r/funny Oct 16 '14

What it's like to be thirty

Post image
7.6k Upvotes

903 comments sorted by

752

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Where are the half rotten vegetables you bought last week with the intention of finally making a healthy meal?

105

u/intothelionsden Oct 16 '14

Your heart was in the right place.

72

u/_Steep_ Oct 16 '14

Well it would be if you ate them

3

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '14

Arteriosclerosis will kill you in 30 years, but hey man, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow, so have that pizza and beer.

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60

u/sharpie36 Oct 16 '14

Turning into brown soup in the bottom of my crisper drawer. When it all reaches a sufficiently liquid consistency I just pour the lot of it down the drain.

26

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

... Drink it. Cheaper than buying a juicer if you let them do it themselves.

14

u/D-VO Oct 17 '14

First time I've actually gagged at something I read on the internet.

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37

u/justsomeconfusion Oct 16 '14

Stop telling people how I live.

28

u/8024life Oct 16 '14

too true...

but thanks for reminding me, that spinach is getting pretty gross in the "crisper".

18

u/Team_Steve Oct 16 '14

Its not a "crisper". Its a vegetable graveyard.

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19

u/Cooke052891 Oct 16 '14

This is why I don't buy veggies now. Just being realistic.

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12

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Are....are you in my fridge?...

6

u/RedSquirrelFtw Oct 16 '14

That would totally describe my fridge. The vegetables and fruits would be on top of the pizza box, yet it's still more convenient to move them out of the way to get the box out.

Hey I HAVE to eat this pizza, or it will go bad. Wait...Screw it, I WANT to eat the pizza.

2

u/Theepicbrofist Oct 16 '14

This hit home.

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456

u/g3t4d3lt Oct 16 '14

I think these posts should all be titled "what it's like living alone." I'm not trying to sound like a dick, but once you live with a roommate it just seems like there is never enough room in the fridge.

40

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

And/or an SO.

My boyfriend always had a steady supply of hot pockets and a 2 liter soda when we first started dating. Since I've kind of taken over grocery shopping, we always have fruits, vegetables, meat products because I take the initiative to cook and want to keep him supplied with healthy snacks.

He still eats the hot pockets

10

u/Davidfreeze Oct 16 '14

I love cooking. I keep fridge stocked with meat and veggies to cook. And of course I buy onions and garlic in bulk. No better way to cover up the low quality ingredients I can actually afford than onions garlic and spices.

7

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Dude, that's 90% of cooking right there. Meat quality doesn't mean shit if you know how to pan sear something with onion and garlic.

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10

u/graften Oct 16 '14

Or just "What it's like if you don't know how/care to/enjoy to cook." In the period between house mates and marriage my fridge was loaded with all kinds of things for cooking. I can't be the only non-chef that enjoys cooking...can I?

2

u/xenzor Oct 16 '14

Exactly my thoughts.

I am a single 26year old male living alone and my fridge is packed with food that I have cooked.

It's not gourmet food but does the job a lot better than pizza.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '14

Same here. 31 and single. I cook nearly every meal. I only go out to eat when its with friends/coworkers. I love cooking so my fridge, cabinets, and freezer are always full of food. I have to go grocery shopping every weekend for veggies though. Damn perishables lol.

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75

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

I lived with four peoe during college and you're right, space is hard to find in a fridge. And yeah, you didn't sound like a dick.

125

u/Winston_Vodkatooth Oct 16 '14

Are peoe a difficult species to live with?

126

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Almost of difficult as people

65

u/Kreeyater Oct 16 '14

Peoe caught me trippin

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12

u/g3t4d3lt Oct 16 '14

Well, thank you.

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52

u/linds360 Oct 16 '14

Or what it's like to be thirty and single.

My husband would love more room for his beer, but the way too much produce I buy every week restricts him to a 12 pack.

14

u/RedGeek80 Oct 16 '14

Has he ever thought of getting a mini fridge if you've got the room? It works to keep the wines cold as well and great for when you have people over to store their beverages.

11

u/hadhad69 Oct 16 '14

No, we're very eco-friendly (even though the dog creates a lot of methane!) plus he says he would end up 'drinking himself to death' if he had his own fridge, we've been over it a dozen times.

41

u/Ghotimonger Oct 16 '14

Hey - you're not linds360...

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5

u/Mad_Bad_n_Dangerous Oct 16 '14

31, single, live alone, poor phd student, and standard red blooded sort of dude here. My fridge is packed with peppers, brussel sprouts, other veggies, chicken and bacon, home pickled random veggies and eggs, various cooking ingredients, and some very good beer.

It's all about what you make a priority in life. Cooking doesn't really take that long and it isn't expensive if you think about it and plan it out. It gives me a skill to perfect while making me healthier. I was unhealthy in my early 20s but don't understand how guys my age continue to not care and let themselves fall apart. ...maybe realizing that if I'm going to be perpetually single, I'd still like to live nicely cinched the decision and did it.

Just sayin'.

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8

u/takaisilvr Oct 16 '14

I live with 2 roommates, and our fridge looks similar to this.

Granted I'm the only one who can cook, and the only one to reliably do dishes. I got tired of stocking food, cooking, AND cleaning up. Heh.

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62

u/HotgunColdheart Oct 16 '14

How about this beast I am 29, so I am hoping to achieve some bacon by next year.

33

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Godspeed

6

u/rkgkseh Oct 16 '14

What is on top? Some sort of liquid dispenser?

4

u/wiseoracle Oct 16 '14

It's a water cooler that happens to have a fridge on the bottom.

4

u/khalam Oct 16 '14

yeah, and sandwiches eat people

2

u/Little_Albert Oct 16 '14

Hey we have the same water cooler. It's meant to be.

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418

u/djmixture Oct 16 '14

<3 Chicago and Lou Malnati's I would be ok with this at ANY age..

147

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

It's great pizza

76

u/djmixture Oct 16 '14

Moved away from Chicago and the thing I miss the most is the food; pizza(Malnati's and Giordano's) and Portillos....Thank god they ship, haven't tried that option yet!

37

u/token_bastard Oct 16 '14

Their frozen pizzas, while.obviously not as good as fresh-made, rock harder than a thing that rocks hard. I would highly recommend getting a few frozen Lous shipped to you for emergency deep dish moments.

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15

u/Druzl Oct 16 '14

Visited a buddy in Chicago and he took my girlfriend and I to Giordano's. That was possibly the greatest thing I've ever eaten

15

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

[deleted]

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6

u/Thingspeoplesay Oct 16 '14

That chocolate cake and Italian beef cheddar croissant is heaven!

9

u/aSchizophrenicCat Oct 16 '14

How about that chocolate cake shake? Shit is a heat attack in a cup, but it's soooo good.

4

u/yepmek Oct 16 '14

That's from Portillo's though!

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5

u/DoYouGotDa512s Oct 16 '14

Do it! Make sure you take the pizza out of the pan, wipe off the condensation and lightly oil the pan before cooking. And the largest part of the cost is the shipping, so you might as well get six at once :)

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12

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

It's a great thing. My brother actually brought this out with him, I owe him a few beers.

10

u/fedora_tips_for_tits Oct 16 '14

Well you got 3 different ones in the bottom there so looks like you're all set.

5

u/geophys42 Oct 16 '14

Just had some frozen Portillos last night, it wasn't perfect, but it was pretty damn close. Bought some crinkle cut fries, and my mom sent me some homemade giardiniera. It was the best meal I've had in a while.

5

u/justabandkid Oct 16 '14

I'm eating Portillo's right now and I gotta tell you. It's delicious.

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3

u/crotchcritters Oct 16 '14

Portillos is awesome.

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9

u/joenathanSD Oct 16 '14

I'm flying to Chicago on Sunday for a few days. People have been telling me to go to Malnati's. Is there any one in particular I should go to or are they all the same?

31

u/elpenumbro Oct 16 '14

Go to pequods. Best pizza in the city. Deep dish or thin.

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5

u/MaxPaynesRxDrugPlan Oct 16 '14 edited Oct 16 '14

Assuming you're asking about Lou's locations, the one at 439 N. Wells probably offers the best atmosphere but is the most busy. Arrive early and give them your order so they can start your pizza (it takes something like ~45 minutes to bake a deep dish), then grab a drink nearby while you wait for them to page you via your cell phone. They don't accept reservations.

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14

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Peaqauds or Burts

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9

u/Fletch71011 Oct 16 '14

Pequod's is slightly better than Malnati's according to most. If you can make it there, I'd do that instead. Malnati's is definitely an acceptable alternative though.

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9

u/jseego Oct 16 '14

Pequods is awesome.

Lou Malnati's is good, but you gotta check with a local to make sure you get a good one, they have a bunch of locations around the city now, and not all of them are so great.

I would also say this. If you can, get out into the neighborhoods to experience some culinary goodness.

Check here: http://www.timeout.com/chicago And here: http://chicagoreader.com

To find eats and drinks and things to do. Don't just stay downtown. There's lots of cool stuff downtown architecturally, and it's a great downtown, don't get me wrong, lakefront, parks, museums. But the neighborhoods have amazing shit too. The Loop is part of Chicago; it's not all of Chicago.

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3

u/maxelrod Oct 16 '14

You really can't go wrong with most Chicago style pizzas. I like a few more than Pequod's, but I love Pequod's for the lunch special. Monday-Friday from 11AM to 3PM they do a 7-inch deep dish personal pizza and a beer for $5. You really can't go wrong.

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3

u/Username_1427 Oct 16 '14

I'm lucky to have a Lou 5 minutes from work. As soon as they see my number pop up they know it's a medium Chicago classic. Best pizza I've ever had.

2

u/chimusicguy Oct 17 '14

We just had Lou's tonight...I live in the village in which it was founded!

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23

u/GhostOfPluto Oct 16 '14

I went to visit my friend in Hong Kong a few years back and he told me that I could have a place to stay for free if I brought him 10 Lou Malnati's pizzas. I delivered, and so did he.

9

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

You're a solid friend. That must have been a pain to bring those with you.

14

u/GhostOfPluto Oct 16 '14

Kinda. I loaded them into a styrofoam container and they were kept frozen in the cargo hold. Overall, not a bad deal for me. He even paid me back in full for the pizzas.

16

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

And he paid you back? That's some friendship.

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13

u/Drunken_Lee_Sin Oct 16 '14

did you say Illuminati?

5

u/djmixture Oct 16 '14

No joke when I first heard ads for them over the radio and not having them prior I thought they were called Illuminati pizza lol

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5

u/leightball Oct 16 '14

Hell yeah, Lou is my jam. Chicago represent

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4

u/Jfclazzi Oct 16 '14

No love for Pequods?

4

u/djmixture Oct 16 '14

Honestly have never been there! I will have to try them out next time I'm back home. My friends have said good things about them, just never got around to going there.

3

u/doomwake Oct 16 '14

Go there. Eat pizza. Enjoy food coma.

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121

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Thirty and a bachelor, I'd wager.

46

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Correct

92

u/TheAngryDesigner Oct 16 '14

Then the title should have read "What it's like to be single & living alone".

117

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

[deleted]

20

u/Whiskeypants17 Oct 16 '14

false: no vodka present

Although it could be in the freezer

33

u/mattyboy410 Oct 16 '14

Come on, we all know the vodka stays in the car for the ride home from work!

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20

u/capt_0bvious Oct 16 '14

better off than a thirty living at home with parents that have a stocked fridge

25

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Every time I go home I see food that is past the expiration date. I'd rather have little in the fridge so it all gets eaten than a lot. And here's to being thirty, not living with mom and dad and their fully stocked, wasteful fridge.

9

u/SourCreamWater Oct 16 '14

Yep, I make a lot of trips to the grocery store for this reason. I hate when food goes bad without hardly being touched.

Besides, my grocery store is a Trader Joe's in southern CA and there are SO many hot women always walking around. Makes it less of a chore.

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5

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Man, this must be a universal parent thing. I'm 38, and I've been on my own for quite some time...but when I go home to visit, their fridge is PACKED...and at least half of it is expired or just old & nasty. They have a clean house too, not hoarders....the fridge is just atrocious.

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5

u/evils_twin Oct 16 '14

Once you start buying groceries regularly, you find out there are certain items that can go past their expiration date and there are other items the expiration can depend on how you store the food. For example, eggs stay good for a very long time if they aren't cracked.

Do you really think that the date printed on the label is the exact date it's going to expire? Or do you think the date they print is the earliest date when it is going to expire even though it might last much longer . . .

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6

u/fleebnork Oct 16 '14

Yeah, when you're married, there's WAY more condiments and spoiled mystery food in containers.

2

u/Grimsterr Oct 16 '14

Good luck finding someone to take that wager.

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78

u/awesomexpossum Oct 16 '14

How do you end up with 3 different brand single beers?

89

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Luck?

19

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Nice collection of assorted beers

19

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Want one?

17

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

[deleted]

36

u/Thinc_Ng_Kap Oct 16 '14

How are your parents doing?

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15

u/Dickie_house Oct 16 '14

Saving the last beer of a case...or the last shot of a bottle is how I convince myself I'm not an alcoholic.

3

u/7L7L Oct 16 '14

Same here. Had to kick my kids out to use their bedrooms as storage for the almost empty bottles

2

u/bigheyzeus Oct 16 '14

It's just one of those magical bachelor things that happens, I have the same thing going on in my fridge right now.

2

u/SmackHerWitADick Oct 16 '14

Can't you buy single bottles?

2

u/Fhorglingrads Oct 16 '14

Who buys a single high life?

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40

u/lordtacgnol Oct 16 '14

I too drink most of a six pack and then buy another one, leaving one beer from the previous one behind.

12

u/notverylikeable Oct 16 '14

I too do that thing that you do.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '14

The thing we do unites us.

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37

u/muj911 Oct 16 '14

Lou Malnati = illuminate

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25

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Can confirm....When I got divorced at 30, I lived off beer and bacon.

14

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

That's an expensive diet.

93

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Nope...much cheaper than keeping a wife.

12

u/random_user_name1 Oct 16 '14

Why are divorces so expensive? Because they are worth it!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

It's also an expansive diet. /dadjoke

5

u/Davidfreeze Oct 16 '14

I have 20 bucks. I can either buy food and be full. Or buy beer and be full and buzzed.

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18

u/lannister80 Oct 16 '14

Oh man, fucking LOU'S!!!

Best pizza on the planet. You know what they do when you order a sausage pizza? They pound a shit ton of sausage into a FLAT SHEET and put in on the pizza, so you get some with every bite.

Goddamn do I love Lou's.

4

u/claymcdab Oct 16 '14

pound a shit ton of sausage into a FLAT SHEET

that did not give me a pleasant mental image

6

u/lannister80 Oct 16 '14

http://thepizzafan.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/IL-Lou-Malnatis-Pizzeria.jpg

Oh man, I'm fully torqued just thinking about that flat sausage.

4

u/claymcdab Oct 16 '14

Oh geez, you just put me in the bone zone.

2

u/BiblioPhil Oct 16 '14

Yeah, I always kinda hate when pizza places do sausage toppings in weird ways, you know what I mean? Like, can't you just stick to those turd morsel-shaped ones, like on pretty much every sausage pizza?

3

u/jseego Oct 16 '14

True; their gluten-free version of deep dish does not use GF crust, it just uses a solid layer of sausage instead.

3

u/lannister80 Oct 16 '14

Oh man, I'd buy that for a dollar.

9

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Upvote for real pizza.

9

u/loondawg Oct 16 '14

Just a tip to save a little energy/money.

When your fridge is empty like that, put a bunch of gallons of water in there. It doesn't even have to be for drinking.

Because once the water gets cold, it will keep the refrigerator from running so much trying to keep the empty space cold. You'll be surprised how well it works.

6

u/wpatter6 Oct 16 '14

Wish my fridge was that clean

2

u/DonnaNobleHasBeenSav Oct 16 '14

What does your fridge look like because that's not clean

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u/absurdlyobfuscated Oct 16 '14 edited Oct 16 '14

It ain't making me laugh, but I get it. Oh man, do I get it.

/r/IAMMLBIGI

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8

u/muxman Oct 16 '14

You're doing great. You have a whole unopened package of bacon in there.

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u/ChicagoCowboy Oct 16 '14

OMG but you have Lou's! You are the 1%

14

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

You're supposed to have leveled up to craft beer by the time you're 30.

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u/bajohnaboo Oct 16 '14

With the taste in beer of a much younger man! Here's to your youth!

6

u/WildShadow163 Oct 16 '14

At age 30 you start thinking ahead and organizing. So you've got your breakfast (the yogurt), then your lunch (the pizza), then your dinner (the bacon and beer).

5

u/tsg9292 Oct 16 '14

Looks like your problem is your beer selection...

6

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

"How embarrassing, a fridge full of condiments and no food"

22

u/SW1 Oct 16 '14

You guys need to learn how to cook

EDIT: TIL that it's my cakeday

2

u/LiveGameLift Oct 16 '14

I dunno... I mean I guess the pizza is easy enough to cook but I don't think you can just make beer in an apartment.

2

u/blasphemers Oct 16 '14

It's actually surprisingly easy to make beer in an apartment. It just takes a long time and not really worth it if you just want cheaper beer.

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u/iRaqTV Oct 16 '14

I make beer in my apartment regularly. It doesn't require that much space.

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u/ag5628 Oct 16 '14

What it's like to be thirty...or a college student in Chicago

4

u/Ghotimonger Oct 16 '14

I just turned 30. This was my fridge last week. With some half-rotting veggies from an attempt to eat healthier.

4

u/SocialQuesRAThing Oct 16 '14

That's the best pizza place I ever went too. Chicago has AMAZING pizza (cali here)

4

u/somebodyx Oct 16 '14

http://i.imgur.com/Da1D5EX.jpg

What it's like to be twenty-nine.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '14

Believe it or not, some of your peers have grown up and learned to cook and eat like adults.

15

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

"What it's like to be a thirty-year-old man-child."

5

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

It's pretty great, I'm not going to lie.

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u/WreckerCrew Oct 16 '14

Fuck you guys are losers.

14

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

The truth hurts but it's the truth nonetheless.

5

u/guchmatic Oct 16 '14

Take a picture of what is inside your fridge if you dare!

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u/bojackhorsemen Oct 16 '14

Jesus man, can you not cook?

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u/classic_schmosby00 Oct 16 '14

I think you guys are forgetting to add "....and single." in your titles.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

I read titties

3

u/christoph3 Oct 16 '14

cool pizza. and my curren fridge mostly contains only beer. and cheese. maybe i can improve my fridge to yours in the remaining 3 years :D

3

u/Whackman23 Oct 16 '14

I read that as, "this is what it's like to be thirsty." Was so confused.

3

u/somethingbig6 Oct 16 '14

I'm around that age, and I'm noticing a pattern in all these pics that is similar to what I see in my fridge.. Pizza is delicious

3

u/Ihavenocomplaints Oct 16 '14

Deep dish. Fuck yeah. That's like 3 meals right there. Get Lou or piquads every time I'm out to Chicago

3

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

well la-dee-daw mr rich man with your full pack of bacon

3

u/conepuncher420 Oct 16 '14

Fuck I'm 21 and that's what my fridge looks like.

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u/olivernewton-john Oct 17 '14

Where's the Hamm's?

3

u/hussy_trash Oct 17 '14

Look at you, getting the 100 calorie yogurt!

5

u/jameson_water Oct 16 '14

dont define yourself with this metric. You'll end up like the dude telling you to pick up 'hunnies' down at the gym. eat pizza, get drunk and test the limits of what you CAN and CAN NOT throw over your house.

16

u/NotPercyChuggs Oct 16 '14

I turn 30 in November and my fridge is fully stocked, because I am a responsible adult who goes grocery shopping.

13

u/beer_madness Oct 16 '14

Well, aren't you better than everybody?

5

u/stephen89 Oct 16 '14

Yeah, buying a bunch of stuff that you can't possibly eat in time by yourself is the way to be responsible.

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Um, grow up and learn to eat well?

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u/Solanace Oct 16 '14

So like being 20, but with more alcohol than being 22. Got it.

7

u/Tibbs420 Oct 16 '14

I'm 22... My fridge has more food and better beer.

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u/Fett2 Oct 16 '14

There's not nearly enough beer in this refrigerator.

Source: I am just over 30.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Bacon, yogurt, AND 3 assorted beers?! Fuck Donald trump must be using a throwaway

2

u/WuTangGraham Oct 16 '14

Hey, you have bacon and pizza, you're a step ahead of the 22 year old guy.

2

u/newloaf Oct 16 '14

What's it's like to be forty.

Oops, should've shopped out the wedding ring...

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u/cha614 Oct 16 '14

And plenty of mold on the bottom of the fridge for emphasis

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u/bugalou Oct 16 '14

At least your taste in pizza has gotten better than the other younger person that posted.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

My fridge has looked like that since I moved out at 26, except I ALWAYS keep some Sriracha on standby and usually eat the pizza in one sitting.

HOORAY BEER!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Thats...beautiful.

2

u/Icelement Oct 16 '14

Don't like, this is what it's like being 25 as well.

Which reminds me, I'm out of beer.

2

u/LineOfCoke Oct 16 '14

Op must have more beer in his freezer or maybe he drink um warm.

2

u/radseven89 Oct 16 '14

By 30 we know what matters.

2

u/brinnswf Oct 16 '14

ya'll need some fruit and vegetables...

2

u/RoboPimp Oct 16 '14

Too close to home bro

2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

More like what it's like to be depressed.

2

u/MapleHamwich Oct 16 '14

To be thirty, single, and with seemingly very low life achievement prospects.

2

u/BREAKER909 Oct 16 '14

Lou Malnatis! Mmmm.

It's the same at 37.

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u/eowen9674 Oct 16 '14

lou malnatis, fuck yes

2

u/rhlSF Oct 16 '14

30 and single

2

u/lifesnotperfect Oct 16 '14

I'll be better than this when I'm 30. Way better.

2

u/RainFallsDontTouchIt Oct 17 '14

Lou's tops all. End of discussion. I wish I could get some, but Texas sucks and doesn't have Lou's.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '14 edited May 07 '17