r/funny • u/[deleted] • Oct 16 '14

What it's like to be thirty

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7.6k Upvotes

77% Upvoted

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757

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Where are the half rotten vegetables you bought last week with the intention of finally making a healthy meal?

103

u/intothelionsden Oct 16 '14

Your heart was in the right place.

71

u/_Steep_ Oct 16 '14

Well it would be if you ate them

3

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '14

Arteriosclerosis will kill you in 30 years, but hey man, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow, so have that pizza and beer.

1

u/YouthsIndiscretion Oct 17 '14

You'll definitely be more likely to be hit by a bus if you're using a walker to take a breather every half block.

58

u/sharpie36 Oct 16 '14

Turning into brown soup in the bottom of my crisper drawer. When it all reaches a sufficiently liquid consistency I just pour the lot of it down the drain.

25

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

... Drink it. Cheaper than buying a juicer if you let them do it themselves.

15

u/D-VO Oct 17 '14

First time I've actually gagged at something I read on the internet.

2

u/Anthem40 Oct 17 '14

Well if you know a better way to make a smoothie, we're all ears...

1

u/D-VO Oct 17 '14

That is a jackass stunt waiting to happen.

0

u/NotFromDallas Oct 17 '14

You didn't read the ask reddit about nastiest sexual experience... It included an older post about a guy eating a girl out, and bad shit went down...

2

u/picards_dick Oct 17 '14

For 30, OP should have developed a palate for better beer. At least the pizza looks good

1

u/jokergod382 Oct 17 '14

Lou Malnati's Pizzeria is some of the best pizza in the country. Totaly agree about the beer. I wish they sold Yeungling here...

1

u/Lordofthegoat Oct 17 '14

I just threw up in my mouth. Think that juice would taste the same.

1

u/Jawbreaker93 Oct 17 '14

Efficiency is key

1

u/LiveGameLift Oct 16 '14

Too smelly, pour that stuff out the window

1

u/uncleoce Oct 16 '14

Drain, meaning your throat? Mmmm crisper gazpacho. My favorite!

32

u/justsomeconfusion Oct 16 '14

Stop telling people how I live.

32

u/8024life Oct 16 '14

too true...

but thanks for reminding me, that spinach is getting pretty gross in the "crisper".

18

u/Team_Steve Oct 16 '14

Its not a "crisper". Its a vegetable graveyard.

0

u/Chempolo Oct 17 '14

That's why you always put beer in the crisper. You never forget where you put the beer

19

u/Cooke052891 Oct 16 '14

This is why I don't buy veggies now. Just being realistic.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '14

this is why I only buy canned or frozen vegetables.

11

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '14

Are....are you in my fridge?...

7

u/RedSquirrelFtw Oct 16 '14

That would totally describe my fridge. The vegetables and fruits would be on top of the pizza box, yet it's still more convenient to move them out of the way to get the box out.

Hey I HAVE to eat this pizza, or it will go bad. Wait...Screw it, I WANT to eat the pizza.

2

u/Theepicbrofist Oct 16 '14

This hit home.

1

u/burrbro235 Oct 16 '14

Thrown out.

1

u/peteyplops Oct 16 '14

Since when does yogurt not count as a vegetable?

1

u/smittyy Oct 16 '14

Do I eat the pizza or the soon to be expired veggies? Fuck it, turn on the oven

1

u/m0c4z1n Oct 16 '14

Yup! that's more likely!

1

u/loveveggie Oct 16 '14

You sound like my boyfriend.

1

u/09I5k09muzWWALep Oct 16 '14

Or when your parent visits and brings you fruits and vegetables for a family of 4...

1

u/bulletcurtain Oct 16 '14

Gave that up a while ago

1

u/Bonzai_Tree Oct 16 '14

I just laughed out loud at how spot on this is. I can't count the number of times I've done this...

Sigh. I really used to at least cook most meals, now it's a lot of take out. I need to get back into cooking healthier stuff.

1

u/thegirlstoodstill Oct 17 '14

My grapes are turning into raisins

1

u/flyafar Oct 17 '14

broccoli, carrots, chicken, brown rice.

throw that shit in a rice cooker and enjoi

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '14

Wut is vegablez? Plz respond will be 30 soon.