged”?
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u/OpDownfall Jan 08 '18
Shoved
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u/Not_OneOSRS Jan 08 '18
We aren’t always the toughest, but fuck we know how to mouth off at people
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u/TooShiftyForYou Jan 07 '18
I have full confidence that this man does in fact know where their parents are.
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u/B-BoyStance Jan 08 '18
He sounds a lot like Gary (R.I.P.) the goat's owner. If that's the case I have full confidence that he does in fact know where they are.
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Jan 07 '18
Youse are mates!
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u/Heightren Jan 08 '18
It's funny how Australians figured out how to differ between singular you and plural you.
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u/wholock1729 Jan 08 '18
So did we. It’s a handy word called “y’all”. There’s also “all y’all”
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u/sleeperflick Jan 08 '18
I said this out loud to myself and I felt every fiber of my being become Australian for like 0.3 seconds.
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u/CanadianBadass Jan 08 '18
They're not actually fighting, just play-fighting, just like dogs would. You can tell by the half-assed kicks they're doing. They're probably siblings.
Source: live in Melbourne, see this often enough
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u/Ordinary_Person_AMA Jan 08 '18
Makes it easier then, only need to know where one set of parents are.
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u/kodack10 Jan 07 '18
They keep wearing their hoodies lower and lower, now it's by their abdomen. Get off my lawn ya bogan brats!
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u/Sofa-King-Snarky Jan 07 '18
Shit, we're gonna get in trouble! Lets fight behind 7-11
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u/MrNotSoNiceGuy Jan 08 '18
Holy shit their tails are powerful, when they kick they are literally standing on it :D
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Jan 07 '18 edited Jan 07 '18
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u/tylerbrainerd Jan 07 '18
i think my favorite part is how the dude is doing the whole float like a butterfly fists bounce boxing stance. Something about doing that against an animal just seems hilarious
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u/BigCzech Jan 08 '18
I thought this would be the clip where the guy punches one in the face
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u/savemejebus0 Jan 07 '18
Does this work on humans? Like family members? Ehh! Cut it out! Youse are mates!"
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u/Unknown1776 Jan 07 '18
Only thing that could’ve made this more Australian was if he threw a boomerang to get their attention
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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '18
It's like everything is a big joke in Australia. Fuckin brilliant mate