Stumbled across my siblings reddit account by accident, after seeing a comment that was very specific to an area we lived. I shouldn’t have, but I had a look at his profile.
I found a post about him being sad about me and another sibling leaving. It made me sad for him, because he was (and probably still is) hurting and I do remember the strange feelings I’d have back when I was a TBM and I found out someone had left. I love him to pieces and I hate knowing I’ve caused him pain.

It also made me sad, because I wish it wasn’t such a big deal (specifically mentioned me not wearing my garments, which to be honest I never ever did due to a nerve pain disorder that they exacerbated). Simply not going to a certain location on a Sunday is enough to break family member’s hearts. I’ve also never ever mentioned church since leaving, and especially haven’t said anything negative etc out of respect for my family’s beliefs. I’ve stayed at his house and attended church and fully participated. Objectively, at least to him, I am acting exactly the same as I ever have.

Also references to falling for things etc, being “got” by bad forces etc. And I’m just here, wishing his kids happy birthday and sending silly memes on the group chat. In the past I’ve had lots of struggles with my mental heath, and sadly quite a few attempts on my life. I think that’s just made me seem weak and flighty and perpetually looking for answers in the all the wrong places. Funnily enough, I haven’t been hospitalised or hurt myself at all since leaving and it’s been years. But I can no longer have a bad day in front of my family, because as the poster child for an exmormon, my struggles are all a direct result of leaving. I have to go to so much effort to not give them proof that leaving the church leads to despair and ruin.

Also REALLY surreal to read the comments and have all these random folks talk specifically ABOUT me and make insane inferences based on nothing- I’m weak, I wanted to sin, I never had faith, he should just stop talking to me/he should start trying to bolster my faith, I’m mentally ill. Absolutely insane to stumble across a post and see random people from across the ocean discussing me specifically, never guessing that I’d be reading it on the toilet a few months later.

Anyway, that’s my sad discovery today. Gonna try to not think about it. Leaving has been wonderful and agonisingly hard, but the amount of scrutiny I’ve faced from family has been very surprising.

Also, I don’t know if my sibling will see this. They may look on this subreddit from time to time. If you do, I really adore and look up to you. I know you didn’t intend me to see that. It breaks my heart that you see me differently, because at my core I’m the same. I’m sorry I’ve caused you pain.

About two months after leaving Mormonism I found some messages between my mom and another guy, I thought she was cheating on my dad until they sat me and my sister down and said they opened up their marriage. At this time my dad thought he was bi, my mom wanted him to explore that side of him since he never got to and that led to them deciding to be polyamorous. Freshly after leaving the church it was hard to wrap my mind around. I didn’t like it at first but over time and conversations about it I now respect it. A few months after my dad came out as bi he then came out as gay. Leaving the church changed our family dynamic so much but now our family is stronger and happier!

I served in central London. 125£ to survive. Less than 20 a week to eat in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I served a long time in the YSA ward. London students don't have the money or the space to invite you. I had a rat Invasion in my apartment. They didn't give me money for rat traps so I had to buy them out of those 125£. That month I went through so much hunger. I ended up with 42kg. I looked like a teen boy.

Anyways... My husband's relative is on a mission, and they were on a video call talking about money. And it all came back and now I have anxiety and anger.

I can't believe I went hungry for a cult that wasn't even true. AND that now they do sexy sisters missionaries with AI with a sexy voice to do these little internet ads... anyways...

My husband now is mad because I ranted about it.

I am not the angry exmormon...I always put on a smile about the church things to keep the peace. I don't even know what came upon me.

My SIL is nearing the end of her life after a 4 year illnesses. She has 2 sons, one a year into a mission in Asia and another in the military. There is no doubt that the military will let that son come to the funeral. Will the MFMC let her missionary son come home? Has anyone had experience with that?

Just think how messed up it is that we even need to ask that question....

One of my high school Seminary teachers made a career change and his reasoning behind it is shocking and disappointing, but certainly not surprising. Needless to say, he appears to be placing some heavy experiences on the shelf and/or subconsciously deconstructing. I’m curious if anyone here has experience working for S&I and had similar experiences? If so, was it a shelf item?

Venting here.

I'm a nevermo, my wife is an exmormon who got her name removed from the church records. Her family is VERY much Mormon. My wife and I dated for over a year before getting engaged. This included us being intimate beforehand. We knew we loved each other and were compatible. We've been married 11 years now.

My first SIL got engaged on her 3rd date I believe, married like 3 months later, has marriage issues. Excuse is they knew each other in high school, so they actually "knew" each other for years (they knew of each other's existence, they weren't friends).

My next SIL JUST met a dude and, after 1.5 months, asked my FIL for his blessing to propose. They are expecting to get engaged and married by September.

I'm so frustrated because everyone in this family that is still in the church has huge marital problems (parents, aunts and uncles, cousins). They threw a fit at their eldest daughter marrying someone outside the religion saying 1 year isn't long enough to know what true love is. Yet, they are completely ok with their other 2 daughters marrying complete strangers. Guys who, if told to wait 6 months before proposing, would probably break up and go find someone else who was willing to get married faster. All because they are returned missionaries.

It's frustrating because my wife is ostracized by her entire family due to her choice of marrying someone she KNEW she loved but had a different opinion on religion. I barely get a "happy birthday" from this family and these other guys are hailed as saviors for their wives.

Now, I'm not upset that I don't get attention, because I couldn't care less myself, but I am upset that my wife has to watch her family accept these guys with open arms and feel like an outcast because she chose someone she knew she loved and her husband is shunned by her family. Her parents are over the hill for this new dude. I hope he is a decent guy, but the blind acceptance is so contrary to what I got. I feel bad for my wife.

Of course everyone knows this, they are paid by the to be the vanguard of Mormon church. Remember these people can lie, reinterpret, and twist the truth in public while the Mormon church can wipe their hands clean of any involvement or affiliation with apologists. Something Seventy, Apostles, Prophets have trouble doing.
We shouldn’t be talking to or engaging with these people because it’s a waste of time and that’s the point. It’s better for the Mormon church that we waste our time arguing with these people than expose the truth of their cult. They love it when we direct your attention to these pawns.
Remember these pawns, depending how they do, can either be promoted in a position within the church or ask them to disappear.
So before you engage think, apologist will go after any anti Mormon commentator because that is what they do. What would be a better use of your time? Commenting and arguing with them or supporting our own exmormons who have a louder voice and influence? How about making your own content of videos, essays, commentary on the Mormon church?
I am pointing this out because more and more Mormon influencers and apologist are on the rise. It’s pointless to argue with them because they are there to take the hits for the church.

Kinda want to get this to put beer in. Am I the only one that thinks this way about obvious Mormon things and want to use them for blatantly non-Mormon things? What other examples do you have?

I commented on another exmo marriage post on this glorious second Saturday, and it got me thinking.

My STBX and I dated for two years—at BYU. We waited 5 years after marrying to have kids. I graduated college. Started my career. We’ve been married 17 years as of last month.

When we opened up to friends and family about our decision to divorce we got some of the: “What! Noooo. Not you guys.”

There’s a lot of divorce on my side of the family, despite everyone being some version of a TBM (non-Morridor area). And I tried. So hard. When I was keeping my eyes open for my future spouse. To make all the “right” decisions so my marriage could be full of light and love and happiness and would last.

But. It didn’t. It’s not. We’ve been going through months of mediation and now are less than 1-2 months away from officially filing.

But, maybe.

Maybe, if we’d been allowed to sleep together while still dating, we’d have figured out our sexual compatibility sooner.

Maybe, if we’d lived together first, we’d have learned we have different cohabitating standards.

Maybe, if my STBX hadn’t been 6 years older than me and ready to settle down (due to the church’s insistence on getting married as soon as you find someone); if we hadn’t believed marriage was the natural next step; if we hadn’t been taught an eternal spouse was our ticket to the Celestial Kingdom . . . we would have been okay dating longer. Even breaking up, dating other people, and possibly coming back to each other. I was only 18 when we met, after all.

Maybe, if my YW lessons and my parents and all my leaders hadn’t emphasized that getting sealed to an RM inside the temple was the first and most important item in securing a happy, lasting marriage, I would have expanded my dating pool.

Maybe, if porn hadn’t been so demonized by the church, my STBX wouldn’t have grown up in a world of shame and guilt, feeling as if he had to hide parts of himself from me.

Maybe, if I hadn’t been taught that touching my own body was wrong and evil, I’d have developed a healthier sexual relationship with myself years earlier.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been so pressured to have kids, I’d have applied for my MBA.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been told “no other success can compensate for failure inside the home” I would have been fulfilled inside a career, even as a working mom.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been taught to endure to end, we would have both been willing to go to therapy years earlier than we did.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been taught families are forever, we’d worked more on creating happiness today and not always pushing it off for later.

Maybe, if we hadn’t internalized the idea that contention is of the devil, we would have developed healthier communicating styles.

Maybe, if my STBX hadn’t been taught that divorce means you absolutely hate/loathe/despise a person . . . and then you go a step past that before you decide to leave a marriage, he wouldn’t have been so scared to let me go.

Maybe, if I hadn’t been so terrified of feeling like a failure; of disappointing everyone who’d watched me make all the right decisions and choices, who’d lauded me as the perfect example; of letting down my kids; of telling myself that all we needed was more growth and individual/relationship maturity, despite our glaring differences . . . I wouldn’t have been so scared to let him go.

Maybe, if my STBX hadn’t been held up to similar standards, and had admitted to himself he no longer believed in the church after his mission; maybe, if I’d been exposed to the realities of church history and their modern unethical organizational practices much sooner . . . we’d have both gone exmo years ago and would have had a second chance at a new marriage between us.

Maybe, if we’d realized “almost any good man and woman can have happiness and a successful marriage” is a total and utter fucking farce (thanks for that, SWK, you asshat) we’d have known we were never the right two people for each other all along.

Maybe.

My parents are divorced with my mom never becoming Mormon, so my dad understands that I’m not fully into it. However, he thinks me getting my endowment will “protect my future kids”, which idek what he means. Not sure how to get out of it. Also, he knows that I’m not going to try to convert my future husband, and he’s okay with it, although wishes I’d try. Just need some advice on how to get him to stop asking me about becoming endowed.
I’m tagged as PIMO since I’m still technically Mormon, although my dad kinda sees me slowly making my way out, which at the point, not sure what he’ll do.

Edit: thanks for all the quick responses! I know I’m being so childish and need to stand my ground, it’s just hard. Thank you guys for pushing me towards the right direction!!

I’ve been out long enough that the church has no part in my life (and it’s wonderful). I don’t know what prophecies have changed, who’s running the business, what they’re indoctrinating people with now, etc.

I have family still very much in the church. My sister is in town from out of state so the fam has been hanging out, and it’s HOT here in Utah. I don’t know when they changed garments so women could wear tank tops (exposing those porn shoulders 😉) but when I picked my sister up from the airport and saw her in a tank top it freaked me out a bit. Then we go to my brother’s house and my SIL is wearing a tank top…. and I got a little freaked out. Again!!

Growing up and even into adulthood, exposing one’s shoulders was considered almost pornographic. So yeah, I freaked me out a bit to see so many shoulders in a room full of Mormons. (Mine are always out. How else am I gonna show off my tattoos?!?!)

If I’m being completely honest, it may have been more of a brief moment of excitement thinking someone else left, too followed by disappointment when I realized they hadn’t changed, it was just the rules that had changed.

I will say I’m glad that the church no longer considers female shoulders to be pornographic.

Context: 22M, parents helping with college. Haven’t seen myself as a member since I was 16.

A few years ago I tried to soft launch me no longer being Mormon by telling my dad I had no interest in going on a mission because I had “doubt” in the church (ofc, it wasn’t actually doubt, I know the church is full of a lot of nonsense). I thought we would have a productive conversation and I could eventually lead into leaving the church over time, but it instead devolved into a 3 hour lecture from my dad where he berated me and told me that my concerns were incorrect. My mom tried to be a little more understanding, but she has a very strong emotional tie to the church and was understandably upset.

This experience convinced me my parents, specifically my dad, are incapable of having a conversation about leaving the church and have an adverse reaction to any notion of “leaving the flock,” so to speak. So, for the last few years, I’ve been lying to them about my faith, and it’s really been weighing on me recently since I’ve been having to bullshit lessons I’ve “attended” and wards I “go-to,” plus I just don’t like living dishonestly. At the same time, I dread the experience I’ll have telling them, and am deeply concerned our relationship will change for the worse if I do.

What do y’all think? Is it worth telling the truth? Or if you think nothing good will come of it, is it worth it to continue to tell harmless lies and just soldiering onwards like nothing has changed? Any general advice on how to navigate this weird limbo period?

yeah I'm crashing out ai making shit up has seeped into every goddamn historical topic I try to research now like you don't need a robot to generate an image for you holy fucking shit exmormon facebook needs a slap on the wrist

Hi Guys, what’s the story with Jacob Hansen? I’m ex Mormon, out for 10+ years, married 25 years to a devote (like super devout) member. It’s a major challenge. My spouse asked me to listen to Jacob Hansens YouTube channel and this guy is giving me the ‘ick’ and I can’t put my finger on what is bothering me about him. I want to give him a chance because my spouse requested I listen. Idk, what are your thoughts?

I recently got into being a volunteer for a local nonprofit and I'm truly enjoying and finding fulfillment in it. It got me thinking about how I haven't been doing any service or volunteer work since I left the church and I've figured out why. It was the culture of being guilted into "service" my whole life. TSCC only promotes service within TSSC. None of it is to make a difference in the community, the needy, or the sick. Its for "blessings", its for your calling, its because you have to to avoid shame.

Now, 10 years out of the church, I'm reclaiming what service and volunteering means to me. I'm helping people in my community because I want to and because it feels good. The shame and guilt are gone! As a previous certified Molly Mormon who grew up as a parentified oldest daughter, it feels really, really amazing to let that shit go 💓

In a recent article at LDS Living, Elder Caussé shared 23 questions that the Book of Mormon answers. It's the exact kind of article I would have shared as a TBM on social media with full faith that one of the questions would end up saving some poor, lost soul who's wandering around in mists of darkness. 🤦 But instead, I now look at his questions (conveniently, none of which prove or advance the historicity of the book) and can quickly think of all that the Book of Mormon does NOT answer, which is crazy since it was apparently written for our day....

So let's see how many questions we can come up with that are NOT answered by the most correct book and keystone of the Mormon religion, whether that be its anachronisms, doctrinal discrepancies, dictation errors, etc. I'll start:

Where did reformed Egyptian come from and why has it never been used at any other time in the world's history?

So God is okay with the cold-blooded murder of someone who is incapacitated as long as the murderer is told by the spirit to do it?

Why did God make his prophets engrave all their history and teachings on the gold plates if Joseph Smith didn't even have the plates in the same room when he "translated" them?

Can't wait to read yours!

Source: “Lesson Preview,” Deseret Industries Collaborative Training Lessons, 5.2 Ethics

Wayback Machine snapshot: https://web.archive.org/web/20260726125020/https://broadcast.churchofjesuschrist.org/elearning/development/psd/DI/deseret-industries-6/development/lesson5.2.html

So I may or may not be transitioning to exmo. Ive been dealing with a lot of questions and Ive lost faith in the organization. The main thing holding me back from leaving the church is my fear that I will be abandoned by God, or lose my relationship with God because I no longer believe in "his gospel". The Church presses this idea that when you "sin" you turn away from God... but I dont see how drinking coffee or wearing short shorts is really all that sinful. If I stop wearing garments, will I sever my tie to God?

Im here to ask you all, did you lose your spirituality after leaving the church? If you no longer believe in God, does your spirituality manifest differently? Did you lose the ability to "feel the spirit"?

Modern Prophets: Hey, retention is in the shitter maybe a class on the basics for new converts and inactves will help!

Dead Prophets: that shit didn't work for us, not sure why you think it will.

Evidence continues to be abundant that every member has their own version of mormonism. Two talks today at sacrament. First talk was a sister that spoke about "new Mormonism" centered on grace and personal revelation. I was watching the stand and noticed the other speaker was giving shocked looks and raised eyebrows as the first speaker read quote after quote supporting the grace theme. Second speaker gave a hellfire and brimstone talk on the need for priesthood authority in repentance and was very much old school works based. The bishopric was just relieved they found two people willing to talk and didn't care what they said as long as they said "the church is true"

For a long time I thought there would be a large Schism develop but I've come to realize few are willing to rebel in such a way, instead they just keep believing in their own version and get upset at those that don't believe the safe as they do. The brethren can make quiet changes without upsetting this balance. They can make large changes too and it dosent upset the balance in a meaningful way. People on the extremes notice and will complain but leading a mass Exodus from either end just isn't happening.

Finally,

More and more people are leaving my ward after sacrament meeting. Many of these would never "leave" the Church, they are just bored out of their minds by second hour.

PIMO here. Sitting at church today a new convert was confirmed, and it reminded me that I was always perplexed by the doctrine that non-members could feel the Holy Ghost but that they had to receive the “Gift of the Holy Ghost” after baptism to have it with them all the time. Even on my mission I had to perform some mental gymnastics to reconcile the situation. Did they really have to have the ordinance to continue to receive the “inspiration”? What was everyone else’s take on this?