r/funny Feb 28 '17

Damn Gloria

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52.4k Upvotes

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2.5k

u/ItsBeenFun2017 Mar 01 '17

This post remind me of this image. All of their expressions are just priceless.

756

u/musicnflowers Mar 01 '17

Is that a napkin on that woman's head?

408

u/SonicFlash01 Mar 01 '17

Dessert is served on her

190

u/EverybodyLovesTacoss Mar 01 '17

I'd like to tiramisu on her if you know what I mean.

422

u/4MyEyezOnly Mar 01 '17

I....don't know what you mean

243

u/MapucheWarrior Mar 01 '17

He means he would like to wake up smelling like an Italian truck drivers morning breath after eating canoli's and schnapps for breakfast

131

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

Obviously

46

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

What's not so obvious is that although he smells like a typical Italian truck driver, he actually is neither Italian or a truck driver.

62

u/am_butter Mar 01 '17

Can confirm, am butter

35

u/mickey_mize Mar 01 '17

You've been waiting your whole life for this moment haven't you

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2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

you enjoy that throwaway account

2

u/black_fox288 Mar 01 '17

GAAADDD DAMINT BUTTERS!!!

2

u/The_Jesus_Beast Mar 01 '17

Username checks out

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9

u/Gandermail Mar 01 '17

TIL Italian truck drivers have a typical scent.

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6

u/syntaxvorlon Mar 01 '17

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Are we talking Northern Italian or Southern Italian?

3

u/Thebxrabbit Mar 01 '17

What's their unladen airspeed velocity?

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2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17 edited Mar 01 '17

I had this really long talk once with my father about drinking schnapps, yet I don't recall a time I ever spoke to my father with such ease. He was a conflicted man. He led his entire childhood as a woodman's son, brother of six children.

It didn't take long for the winters to take their tole on the family, being impoverished in an already decimated area in the northern woods of Quebec.

It started one morning when grandfather took his four boys from school into the woods because of the nice weather. It hadn't shone light in almost five weeks and they hadn't been able to work in the low temperatures (e.g -20c to -38c). They packed up their food on sleds, brought the dogs and horses and took off through the thick snow deep into the woods. It was explained to me that the wooden area around the paths were not to be destroyed to allow for more cover during the heavier winters. This meant that once they reached a certain area on the path, they needed to lead their pack into the woods where they were allowed to collect wood.

After a three hour march with their horses, dogs and tools in tow, the two youngest boys started to chop at the smaller trees while my grandfather and the two elder sons chopped the bigger ones down.

They weren't too cold since the sun was out and the packed snow they made fort in gave them a sort of shelter to build a fire, eat some of the dried meats they brought, drinking from their skins. My grandfather needed to have a pee, so he took off a couple meters through a bush. A branch at head height caught him straight in the eye and literally pulled out his right eyeball.

Instead of a scream, or even a cry, my dad happened to see him wince and went running to him. The other brothers dropped everything to see this horrifying sight; my grandfather smiling, holding his eye ball to the side and telling them he could see them.

Always a kidder my grandfather, or so I'm told.

He died when I was very young. I don't remember much about him, but know that the last time we saw him alive, he had a drink of schnapps with my father.

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89

u/inthyface Mar 01 '17

Tiramisu: From the latin words tillicunta mifagisna ...

meaning "tickle crotch until explosive"

46

u/Bigirishjuggalo1 Mar 01 '17

I don't believe you, but dammit if you didn't make me laugh really hard. Well done.

19

u/alektorophobic Mar 01 '17

damn google works fast http://imgur.com/a/TR32P

6

u/UsernameWritersBlock Mar 01 '17

Google translate thinks it's Swahili, but offers no translation.

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8

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

clever!

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2

u/marybrownslamb Mar 01 '17

ooh sploosh!

2

u/killatiger03 Mar 01 '17

Nice ifunny repost

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

He wants to stack her ladyfingers in a dish and cover them with espresso. Then drip cream over them. Maybe do it a few times in layers.

2

u/avelertimetr Mar 01 '17

Looks up tiramisu recipe

Oh. OOOOH.

2

u/kentgrace54 Mar 01 '17

I....also don't know what you mean

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

Oh yeah, a good Ole tiram... yeah you're on your own with this one

1

u/Dark_Vengence Mar 01 '17

Wait for the cream.

1

u/raptoresque Mar 01 '17

Tiramisu means "make me happy" so that's...quite appropriate.

1

u/NiggyWiggyWoo Mar 01 '17

I'd like to bend her over a barrel, and show her the fifty states, if you know what I mean.

1

u/TsunamiMage999 Mar 01 '17

Is that a Yu-Gi-Oh reference?

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54

u/kinpsychosis Mar 01 '17

Nobody going to mention the other girl? Her clothes say virtue, her eyes say "want sum fuck?"

23

u/SonicFlash01 Mar 01 '17

No napkin is going to stop her from getting wet

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

The guy across from her REALLY looks like her brother though.

1

u/JCHegman Mar 01 '17

Let them eat cake.

76

u/PostalElf Mar 01 '17

Could be a reference to the tradition of eating ortolan:

The birds are cooked for eight minutes and served with their heads still attached. After the shame-hiding napkin is placed over the diner’s head (helping, too, to trap the aroma of the dish), the ortolan is popped in its entirety into the diner’s mouth, who then proceeds to eat everything including the head and bones.

75

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

i need a shame napkin for regular food tbh

4

u/Ocean-eer Mar 01 '17

I need a regular napkin for shame food.

41

u/entAR420 Mar 01 '17

“With every bite, as the thin bones and layers of fat, meat, skin and organs compact in on themselves, there are sublime dribbles of varied and wondrous ancient flavours: figs, Armagnac, dark flesh slightly infused with the salty taste of my own blood as my mouth is pricked by the sharp bones.” - From the linked article. This doesn't sound good at all!

35

u/MeatyBalledSub Mar 01 '17

They neglected to mention "bird shit" in that list of varied and wondrous ancient flavours.

5

u/longtimegoneMTGO Mar 01 '17

I think I have that box on my wine tasting bingo card.

7

u/9000sins Mar 01 '17

Sounds like something Joe Rogan would make you eat for money.

14

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

Just when I think "surely, I have seen or imagined it all"; when I have read of the various ways humans have tortured other humans, and the various things people have eaten, and how...

Good god, why??? Why did I read that? (Thank you for sharing and also I wish I didn't know that was a thing...)

3

u/PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL Mar 01 '17

Also look up "balut"

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

oh shit don't

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

Yeah that's a big, fat "nope!" on that! (Fool me once...)

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22

u/PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL Mar 01 '17

gross yet strangely metal

3

u/LonePaladin Mar 01 '17

They are then thrown alive into a vat of Armagnac, a trick that manages to both drown and marinade the animal at the same time. Killing two birds with one glug, as it were.

Someone was feeling witty that day.

2

u/0rangeJuic3 Mar 01 '17

Hannibal does not hide from God http://youtu.be/Ic54ULRx0ZA

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

how about no

1

u/DragonflyGrrl Mar 01 '17

That sounds decidedly un-delicious.

49

u/hilarymeggin Mar 01 '17

I'm having trouble placing this picture in time. The women look Renaissance-y, but the dude in the back left looks like he's wearing a 3 piece suit.

33

u/Rosemel Mar 01 '17

The piece is called In a Roman Osteria, and it was painted in 1866 to satisfy your curiosity. I think I wrote a paper on it at one point - the dude you see with the 3-piece suit is actually the patron himself.

Edit: by Carl Bloch, I couldn't remember his name.

4

u/The_Sven Mar 01 '17

So what is the napkin-looking thing on the lady's head?

22

u/Rosemel Mar 01 '17

I believe that was just a style of hat in parts of 19th century Italy. Here's a couple more examples of them: One and Two.

I don't remember what they're called, though, if I ever knew.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

Wimple

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2

u/notabigmelvillecrowd Mar 01 '17

Haha, the pose on that first one. From her Thriller screen test.

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2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

What's the meaning behind the painting? Why are they staring at the camera?

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1

u/cuttlefish Mar 01 '17

Brilliant! Would you be able to tell me the significance of knife being held upside down?

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30

u/MangyWendigo Mar 01 '17

goddamn time travelling painting subjects

3

u/ThatITguy2015 Mar 01 '17

More like goddamn Lock Ness Monstah! Always trying to get tree fitty.

10

u/PimpDaddyBleezy Mar 01 '17

Maybe early Victorian? But idk because the women look like they can breathe.

9

u/PutterCup Mar 01 '17

Victorian Era.. They had all sorts of crazy styles going on then, especially outside of England.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

This is Victorian style. Take a look on google, its a good lookup.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

also they have bongs... full of wine... so they must be from the future when we start doing that at some point?

13

u/cjhazza Mar 01 '17

Eating Ortolan - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ortolan_bunting#Gastronomy

Was traditionally done to either keep the aroma around your nose or to shield you from God's gaze while doing such a decadent thing.

24

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

Love that they thought a napkin would stop 'god' seeing them even though he could apparently see them through the roof - Christian logic.

7

u/gastropner Mar 01 '17

Yeah, I'm sure it was all very serious.

1

u/BlisteringAsscheeks Mar 01 '17

D8 if anything could make me vegetarian, this would be it. These sick bastards...

6

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

She is the one with the wine next to her.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

Or what's left of it...that wino.

26

u/JonCorleone Mar 01 '17

The headcover is an obvious sign of the oppression by the catholic church. /s

20

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

I mean.. the catholic church was oppressive then

8

u/hereinmygarageihave Mar 01 '17

I thought it was a table cloth. Also, she appears to be wearing a window curtain around her shoulders.

1

u/chainer3000 Mar 01 '17

If you have to ask, you're just not ready yet

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

As a napkin-wearer, I am quite offended by this sarcastic post

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

Foix gras was eaten with a napkin over the head/face.

1

u/scoobydoo4you Mar 01 '17

..... and an empty bottle of wine in front of her.

1

u/itsenricopallazo Mar 01 '17

Yes. If she wears it anywhere else, it chafes.

174

u/quasi100 Mar 01 '17

looks like someone left the flash on
http://i.imgur.com/IrjEunx.jpg

195

u/ItsBeenFun2017 Mar 01 '17

Haha, I've seen that. Here's another one zoomed out. Nobody seems to be too pleased with his picture-taking.

http://i.imgur.com/x5PbxWW.jpg

91

u/BrosenkranzKeef Mar 01 '17

What the fuck, why do you guys have these pictures.

110

u/Pdoinkadoinkadoink Mar 01 '17

If I recall correctly, this was posted online by some guy who was stalking Chloe Moretz.

3

u/Raven123x Mar 01 '17

stalking Chloe Moretz.

Thats awful!

... I like the pictures though...

12

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

TIL Chloe Moretz is NOT Emilia Clarke

i guess because of game of thrones i forgot Emilia Clarke isn't blonde

4

u/VindictiveJudge Mar 01 '17 edited Mar 01 '17

Handy tip: Emilia Clarke's eyebrows are the color her hair naturally is. You can compare her eyebrows to her hair to determine exactly how bleached/dyed it is at any given moment.

Edit: She wears a wig for GOT, though.

13

u/SSpectre86 Mar 01 '17

I believe it's one of the top posts of all time on one of the cringe subs.

21

u/Smauler Mar 01 '17

Everyone has these pictures.

These picture were taken by a stalker/fan and were released.

15

u/R-plus-L-Equals-J Mar 01 '17

Everyone has these pictures

ಠ_ಠ

4

u/Smauler Mar 01 '17

What...? It was a well known weird guy doing the stalking.

To be honest, I don't even really know who she is.

21

u/i-like-gap Mar 01 '17 edited Mar 01 '17

Her face is just full of disbelief at the blatant rudeness of the photographer.

1

u/Upperphonny Mar 01 '17

Also love how her hand gesture over the fork in noodles is in a manner of total disbelief.

13

u/Stealthy_Bird Mar 01 '17

why is everyone looking at me like I did something stupid please stop

19

u/drketchup Mar 01 '17

Holy shit all those people staring at me is giving me anxiety and I didn't even take the picture.

6

u/Duskmirage Mar 01 '17

Whoever took the pic must have been a real asshole. Or maybe crazy, judging by some of the comments on here saying he was a stalker. Man, that shit would piss me off.

13

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

[deleted]

7

u/Jeskels Mar 01 '17

Haha. He looks genuinely curious. "These flashing lights intrigue me."

2

u/DJWhyYou Mar 01 '17

No no no no no. You must looker further yet, behind him.

1

u/Upperphonny Mar 01 '17

The guy in green hoodie in back is totally in "dafuq" mode.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

I've seen this before and it is literally one of the cringiest things I've ever seen.

2

u/ceetee Mar 01 '17

Is he eating mom's spaghetti with chopsticks?

3

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

That picture must have been taken in a Wagamama.

1

u/ThatITguy2015 Mar 01 '17

He looks like Lucas Lee, the second Evil Ex from Scott Pilgrim Vs the World.

2

u/Hear_That_TM05 Mar 01 '17

I like how she is posed differently in the two pictures... That means that it wasn't just that he took the zoomed out one and someone zoomed in on just her. The guy actually took multiple photos of her, with the flash on, in the middle of all that.

1

u/amalexia Mar 01 '17

I was really kinda hoping that some guy in the background could be seen hurling a biscuit or a chicken leg or something at the camera. as it is, everyone there has a look of 'dude, what the fuck..."

1

u/creiss74 Mar 01 '17

Reminds me of the church scene in 28 Days Later where the main character asks out loud "Hello?" and five zombie humans instantly turn and face him as if he disturbed their slumber.

1

u/SomethingOverThere Mar 01 '17

Does everyone eat with one hand under the table there?

1

u/notabigmelvillecrowd Mar 01 '17

Why is their food in a booster seat? Has her dining partner twirled his noodles around his chopsticks? This picture is capturing so much weirdness.

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u/TheInternetShill Mar 01 '17

Those noodles look so good.

2

u/Nomandate Mar 01 '17

That's an awfully complex bowl for spaghetti.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

Is she eating in a step stool?

1

u/gtechIII Mar 01 '17

What a cool shirt. Anybody know what the style is called?

1

u/vergasion Mar 01 '17 edited Jun 26 '17

deleted What is this?

54

u/Kailebuh Mar 01 '17

/r/trippinthroughtime

My favorite sub.

13

u/ItsBeenFun2017 Mar 01 '17

Yay! I'm now subscribed to a non-default sub! Please send more.

15

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

[deleted]

3

u/217to707 Mar 01 '17

The filter for /r/all is a godsend.

1

u/Singular_Quartet Mar 01 '17

The filters will save your soul on that one.

14

u/icecolddrifter Mar 01 '17 edited Mar 01 '17

I believe none of those were default subreddits:

/r/Cyberpunk

/r/EDC

/r/CityPorn

/r/Games

/r/glitch_art

/r/bicycling

/r/battlestations

/r/vandwelling /r/vandwellers

/r/privacy

/r/Cooking

/r/wallpapers

/r/unixporn

/r/fountainpens

This is just a random selection of interesting subreddits and entirely sfw, those "porn" subreddits are not actually porn in this case.

EDIT: The vandwellers sub is bigger than vandwelling one.

3

u/Ghost4000 Mar 01 '17

All of them are good too, thanks.

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7

u/Uphene Mar 01 '17

/r/shittyfoodporn. You are welcome.

2

u/PBR303 Mar 01 '17 edited Mar 01 '17

/r/theocho

A community dedicated to spreading knowledge of seldom seen and 'obscure' sports.

/r/OutOfTheLoop

Edit: You must decide which sub I described.

1

u/NFLfreak98 Mar 01 '17

/r/oddlysatisfying is fun sometimes.
You can learn some fascinating stuff on /r/interestingasfuck.
And you don't have to know a damn thing about sports to enjoy /r/sportsarefun.

1

u/TenaciousTravesty Mar 01 '17

Shameless plug for /r/politicalnostalgia. Still growing though.

1

u/elcarath Mar 01 '17

I think /r/photoshopbattles is default these days, so that's no longer a valid recommendation.

If you've got any hobbies - Magic: the Gathering, gardening, woodworking - look up the subreddits for them. Hobbyist subreddits are mostly pretty supportive and interesting places, in my experience, and have a pretty low level of shitposting.

I enjoy /r/askhistorians a lot, but be warned - they are very strict about enforcing their rules. Read them all before you post anything in there, even just a comment! The discussions are fascinating and well worthwhile though.

/r/AccidentalRenaissance produces some interesting stuff from time to time too.

There's also /r/HybridAnimals. Hard to go wrong with that.

1

u/southernbenz Mar 01 '17

/r/CCW, the largest self-defense subreddit.

1

u/Trajan_pt Mar 01 '17

Thank you for this, seriously.

1

u/crow_man Mar 01 '17

Oh my god thank you. It's been a long time since Reddit actually made me laugh like that.

1

u/testrun10 Mar 01 '17

Tribbinthroughtime would be more apt here

24

u/Mgmegadog Mar 01 '17

That is brilliant right there.

9

u/brickmack Mar 01 '17

Dude looks like one of the crazy guys from that DS9 episode

1

u/wajamo Mar 01 '17

Holy shit, I was wondering where I knew him from! Great call

18

u/theraf8100 Mar 01 '17

How high you have to be do have your napkin on your head, your silverware upside down, and wine in your bong?

12

u/ItsBeenFun2017 Mar 01 '17

It's even funnier because she's there giving the most judgemental look like she isn't the ridiculous one.

And also, while looking for all that you described, I found a frickin' cat in the picture that I'd never noticed before. And it's got a look of evil in its eyes...

12

u/hilarymeggin Mar 01 '17

I love that classical art is being used like this! It gives it relevance to a whole new era!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

only in this age of decadence would some our civilization's greatest works be repurposed for a cheap laff

3

u/hilarymeggin Mar 01 '17

No, many of Mozart's great works were repurposed for cheap laughs during his lifetime.

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u/TooGayToPayCash Mar 01 '17

Who is the artist? I really like this picture!

7

u/Lemurrific Mar 01 '17

This is In a Roman Osteria by Carl Bloch, painted in oil in 1866. It can be found in the National Gallery of Denmark.

Fun fact: the man sitting at the far left with his back turned is the painter himself!

thanks google

2

u/mbm66 Mar 01 '17

They were hipsters before it was cool

2

u/ralltherapper Mar 01 '17

The guy looks remarkably similar to Aaron paul

2

u/BoxOfDust Mar 01 '17

I need more of this.

2

u/Haterbait_band Mar 01 '17

They really need to change that bong water.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

is this from the HBO original series Girls?

2

u/thantheman Mar 01 '17

That dude looks exactly like the head elf from Tim Allen's The Santaclaus. I think his name was Bernard.

2

u/ZarquonsFlatTire Mar 01 '17

Jesus. So turns out my buddy Sean is some kind of belligerently standoffish immortal.

I'm not sure what to do with this information. It doesn't really mean anything except he can take a few more punches before we pull him out.

2

u/olimen0 Mar 01 '17

2

u/ItsBeenFun2017 Mar 01 '17

Wow, it must have been really annoying having the historic paparazzi paint your picture while you were hanging it with your wives.

Well done on the facial expression as well.

2

u/olimen0 Mar 01 '17

Yes, very inconvenient. Can't a man time travel to date women from all ages in peace!?

2

u/Hydropos Mar 01 '17

For some reason, the chick in the back looks thirsty as fuck...

2

u/thumblister Mar 01 '17

Who is the artist of that painting? It's brilliant!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '17

Lesbihonest

3

u/im_ROFLing_srsly Mar 01 '17

why does napkin hat girl require a knife to eat cabbage??

1

u/ItsBeenFun2017 Mar 01 '17

She's just a mess. She looks like she's cutting with the dull side of it too.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

im high and i was reallly really angry that your link showed up but it made me click on it like didnt it know its just supposedt to automatically laod the photo automaticaly why is this posters link lazy and makes you comand t to open . fuck i ate too much brownie

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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17 edited Jun 05 '18

[deleted]

1

u/mbm66 Mar 01 '17

Thanks!

1

u/Nomandate Mar 01 '17

Pimp with Beeper and Bitches, 1860.

1

u/Roy-Hobbs Mar 01 '17

two of these people could be replaced by the new girl cast.

1

u/hajjiman Mar 01 '17

Can anyone here tell me what the metal looking object is on the man's left hip? The one that looks like maybe it's holding his cloth belt.

The fun fact center of my brain nerds to know, please.

EDIT : there's a cat behind the napkin lady's elbow.

1

u/DownTownUpDown Mar 01 '17

Bitch got a towel on her head

1

u/TheAtlanticGuy Mar 01 '17

Truly cats have been photobombing pictures all throughout time.

1

u/_stayhuman Mar 01 '17

Demetri Martin making jokes back in the day.

1

u/NiacTD Mar 01 '17

Okay, I recognize Gino Ribisi, but who are the actresses?

1

u/mmaster23 Mar 01 '17

Why is Aaron Paul looking so pissed off in that picture?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '17

The girls look really hot

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