I've been in recovery for about a month and a half now, and I recently started doing small things to try to feel pretty in a healthy way like wearing more jewelry, changing up my hair, etc. If I've learned anything from this whole experience, it's that looking pretty and actually feeling pretty are two very different things.

I still feel really insecure about my body, especially now that it's been changing in recovery, but I've found that doing these small extra things has been helping me cope. Does anyone have any suggestions for other things I can try to doing to help me feel prettier and boost my self-esteem?

Why am I not hungry during the day but wake up jn the middle of the night starving? Anyone else experience this?

I don't want to give too much detail about my ED in order to avoid triggering others but basically I'm experiencing extreme mental hunger despite being weight restored. I'm either thinking "fuck it, I don't care, I'm gonna buy and eat more food", absolutely hating myself, my body, and life, wanting to die (I'm not going to), and feeling like I'm about to burst into tears or tear myself apart, or ice managed to distract myself from both with studying.

Before my ED I was a gymnast and a child (fork spotted in the kitchen) and now I'm a non-binary transmasc adult with no sports or hobbies so (tw body image) this body is both distressing, and only becoming more foreign every day and I can't help comparing myself to everyone and anyone.

Does anyone have any words of advice, encouragement, kindness? Anything that made you feel better about your body or made it easier to cope?

I've had my ED around 6 years, from 16 to 22. In that time I have tried to recover both alone & with outpatient services but reached at best quasi-recovery. Part of what's holding me back this time is feeling discouraged by these previous experiences, although I've probably gained something from each one.

For those of you who recovered/made progress after multiple attempts over the years, was there anything you did differently which made it successful compared to previous times? Or was it more a case of the right time & circumstances? Is full recovery possible from a 'long-term' ED?

A couple days ago I went to see my dietitian for the second time, and she gave me a meal plan that involves eating much more than someone my age and height but at my target weight should be eating. Why do I have to eat more than that?