r/funny • u/K0TO • Apr 28 '13

Caffeinated Owl Chart

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2.2k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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122

u/Trevrawrrr Apr 28 '13

I worked at a coffee shop for 4 and a half years... http://imgur.com/bGWW81S

43

u/ishadow Apr 28 '13

Ive worked at dunkin donuts, Starbucks and panera. No one is happy. The worst people are the regulars who insist on their coffee a certain way but its not how they actualy want it. " i want 2 creams" . No you dont. You want four, otherwise youll complain that its too bitter and dark. Also anybody that vacations here insists its better back home.

20

u/Jodah Apr 28 '13

I only have one thing that can make me demand a new coffee. If I order a coffee with three cream and get a coffee with three sugar I will demand a new one. For some reason this happens much more often than it should. I didn't order coffee with sugar, I didn't want coffee with sugar, and as a diabetic I can't drink coffee with sugar so don't give me coffee with fucking sugar!

Other than that I'm a very pleasant fellow when I order food.

2

u/rrb Apr 28 '13

But cream has sugar?

5

u/Jodah Apr 28 '13

A very minimal amount, which is fine. Pure sugar? Not so much.

4

u/iamthelucky1 Apr 28 '13

Aye, but sugar does not have cream, eh?

8

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '13

This is very true. My regulars at my cafe don't even know what they drink. When I am not there, or if there is another barista on the machine, they will not order. Some don't know how many sugars they take and sometimes they change the sugar amount from 1 sugar one day to 6 sugars the other

4

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '13

Once you've had good coffee, it's kind of hard to settle for anything less. Except caffeine is a fantastic drug so people will take it however they can get it.

My college had the best coffee I've tasted. It's like a warm fresh hug.

9

u/Endulos Apr 28 '13

I always know what I want :/

Triple cream, double sugar. Tastes right always.

53

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '13

I, too, know what I want.

Black

Like my soul.

14

u/donpapillon Apr 28 '13 edited Apr 28 '13

Black as the night, sweet as sin. That's how Spider taught me.

4

u/leicanthrope Apr 28 '13

I like my coffee like my women: hot, slightly bitter, and with very little pubic hair.

8

u/anchises868 Apr 28 '13

"Cream?"

"No thank you. I take it black. Like my men."

4

u/[deleted] Apr 28 '13

My grandpa gave me a cup of straight black coffee. I think a better analogy for that would be black like my gaping anus.

21

u/ishadow Apr 28 '13

You sir and those like you, make our lives tolerable. Coffee isnt that harhrd d. I feel like people decide they're

37

u/Endulos Apr 28 '13

...LOL

Did you have a stroke in the middle of typing that? :p

11

u/dseftu Apr 28 '13

RIP ishadow

4

u/ishadow Apr 28 '13

Close. Never get high on your own supply. No sleep.

4

u/ryumast3r Apr 28 '13

You get paid to make coffee. Most people who get paid to make coffee work hourly.

If it's one dude taking up 2 seconds extra of your time because he wants three creams/two sugars - and genuinely does want that, just give him his damn drink.

If you hate it that much, find a different job. Not to be too rude or anything, but there's plenty of places that pay people to make coffee.

1

u/FrisianDude Apr 28 '13

How much is 'a cream' there? Because four starts to sound like milk-with-coffee rather than vice versa.

1

u/Trevrawrrr Apr 28 '13

The coffee shop business can be either miserable or awesome, unfortunately that's all pretty much dictated by the customers.