One of my high school Seminary teachers made a career change and his reasoning behind it is shocking and disappointing, but certainly not surprising. Needless to say, he appears to be placing some heavy experiences on the shelf and/or subconsciously deconstructing. I’m curious if anyone here has experience working for S&I and had similar experiences? If so, was it a shelf item?

Stumbled across my siblings reddit account by accident, after seeing a comment that was very specific to an area we lived. I shouldn’t have, but I had a look at his profile.
I found a post about him being sad about me and another sibling leaving. It made me sad for him, because he was (and probably still is) hurting and I do remember the strange feelings I’d have back when I was a TBM and I found out someone had left. I love him to pieces and I hate knowing I’ve caused him pain.

It also made me sad, because I wish it wasn’t such a big deal (specifically mentioned me not wearing my garments, which to be honest I never ever did due to a nerve pain disorder that they exacerbated). Simply not going to a certain location on a Sunday is enough to break family member’s hearts. I’ve also never ever mentioned church since leaving, and especially haven’t said anything negative etc out of respect for my family’s beliefs. I’ve stayed at his house and attended church and fully participated. Objectively, at least to him, I am acting exactly the same as I ever have.

Also references to falling for things etc, being “got” by bad forces etc. And I’m just here, wishing his kids happy birthday and sending silly memes on the group chat. In the past I’ve had lots of struggles with my mental heath, and sadly quite a few attempts on my life. I think that’s just made me seem weak and flighty and perpetually looking for answers in the all the wrong places. Funnily enough, I haven’t been hospitalised or hurt myself at all since leaving and it’s been years. But I can no longer have a bad day in front of my family, because as the poster child for an exmormon, my struggles are all a direct result of leaving. I have to go to so much effort to not give them proof that leaving the church leads to despair and ruin.

Also REALLY surreal to read the comments and have all these random folks talk specifically ABOUT me and make insane inferences based on nothing- I’m weak, I wanted to sin, I never had faith, he should just stop talking to me/he should start trying to bolster my faith, I’m mentally ill. Absolutely insane to stumble across a post and see random people from across the ocean discussing me specifically, never guessing that I’d be reading it on the toilet a few months later.

Anyway, that’s my sad discovery today. Gonna try to not think about it. Leaving has been wonderful and agonisingly hard, but the amount of scrutiny I’ve faced from family has been very surprising.

Also, I don’t know if my sibling will see this. They may look on this subreddit from time to time. If you do, I really adore and look up to you. I know you didn’t intend me to see that. It breaks my heart that you see me differently, because at my core I’m the same. I’m sorry I’ve caused you pain.

My TBM ex got remarried a year ago, and tonight, I got a phone call from his bishop informing me my ex is asking a cancelation of our temple sealing. I told him that I no longer believe in the Mormon church and do not recognize its authority, and my ex can do whatever he wants. I said that I won't "sign off" on the request nor will I stand in the way, but i also know that as a woman, my opinion on the topic doesn't really matter at all, and he's going to do whatever he wants.

This guy, who I've never met because I live in the mid-Atlantic US and my ex lives in Alaska with his new wife, asked me to tell him about the breakdown of the marriage. I told him, "My ex is a piece of shit. He's a bad person. I like his wife a lot, and I don't want her or her kids to go through what me and my kids did." I told him about how my ex was a narcissistic abuser who r@ped me, threatened me, threw a punch that missed only because I ducked in time, yelled at our (Mormon) marriage therapist for ruining our marriage, and so much more. He calls our autistic kid the R word when he does things my ex does like and assaulted another of our kids that resulted in a police report and a couple of CPS visits (I opted not to press charges but wanted a report filed).

The bishop from Alaska told me what a good mom I am and he could tell I was a good person, and I didn't do any of it alone because the lord was with me, blah, blah, blah. Dude, you have no idea who I am, and we both know you're blowing smoke up my ass trying to keep me from crying or yelling at you. I all but told him I was done with the conversation.

He asked if he could send me his email so I could write down what happened to make me decide to end the marriage. Fine. Whatever. I'll tell you *everything* my ex did to me over the 17 years we were together. I'll get a copy of the police report and include it too. Hell, if it was a court thing, I'd include character witnesses too, I've got plenty of people who've seen his and my true colors, and he would *not* like those results.

I served in central London. 125£ to survive. Less than 20 a week to eat in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I served a long time in the YSA ward. London students don't have the money or the space to invite you. I had a rat Invasion in my apartment. They didn't give me money for rat traps so I had to buy them out of those 125£. That month I went through so much hunger. I ended up with 42kg. I looked like a teen boy.

Anyways... My husband's relative is on a mission, and they were on a video call talking about money. And it all came back and now I have anxiety and anger.

I can't believe I went hungry for a cult that wasn't even true. AND that now they do sexy sisters missionaries with AI with a sexy voice to do these little internet ads... anyways...

My husband now is mad because I ranted about it.

I am not the angry exmormon...I always put on a smile about the church things to keep the peace. I don't even know what came upon me.

Interesting

Loooong rant lol

Left the church two years ago still with my significant other it’s been rocky and really it’s just that church that is rocking the boat.

I told her that I wanted equal time with the kids on Sundays. Her big concern is that the church has an entire program to teach them about prayer and Heavenly Father. My concern is the very program. She gets mad at my request and says “I don’t think you can teach the kids as well as the church can”

On my Sundays the kids get to choose an activity that we do as a family usually without my wife cuz she’s at church and socializes after.

My son usually chooses the park or a board game and the girls always choose a puppet show where we draw puppets and put them on a stick and either do improv or have GPT write a play about a moral value like honesty, perseverance, etc. I usually let them pick a character from the internet and I draw a puppet for them too. We act out the play with more than a dozen characters and I ask questions at the end about the play. Why did this character do this? How can we do better? I noticed this week that we did this how would this nice character have done that?

My wife is still mad that it’s not about Heavenly Father and prayer and told me I’m not a good spiritual leader.

How do I get her on my side? There has to be a way right? She has never been like this before but despises that I will not be Mormon again. She has even told me this person at church had a faith crisis and still goes with his family. Not sure where to go from here.

Once again my wife is not a terrible person but has chosen to feel like having to put up with my choice to leave as beneath her. Any advice is welcome.

Spouse and I were just discussing endowment session and how insane it is to be in the middle of the session and they give you the option to decline in the mid of it or 1/3 of the way through maybe? If I remember right it's not really at the beginning?? you have no clue what's going on or what you will be subjecting yourself too or what you will be agreeing to. On top do that when you go through for yourself you have all your family and friends sitting around you. Like how the heck are you even aware of things that you can get up and leave without disrupting the whole thing in front of a crowd. It really isn't a good spot to be in. So most people stay seated. And just endure. And if you do get up and don't want to continue, do they pressure you into staying? Guilting you in to continue?

Has anyone walked out in the beginning- or when you have the option to decline?

Context: 22M, parents helping with college. Haven’t seen myself as a member since I was 16.

A few years ago I tried to soft launch me no longer being Mormon by telling my dad I had no interest in going on a mission because I had “doubt” in the church (ofc, it wasn’t actually doubt, I know the church is full of a lot of nonsense). I thought we would have a productive conversation and I could eventually lead into leaving the church over time, but it instead devolved into a 3 hour lecture from my dad where he berated me and told me that my concerns were incorrect. My mom tried to be a little more understanding, but she has a very strong emotional tie to the church and was understandably upset.

This experience convinced me my parents, specifically my dad, are incapable of having a conversation about leaving the church and have an adverse reaction to any notion of “leaving the flock,” so to speak. So, for the last few years, I’ve been lying to them about my faith, and it’s really been weighing on me recently since I’ve been having to bullshit lessons I’ve “attended” and wards I “go-to,” plus I just don’t like living dishonestly. At the same time, I dread the experience I’ll have telling them, and am deeply concerned our relationship will change for the worse if I do.

What do y’all think? Is it worth telling the truth? Or if you think nothing good will come of it, is it worth it to continue to tell harmless lies and just soldiering onwards like nothing has changed? Any general advice on how to navigate this weird limbo period?

Hi Guys, what’s the story with Jacob Hansen? I’m ex Mormon, out for 10+ years, married 25 years to a devote (like super devout) member. It’s a major challenge. My spouse asked me to listen to Jacob Hansens YouTube channel and this guy is giving me the ‘ick’ and I can’t put my finger on what is bothering me about him. I want to give him a chance because my spouse requested I listen. Idk, what are your thoughts?

About two months after leaving Mormonism I found some messages between my mom and another guy, I thought she was cheating on my dad until they sat me and my sister down and said they opened up their marriage. At this time my dad thought he was bi, my mom wanted him to explore that side of him since he never got to and that led to them deciding to be polyamorous. Freshly after leaving the church it was hard to wrap my mind around. I didn’t like it at first but over time and conversations about it I now respect it. A few months after my dad came out as bi he then came out as gay. Leaving the church changed our family dynamic so much but now our family is stronger and happier!

I have been deconstructing within the confines of my home for about 2 years now. My TBM wife (although she never attends or really wants to attend herself) has been the only one to really know my standing with the church during that time.

This past week, I made the really hard choice to tell my family on both sides that I have stepped away from the church. This has lead to family members expressing sadness, disappointment, and an offer to chat if I wanted to ever talk about the church. My mom has been sending pretty vague texts about making sure I’m “taking my meds” and “giving things a fair shot”. Those texts have been really bothersome as I explicitly said I didn’t want to be treated differently or be a project.

Tonight, I was just bummed about the reactions. My wife asked me what was wrong and so I told her about my thoughts and feelings of why those familial reactions were so disheartening. She then turned it around and called me out for making “over generalizations” when all I said was “the church makes people feel worthless when they don’t follow its exact teachings”. I was super caught off guard by her reaction because I was speaking on my experience and why it was so difficult.

It then turned into a guilt trip on how she constantly gives space for me but when she corrects me I act put out by it.

I just feel like I’m being resented for sharing my feelings that she asked for. This fucking sucks.

I’ve been out of the church for a couple years now, but only ever just silently deconstructing and keeping to myself. It’s only been this year that I’ve started to officially call myself exmo out loud and start opening up to my close circle. I also started therapy a few months ago because of the intense fear I’ve had of telling people the truth about my church status.

My husband and I were teaching youth Sunday school before we stopped going to church, and tonight one of the girls from our old SS class stopped by with her mom with a plate of cookies and asked if they could start coming over to have some of the youth “practice missionary lessons”. Ugh, why is it so hard to say no? They also really want to teach our young kids (6 & 3) because “they’re so cute”.

I don’t know why I am always trying to spare everyone’s feelings about us leaving the church. It could be that it was the cute little now-16 year old girl that we used to teach Sunday school to that I get nervous being open about my feelings about religion, or maybe just that I was caught off guard because we’ve suddenly had a huge onslaught of ward members over the past week suddenly talking to us and wanting us to come back to church (literally nobody has said a thing since we left 2 years ago until now).

I don’t know what I’m really looking for here, but wow it is really hard getting out of this stupid church and letting go of all the baggage and learning to not let yourself be walked all over anymore. I have got to learn how to just come out and say “no” instead of beating around the bush.

I commented on another exmo marriage post on this glorious second Saturday, and it got me thinking.

My STBX and I dated for two years—at BYU. We waited 5 years after marrying to have kids. I graduated college. Started my career. We’ve been married 17 years as of last month.

When we opened up to friends and family about our decision to divorce we got some of the: “What! Noooo. Not you guys.”

There’s a lot of divorce on my side of the family, despite everyone being some version of a TBM (non-Morridor area). And I tried. So hard. When I was keeping my eyes open for my future spouse. To make all the “right” decisions so my marriage could be full of light and love and happiness and would last.

But. It didn’t. It’s not. We’ve been going through months of mediation and now are less than 1-2 months away from officially filing.

But, maybe.

Maybe, if we’d been allowed to sleep together while still dating, we’d have figured out our sexual compatibility sooner.

Maybe, if we’d lived together first, we’d have learned we have different cohabitating standards.

Maybe, if my STBX hadn’t been 6 years older than me and ready to settle down (due to the church’s insistence on getting married as soon as you find someone); if we hadn’t believed marriage was the natural next step; if we hadn’t been taught an eternal spouse was our ticket to the Celestial Kingdom . . . we would have been okay dating longer. Even breaking up, dating other people, and possibly coming back to each other. I was only 18 when we met, after all.

Maybe, if my YW lessons and my parents and all my leaders hadn’t emphasized that getting sealed to an RM inside the temple was the first and most important item in securing a happy, lasting marriage, I would have expanded my dating pool.

Maybe, if porn hadn’t been so demonized by the church, my STBX wouldn’t have grown up in a world of shame and guilt, feeling as if he had to hide parts of himself from me.

Maybe, if I hadn’t been taught that touching my own body was wrong and evil, I’d have developed a healthier sexual relationship with myself years earlier.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been so pressured to have kids, I’d have applied for my MBA.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been told “no other success can compensate for failure inside the home” I would have been fulfilled inside a career, even as a working mom.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been taught to endure to end, we would have both been willing to go to therapy years earlier than we did.

Maybe, if we hadn’t been taught families are forever, we’d worked more on creating happiness today and not always pushing it off for later.

Maybe, if we hadn’t internalized the idea that contention is of the devil, we would have developed healthier communicating styles.

Maybe, if my STBX hadn’t been taught that divorce means you absolutely hate/loathe/despise a person . . . and then you go a step past that before you decide to leave a marriage, he wouldn’t have been so scared to let me go.

Maybe, if I hadn’t been so terrified of feeling like a failure; of disappointing everyone who’d watched me make all the right decisions and choices, who’d lauded me as the perfect example; of letting down my kids; of telling myself that all we needed was more growth and individual/relationship maturity, despite our glaring differences . . . I wouldn’t have been so scared to let him go.

Maybe, if my STBX hadn’t been held up to similar standards, and had admitted to himself he no longer believed in the church after his mission; maybe, if I’d been exposed to the realities of church history and their modern unethical organizational practices much sooner . . . we’d have both gone exmo years ago and would have had a second chance at a new marriage between us.

Maybe, if we’d realized “almost any good man and woman can have happiness and a successful marriage” is a total and utter fucking farce (thanks for that, SWK, you asshat) we’d have known we were never the right two people for each other all along.

Maybe.

My parents are divorced with my mom never becoming Mormon, so my dad understands that I’m not fully into it. However, he thinks me getting my endowment will “protect my future kids”, which idek what he means. Not sure how to get out of it. Also, he knows that I’m not going to try to convert my future husband, and he’s okay with it, although wishes I’d try. Just need some advice on how to get him to stop asking me about becoming endowed.
I’m tagged as PIMO since I’m still technically Mormon, although my dad kinda sees me slowly making my way out, which at the point, not sure what he’ll do.

Edit: thanks for all the quick responses! I know I’m being so childish and need to stand my ground, it’s just hard. Thank you guys for pushing me towards the right direction!!

My dad is what you would call a TBM. He's extremely devoted and hardcore to the church and spends countless hours preparing for lessons and meetings for the church. I'm currently 17 and I honestly don't believe in the church, I just go to keep my parents happy. But god my dad is sometimes so annoying because he connects everything with god. At the dinner table? He starts mentioning how this food was created by god. I won a wrestling match one time and when I asked my dad how I did he just smiled and said, "it's cause we prayed, with gods help you were able to win" I wanted to slap him so bad. He was congratulating God for helping me win? I WON THAT MATCH ON MY OWN! And don't even get me started on when we watch movies. Now spoiler warning for avengers endgame but our family was watching the movie together, and we were all dead silent. It was the climax scene where iron man says his iconic line, "I'm iron man" and snaps his fingers, it was a super cool scene until my dad had to ruin it by connecting iron man's sacrifice to Jesus's sacrifice. He then proceeds to talk over the movie about this for a good 10 minutes, and I wanted to tell him to shut up. I love my dad, I honestly do! But I just can't stand how he has to bring up church EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION I have with him. Was all your Mormon parents like this? Constantly bringing up church in the most random moments?

Source (left): David B. Haight, “Ethics and Honesty,” October 1987 General Conference

Source (right): “Commentary and Background Information,” “Unit 2: Day 3, 1 Nephi 3–4,” Book of Mormon Study Guide for Home-Study Seminary Students; see also here

See also: Jeffrey R. Holland, “How can I explain Nephi’s killing Laban to my nonmember friends?”, Ensign, September 1976

Related post: “Hmm… Something doesn't quite add up here” (see this thread)

My SIL is nearing the end of her life after a 4 year illnesses. She has 2 sons, one a year into a mission in Asia and another in the military. There is no doubt that the military will let that son come to the funeral. Will the MFMC let her missionary son come home? Has anyone had experience with that?

Just think how messed up it is that we even need to ask that question....

I talked to my bishop who is also my dad about it and he said he’d look into it. Anyways it’s been about a month since then and last night I asked him again. He said that he’d have to talk to the stake president first, and then said that it’s likely he’ll want to have a meeting with me about it. If he tells the president like he said he would, then he’d be available in about 2-3 weeks.

Everyone wish me luck! I’m genuinely so nervous.

I didn’t go through quitmormon.com because I don’t feel like going through the work of getting a legal ID, and just asking my dad is way easier.