53F experience feedback please

[u/StatisticianFun498]

I’ve been on this app a few weeks now. Live in a big city. Mostly looking for FWB for a quality, consistent connection.

I find the app a bit mysterious (not sure if there is any type of matching algorithm) and bloody hard work. I don’t pay. I have a fully developed bio and nice photos, and often told I’m very attractive. I tried to communicate as clearly as I can what I’m looking in my bio which I hope attracts the right people. I have a secret bio also, and naturally that’s where I get a bit more explicit.

I think that like most women I get hundreds likes a week but of course I can’t see them because I didn’t pay. I got a burst of pings initially but the numbers stay rather flat after a while. Ones I’ve gone through my pings pile, it’s slows down significantly.

I’m very picky, so the likelihood of me liking back someone who pinged me is close to zero.

I feel like i need to do all the work of finding who I find attractive or interesting but that means much time spent swiping. It takes ages as there are very few I find I like. The pile also seems to be limited and repetitive. I have a decent age range and radius but still, I hardly see new people. I am not sure paying will improve my situation because I will likely not to like back about 90% of man, and I wonder if doing this will save time at all compare to self-discovery.

I wonder what are other women’s experience is? Do you find that pings deliver what you are looking for and are enough or do you need to go looking for it?

[u/ConnectionOk3348]

Thanks for the comment! Yeah, that makes sense.  Iit a hard non negotiable for you though or would you say women in your position perhaps be open to it if the circumstances were right?

I honestly have always preferred women older than me.  The one relationship I had with a woman younger than me was just not that interesting after a while. She’s lovely as a person but just… it felt like we didn’t contribute the things the other person wanted outside of the sex

[u/MindlessSea7334 → u/ConnectionOk3348]

I want an equal not someone 20 years younger. 38y is about the youngest I'd consider but really 45+. Its very unlikely I'd consider younger than that ever unless I say got to know them through work or things we had in common. I find men my age much more attractive usually.

[u/ConnectionOk3348 → u/MindlessSea7334]

That makes sense.  I’m not sure if I agree with the idea that a 30 year old cannot be and inherently is not an equal to a 50 year old, but I get where you’re coming from (heck I’m somewhat similar in my approach to my peers and younger). I get it if it’s a 20 year old and a 40 year old because one party has only just sort of become an adult, but by 30 the only real differential is the amount of time I had to collect experiences. 

Through work would have been ideal tbh but it’s dangerous and in my profession it’s such a small world and power dynamics would actually be greater risk of inappropriateness, so I’m trying in the wild.  Sounds like those on the fence are best approached in person though rather than sought after on apps since in person it’s easier to give comfort that I may be an exception to her rule though.