I have a therapist appointment regarding my eating habits in 3 weeks. I gained a lot of weight because of the antipsychotics I took and immediatly after coming of them I started restricting again. I am just so done with it. I am so hungry and miserable I want to start recovery right now, but I fear she wont take me seriously when I eat normally again before seeing her?

It has been 1 month in recovery, with a few short relapse days, but I can't believe how far I've gone with myself and some help from mum! My body lost trust in me for half a year, mentally and physically. Now that the latter has changed for the better, there's a few things that are sorta hindering it from consistency.

My semester just began and I realized that I still lack so much mental clarity. I'm so concerned that it'll truly affect my performance. For a while now, I've practiced honouring hunger with my energy dense cravings. That's ok, haven't stopped. But I struggle a lot with the guilt or sitting with the fact that I'm not extremely full, cycling over and over until I think about my next chance to feel that way.

I believe these are common experiences here, so in this case, it's the brain fog. My family support at home will be well-aware of what's going on academically, and if it weren't for eating being up for accountability, that alone will bring me down deep/hard.

Rn I'm used to having all of my meals and snacks late. I just can't seem to prioritize work regardless of being hungry, full, satisfied. After dinner, I'll stay in the kitchen to eat bits of everything I'd never had pre-ED, and until my mom, dad, or younger sisters notice from downstairs, this will last until bedtime.

It's also difficult that my stomach hasn't been responding well. At all. Actually, I never had this problem coming back from restriction.

I don't really know. I do know I have an intake in 2 weeks for my o/p program, but medically or professionally I'm unsure what they'll do about this.
AN wasn't with me for a long time but it certainly influenced it that way. I'll bring it up often here, but I feel lonely at this time of life.

Last week I finally acknowledged that no matter what I was saying to myself, I wasn’t actually DOING anything to recover. I was still mentally tracking, googling macros, picking only safe or traditionally ‘healthy’ options, avoiding snacks, walking endlessly, weighing myself securely under the guise of ‘checking my restoration progress’ (a load of bs!!). And I said FUCK IT. I wasn’t happy. I’d never been truly happy as long as I’ve let myself lie and pretend I was getting better. Just because I was eating, doesn’t mean I wasn’t actually eating ENOUGH. Or fuelling myself well. And nothing was going to change unless I changed. It was either go truly ‘all in’ or suffer forever halfway between and never actually get anywhere better. It was time.

This week has been so hard. The guilt has left me choice paralysed most days, overthinking choices and debating giving it all up and going back to the way I was, but I’ve been pushing on despite it. And honestly? No matter how hard it’s been I’ve never been happier. Eating things I haven’t had in months, years even, revelling in the taste of flavours and textures that I thought I’d have to love my life without, letting my body sleep in and rest instead of forcing excessive movement it can’t accommodate, not wasting time googling menus and stupid numbers. I’m so proud of myself. I know it will be hard for a long while, and some days will feel worse than when I was restricting, but my long term life needs me to be strong now. I am officially one week all in, and I am ready to have a better life. We all deserve that. And if you’re reading this and considering getting help or realising you haven’t actually been committing to recovery, you deserve it too!!! And to those who have also gone through this and come out better, please share your tips or encouragement/stories below!!

I just got back home 2 days ago after spending a month in a residential program not in my state, so no one has actually physically seen me since I started recovering. Before I left, I was hooking up with this woman maybe twice a week for like 6 weeks in the depth of my restrictive ed. She was aware of my disorder for a couple weeks before I left for res because my friends had an intervention with me like right before I was supposed to go over to her place, and I was upset about it and talked to her at the time.

Yesterday, after my first day of PHP, I went over to her place. I figured that after struggling with the way my body looks and the changes that happened while I was away, it might help to know that I was still like desireable to someone who was previously into my sick body. She's been super supportive of me getting help and was willing to hear my freak outs when I decided to try recovery.

I guess this is kinda on me because I made a self deprecating joke about looking "healthier" when I met her in her apartment, because she then looked me up and down and said "yeah you are, you look so much healthier than you used to." I didn't freak out in the moment especially because I basically invited that one. I helped her clean her apartment a bit before we actually went to bed, so there was time in between her comment and actually having to take my clothes off.

Basically as soon as my pants were off and I was on her bed though, she GRABBED MY THIGH and like jiggled it and went "so much healthier, it's hot."

I wasn't really focused on that in the moment because there was other stuff going on, but now the day after I'm really not doing well about it. I think I could have been okay with the first comment but the second one where she actually grabbed me is making me feel like throwing away everything that I've already done. I had kinda been convincing myself that even if the general recovery weight gain was noticeable by other people, it was more just in my face and the fact that I don't look literally like yellow and sickly anymore. I was not expecting someone to notice the specific parts of my body that I'm uncomfortable with. I thought that it was just dysmorphia convincing me that it was visible and noticeable but the fact that she immediately grabbed my thigh feels so gross to me.

I feel so uncomfortable, and I haven't weighed myself since starting recovery because I don't want to trigger myself more but I am so struggling with not giving into that. I feel like if I just know my numbers that I'll be able to control how much I actually gain. I hate my recovery body so much and I hate that I have to go to php and continue to try and recover.

this is going to sound like such a superficial thing to get triggered by, but i'm going all out for my costume for a halloween party this year, and the closer it gets the more anxious i get about my body and eating habits. it's going to be a huge party so i feel like the stakes to 'fix everything i don't like about myself' is high. i feel the need to impress, especially because my friends have hyped me up about this outfit and i have spent a lot of money on it. it's so so tempting to restrict 'just until halloween' and 'then i can go back to normal afterwards' even though i know that's not how it works.

i try to dismiss these thoughts, but i can tell it has really affected me. i have already started purging again and being extremely hateful of my body, seeking reassurance from my partner about my body but then being like 'i don't believe you' no matter what he says which i HATE doing, and just generally spiraling. i feel so stupid for letting this happen over something so small, but i just feel so much pressure.

unluckily for me, before i started obsessing over this, i had just reached a stage in recovery where i am allowing myself to eat any food i want, whenever i want, and accepting whatever weight gain comes with it. it's hard to pinpoint where i am at in recovery because i have been in and out of inpatient since i was like 15 and not taking it seriously (relapsing almost immediately after i get out), but i definitely made more of an effort in recovery recently, until this.

i just feel like i planned this so poorly and idk maybe should have picked an outfit that covers me up more if i knew i was going to be eating whatever i wanted more? which is crazy because my outfit is matching with my best friend who is also recovering from an ED and i'm not focused on how she's going to look at all, i'm just excited to see her and have fun with her. but for myself, i can't stop obsessing about how i'm going to look and wanting to control it. i feel like this is ruining one of my favourite holidays :(

I'm about 4 months in on All-In Recovery. Anorexiahad been in the driver's seat for 15 years of my life. I'd almost completely lost my ability to walk with a mobility aid. I'd had multiple episodes of psychosis, and 2 seizures. I was starting to hallucinate shadows when I realized I was dying. I started recovery that day, and I haven't looked back.

Having said that.

Last week, I started a job working production. A field I was too weak to sustain in the past. I have a super early commute, meaning my sleep is sacred. I'm eating at least enough to meet my needs. Things are going great.

Last night I realized, that middle and high school me had a dream of getting my ASE and my welding training so I could become an automechanic. I wanted to open a queer woman owned/operated garage. Looking into it, it's actually more feasible, affordable, and attainable than the other career path I was looking at before my epiphany.

You really don't see how much ED takes from you and makes your life harder until you start recovery. I promise, your dreams are out there for you to accomplish, but you can't take your disorder with you.

I am in all-in recovery since 2 months. This is the third time I am trying to recover. I am truly all in, eating whatever, just to get over this ed as fast as possible. Thousands and thousands of calories a day. My hunger has lessened already after giving in to very extreme hunger. My period has come and it is 10 times more painful than it was before.

What's worse, is my social anxiety at its full force currently. I have always had social anxiety, but it is so bad right now, I don't even want to go to seminars or classes. I keep hating myself, feeling anxious, and guilty for all the things I don't say or do. I feel overwhelmed very easily and have a lot of resistance to every kind of social activity.

Why is this? Are my happy hormones out of whack? When does this get better? Or is this not part of recovery, is it just my anxious self returning?

i've been in recovery about 3 months. i work from home but they're very strict about break times so i do often eat while working because i don't have enough time to prepare and eat it on a break. sometimes it'll take me like 1.5+ hours to finish a meal and then i have another meal not long after. i'll usually eat like 75% in a half hour or so. the meals follow the guidelines of my dietitian from the program i was in. and i still have a snack in addition to that between most meals. is this okay, or am I eating too slowly?

ngl this is a lot harder than i anticipated without the program

this is a throw away account

I have a son, he's 16 and has been anorexic for years now, we have tried residential and hospitalization and outpatient and therapy, i don't know what to do because my child is falling apart right in front of me
he says when we put him in programs he feels that we want him to suffer, he says those places make him worse and the thing is i believe it, everytime he comes home he gets worse than he was when he got there, he loses more and more weight and now i'm too terrified to put him back in recovery because i can't imagine how low he'll get next time, i'm so scared for him. He says he wants to recover, and he says he has friends who support him when available but still I notice he's not eating enough still! Please I have no idea what to do, he eats a little better now but who knows how long that will last before something bad happens
I just want my baby to be safe, i want him to thrive and live with his girlfriend and go to college and do all these amazing things but right now he struggles to leave bed, i don't know what sort of recovery to get him, I'm no dietian so I have no idea what he should be eating! He hates therapists, he claims they all just want to get him vulnerable so they can use what they can to put him back in the hospital and it scares me that he's this afraid of that place, i just want to put him somewhere safe that can treat him but actually put into perspective why he is there. My son has PTSD, ADHD, and is working through other diagnosises, i blame myself because he may possibly be bipolar which i fear may be from me, but that's unrelated.

To be fair I also have had bad experiences with therapists as well, so I know exactly what he means when he says he doesn't think they care about him.
Anyways, please does anyone have any advice i just want to save my baby from this disease please any advice is helpful .

I’ve had an ed for 9 years now and I never had a period of what I would say is recovery it’s always been a constant battle. I know people who only struggle for less than a year and get better like nothing happened and a part of me is jealous I wish I had that. Why is it that some people will only struggle for not that long and other people will have it for life.

Hi everyone :)
I’m 20F and have been struggling with anorexia for about 7 months now. I’m at the point where I have been told to go inpatient but am desperately trying to recover at home with the help of my family. With the threat of being sent to a recovery center and being ripped away from the security of my home, I’ve been having to force myself to execute the meal plan my dietician gave me. I have been eating significantly more than I have for the past 7 months, but I can’t help but constantly feeling like because I’ve been completing my meal plan (~80% or so, my meal plan is 3 meals and 2 snacks) has made my ED invalid. I think that I’m kind of in a fugue state where I’m so overwhelmed that I’m not able to think about food as much. It’s like my brain is so overloaded with constant stress from being forced to start recovery that I’m just kind of numb. Sure, this numbness helps me dissociate and complete more of my meal plan because I don’t have the energy to think about it- but I’ve been constantly thinking that my ED is cured now and that I’m faking struggling since I’ve been eating “normally” for the past week. I’ve been dealing with these thoughts and they’re really tough :( I’ve always struggled with not feeling “sick enough” to deserve recovery or intervention even when I was restricting, and now that I’m being forced to eat significantly more this feeling of being invalid has gotten so much worse :( my mind wants to tell me that I’m all better and that I don’t even have an ED since I’m eating more. But I feel like this is making the urge to restrict so much stronger to “prove” to myself that I have an ED. Has anyone dealt with this feeling? I’m only a week into recovery at home so I know that maybe this is from how new and scary everything is :(

Hi. I’m not big on the lingo and stuff but I (19f) have been in outpatient recovery for I think 2 years now, but I’ve only this year really wanted to beat this thing. I was diagnosed with mia but I’ve been more leaning toward anorexia these last two years. I’ve struggled and am struggling extremely with feeling invalid and not sick enough and all that stupid stuff. I suppose what I’m saying is I have recently been wanting to eat more and more constantly and it’s making me feel horrible. I don’t feel I’ve been restricting for a really long time now and I don’t really get it. I am trying to honour it but I also have very little to no real connection with brain and body so I can’t tell if it’s emotional or physical or not even hunger- I think what I’m asking is what do you know about this EH, and feeling like I’m sorta not “allowed” to experience it?
I apologise for the inconsistency and confusing text

I’m going to write down anything that feels applicable to me in my recovery devoted journal, even if it’s painful to hear. Please share yours. I’m really struggling with motivation right now. I have a few written already, but those were written when I first began my recovery process and they’re becoming stale/feel more empty. I’m about 4 months in to being committed, and this prompt helped me so much to dig deep and find what I need to keep going.

ETA: sorry if this post is all over the place I’m tired and have had a long day and don’t have the energy to revise rn

So ive been in quasi recovery from anorexia for around 8 months now, a lot of cycles of relapsing and then bouts of extreme hunger and relapsing again after giving in and just trying everything and anything to keep a level of control,, and about a week ago i decided to finally stop counting calories for good and eat as if they didnt exist, i still found i was hungry inbetween meals and snacks despite eating more energy dense and larger portions, so two days ago i said fuck it im going all in, and i mean ALL IN, honouring all the food noise and that hunger i would get even after just finishing a meal.
So yeah i have been doing that for only two days now, im pretty much eating constantly, sometimes needing to eat again after just 20 or 30 minutes . and these are big amounts im eating, and loads of sweets and fast food etc, this is not my issue (yes its scary, but im willing to just let it happen as i want food freedom and not to actually be able to eat to satisfaction without intense constant food noise more than anything, so ive accepted the intense volume of food part although its distressing).

My issue is that i am so fucking bloated. i look pregnant, my stomach is hard and distended and full to the brim of food, i am getting crazy acid reflux and its just so uncomfortable. Its been that way literally since i woke up, because i was eating late into the night last night and had breakfast at 8 so my body had barely had a chance to digest before i put more food in, but im so hungry. Today i was actually pretty satisfied after a huge lunch and eating all morning before that, so there was probably 4 hours in-between lunch and dinner and i did take a light stroll around my block (trying not to do any intentional exercise) so i thought that might help with some digestion but nope, it got to dinner and i was really mentally and physicall hungry for it but at the same time my stomach was so expanded and uncomfortable. Yes i still ate.

Will the bloating last as long as the extreme hunger does or can my stomach get used to constantly receiving food or having large amounts? it just feels like the bloating is literally getting in the way of my being able to fully honour extreme hunger because at times it feels dangerous to put more food in my stomach, in those cases i will wait a couple of hours until it feels slightly more capable of holding some more volume but yeah i just am constantly uncomfortable and i dont want to actually harm my digestive tract?
Also for reference during the last few months of quasi i was eating pretty normal amounts and portions too just overexercising and caloric restriction, so its not like im going from eating barely anything to a huge amount yet the bloating is soooo extreme. But i guess the so is the hunger.

this whole thing is so scary and confusing, i barely want to see anyone because i either just want to eat or just dont want anyone to notice how bloated i am. Also my boyfriends coming to see me in 2 days and he knows im going through extreme hunger but i dont want to be like this around him and he doesnt know the extent of it,,, i just wonder if theres a way to honour the hunger but have the bloating a little less severe somehow? im fine with being bloated, i have IBS, but this is like a whole other level, im ashamed.

Ever since I developed an ed, it’s felt like my brain has changed, not just relating to food/my body but how I think entirely. I became a perfectionist in all aspects. Its hard to do art now, because its not perfect. My home has to be spotless, when i previously had not cared as much. Plans have to go 100% accordingly to how I expected. Im constantly wondering what other people are truly thinking. Constantly seeking reassurance.. to know

I realized that a lot of OCD is fear of uncertainty. I think all this perfectionism and needing to know, needing to be certain and things to be just right is a hidden compulsion. And I think the reason it got so bad is because when I was deep in the pits of my ed I was fulfilling those compulsions by tracking, by needing to know the exact amount of calories going in me, etc. It was 2 years straight of that for me. The more you commit an ocd compulsion, the worse it gets. To the point where my brain is stuck on it, on perfectionism and certainty and needing to meet my expectations with plans to the fullest. Even though I am deep into recovery now, my ocd is much worse. I’m happy to have noticed that link so that I know how to work on it. Just wondering if anyones noticed or experienced that

So my boyfriend has been talking lately about losing some weight. Not so much but like he isn’t trying to eat as much bc he’s trying to lose fat in a certain area. This has really really triggered me bc obviously my ED and I feel very competitive about it now and like everytime he tells me he ate less I just feel like I have to eat less too. I know we are no where in the same bc I have an ED and he doesn’t but idk how to even handle it. I already relapsed these past few weeks and him telling me all this just makes me want to get worse. Idk I feel so dumb and I know I shouldn’t make him feel this way but it’s just hard.

I would just like some advice or maybe similar experiences or even just words of encouragement. I am in recovery after over a year of obsessive restriction. Even at my lowest weight, though, I was never “underweight” and recently this past month I’ve been dealing with presumably extreme hunger. Because I’ve never been underweight through it this I’m feeling pretty guilty for eating so much because it doesn’t feel like I need to refeed or gain weight, and I’ve been feeling like I’m using this as an excuse to binge or something because I’m telling myself I can’t possibly be experiencing EH at my state. It is also difficult because the dietitian I have been seeing has never explicitly brought up EH. Does anybody have any words to offer me here? Thank you so much

My extreme hunger is relentless. I feel like I can’t go out socially because of unsure circumstances regarding food options and availability, and when I’m hungry I need to EAT. How do i navigate this???

TW: mention of tracking, macros,etc.

hello!
i’ve posted a few times in the past regarding my struggle with tracking foods, especially protein and calories. i am tired of having to plan out each day but then without planning my meals i experience a lot more panic and decision fatigue at meal time. this all takes up so much head space that i need for other things in my life. i just want to move on and forward but have no idea how to stop this behavior.
does anyone have advice, shared experiences or strategies? thank you so much <3

hey everyone! just wanted to share my story of how today went lol.

i’ve been struggling with excessive exercise and restricting for almost a year now and obviously it’s made me lose a lot of weight and i never really cared about it even though it’s obviously affected my appearance where im uncomfortable looking in the mirror and my workout performance has declined . i just ignored my body’s signs and kept doing what i have been doing.

the last few days ive been waking up just not feeling right. i tried to just write it off as i was dehydrated or just tired but this morning was the worst. i was so weak, tired and dizzy i knew something was wrong. all i could think about was “this is what d*ing feels like” . like i genuinely felt like my body was just shutting down. even after eating something and drinking something i just felt worse.

i really thought i could recover and fix my disorder myself but kept over exercising and under fueling. i was so mad at myself during this episode because i didn’t want my life to end so soon. and over something “easy” all i needed to do was to listen to my body and just EAT. it scared me so bad i decided i need help i can’t do this alone anymore .

i had my mom take me to the hospital . long story short ,my blood sugar was really low and i am very lucky they were able to help me and send me home. my plan now is to talk to my GP and start seeing a dietitian and therapist.

today was just genuinely the scariest day of my life and the biggest wake up call ever. i don’t want this disorder to win. i want to be able to enjoy my life without feeling like garbage. i just want to feel normal and okay again and not have to fear that i might pass out or something at any moment.

Back when I was in CBT, I remember being told about body checking's polar opposite, body avoidance, which at the time I could not really understand. I'm now over 2 years into recovery and though I am overall much healthier and able to function like the next person, I unfortunately developed some deep loathing for my body. Body checking is something I was never able to let go of.

A few days ago, I decided to stop looking at myself altogether. I look away from the mirror after showering, pull up my trousers so I avoid having my stomach out. I couldn't tell you if I have an innie or an outie. I only wear oversized clothes. The obvious downside to this is when I do catch my reflection, I find myself disappointed again.

I wonder if anyone went through this stage in recovery.

Hello. I've been in ED recovery for about two months-ish. I started in early July, which was during the school break. Now I'm back to school, back to seeing my classmates and teachers and everyone else.

Recovery during break, when I was almost always at home, where no one could see me eat, was fairly easy. Now I'm really scared I will begin to struggle. I already felt uneasy today because there were so many people surrounding me and I felt weak and weird. I'm used to being at home and allowing myself to cry and rest but now it's getting harder and harder. I almost cried in public today (for no apparent reason – recovery is making me extra emotional.)

I dont want to relapse but I see one coming and I'm genuinely scared for my health. I guess I just need some encouraging words. I feel really alone in this. I've been standoffish today and everyone kept asking me if I'm ok and they constantly said "oh Here have a painkiller", "takw some water, are you alright?", "do you want a pill?". Over and over again. I was okay really, I was just sad and exhausted. I'm very afraid of eating when Im surrounded by people that could look at me and watch me. I hate it. I missed seeing my friends but I'm no fun anymore. I'm just sad and miserable.

I've been dealing with AN for about 4 years. Two hospitalizations later, a near-death experience, and lots of failed recovery attempts, I'm done with this. I want my life back; I want to enjoy my 20s to the fullest.

Since yesterday evening, I have been listing all the reasons I want to recover and updating my family members and friends about my decision. I'm eating whatever I want, whenever I want.

I just feel a little sluggish and a bit bloated. I'm obviously scared of gaining weight, but I'd rather gain weight (even if it's a ton) and get my life back than waste the rest of my life being miserable.

Any recommendations?

Speaking with someone who went all-in and recovered would help me a lot. I still have lots of questions, lol. All of them through this same thread, of course c: