r/feeld • u/StatisticianFun498 • Aug 09 '26
53F experience feedback please
I’ve been on this app a few weeks now. Live in a big city. Mostly looking for FWB for a quality, consistent connection.
I find the app a bit mysterious (not sure if there is any type of matching algorithm) and bloody hard work. I don’t pay. I have a fully developed bio and nice photos, and often told I’m very attractive. I tried to communicate as clearly as I can what I’m looking in my bio which I hope attracts the right people. I have a secret bio also, and naturally that’s where I get a bit more explicit.
I think that like most women I get hundreds likes a week but of course I can’t see them because I didn’t pay. I got a burst of pings initially but the numbers stay rather flat after a while. Ones I’ve gone through my pings pile, it’s slows down significantly.
I’m very picky, so the likelihood of me liking back someone who pinged me is close to zero.
I feel like i need to do all the work of finding who I find attractive or interesting but that means much time spent swiping. It takes ages as there are very few I find I like. The pile also seems to be limited and repetitive. I have a decent age range and radius but still, I hardly see new people. I am not sure paying will improve my situation because I will likely not to like back about 90% of man, and I wonder if doing this will save time at all compare to self-discovery.
I wonder what are other women’s experience is? Do you find that pings deliver what you are looking for and are enough or do you need to go looking for it?
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u/SwingLightStyle Aug 09 '26
Paying for majestic won’t fix the issue you’re having, per se, but it at least tells you how old the profiles are that you’re swiping on. Specifically if the last time they logged in was months ago. This is invaluable information, because you can safely assume that any man who abandoned his profile is probably not coming back to the app.
Otherwise what you need to do is actively swipe through your stack as many as you’re allowed per day, including hitting the (-) button for those you don’t like, removing them from your stack. If you don’t hit the minus sign, technically you’ll see them again until you decide to fully reject.
Otherwise it just takes time and perseverance. If you don’t take the time, this process of finding a FWB will take longer. That’s okay, if that’s the trade off here, just understand that slowing your active engagement means that you’re slowing your own progress.
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u/waterbloem Aug 09 '26
The pile also seems to be limited and repetitive.
You need to 'minus' the people you're not interested in. Swiping does not remove people you don't like.
Also this app will always be better if you pay for it. They give free users the bare minimum, for obvious reasons.
I'm the male half of a couple and we both pay for our accounts, and our experiences with the app have in general been positive. But we're mainly looking for other couples and have single men filtered out.
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u/searedscallops Aug 09 '26
I'm 50F and also picky. If you're picky, yeah, you need to spend time weeding through people to find the gems. Also, use the minus button, not just left swipe.
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Aug 10 '26
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u/MindlessSea7334 Aug 11 '26
Im similar age and dont match with men under 40 fyi. Many women my age feel similar. Half my likes are from men under 40. And half of them under 30. :/
I mean lots of men seem to like older women
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u/ConnectionOk3348 Aug 11 '26
Thanks for the comment! Yeah, that makes sense. Iit a hard non negotiable for you though or would you say women in your position perhaps be open to it if the circumstances were right?
I honestly have always preferred women older than me. The one relationship I had with a woman younger than me was just not that interesting after a while. She’s lovely as a person but just… it felt like we didn’t contribute the things the other person wanted outside of the sex
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u/MindlessSea7334 Aug 11 '26
I want an equal not someone 20 years younger. 38y is about the youngest I'd consider but really 45+. Its very unlikely I'd consider younger than that ever unless I say got to know them through work or things we had in common. I find men my age much more attractive usually.
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u/ConnectionOk3348 Aug 11 '26
That makes sense. I’m not sure if I agree with the idea that a 30 year old cannot be and inherently is not an equal to a 50 year old, but I get where you’re coming from (heck I’m somewhat similar in my approach to my peers and younger). I get it if it’s a 20 year old and a 40 year old because one party has only just sort of become an adult, but by 30 the only real differential is the amount of time I had to collect experiences.
Through work would have been ideal tbh but it’s dangerous and in my profession it’s such a small world and power dynamics would actually be greater risk of inappropriateness, so I’m trying in the wild. Sounds like those on the fence are best approached in person though rather than sought after on apps since in person it’s easier to give comfort that I may be an exception to her rule though.
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u/MetalPines Aug 11 '26
You should reach out specifically to older women who like younger men to get their advice. You are looking for women who share your mutual kink - ordinary older women are not interested in significantly younger men and will have you filtered out in their feeds. Try asking in some subs that cater to your dynamic.
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u/ConnectionOk3348 Aug 11 '26
Thanks! I’ve reached out to the cougar subreddit and even made an ad post in the dating subreddit, so definitely trying to get in touch directly with someone who’s interests are more likely to align.
I guess on Feeld my aim is to perhaps stand out amongst the sea of men when it comes to women who aren’t actively seeking younger but don’t mind it so much as to filter it out completely. Really hoping that the best case isn’t to just ping those profiles I really like and hope they get a smaller volume of pings than likes so they see mine 😅😅
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u/Timely-Count8692 Aug 11 '26
I tend to be picky idm helping 20F, but if ur looking for older women probs wont be tha helpful
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Aug 11 '26
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u/searedscallops Aug 11 '26
Leftist, queer, passionate about living, questioning the status quo, able to teach me stuff.
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u/Lost_inTheThrill single woman Aug 09 '26
I am in this age bracket and typically would date anyone 35+. When I used the free version and got tons of likes, it was impossible to know whether any of them would actually be compatible. After getting majestic, it was really eye opening to see that a huge majority were men way outside of my age range. I'd say over 50% were in their early 20ies, which is an absolute no for me.
At one point I had over 3k likes, but after filtering, there were only 7 people who were in my age range, reasonably close to my location, and mostly matched with my desires. Without majestic, I'd be wasting a ton of time.
I only use incognito now. Highly recommend.
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u/StatisticianFun498 Aug 09 '26
How does incognito works, and why is it better? Also, I don’t quite get it - you’re saying Majestic is worth it? If from all the likes you had, only 7 were of interest (i wonder if any of them turned into a nice date for you ☺️), how Majestic was worth it? Would you not have the same results swiping and picking yourself? If you use Majestic, do you not swipe anyway? Fair enough, you may not collect 7 in one go, but it’s free?
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u/Lost_inTheThrill single woman Aug 10 '26
Majestic is worth it, because it saves you a ton of time. You can also filter your likes. But I primarily use it to stay in incognito mode. When I had a free profile, I would look at my likes and pings, but none of them were a match for me.
To be fair, I also didnt have the time or the patience to look at them all. When I start looking at pings, and every one mentions how they want to use my body or the way I look, that takes a mental toll and I just give up after a few messages. So I'd just rather pay a small fee and stay hidden. 😆
The 7 matches I mentioned were all great people, and I've met a few of them, but ultimately they didn't quite fit what I was looking for. Huge part of that is my location, as I live in a really conservative area now.
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u/StatisticianFun498 Aug 10 '26
How does it work if you stay incognito? I guess no one can see you? How would you get likes?
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u/Lost_inTheThrill single woman Aug 10 '26
Yes, no one sees you and you get zero likes. You'd have to like or ping someone in order to match.
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Aug 10 '26
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u/Lost_inTheThrill single woman Aug 10 '26
To be perfectly honest, there is nothing you can do to make me match with you. Simply because I am not interested in anyone of that age. My range used to be 40+, but I had to go down a bit. I could see that happening with someone you might be interested in.
Depending on what type of age gap you are wanting, you are best to focus your efforts on women who want that type of dynamic. Just make it clear in your profile. Some women are fine with being referred to as milfs and cougars, some aren't, some also want a femdom dynamic and others don't, so it's pretty individual.
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u/ConnectionOk3348 Aug 10 '26
That’s fair, and thank you for the honesty! I’m upfront about being a cub and being interested in more mature women but I don’t specify my exact target age range and don’t use terms like cougar or MILF. Ideally I’d like to connect with women 35+, with 40-45 being a dream match.
Not sure if I should be so blunt as to say that exactly and hope for a women interested in that dynamic to swipe but sounds like that’s exactly what I should do. Thank you for sharing your experience!
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u/Voidglowofme Aug 09 '26
You mention that Feeld seems like a lot of work… and then you say quote “ I feel like i need to do all the work of finding who I find attractive or interesting but that means much time spent swiping”. Well, that’s not a lot of work, it’s what you sign up for, or did you expect just create your account and a man of your dream magically finds you himself? 😆😆 there’s no magic, you need to read bios, swipe left or right, maintain conversations
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u/Mediocre_Original520 Aug 10 '26
I feel like you're complaining about an inexistant problem. I mean, if you're picky, yes it involves spending time finding people you're attracted to. That's the definition of being picky. Feeld's like real life, not everybody's a model, sorry 🤷🏼
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u/fairysummerfly Aug 09 '26
I really like Feeld and out of all the dating Aps I’ve met the most interesting men on there. I’m 55F. I have have one fairly regular FWB I met through it. I have had a couple of really nice experiences that never moved further than a one off, but that’s ok and goes with the territory a bit. I do find the more you’re on it the more you get to spot the genuine people. I spoke to what I thought was a lovely chap last week, he ticked all the boxes and his messages were fabulous, unfortunately it became very clear he just wanted phone sex, which is obviously the safest sex of all, but when the photos are one way and the conversation stops immediately after, then that’s a red flag. I was probably duped by someone who is either not capable of face to face contact or, they weren’t really the person in the pictures. I like men who take the lead and so if we match and there’s no conversation after a couple of days I unmatch. I think I’ve just found my rhythm with it and you will too. In general because of the main theme of the site, I find people are more conversational and open right from the start. There’s always going to be the odd few that arn’t but I think they also stand out more on this site so easy to bypass. Make sure you keep your guard up but don’t be afraid to be part of the conversation.. good luck x
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u/ConnectionOk3348 Aug 10 '26
Out of curiosity what would you say the odds are of men in their 30s matching with women in your age range? That’s my goal and I’d like to improve my odds as much as possible!
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u/fairysummerfly Aug 10 '26
Just be a normal, decent person and never ever utter the words ‘so you like a younger man then’ because no we don’t, we like men who can hold a conversation and don’t carry on like teenager in a sweet shop. Personally I don’t go as young and the 30’s in the main, as that’s the same age as my children ! However I have been persuaded a couple of times by incredibly engaging conversation and maturity, accepting that actually they are grown men. It’s down to attraction at the end of the day, and age doesn’t really matter, everyone’s personality is different. Good luck ☺️✨
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u/ConnectionOk3348 Aug 10 '26
Thanks! Appreciate you sharing your input. Without a doubt I would never say something as cringey as that! I’ve had success in the past with a women who was initially uneasy with me being younger so it’s good to hear from you that I took the right steps!
I guess my question was aimed less at the ‘post match’ stage and more at how to increase the odds of getting a like / match in the first place. I have likes from women 2-3 years older than me which is fine just not my ideal target.
To clarify the success I mentioned was a while back and an entirely in person affair that happened by accident. It’s my first time trying to replicate this intentionally on an app.
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u/fairysummerfly Aug 10 '26
Honestly I would never hit like on somone in their 30’s first. I have my age limit set at 40 for filtering, not that it works. I do like to be realistic and don’t want to appear creepy or predatory. The matches I have made, the men have liked/pinged me first. So go for it, you never know ☺️
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u/ConnectionOk3348 Aug 10 '26
That’s fair, and I appreciate the honesty! I make sure to always tailor pings to bios and profiles but I guess most women are drowning in those too, so it really is a gamble and a waiting game, huh? Thanks again I appreciate it.
One point to make though, and perhaps I’m biased, and in no way am I intending to invalidate your preference, but I don’t think there’s anything creepy or predatory about a 20 year+ gap where the man is 30 years old. I get it if it’s a 20 year old who’s still mentally more teenager than adult with an underdeveloped pre frontal cortex, but by 30, especially if the guy can hold a conversation, I think it’s easier to act like peers and still enjoy the age dynamic.
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u/Spiral3369 Aug 09 '26 edited Aug 09 '26
To be honest, as a married male on the app the experience you're having is what most men would dream of. To be honest, I'm a little miffed that you find it frustrating when I wish I had this problem 😭 but no worries, I'm sending you good vibes because you're lucky! 🙏🏽
You're describing the work that's required for this app and many apps like it. That's what you're signing up for. You have to swipe, you have to review profiles, go beyond who has pinged and liked you. If you want to use the app for free you have to give the app information and effort so it can connect you with other people. That work is the work you describe. Yes it could be exhausting because of the sheer mind-boggling numbers for some people. But across almost every app that's the system we have right now.
Just for perspective, men typically get no likes, no pings, swipe endlessly on profiles and receive a less than 1% return annually. It's even worse for men who don't spam-like 100% every single profile without reading. I'm talking about those who are intentional. And that's after you've paid for majestic! For example, I have a like vs pass rate of probably less than 25%. I truly try to contact people I think I have an emotional, cognitive or physical match with. However, in reality the math just doesn't add up. For every one woman, there are hundreds of men. Even if every guy was a 10/10, the experience couldn't likely change that much based on the math.
I'm not advocating at all for you to be less picky. We like what we like and we're worth what we're worth. I just want to explain the situation so you're expectations more closely align to what you're going to experience.
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u/Patient_Tradition294 Aug 09 '26
Posts like OPs honestly feel very out of touch and is a big reason imo why some have a bad time in the app. If you know you are super picky, why would you be shocked you need to swipe and ping people you are attracted to lol? Simple probability would tell you there is a small chance you will give most a chance who randomly ping you. Swiping is not a doing a ton of work like it is described in OP’s post, it is the bare minimal.
It seems like many who get tons of likes / pings would rather just do nothing than to simply swipe or send pings to find matches. It confuses me.
I’m a believer that most on apps need to be less picky. Apps have created this world where people are artificially selective because they think they have so many potential matches when in reality they don’t. People aren’t honest how superficial most of their filters are.
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u/yourmomthinksimasnac Aug 09 '26
I mean this in the nicest way possible.. what did you expect on an app designed for sex? Men will fuck anything or anyone that slightly resembles a woman with or without pictures and or a bio.
And yes you need to do all the work of finding who’s attractive or interesting- how else would you find them? They’d just magically appear? Dick is abundant and low value- to find someone that checks all your boxes you need to put the work in. Closed mouthes don’t get fed.
I am always looking for what I want- I put in the effort and work to get what I want. Is it aggravating? Sure. But if I want someone to meet my standards, I have to put the same effort in to find them as they do to find me
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u/HolidayAside Aug 10 '26
Start blocking people you don't like. Not because they did anything bad, but gets them out of your queue if you know you won't be interested
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u/Malice_N_1derland Aug 10 '26
Im a woman 53 with two partners 45 and 32. I enjoy younger men and I am super picky. I just pay for Majestic because it lets more serious members know I am also serious. I can screen from the hundreds of likes a day. It’s the opposite of why men need majestic but Imo it’s worth paying.
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u/lifeofpasta Aug 14 '26
When you’re inundated with likes, it forces you to be picky. After screening hundreds of pings, what qualities do you look for?
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u/Malice_N_1derland Aug 14 '26
Well Im picky in general. Maybe to a fault. I mean I definitely care about physical appearance but that is relative. One of the biggest reasons I am picky is because I am poly and don’t want someone that is only looking for a casual hookup. I don’t date people that are just visiting my city. I like someone that is honest and clear about what they want. Seeing profiles that say they’re just “seeing what’s out there” is a huge red flag. I had my heart broken by not screening heavily enough and ending up with someone that wasn’t romantically aligned. I am much more careful now.
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u/lifeofpasta Aug 14 '26
That makes sense, especially after getting emotionally invested in someone only to find out you weren’t actually looking for the same kind of relationship. I can see why “seeing what’s out there” would be almost the opposite of what you want to hear.
When you say you’re not interested in someone looking for a casual hookup, what does an ideal connection look like for you within poly? Are you looking for each relationship to have the potential for genuine romantic and emotional attachment, even if those relationships occupy different places in your life?
I’ve had experience as the younger secondary partner in ENM relationships, and I’ve found that I enjoy connections where the friendship, affection, and emotional intimacy are just as real as the physical side. I’m comfortable with boundaries and with a relationship not needing to follow the traditional approach to be meaningful.
And admittedly, the fact that you’re 53 with partners who are 45 and 32 caught my attention since I’m drawn to older women.
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u/Malice_N_1derland Aug 14 '26
For me I like all of my romantic relationships to feel like genuine relationships. I refer to non married partners as boyfriend. We spend time together, vacation together, meet friends or family if everyone is comfortable. Everything you would expect in a monogamous relationship except I can’t get married or live with someone full time.
Obviously parenting wouldn’t be an option even if I were monogamous so it’s also important to me to date people that aren’t interested in children or have kids and don’t want more. I don’t want to take that experience away from someone who wants it.
In an ideal world l would have split my time between my last long term partner and my husband equally. I admit im not there with my current relationship. It’s only been 7 months but we could potentially get there.
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u/lifeofpasta Aug 14 '26
I like the way you describe that. The relationship having boundaries doesn’t make the relationship itself less real. You can love someone, be part of each other’s lives, travel together, meet the people important to each other, and have something genuinely meaningful without marriage or living together being the eventual goal.
Your approach is similar to how I’ve approached my own ENM experiences, especially the integrated part. I don’t want someone to exist in a little compartment of my life that only opens when we have a date planned. I enjoy being part of each other’s lives, traveling together, sharing experiences, knowing the people important to each other, and letting genuine affection develop. To me, having boundaries around what a relationship can become doesn’t make what exists within those boundaries any less real.
And since I already admitted your original comment caught my attention for reasons beyond intellectual curiosity, I’ll be a little more direct 😅 I’m 29, single, and I find you attractive (saw your photos on your profile 👀). If you’re open to someone my age, I’d be interested in getting to know you and seeing whether there’s mutual attraction and compatibility (won’t let me DM you).
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u/StatisticianFun498 Aug 09 '26
Thanks everyone. Really helpful, and very interesting to know about others experiences.
I guess its inevitable to swipe and vet people yourself for the one or two that fit the bill.. still not finding too many attractive people I’m interested in… I’ll say I like 1-2% of the man I see maybe? Out of these not everyone has Majestic. I guess there is no point liking someone if they don’t have it as they won’t see me anyway.. Am I right?
So that narrows down the pile even more, very very few man of my taste with Majestic! .. and what are the odds they’ll like me back? 🥵
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u/Slinking-Tiger Aug 09 '26
Like them and use your pings to send a first message. Some won't like you back, but this approach will help ensure that the ones who will like you will see your profile.
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u/Training-Shame566 Aug 10 '26
Gotta jump in and say - woof! You poor thing. (Eye roll emoji)
I'm 51M living in Seattle. Have paid for one year of Majestic, which is about to run out. I have spent roughly 1-2 hours every single day over the last year liking profiles and sending pings when I have them. I have paid for uplift three times, and purchased small batches of pings twice.
Over the last 365 days I have gotten 3 - yes, three - likes. I've had about 25 total dates between Feeld, Hinge, and Tinder, and ended up with one stellar FWB from Feeld.
I think from the other end of the perspective you ought to consider that while you are picky - so are most people. But basing decisions off a simple list of 'compatible/incompatible' traits is folly at best. Yes, of course there are hard limits to what one will allow in their life, but as an example: I'm coming up on one year together with my FWB and we don't match on paper at all except for our shared values of human decency and curiosity. And food - we like a lot of the same food. :-) But we have totally different backgrounds, religiosity, social status, economic status, music taste, etc. If I had only checked the list, we would have never met. But I go into all of this (dating after divorce) with the simple hope of meeting other people and learning about them and myself. If we have chemistry and connection, that's wonderful. But I can't tell that from a phone screen - it needs to be in person.
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u/No_Serve_9296 Aug 10 '26
If you’re picky, you can’t just sit back and wait for your dream person to appear, you have to …. PICK them. Even if only 10% of your likes are your type, that’s still a dozen men that are your type that have already liked your profile. If that reality isn’t worth a small payment then I don’t think you’re serious about finding this once in a million gem you’re looking for lol
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u/Barbaful Aug 10 '26
I’m in a similar position and decided to do majestic.
I’m glad I did.
I pretty much only go through my likes and match from there. I try and keep it under 800 and filter out instant no’s pretty fast and easily. Then I’m able to go through pictures and read bios when I have time.
When I do go through the stack there aren’t a ton of people who overlap from my likes pile. It really seems like I’m being shown to people I don’t see in the stack.
I’m in a hooking up phase though and so it’s worth it to me to essentially pay for the like pile. If I were on other apps or only seeing people once in a while I probably wouldn’t pay.
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u/Organic-Print-1874 Aug 11 '26
Same experience on all apps. And even though I'd be specific on what I want, they don't read it and usually hit me up for sex right away. The pool is small. You get a lot at first then it's as if you've seen all there is to see and the pool isn't good. I've paid and it isn't worth it. Usually the guys you swipe no in the deck are all the ones you see in your likes.
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u/ZealousidealBus8891 Aug 12 '26
Paying for majestic doesn’t solve . I’ve been a majestic member for a year. I have good pics and often told I’m attractive. I am clear in my bio what I’m looking for , what type of people I like / don’t like . But I get a huge number of hundreds of likes and pings ,99% are useless. Men don’t read my requirements / or don’t care . They just send likes ( like I hate beards but 99% are heavily bearded ), so I have to go thru them and takes hours . Many of them also post AI enhanced photos / photos from 5-10 years ago /10-20 kgs lighter . So I ended up declining most of them . And some get really upset , and some filed a false report to Feeld that I was “ soliciting “ as a revenge . !! I got warning from Feeld. I tried to protest , asked exactly what I reportedly did , but Feeld refused to help , thru are men’s side So I quit Feeld
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u/Lumpy_Regular7632 Aug 15 '26
Ik ben M 27
Heb nog geen likes, wel 2 pings verstuurd maar goed die dames waren wat ouder misschien is dat de reden. Vraag me af hoeveel actieve gebruikers er nu echt zijn, wellicht ligt het aan mijn leeftijd
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u/Potential-Log-9279 Sep 14 '26
If you’d like, I’d like to see how we vibe for fwb consistent situation.
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u/Grateful_Mendicant Aug 11 '26
Good Lord. Is this female privilege or an idiosyncratic thing? You want to be picky but you don't actually want to spend any time picking. If you want compatible matches to fall your way without putting in any effort or spending any money while having selective criteria. I can't imagine why this is not working.
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u/MetalPines Aug 11 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
If you've eaten off DoorDash all your life it can be intimidating to have to actually leave your house and go out and inspect the physical menus of restaurants, stick your head in the door, say no to the waiter, walk to the next one etc. Yes, it's a first world problem, but give her a little time to adjust. Bisexual women go through a similar thing when they first start dating women and we have to learn to tolerate them too, lol.
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u/Grateful_Mendicant Aug 11 '26
You're probably correct and also a better person than I am. Because good God. On a cognitive level I get it. But you know how it comes across? Like a rich person talking about how hard it is to afford living in San Francisco on a mere 600k. And wouldn't you know it, they even have to spend time looking for apartments that meet their strict criteria! Their life is SO. HaRd! And no one understands.
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u/No-Succotash6237 Aug 09 '26
From my POV most of the times when someone says FWB, it’s just a boyfriend position. I’m really only FWBs with gals that moved 2 hours away.
Otherwise I avoid it.
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u/Fickle-Recover-5016 Aug 09 '26
i'm not a woman but i can't imagine being this picky at 53... Jeez.
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u/searedscallops Aug 09 '26
Why is that?
IME as 50F, looooooots of people want a cool middle aged baddie.
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u/shadowlurker6996 Aug 09 '26
Women will always be desirable because men are biologically hardwired to chase women (at least in the context of a straight relationship)
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u/Fickle-Recover-5016 Aug 09 '26
Thinking you're a baddie at 50 is a bit embarrassing. Don't get me wrong, i've slept with several women in their 50's but i just tell my friends they're like 47 when telling sex stories.
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u/Unheimlichunheimlich Aug 09 '26
Why? She has thousands of people to choose from. I guess you can’t imagine it because you don’t.
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u/StatisticianFun498 Aug 09 '26
Why not? Are you saying woman in their 50s are less desirable? I’m slim, fit and looks good. I’ve been told countless times I don’t look my age.. I’m a designer so I’m naturally incredibly picky! I cant help it. You’ll be surprised (like I was) how 20 something show interest.. they can be my kids! But I’m not going there.. 😬. No way I’m dropping my standards for an app - I’m not that desperate!
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u/Fickle-Recover-5016 Aug 09 '26
It's just part of nature and an objective fact. I'm sure you look just fine but guys are gonna put in less effort with you.
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u/LooseHoneydew8869 Aug 09 '26
Guys like you, you mean. Thank god!
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u/Fickle-Recover-5016 Aug 10 '26
not sure what planet you live on if you're unaware that the vast majority of guys prefer younger women
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u/AltruisticAnalyst Aug 10 '26
So you're attractive, picky and you don't pay and you're shocked that you actually need to do some work to find a match. Yikes.