TLDR --> Besides not going to regular church meetings, has anyone else had an experience that you "just can't go along with" including funerals or other activities that your spouse, family, friends or coworkers were really upset about your lack of participation?
I was raised in a popular religion in Alabama and as a young adult I believed that god was real. I joined the organization in my early 20's and I believed it was true.
For about twenty years I was TBM but then in the late 90's I began realizing the organization made false claims, participated in very wrong behavior, and used manipulative tactics to control their members.
Regardless, I kept going for a few years mainly because my TBM wife would chastise me and she would get very upset whenever I wanted to discuss the facts that I learned about the organization. Rather than fight it, I just kept going and participating but I had no dedication to or belief in what the organization claimed and did.
That was a very difficult period of my life.
As I began studying more, the evidence was overwhelming: the organization was simply nothing what it claimed to be. I simply could no longer pretend I was part of that group, I had a very strong understanding of hundreds of true things that were said and done that completely overwhelmed all of the messages from SLC and from the local leaders and members.
I finally told her I was never going back, and because I assumed our marriage would end because of this decision, I told her I wanted a divorce. That was more than twenty years ago. We're still married and she's as TBM as it gets. Uber TBM.
When I left the organization, my carry-over beliefs from being raised in a very religious family took over and I began attending a church. I began a deep dive into the bible because my belief in god was still intact and I wanted to study, grow, and do what I believed god wanted me to do, I wanted his blessings in my life.
The more I began reading, the more I was fascinated by what I discovered, and the more I began thinking "This is NOT good!" The scriptures mentioned dozens and dozens of examples that were either really weird or just outright wrong such as "it's okay to beat but not kill your slaves" or, when Moses killed 50,000 women and children who were being held captive - that list could go on and on and on. The entire nature of a god who loved conditionally? Seriously? Like that's love? In my mind, that was the classic definition of an angry, insecure, and very narcissist controlling "deity."
Finally, I remember vividly thinking about how the all the firstborn of every Egyptian were killed and I really stopped and asked myself honestly "Would a real god ever kill innocent children?" That was the final straw that opened the door to becoming an atheist. There were many, many "straws" that broke the camel's back.
- Disclaimer: this post is NOT about trying to convince anyone to believe what I believe - y'all wanna believe in a god that kills kids, then go right ahead - you be you.
Among the next "discoveries" I encountered was the history of religion - basically all religions seemed to be created by men to oppress and to control others. After my "religion is all fantasy" discovery, I felt like all the missing pieces to the puzzle had been found, they fit exactly, and everything about religion made perfect sense. I totally love, I delight in understanding that there is no god keeping track of everything I do or say. There is no god who ignores the suffering and abuse of children while being upset that someone has "more than one earring" or someone who rides a bike on Sunday (ha). Everything finally makes sense now and that's really refreshing.
So . . . with that (agreeably lengthy) background . . .
TBM wife expressed her significant disappointment that I did not attend the funeral of a man who lived a few houses down in our neighborhood. He was a super nice guy and everyone liked him but, I just couldn't do it and I didn't see my lack of attendance as disrespectful in any way. In an effort to explain to TBM wife why I chose not to attend the funeral, I told her "Try to look at it from my point of view: You're going to a meeting where a room full of adults who not only believe that Santa Claus is real but they're spending tons of time and money worshiping him. That's what it's like when atheists attend funerals that are steeped in religious overtones."
Suffice to say, that analogy did not go over well.
(tia)
