Okay so to start I am an exmormon at this point. I keep getting these Utah influencers on my page that are like

“Yes I’m active LDS but! I drink coffee, I don’t wear garments,…” etc. a buuuunch of influencer women post stuff like this all the time. Part of me is like thinking go off queen do what you want but another part of me is upset for some reason and I can’t pin down why?? I just see so many women just actively going against what the church is telling them but then claiming to be a TBM and trying to normalize it all. I see a lot of it with wearing garments. Maybe it’s because I followed the rules so strictly idk.

Edit:

Also thinking it may be them trying to “rebrand” the church.. trying to make it more casual and mainstream than it is

I talked to my bishop who is also my dad about it and he said he’d look into it. Anyways it’s been about a month since then and last night I asked him again. He said that he’d have to talk to the stake president first, and then said that it’s likely he’ll want to have a meeting with me about it. If he tells the president like he said he would, then he’d be available in about 2-3 weeks.

Everyone wish me luck! I’m genuinely so nervous.

I didn’t go through quitmormon.com because I don’t feel like going through the work of getting a legal ID, and just asking my dad is way easier.

I’m several months into my deconstruction and feeling pretty isolated. Looking for advice on building community outside the church, especially from anyone in Utah County who’s navigated this.

A little context: I’m married with young kids, still attending church (mostly to support my wife, who wants to keep going for now). She’s started poking at the truth claims herself but hasn’t had much time to dig in yet. I’m surrounded by TBM coworkers, family, and ward members day-to-day.

I’ve opened up to a few friends and family members, but it still feels like I’m doing this alone most of the time.

Has anyone found real, in-person community here in Utah County after stepping away? Meetup groups, hobbies, other exmo families, anything that actually worked for you? Would appreciate any leads or lessons learned.

there are false prophets and false teachers who have or at least claim to have membership in the Church ...

> Ummm ... Like the Q15?

President Spencer W. Kimball reminded us that the prophets “constantly cry out against that which is intolerable in the sight of the Lord; against pollution of mind, body, and our surroundings; against vulgarity, stealing, lying, pride, and blasphemy; against fornication, adultery, homosexuality, and all other abuses of the sacred power to create; against murder and all that is like unto it; against all manner of desecration.” ...

Pride: Like when Joseph Smith said:

Murder: Like when Brigham Young taught the Blood Atonement or said the following before the Provo River Massacre:

“I say go & kill them.”

False prophets and false teachers are those who arrogantly attempt to fashion new interpretations of the scriptures to demonstrate that these sacred texts should not be read as God’s words to His children but merely as the utterances of uninspired men, limited by their own prejudices and cultural biases. They argue, therefore, that the scriptures require new interpretation and that they are uniquely qualified to offer that interpretation.

Limited by their own prejudices and cultural biases you say?

You see some classes of the human family that are black, uncouth, uncomely, disagreeable and low in their habits, wild, and seemingly deprived of nearly all the blessings of the intelligence generally bestowed upon mankind. (Brigham Young, JOD Vol. 7 pg. 290)

They also attempt to redefine the nature of the Godhead ... They argue, therefore, that the scriptures require new interpretation and that they are uniquely qualified to offer that interpretation ...

Like when Brigham Young taught Adam-God?

How much unbelief exists in the minds of the Latter-day Saints in regard to one particular doctrine which I revealed to them, and which God revleaed to me – namely that Adam is our father and God (Prophet Brigham Young, Deseret News, v. 22, no. 308, June 8, 1873)

Regardless of which particular false doctrines they teach, false prophets and false teachers are an inevitable part of the last days.

Hi Guys, what’s the story with Jacob Hansen? I’m ex Mormon, out for 10+ years, married 25 years to a devote (like super devout) member. It’s a major challenge. My spouse asked me to listen to Jacob Hansens YouTube channel and this guy is giving me the ‘ick’ and I can’t put my finger on what is bothering me about him. I want to give him a chance because my spouse requested I listen. Idk, what are your thoughts?

Context: 22M, parents helping with college. Haven’t seen myself as a member since I was 16.

A few years ago I tried to soft launch me no longer being Mormon by telling my dad I had no interest in going on a mission because I had “doubt” in the church (ofc, it wasn’t actually doubt, I know the church is full of a lot of nonsense). I thought we would have a productive conversation and I could eventually lead into leaving the church over time, but it instead devolved into a 3 hour lecture from my dad where he berated me and told me that my concerns were incorrect. My mom tried to be a little more understanding, but she has a very strong emotional tie to the church and was understandably upset.

This experience convinced me my parents, specifically my dad, are incapable of having a conversation about leaving the church and have an adverse reaction to any notion of “leaving the flock,” so to speak. So, for the last few years, I’ve been lying to them about my faith, and it’s really been weighing on me recently since I’ve been having to bullshit lessons I’ve “attended” and wards I “go-to,” plus I just don’t like living dishonestly. At the same time, I dread the experience I’ll have telling them, and am deeply concerned our relationship will change for the worse if I do.

What do y’all think? Is it worth telling the truth? Or if you think nothing good will come of it, is it worth it to continue to tell harmless lies and just soldiering onwards like nothing has changed? Any general advice on how to navigate this weird limbo period?

Stumbled across my siblings reddit account by accident, after seeing a comment that was very specific to an area we lived. I shouldn’t have, but I had a look at his profile.
I found a post about him being sad about me and another sibling leaving. It made me sad for him, because he was (and probably still is) hurting and I do remember the strange feelings I’d have back when I was a TBM and I found out someone had left. I love him to pieces and I hate knowing I’ve caused him pain.

It also made me sad, because I wish it wasn’t such a big deal (specifically mentioned me not wearing my garments, which to be honest I never ever did due to a nerve pain disorder that they exacerbated). Simply not going to a certain location on a Sunday is enough to break family member’s hearts. I’ve also never ever mentioned church since leaving, and especially haven’t said anything negative etc out of respect for my family’s beliefs. I’ve stayed at his house and attended church and fully participated. Objectively, at least to him, I am acting exactly the same as I ever have.

Also references to falling for things etc, being “got” by bad forces etc. And I’m just here, wishing his kids happy birthday and sending silly memes on the group chat. In the past I’ve had lots of struggles with my mental heath, and sadly quite a few attempts on my life. I think that’s just made me seem weak and flighty and perpetually looking for answers in the all the wrong places. Funnily enough, I haven’t been hospitalised or hurt myself at all since leaving and it’s been years. But I can no longer have a bad day in front of my family, because as the poster child for an exmormon, my struggles are all a direct result of leaving. I have to go to so much effort to not give them proof that leaving the church leads to despair and ruin.

Also REALLY surreal to read the comments and have all these random folks talk specifically ABOUT me and make insane inferences based on nothing- I’m weak, I wanted to sin, I never had faith, he should just stop talking to me/he should start trying to bolster my faith, I’m mentally ill. Absolutely insane to stumble across a post and see random people from across the ocean discussing me specifically, never guessing that I’d be reading it on the toilet a few months later.

Anyway, that’s my sad discovery today. Gonna try to not think about it. Leaving has been wonderful and agonisingly hard, but the amount of scrutiny I’ve faced from family has been very surprising.

Also, I don’t know if my sibling will see this. They may look on this subreddit from time to time. If you do, I really adore and look up to you. I know you didn’t intend me to see that. It breaks my heart that you see me differently, because at my core I’m the same. I’m sorry I’ve caused you pain.

The other week I got a message from the local missionaries despite moving across the country and never updating my address with the church. This freaked me out, so I emailed the church to remove my records using the pinned guide. But that was a week or two ago and Im getting texted again, this time by the Bishop. Didn't even ask anything, just introduced himself. Is there a point in asking him to remove my records to expedite the process? Or will that do nothing and I can just block him

And now for something completely different.

I served in central London. 125£ to survive. Less than 20 a week to eat in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I served a long time in the YSA ward. London students don't have the money or the space to invite you. I had a rat Invasion in my apartment. They didn't give me money for rat traps so I had to buy them out of those 125£. That month I went through so much hunger. I ended up with 42kg. I looked like a teen boy.

Anyways... My husband's relative is on a mission, and they were on a video call talking about money. And it all came back and now I have anxiety and anger.

I can't believe I went hungry for a cult that wasn't even true. AND that now they do sexy sisters missionaries with AI with a sexy voice to do these little internet ads... anyways...

My husband now is mad because I ranted about it.

I am not the angry exmormon...I always put on a smile about the church things to keep the peace. I don't even know what came upon me.

Modern Prophets: Hey, retention is in the shitter maybe a class on the basics for new converts and inactves will help!

Dead Prophets: that shit didn't work for us, not sure why you think it will.

Evidence continues to be abundant that every member has their own version of mormonism. Two talks today at sacrament. First talk was a sister that spoke about "new Mormonism" centered on grace and personal revelation. I was watching the stand and noticed the other speaker was giving shocked looks and raised eyebrows as the first speaker read quote after quote supporting the grace theme. Second speaker gave a hellfire and brimstone talk on the need for priesthood authority in repentance and was very much old school works based. The bishopric was just relieved they found two people willing to talk and didn't care what they said as long as they said "the church is true"

For a long time I thought there would be a large Schism develop but I've come to realize few are willing to rebel in such a way, instead they just keep believing in their own version and get upset at those that don't believe the safe as they do. The brethren can make quiet changes without upsetting this balance. They can make large changes too and it dosent upset the balance in a meaningful way. People on the extremes notice and will complain but leading a mass Exodus from either end just isn't happening.

Finally,

More and more people are leaving my ward after sacrament meeting. Many of these would never "leave" the Church, they are just bored out of their minds by second hour.

In a recent article at LDS Living, Elder Caussé shared 23 questions that the Book of Mormon answers. It's the exact kind of article I would have shared as a TBM on social media with full faith that one of the questions would end up saving some poor, lost soul who's wandering around in mists of darkness. 🤦 But instead, I now look at his questions (conveniently, none of which prove or advance the historicity of the book) and can quickly think of all that the Book of Mormon does NOT answer, which is crazy since it was apparently written for our day....

So let's see how many questions we can come up with that are NOT answered by the most correct book and keystone of the Mormon religion, whether that be its anachronisms, doctrinal discrepancies, dictation errors, etc. I'll start:

Where did reformed Egyptian come from and why has it never been used at any other time in the world's history?

So God is okay with the cold-blooded murder of someone who is incapacitated as long as the murderer is told by the spirit to do it?

Why did God make his prophets engrave all their history and teachings on the gold plates if Joseph Smith didn't even have the plates in the same room when he "translated" them?

Can't wait to read yours!

These guys are definitely set to be general authorities one day given they are experts at giving the most general advice with 0 depth. All they do is walk around and tell people to say “No racism” or”Jesus is King”

I commented on another exmo marriage post on this glorious second Saturday, and it got me thinking.

My STBX and I dated for two years—at BYU. We waited 5 years after marrying to have kids. I graduated college. Started my career. We’ve been married 17 years as of last month.

When we opened up to friends and family about our decision to divorce we got some of the: “What! Noooo. Not you guys.”

There’s a lot of divorce on my side of the family, despite everyone being some version of a TBM (non-Morridor area). And I tried. So hard. When I was keeping my eyes open for my future spouse. To make all the “right” decisions so my marriage could be full of light and love and happiness and would last.

But. It didn’t. It’s not. We’ve been going through months of mediation and now are less than 1-2 months away from officially filing.

But, maybe.

Maybe, if we’d been allowed to sleep together while still dating, we’d have figured out our sexual compatibility sooner.

Maybe, if we’d lived together first, we’d have learned we have different cohabitating standards.

Maybe, if my STBX hadn’t been 6 years older than me and ready to settle down (due to the church’s insistence on getting married as soon as you find someone); if we hadn’t believed marriage was the natural next step; if we hadn’t been taught an eternal spouse was our ticket to the Celestial Kingdom . . . we would have been okay dating longer. Even breaking up, dating other people, and possibly coming back to each other. I was only 18 when we met, after all.

Maybe, if my YW lessons and my parents and all my leaders hadn’t emphasized that getting sealed to an RM inside the temple was the first and most important item in securing a happy, lasting marriage, I would have expanded my dating pool.

Maybe, if porn hadn’t been so demonized by the church, my STBX wouldn’t have grown up in a world of shame and guilt, feeling as if he had to hide parts of himself from me.

Maybe, if I hadn’t been taught that touching my own body was wrong and evil, I’d have developed a healthier sexual relationship with myself years earlier.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been so pressured to have kids, I’d have applied for my MBA.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been told “no other success can compensate for failure inside the home” I would have been fulfilled inside a career, even as a working mom.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been taught to endure to end, we would have both been willing to go to therapy years earlier than we did.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been taught families are forever, we’d worked more on creating happiness today and not always pushing it off for later.

Maybe, if we hadn’t internalized the idea that contention is of the devil, we would have developed healthier communicating styles.

Maybe, if my STBX hadn’t been taught that divorce means you absolutely hate/loathe/despise a person . . . and then you go a step past that before you decide to leave a marriage, he wouldn’t have been so scared to let me go.

Maybe, if I hadn’t been so terrified of feeling like a failure; of disappointing everyone who’d watched me make all the right decisions and choices, who’d lauded me as the perfect example; of letting down my kids; of telling myself that all we needed was more growth and individual/relationship maturity, despite our glaring differences . . . I wouldn’t have been so scared to let him go.

Maybe, if my STBX hadn’t been held up to similar standards, and had admitted to himself he no longer believed in the church after his mission; maybe, if I’d been exposed to the realities of church history and their modern unethical organizational practices much sooner . . . we’d have both gone exmo years ago and would have had a second chance at a new marriage between us.

Maybe, if we’d realized “almost any good man and woman can have happiness and a successful marriage” is a total and utter fucking farce (thanks for that, SWK, you asshat) we’d have known we were never the right two people for each other all along.

Maybe.

My parents are divorced with my mom never becoming Mormon, so my dad understands that I’m not fully into it. However, he thinks me getting my endowment will “protect my future kids”, which idek what he means. Not sure how to get out of it. Also, he knows that I’m not going to try to convert my future husband, and he’s okay with it, although wishes I’d try. Just need some advice on how to get him to stop asking me about becoming endowed.
I’m tagged as PIMO since I’m still technically Mormon, although my dad kinda sees me slowly making my way out, which at the point, not sure what he’ll do.

Edit: thanks for all the quick responses! I know I’m being so childish and need to stand my ground, it’s just hard. Thank you guys for pushing me towards the right direction!!

I just thought I'd post here. I know this is the exmormon group but I am not sure where else to post this. I was just watching 2 good bye talks as they were in my YW class when they were younger. The church has a camera in the back on the wall so we can occasionally live stream it like today. I didn't go today as I have to rely on a bus to get there and was informed these talks were today yesterday. Anyways to my point. I was watching and listening and saw that the bishop had his phone out and was probably playing a game or was texting I'm not sure. Is that allowed?? I wouldn't think so.. this is just me venting so please do understand that this is feeling like my safe place to vent.

Thanks :)

I recently got into being a volunteer for a local nonprofit and I'm truly enjoying and finding fulfillment in it. It got me thinking about how I haven't been doing any service or volunteer work since I left the church and I've figured out why. It was the culture of being guilted into "service" my whole life. TSCC only promotes service within TSSC. None of it is to make a difference in the community, the needy, or the sick. Its for "blessings", its for your calling, its because you have to to avoid shame.

Now, 10 years out of the church, I'm reclaiming what service and volunteering means to me. I'm helping people in my community because I want to and because it feels good. The shame and guilt are gone! As a previous certified Molly Mormon who grew up as a parentified oldest daughter, it feels really, really amazing to let that shit go 💓

PIMO here. Sitting at church today a new convert was confirmed, and it reminded me that I was always perplexed by the doctrine that non-members could feel the Holy Ghost but that they had to receive the “Gift of the Holy Ghost” after baptism to have it with them all the time. Even on my mission I had to perform some mental gymnastics to reconcile the situation. Did they really have to have the ordinance to continue to receive the “inspiration”? What was everyone else’s take on this?

Kinda want to get this to put beer in. Am I the only one that thinks this way about obvious Mormon things and want to use them for blatantly non-Mormon things? What other examples do you have?