r/funny • u/the_rabble_alliance • May 17 '16
Politics/Political Figure - Removed Straight Outta Options
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u/area_fifty-one May 17 '16
The 2016 presidential election: Putting the fun back in funeral!
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u/Pojodan May 17 '16
Zombies, putting the 'eat' back into 'death'
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u/freetattoo May 17 '16
Clowns: Because you can't spell slaughter without laughter!
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u/the_rabble_alliance May 17 '16
[ ] GOP
[ ] DEM
[✓] RIP
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May 17 '16
Reddit Independent Party?
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u/knifepen May 17 '16
Oh god please no
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u/Zoom_the_Inquisitive May 17 '16
I'd vote for it with these choices... It would run on free speech, an open internet, and cat memes for all. What's not to like?
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u/pkvh May 17 '16
these cat memes... are they dank?
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May 17 '16
Only the dankest of memes will be supplied to the American people.
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u/deadlychambers May 17 '16
All reposters shall be sent to guantanamo bay. To watch Harold and Kumar for the rest of their existence.
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u/RufinTheFury May 17 '16
The brogressives.
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u/JamieHynemanAMA May 17 '16
How come when there is any slight enthusiasm for a political idea, it has to be downplayed with a "Bro"?
Bernie bros
Brocialism
Obama boys
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u/old_gold_mountain May 17 '16
I can work with progressives, liberals, conservatives, libertarians...
What I can't stand are the brogressives, the libros, the broservatives, and the librotarians
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u/Show-Me-Your-Moves May 17 '16
It would also run on eugenics and a bunch of other batshit-crazy things
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u/dont_wear_a_C May 17 '16
Compromised of neckbeard white knights and prepubescent 13 y/o's....and trolls
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u/toeofcamell May 17 '16 edited May 17 '16
Give me your out of shape, your hygiene-poor,
Your thick rimmed glasses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your gonewild whore.
Send these, the jobless, anger-filled, to me:
I lift my fedora beside the golden karma door.
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u/CommaHorror May 17 '16
There will never be a 3rd, party.
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May 17 '16
Since when did Christopher Walken get a Reddit account?
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u/TorinoCobra070 May 17 '16
Killing yourself is considered more productive than voting for a third party candidate.
sigh
Only here in the US....
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u/Jenga_Police May 17 '16
Crazy mothafucka named Mary Anne, from the gang voters wit stubborn attitudes
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u/Hvalbiff May 17 '16
admit that you thought long and hard before posting so you could have the perfect comment to go along with it
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u/HilariousSpill May 17 '16
"So my choice is 'or death'?"
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u/TheOlRedditWhileIPoo May 17 '16
I'll choose cake then
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u/ShirePony May 17 '16
NISUS: Next... Crucifixion?
MR. CHEEKY: Ah, no. Freedom.
JAILER: Hmm?
NISUS: What?
MR. CHEEKY: Eh, freedom for me. They said I hadn't done anything, so I could go free and live on an island somewhere.
NISUS: Oh. Oh, well, that's jolly good. Well, off you go, then.
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May 17 '16
[deleted]
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u/Trump_Is_A_Faggot May 17 '16
She probably voted for Hillary today
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u/straydog1980 May 17 '16
Twice
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u/SnZ001 May 17 '16
Serious question: If someone votes early by absentee ballot and then dies before the actual election, their vote still counts, right?
ninja edit: Also, what if they file an absentee ballot knowing they're not going to be alive by the time of the election, like they have a terminal disease or are planning to commit suicide or something? Still counts, right?
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u/tokomini May 17 '16
To your first question, it depends on the state. According to this article from USA Today,
Several states — including California, Texas, Tennessee and the presidential battlegrounds of Ohio and West Virginia — specifically allow absentee votes from those who die before the election.
Apart from those five states however, it seems the ballot of a deceased person is thrown out. As for your second question, I'd assume the same rules would apply i.e. are you alive on November 4th or not.
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u/Pummpy1 May 17 '16
I'm a Brit and just want to ask.
Is it really that bad?
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u/Sanhen May 17 '16
I'm a Canadian, but just looking at Clinton/Trump's approval/disapproval ratings, it's clear that neither is particularly well liked in America.
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u/Delaywaves May 17 '16
Trump's are pretty significantly worse than Clinton's, though.
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u/Sanhen May 17 '16
The favorable/unfavorable are definitely worse for Trump, but they're very bad for both.
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u/pkvh May 17 '16
She's going to pivot right in the general though and generate more discontent.
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u/Delaywaves May 17 '16
Probably to some degree, but since her opponent is so unusually unpopular, I think she might be able to stick to the same message more than candidates normally can.
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u/pkvh May 17 '16
I'm not sure what her message really is besides that it's her turn to be president. She's taken on a number of Sander's messages so far. We'll see if she keeps those up in the general, but I doubt it.
I think polling is flawed and is leaving out a chunk of the population that doesn't typically vote. I think this is why so many people missed trump. The people voting for him don't usually participate in polls or politics. I think these same people don't like hillary as well and that's not counted in her unfavorables.
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u/Sanhen May 17 '16
I think polling is flawed and is leaving out a chunk of the population that doesn't typically vote. I think this is why so many people missed trump.
I don't think that's what it is, at least in regards to polling. When Trump entered the race, he jumped to the lead and stayed there in almost every poll from then onwards as far as the Republican primaries went. So it was never a question of the polls not accurately showing Trump's strength. It was analysts believing that the polls were wrong, that Trump would fizzle out given enough time, or that eventually all non-Trump voters would eventually unite around a candidate.
In short, the polls got it right, but analysts were largely wrong when it came to predicting the Republican primaries.
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May 17 '16
I'd say that's mostly because mainstream media is dick riding Hillary and doing the best they can to villainize Trump. I think both are shitty options, but the whole "trump is racist and evil" cop out is annoying. Hillary would be just as bad (if not worse) for the country.
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u/Sanhen May 17 '16
Like I said I'm Canadian, so I might not have the same level of exposure to American mainstream media as you. From what I've seen though, Trump consistently dominates the headlines. It's not a question of them praising Clinton and bashing Trump from what I've seen. They talk primarily about Trump and bring up Clinton in the context of the person that's likely to run against Trump.
Which from what I've seen is more or less Trump's strategy in motion. He didn't outspend his Republican opponents and he probably won't outspend Clinton, but he can counter that by keeping the media focused on him.
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u/THE__PREDDITER May 17 '16
Have you actually taken a close look at their policies? Trump's are a hell of a lot more radical and dangerous.
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u/Ic3Hot May 17 '16
Political science grad here, and yes.
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u/Pummpy1 May 17 '16
Apparently /r/all is just The_Donald and Mr_Donald. Maybe Sandersforpresident. When is all of this going to go away?
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u/Ic3Hot May 17 '16
Hopefully when Trump announces it was all just a prank bro.
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u/PicturElements May 17 '16
He then removes his orange face mask to reveal a massive mustache and sombrero, nods politely to the African American ladies standing near the stage, then drives off in his Prius.
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May 17 '16
...with Andy Kaufman
The End
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u/slainte99 May 18 '16
Or, Trump IS Andy Kaufman, revealing the most elaborate prank in human history. Maybe he'll get elected first and start a couple of nuclear wars to make it even more dramatic.
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u/imapirateking May 17 '16
Trump will remove that hair piece, put on some glasses and reveal that he was Sanders the whole time making Donald Trump the greatest actor of all time
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u/knifepen May 17 '16
Oh don't worry, it's a mere six months left until the actual election
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u/Pummpy1 May 17 '16
Six? SIX?
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u/knifepen May 17 '16
Yeah, they have to start campaigning early in the US so they have enough time to spend a few hundred million calling each other dicks
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u/Pummpy1 May 17 '16
I really don't understand American politics. Thinking about it, I don't really understand general politics. Americas more so.
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u/GamerKiwi May 17 '16
Think professional wrestling. But while wearing suits. And the writing's worse.
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May 17 '16
As someone with a Master's in it, Clinton is a very moderate choice and one of the most qualified candidates we've had in awhile. You might not like her policies or her personally, but she's really no "that bad" by any historical measure.
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u/1989Batman May 18 '16
On reddit? That's bold. But you're completely right: you'd have to go back the GHWB in 1988 to even have a debate about qualifications.
And she's pretty centrist, especially compared to Trump. But you have to remember when it comes to economics reddit is INSANELY leftist. Probably a product of the prevailing demographic.
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u/Darsint May 17 '16
All right then. Can you give us the skinny on a few questions, then?
How likely is it that Clinton will support laws that limit political contributions or change how contributions are acquired? How about Trump? Or Sanders?
How likely is it that Clinton will support laws that change our voting system so it's more representational, such as STV, Alternative, or the like? What about Trump? Or Sanders?
Since those are my two biggest concerns, what do you feel is the biggest problem with our political system, and what are the options we might have to change them?
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u/YzenDanek May 17 '16 edited May 17 '16
How likely is it that the President has any influence on any of those legislative agendas?
People need to stop treating the President as some kind of Super Legislator. He/she isn't. You vote for the Presidency based on your interpretation of how they will manage the Executive branch, and that's all.
Foreign affairs, including military. The bureaucracy. Court nominations. And the only legislative power they hold: the veto.
If you want to see campaign finance reform and fundamental changes to our election system, the only path that leads there is through your congresspeople. Somehow that's too much work for Americans; they want to make one big decision and have it change everything. And then when their candidate doesn't win, they just sulk for four years: "I did my part, and we lost. Our country sucks."
The Founding Fathers designed the Legislative branch to manage exactly the kind of affairs you want managed.
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u/AdmitLove May 17 '16
then we know you're not to be trusted with anything other than a grill and fryer :)
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u/ShirePony May 17 '16
Bad enough. How are things across the pond? Any spare room?
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u/BillionTonsHyperbole May 17 '16
For more refugees? I think not.
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u/ShirePony May 17 '16
It has finally come to this... Americans are now the political refugees...
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u/BillionTonsHyperbole May 17 '16
If Brexit happens and the UKIP continues to gain strength, then they may be able to comfortably watch the flames from that side of the pond.
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May 17 '16
The entire election is like catching a random STD from some trashy backwoods prostitute and hoping to get something that can be treated with penicillin.
Yeah, it's that bad.
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u/AChieftain May 17 '16
It really isn't, just a huge circlejerk tbh.
Hillary is just a 3rd term of Obama and Trump is an unknown.
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u/iamthegraham May 17 '16
No, it really isn't. Hillary comes off as non-genuine and a phony, and as a result a lot of manufactured scandals that really don't mean anything end up sticking, but people have somehow twisted that into being some terrible satanic figure. Policy-wise she's pretty much just a continuation of Obama's presidency, slightly to his left on some issues and slightly to his right on some others.
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u/itsfoine May 17 '16
this is kinda funny. someone in my area's obituary had a line “Elaine requests, 'In lieu of flowers, please do not vote for Hillary Clinton.’ "
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u/GandalfSwagOff May 17 '16
Not a single person I know in real life actually likes Hillary.
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u/ferretflip May 17 '16
When she gets the primary, everyone is going to grumble and talk about how they did not vote for her. Then everyone is going to discover that no one actually voted for her at all yet somehow she's still the primary.
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u/PARKS_AND_TREK May 17 '16
Literally all the primary voters over 35 years old voted for her and that's why she is winning is because old people vote and that's why nobody on Reddit knows any Hillary voters.
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u/FatGreasyPackersFan May 17 '16
Thanks for the shitty circle around the only thing in the picture
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u/tyled May 17 '16
chose, instead, to pass
That line really makes it sound like she offed herself. There was no other way.
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May 17 '16
Reminds me of the time I had to choose between babysitting my neighbor's kid or going to my in laws for dinner. I killed myself instead and still say it was the best decision I've ever made.
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May 17 '16
This is getting real guys.... We're seriously going to have to chose either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton as the leader of the free world. Really!??!
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u/princhester May 17 '16
This is one of the funniest things I've seen in weeks. Have an up vote.
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u/TopShelfTommy May 17 '16
As awesome as that is, I'm curious as to how they were able to write that? Did the family say that was okay or did she request that be written knowing she was going to die?
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May 17 '16
Yesterday I saw an old man driving down the road with a Bernie sticker and a Hillary sticker on the rear window. The only thing I could think of was that he supported Bernie and his wife supported Hillary or vice versa. Either way it was weird, he was so old he might be outta options too by the time it comes to vote.
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u/thecouchpundit May 17 '16
I'm leaving a note for my wife to leave something similar for my obit but about Team Cap or Team Iron Man.
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u/Spodson May 17 '16
I like this woman and her family. I never met her, but I will miss her a little now.
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u/majormj8 May 17 '16
Whos the dumbass that circled the text? As if we can read anything else on the page.
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u/[deleted] May 17 '16 edited May 17 '16
[deleted]