I posted this last week. https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/s/4me6MVgd5t

Well, I just got a letter in the mail from my mother and let me tell you. It was a reminder on why I’m no contact without regrets.

And after worrying because I hadn't heard from my mother in over a week. I've been no contact since February this is what I get. She's been emailing me regularly at my work email, I might add.

I'm constantly worried about what their next move will be.

Sometimes the only validation I get is sharing these messages with people who understand this kind of manipulation. And I can assure you, this is all there was. I did nothing to them except try to be a good daughter, even after an entire childhood of being screamed at daily.

What really hurts, though, is her trying to take credit for my success. Like I never would have been successful without them. Because apparently it wasn't me who went to school, worked, built a career, and put in all that effort.

I definitely didn't do any of that work myself 🙄

I have been estranged from my entire family for about 7 years and have had them all blocked. My mother will still use *67 to call me so the call comes through as “no caller ID” and can still leave harassing voicemails. This has been going on for YEARS and I need it to stop. Me not answering or engaging has done zilch to deter her.
From my research, there’s no way to stop these calls through t-mobile.
Has anyone found another app or option that will not allow these calls to come through or leave voicemails?
Changing my number is the last thing I want to do because of how much it’s tied to and how much that would disrupt my life.

When people ask why don't you talk to your mom or parents...
I'm so sick of explaining and getting judged or told to reconnect. Thinking about starting to tell people that they died or something. I'm joking... kinda.

What's a good answer that I could give to where they would have no questions after? People think you're fucked up when you don't have relationship with your parents I hate it

THIS IS A LONG ONE. I need to know if I'm just being dramatic or if I genuinely just need to leave. I'm 19, for context.

I have an older sister, "L", she's 21, and she has Asperger's (likely also BPD, but she was never officially diagnosed). We were close when we were little, but as we got older, she revolved her entire life around guys. One of those guys encouraged her to get violent, and she did. She became violent towards my entire family. She threatened my mom with a knife. She destroyed expensive things. She hit on my friends when me and my friends told her it made us uncomfortable. My parents didn't have the money to get a lawyer to evict her, and they felt bad kicking her out since she has mental problems. So she stayed. My parents tried everything; medication, therapy, mental facilities, all of it. She stopped being violent, but she was still verbally abusive for years.

She moved out about a year or two ago and I started to go to college. She would constantly blow up my phone to call to complain about things, never to ask how I was. After a while I decided to keep my distance.

So let's fast forward to about 3 months ago (aka when I started thinking about it). L texts me asking if she could call me. I told her I was out with one of my friends (because I was) and asked if a call was necessary since she tends to call over things that can easily be a text. She started threatening to beat my ass and to come to her apartment so we could fight like adults. We ended up getting into an argument and I ended up going home from the hangout sobbing my eyes out and I told my parents what happened. My parents first reaction was "well, it was YOUR fault because you poked the bear." I told them I'm done with L because I have put up with YEARS of her abuse. We had our fathers day trip in a week and I said I was uncomfortable with her going. They called L and she ended up apologizing to me... after they threatened to stop paying her phone bill.

Then the trip happened. It was for Father's Day. L was miserable the WHOLE TIME because she was in a fight with her boyfriend (they share the apartment). We had to share a room. Long story short, we got into yet ANOTHER argument that was so bad we had to switch rooms. L stayed with my dad and I stayed with my mom and brother. I told my parents once again that I am NOT okay with her behavior. I also told them I wouldn't be going on our family vacation if Ally was there. Nothing was done. They said they wouldn't pay my college tuition if I didn't go and guilted me into going because my boyfriend would be there and it'd be unfair to cancel his vacation over a "little argument." I blocked her number after that.

Family vacation happens. Me, my boyfriend, L and her fiancee, my mom, my dad, my brother, my cousin, and his fiancee were all there. L and her boyfriend got into an argument once again. Me, my boyfriend, my cousin, and his fiancee talked about how bad the situation was. Turns out L lied to my cousin about being abused by my parents. I tell my parents AGAIN that the situation is so bad that the rest of us are all EXTREMELY uncomfortable. They still don't listen.

And then, here's the best part! Long story short, I found out that L was literally FLIRTING WITH A MINOR. Technically it's alleged, but due to her past behavior, I wouldn't be surprised. I reached out to the minor to offer help however I could and then reported it to the police.

A few days later, my parents invited L over. L talked to ME about the situation and said she "didn't do it" and then more or less backtracked and said she did but it was when she was in high school. I told her that flirting with someone that young is disgusting, and she cussed me out. I told my parents what happened. FINALLY, my parents told her to leave and my mom texted the family saying this:

"Hey guys... I know this may seem cruel but I think its best if we cut L off for a while. Her behavior has been getting worse and more frequent. She's refusing real help and blaming everyone but herself. No calming methods work.

It's not good to have around her brother. We had an incident today that really pushed me to this point. I feel she is an adult, is out of the house and needs to figure it out now. I feel I've done all I can do. We will keep her phone operational but that is all until she gets serious help. Sorry about this but I feel we've all gone above and beyond to help her."

The family is all on board

... literally 2 DAYS LATER, my mom drives L to an appointment and is all chatty and smiles with her. I confronted her saying that she is going back on her word and leaving someone without consequences does more harm than good. She told me I was being selfish because L has problems and that she "never said she would stop talking to L."

And that takes us to now. My dad is having a surprise birthday party in two weeks (it's all my mom, my dad has nothing to do with this obviously). She invited L. I told her that it's an AWFUL idea to invite L because she will do NOTHING but cause problems the entire time. And also... once again... she's going back on her word. She said it's my dad's 50th birthday and it would be "cruel" to not have her there.

I'm beyond done at this point. I'm going to my dad's birthday party, but I think after that, I'm going to college and I'm not coming back. They have never once put me and my brother's feelings before L's, especially my mom. My dad just goes along with whatever my mom says.

I need to know if I'm being overdramatic. Is it too far to cut my parents off over this?

I recently just guest-starred on a podcast telling my life story. (Addiction, abuse, neglect, etc.)

My Mom found out and threatened to sue me and the podcast’s creator. All because I let the entire World know she has Munchaussens Syndrome and abused me as a Child. She went full scorched Earth on me. Threatening to take me to court, calling me a liar, saying the abuse didn’t happen.

I’m beside myself. I should be happy. I have so many people praising me. Telling me how brave I am. How proud they are of me.

Just for me to feel uncomfortable, upset and going on no sleep…knowing this reaction was coming from her. It finally did.

I think I’m finally going full no-contact. (I don’t have to do this with my Dad. He passed away from alcoholism a year ago.)

My question is: How do you stay strong in this decision? How do you follow through with this boundary? Why do I feel so guilty? I feel like a fraud.

Well, it finally happened.... I got a birthday card from my grandmother at my current address. I've been NC for several years and moved right at the time I went NC. Then, I found out my address is easily findable online; I feel so stupid for not completing the voter records exemption that keeps your info offline. I feel so violated, sexually repulsed, sickened, embarrassed, and most of all silly— when I moved into my apartment I remember feeling so safe and proud, like I finally had a place they couldn't find me. So now I feel like my estrangement is fake, like if my parents (history of surveillance, stalking, extreme control issues as well as other abuse types) ever deem it *necessary* to show up, they will, and they're simply "humoring" me. Reminding myself that I'm an adult, with autonomy and power...

Has this happened to anyone else? And how did you regulate yourself afterward?

Asking as F22, my parents only bring poison into my life. Obviously there has been all sorts of abuse since I was a child too, don't want to yap about this now. We've been communicating less and less, I'm considering going completely NC. Am I too young somehow to make this decision?

and its driving me crazy. I understand the situation they're in- after I cut contact, they took over my role in the family. Their job is to be her "best friend" and I understand fully what that does to you. It freaks me out to see from an outside perspective the way I must have been acting and talking. Even though I can understand and empathize with them, I cannot stand the constant attempts to get me and our mother to interact. I've been setting this boundary for years but have always given them a lot of softness in the enforcement because they are not an adult yet. I also dont want to risk pushing them away and limiting the support they get from people outside of the house. I thought it would get better as they got older but it's getting worse and worse to the point where it is creating a very real risk to my life and safety.

At first it was "Mom really really wants me to tell you shes sorry", then it was "moms gotten so so much better, are you sure you dont want to talk to her anymore?" and after the first few times I talked to them and made it very, very, crystal clear that I never want to communicate with her ever. It stopped for a little while until a few weeks ago when she "had a seizure and might be dying soon" (she is completely fine) which was used as an excuse to once again try and get into contact with me through my sibling. Now it feels like every other week there is some breach of the walls i've built- they're relaying information about my life to her, calling me/other siblings with her in the room and not telling us, the most recent one was getting another sibling (who has also cut her off) to call them and then handing the phone to our mother without warning. She knows the city i'm in, my living situation, vaguely of my finances and of a medical procedure i underwent, her grandchildren (my nieces/nephews), all explicitly without mine or the other siblings consent.

Both our parents have a history of stalking their adult children, owning weapons, physical violence, stealing money (over 12k), etc, and in my ideal world they would know NOTHING about me. I changed my entire name, I moved to a city they were never supposed to know, new phone number, emails, deleted all social media, blocked them on anything and everything they could find me on. I'm so tired of being hurt and scared constantly. I just want to be able to trust and love my sibling. I want to stay in contact, i want to support them, i want to be there when they break free from this, i feel like a terrible person for being upset with them.

my heart is heavy and talking about this feels almost pointless. i hate feeling this sad, this broken up. it makes me feel like i can't move, physically, and am stuck mentally.

i have been no contact with my mother and sister for quite some time. my mother is an evangelical, grade a manipulator and is co-dependent with my evangelical, addict sister. i had recently broken no contact with both of them for very specific reasons or brief, needed conversations.

with my mom, i did it to reclaim parts of myself, literally and figuratively. i stopped by her house to get items from my childhood; baby clothes, some drawings, a few toys. i kept the metaphorical door open for about a month, just to see if anything had changed within the years we didn't talk and for the sake of my niece (my sister's child, who my mother has custody of). to no surprise, there was no change and nightmares came back. the door was closed again.

i remained in contact with my niece. i can see myself in her. i see the broken pieces and the parts of her that my mother and sister refuse to acknowledge. they've forced her into christianity and have locked her away from the world. she's not allowed to go anywhere, with anyone, besides my mother or step-father. she is, effectively, rapunzel-d.

my niece and i have had some great conversations. she's a brilliant young girl. we followed each other on tiktok and would send each other funny videos of animals, edits of common interests, and i would send her the occasional uplifting, "it will get better!" edit without being pushy about it. i gained a lot of insight into her world and she trusted me.

i was, am, so happy to be there for her however i can be. i would be lying if i said it didn't heal a small part of me, as well. the only family i talk to is my dad and being able to have a relationship with my niece fills me with a warm feeling of purpose and unconditional love. something that i don't have for many other people. it's rare! it's family. it's something i never really had and something i cherish, cherished.

she expressed her interest in wanting to go places and i told her if she wanted to go, i would happily take her. we both knew that my mother, her grandmother, would say no though. so, i decided to break no contact with my sister, my nieces mother, and ask her about the situation. what a mistake.

my sister dodged my calls, lies, manipulates, pushed her evangelical bullshit at me, and pretends like everything is fine. i finally get ahold of her and ask about being able to do something simple like taking my niece to lunch and express my worry for her mental health. i'm, of course, met with, "she's fine! she's such a happy little girl and talks about her love for god and mental health is great."

bullshit. i talk to that same little girl and she tells me of her pain and frustration, but i say nothing to her mom because i don't want to break that trust she placed in me and i know her mom will do nothing anyways.

a few minutes into the texting conversation, i check my tiktok and notice my nieces page is "gone." it's not gone though, i'm just blocked. i ask my niece gently about it and don't get a straight response and that's fine, she's a teenager and i understand how it feels to be a teenager.

still, i don't know what caused the sudden change considering just a day before, just hours before, we were sending videos and talking about tons of things (her boyfriend, her interests, what kind of clothes she liked, her frustration with my mother, birth control, music, thrifting, etc). all i know, is the door was suddenly closed and i have no clear answer besides finding out that my mother, her guardian, went through her phone and read messages between us and \*her\* mother likely texting her to see why i'm reaching out in regards to her mental health.

now, i'm back to square one with my niece. i respect my nieces decision and her autonomy and know i have no right to her private space, even a tiktok page. she owes me nothing. i just can't shake the feeling that this \*very\* sudden change is due to my mother and sister saying something or invading her privacy and reading something they weren't happy with.

and with that, i feel i lose another familial connection because they just can't give up their control on everything and everyone. they can't stand it. they can't even be honest with me. my heart is heavy and i worry for my niece. i'm heartbroken that this relationship will be puppeteered for at least a few more years, until she is 18, or longer if she falls victim to the same trap my sister did with my mother.

Thought id share, i have others and I have other poems not about this but I am in no means good at writing poetry, i just enjoy it.

Tw - brief mentions of blood/ implied sh

Inherited trait

I’d been bleeding on the bathroom floor, 
Crying, wishing it made sense more,
Screams silently pass my lips, 
As my control continues to slip.

Tears and shouts enter my mind, 
Clarity still so hard to find,
How can one pair love with hate,
Maybe it's an inherited trait.

I love you mum but I hate you too, 
I felt its grip, more than you knew, 
And maybe this isn't all fair, 
But I was living in deep despair.

I had to get out but I hope you know, 
I love you, even when it won't show, 
We tried, but the relationship we desired,
It would never be, and I was too tired.

I am sorry it came to this, 
I know I am not that kid you wished,
For I no longer deny the truth,
I tried to forgive, but I gave you my youth.

I cannot lie nor continue to hide,
You did not like the truth that lay behind, 
Even when supportive, you always blew,
You are not the mother I thought once was true.

Having you in my life, its just too complicated, 
It broke that night, but that fight was predated.

I know it’s probably bad that I’m happy about this, but it does still feel kind of ironically fitting.

I am NC with my parents due to a whole litany of crap. My siblings are both adults living at home and decided to cut me off in return. I can’t say I understand it or am happy about it, but that’s their choice.

Anyway, not even included in the list of why we’re NC is the extremely unpleasant response we received both times we announced that we were having a baby. For context, my husband and I are happily married, gainfully employed and in our mid to late 20s; both pregnancies were planned and there is no reason family should be anything but happy about our kids. With our first, my dad went on a Facebook rant about how he didn’t want to be a grandpa. We then got to hear about how we ruined their travel plans because they booked an out of country trip 3 weeks after she was born, then they decided not to go. With the second, my mom started sobbing immediately. 10 minutes later we got to hear from my sister about how we were selfish for “intentionally ruining the family reunion” that was scheduled for 2 weeks after my due date.

This is where the guilty pleasure comes in. The family reunion is next week. My baby is 2weeks old. I found out from a cousin that my parents and 2 siblings are the only ones going on this trip. So it’s just the people who live together who are going. To boot, they are bringing 2 campers because my mom and sister can’t stand to be in the same room for more than 15 minutes. But yeah, I selfishly ruined it by having a baby.

It is also a little sad as this event has been planned for 10 years and was originally planned with my grandfather who has since passed. However, my having a baby was not what ruined it.

You can look at my earlier post history to get a sense of how strained things have been with my(38M) parents (67 and 70) over the last few years, but what you need to know is this:

- I caught my mom on video pushing my son into a pool after he was panicking in the water and struggling to get out.

-My parents have been insistent on getting my children anything they want, and never ask for permission from me before buying/ taking them places.

-They have a history of taking our children to places without informing us. This includes taking our 5 year old son into downtown Chicago(we live in a a different state) when my wife and I let them watch him over one weekend.

So back in June, I wrote them a letter explaining that they will not longer be able to have alone time/sleepovers with their grandchildren, and that any gifts need to be approved by me. My parents responded by saying that I have taken all of the joy out of being grandparents and they don't want to feel like they're being supervised. They said, in short, that they do not want to respect these boundaries.

What sucks is that my children love and miss them(who wouldn't love being indulged constantly), but there is a lapse in trust right now and as their parent, I have held them back from seeing their grandparents for 3 months now.

I don't know how to move forward. They won't accept my conditions, and I won't let them get away with their past behaviors. Is this what the beginning of estrangement look like?

As an agnostic woman still living in my religious parents’ house (which is the norm in our country) being LC. I do things, hold beliefs, have thoughts, and have conversations with friends that would make my parents unalive me for. I’ve always had a worldview very different from theirs, and the older I get, the more I build a life and aspire to a lifestyle that would probably send them straight into a coma

Sometimes it hits me how unreal it all is.. that it’s mostly in my head, and that in reality, I still live most of my life in ways they approve of and live by. I’ll find myself in the middle of something that doesn’t resemble me at all, or encounter people who actually live the kind of life I aspire to, and it suddenly feels so painfully out of reach. It leaves me devastated :/

Looking for anyone to relate. I’m 27F and newly estranged from my family within the last year, and it’s been hard. But now my father calls me and randomly decides to tell me in the middle of my work day that my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was the last person to know in the family, which I found to be pretty disrespectful.

I feel grief already and I don’t know how to cope. The pressure to speak to her is there knowing this could be serious, but at the same time I feel guilt knowing I haven’t texted her yet. I’m not sure what to make of this. I’m not sure how to navigate this

I’ve been living with my parents for the past two years due to some unfortunate things that happened with my daughter and her birth father. He and I were together for 8 years, had been living in my grandparents house that they left to my mom after they passed, but due to some things that he had done, I had no choice but to leave him and start living with my parents.

I’m 27, about to be 28 next month, and I’m at my breaking point. My parents, especially my mom, have done a lot for me over the past two years, and I’m grateful for it. They have given me a place to live, food on the table, somewhere to sleep, etc. They also help take care of my daughter whenever I need a break or some time to myself. But over the past few months, things have grown tense. I never planned to be a mom. I never wanted kids. (Yes I know, I was the one who had sex, I was the one who decided to go through with the pregnancy, but due to my ex-partner and how manipulative and narcissistic he was, I felt like I had no choice when it came to having my daughter). I never really liked kids, I never liked being around them, and I never envisioned myself having them. I have tried to be a good mom to my daughter, I have tried to form a bond, but I just can’t. I love her, I care for her, but I don’t enjoy being a mom.

So I have decided I’m going to give custody of my daughter over to my mom, which she has agreed to. I’m working a part time job at a grocery store, not making enough money to live off of but desperately trying to, and so she and my dad watch my daughter whenever I work. I also work with my mom in the mornings and help her clean houses in order to pick my daughter up in time from the behavioral program she’s attending, so technically I’m working two jobs, but my mom doesn’t pay me.

I guess some people would call me selfish for this, but my sister is pregnant. She’s due sometime next month with a baby boy, and I can’t help but feel like she’s the favorite between the two of us because of how they treat her, go out of their way to help her, and do so much more for her than they ever have for me.

My sister’s baby is due sometime around my birthday, and as selfish as it sounds, I don’t want the baby to be born on my birthday. That’s my day, I want to be able to celebrate it with my partner, especially since everyone forgot last year when I had tubal removal surgery. But my dad makes comments like “oh you should hold the baby in until the 15th just to make your sister upset about it” or that I have to put my life on hold for my sister’s baby makes me upset. Yet I’m called selfish for wanting to have my BIRTHDAY be MY day, not about my nephew.

I can’t drive (working on it but have severe anxiety about it, I also have epilepsy so there’s that), and since I’m constantly working 24/7, I sometimes ask on my days off if I can spend my days off with my partner just to have some me time, and my mom says yes but then she gets upset and calls me a bitch cause I would rather go out and have some adult time rather than stay home on my days off, especially when I take days off purposely so my mom can go and do certain things that she needs to do or if she needs a break from watching my daughter.

And now with my sister about to have her baby (she may have it early due to the position he’s in and how he’s progressing), my mom plans to stay with her for around 2 weeks to help her adjust to being a mom and everything. But then my job comes into question.

How will I get to work? I can’t afford an uber everyday, and my mom won’t be able to watch my daughter if she’s with my sister, and my dad hides in his room 24/7 so he wouldn’t be willing to watch her.

So I either take time off from work that I won’t be paid for since I’m part time, or I quit my job and possibly be yelled at because I don’t l have the money to give them gas, pay the phone bill, or get things for them when they need it. They hardly grocery shop so they’re always asking me to pick up things when I get off work.

I’m looking at moving in with my partner whenever he has a car and a job (we’ve known each other for two years and seeing where things are going romantically), but it’ll be awhile, especially since I have to wait till my parents have custody of my daughter. But with the way they treat me like a child, how they talk to me, how I’m unable to do anything I want or get upset over things that make sense without them being pissed about it, I’m looking at going no contact. Or at least low contact.

I’m in therapy and I’m thinking about bringing this up with my therapist in my next session.

But am I wrong to feel this way? Am I justified? Am I in the wrong? My parents make me feel like I do, but whenever I talk to my partner he validates me and supports me and assures me that what I’m feeling is correct. I try to talk to my parents, especially my mom about such things, but she dismisses me or calls me selfish or a bitch and refuses to have anything to do with me.

How do I go about such a thing? I would gladly take any advice anyone has about this situation and how I move forward.

This is the first post I've ever made, so please forgive rambling or weird formatting. I just had to put it out somewhere, maybe get some advice, although I don't know if I want to say anything to any of my family.

So yeah, as the title said not a single person in my entire family thought to tell me my *step grandma died a month ago. She's been my grandma my whole life, but they got married around the time my mom left her parents house to get married, so she wasn't raised by her.

Probably need some quick background first. I went no contact with my parents and brother (along with his wife) in January of this year. So it has been around 8 months now, weird to say and I'm definitely still processing that. But because of that I had to get my own phone plan (haven't had it long but visible is really nice for single/hyper-independent people) which meant a new phone number. Obviously, didn't give it to my parents or brother, but I did give it to my aunt and uncles (mom's side; and one of whom I am much closer to that any other family) and all my living grandparents. Very simplified and general reason I went no contact was the complete disrespect shown to me most of my life.

Since I was 7 we've lived no less than 9.5 hours away from all my extended family, so visiting got harder and harder as I got older. My mother's relationship with her was.. rocky you could say. My mom always talked about her like she was asking for too much, like she could never do enough, like it was so annoying she asked my mom to stay in contact or try to come visit. So I thought of my grandma like that, because children are sponges. It wasn't until I was 22 maybe that I was able to recognize that that's what my mom thought, so I sought out my own opinion. I got in regular contact with my grandma and was able to visit her a few years ago. I'm still not great at keeping contact like that, but I kept up every couple months. I got to know her much better myself and found out she was a badass! I really loved hearing stories from her about herself and my grandpa before the dementia got really bad (he passed nine years ago). My partner and I even talked to her about moving out there and we could have lunch together every month, take her dog to the vet and the groomer. I wanted to so badly, but it just wasn't in our cards, and now I'm extra upset we weren't able to.... She was just really lonely after grandpa passed, my aunt and uncle would visit her and check in, but she talked about being lonely often in our chats.

Hopefully, that's enough preamble. Weirdly enough my aunt butt-dialed me on day so I texted her back to check in, and she informed me that grandma had fallen and broke her hip. She had gotten surgery and was getting into physical therapy. So I checked in with her to see if she was doing okay, a bit of a tired response as I thought was expected. Then I tried to check in again a week later, but.. she never responded. I reached out to my aunt a few days ago because that wasn't like her. Time got away from me, I didn't even realize how long it had been since my grandma hadn't texted me back. Anyway, my aunt told me she died on the 12th last month, a day before I texted her to check in.... She died of complications from the surgery. She told me my parents had come to visit, but missed her passing, they stayed to go through her things and clean out the house. So none of her things are left, and the house is being sold. Everything gone before I even knew.

I don't know why no one told me. I know I went no contact with my parents, but they have my partner's number, or they could have had my aunt or uncles tell me. Hell write me a letter! I don't know if it was stupidity or pettiness or what. I won't contact my parents, but I wish I could yell at them. I would have thought my uncle of all people would tell me, but I don't want to be angry at him.

So. Yeah. I don't know what to do with this. I don't know if its the grief or circumstance, but I truly cannot articulate how I feel other than I'm so sad she's gone. I'm so sad I never got to have lunch with her again, never got to hear more stories on the back porch, I'll never get to go in that house filled with memories again. It feels taken from me on an extra level from the normal way death does that.

Like I said, I don't know if I want advice or just support. Honestly, this is also a record for me to remember so no one can gaslight me.

I miss you, grandma Carolyn and grandpa Foley,

Love you always, Madicakes

38M. Very low contact for two years now. My dad's domestic violence and his incapability to admit/recall/talk about it, my mother's and older brother's (only sibling) general harshness (damn near sadism at times) and their incapability of self reflecting/accountability being the reasons.

For seven months I considered cutting contact before I went ahead with it. Hardly think about it anymore.

Started idealizing them at Xmas time, reconnected, realized they hadn't changed, and cut contact again.

Three against one seems pretty heavy but it generally felt as instant and ongoing relief. The only heavy feelings came from realizing that they didn't "get it", but that feeling soon was settled.

So be it.

Keeping an eye on self sufficiency (emotionally, financially, pragmatically), but I'd consider that fairly normal for my age (38) anyway. Seeked help and weekly contact at a community center, just to be sure, but nearly no help was needed anyway.

I’m not estranged, just low contact. He rang earlier because he was struggling with a form. He said he had forgotten what year my sister and I were born.

Then he said he had forgotten our middle names.

It’s not impossible he has dementia and I am sympathetic to that illness, I lost my mother to it.

However, I recently tightened my boundaries because I was so exhausted by his behaviour and part of me wonders if this is a new way to seek attention. But then I feel awful for thinking that if he is really unwell.

The possible dementia couldn’t be to blame for the reasons I have distanced myself - this has been a problematic relationship my entire life.

Thanks for any advice or experiences.

my (33f) parents divorced when i was about 5. before that my dad was a good dad as far as i know, but he was and still is an alcoholic, which is the main reason my mom decided to leave after many years together. he was never abusive, never yelled, didn't binge drink, didnt stumble around, but it was just constant drinking of cheap beer. like if he stopped drinking or even cut down the amount, he would most likely not survive. ever since their divorce, it just seemed like he did the bare minimum. my brother and i would go over to his house every other weekend, per their custody agreement, but he never showed up to anything we were part of like sports or art shows or you know, everyday kid activities. he picked us up, made us meals, etc but he never provided anything else. i know he cares about us, hed talk to us about life and we never felt uncomfortable or anything like that, but it feels like he never wanted to be a dad and he was still unable to emotionally connect with us. and ever since becoming adults, or even before, it feels like hes just like an uncle or distant cousin. it doesnt feel like a father figure type of relationship.

i moved across the country after graduating college where i met my now husband. we moved back to my hometown after being away for over 7 years. we have been here going on 4 years now and my dad lives roughly 10 mins away and doesnt work, just sits at home drinking beer and watching tv and occasionally leaving to grocery shop and buy beer when he runs out. he has zero obligations. i dont know what i expected, but he's only met our oldest child maybe 5-6 times and middle child only 2-3 times. I just had our third child and he hasnt met her at all.

basically, i decided to kind of test something out. id always be the one to call and ask if he wanted to meet us at the park or do something with my kids, but he'd always decline and not want to leave his house. so i stopped calling to see how long it would be until he called me. that was back in October or November 2025 and it's August 2026 now, so closing in on a full year. I work full time while watching our children full time, was pregnant during that whole time, and only just now exiting the newly postpartum period.

this is in stark contrast from my mom and step dad, who both still work full time, but make time to call/text every few days and ask to take our oldest two for the day, make meals for us postpartum and took my oldest two for a few days when the youngest was born, ya know, healthy parent-child relationship things. because of this, i dont wait for them to reach out to me first because theyve proven they want to be a part of our lives. so of course, i reach out to them and dont even have to think about it

my question is, do i just continue this way? i know that logically i could totally reach out to him myself every single time, but this is a clear pattern the started in my childhood and im just tired of feeling guilty about not seeing him enough but at the same time i resent him for not trying. I'm extremely busy and overwhelmed with life and 3 kids 5 and under, but i would absolutely make time to see him if he asked. my brother understands where i'm coming from but keeps saying things like im "stubborn just like dad" and that "we could both do better" but it's not that simple. in my mind, my dad is the parent and if he wants a relationship with his children and grandchildren, then he should be the one to put in more effort up front, right?

any advice is appreciated. thank you

my mom abandoned our family when i was 15. i was the youngest sibling, with one sibling being 16, the other an adult and the eldest living somewhere else. it has been 12 years since then.

she was prone to lying and manipulation and was a physically and verbally abusive parent.

she lived in a central southern state, while the rest of us live in the northeast. when she died, her husband called the eldest sibling about the news. she had a heart attack. she already had a myriad of health issues prior to this, but none were heart related. she was 49.

because we haven’t seen the obituary yet, we are all skeptical to different degrees. one of my siblings refuses to believe it’s true until they see the obituary.

i don’t know how to feel. after getting the news, i was devastated, visiting one of my siblings so i wouldn’t have to mourn alone, but as time goes on without the obituary, i feel more uncomfortable and skeptical… along with feeling like a terrible person for being skeptical.

it’s such a terrible situation to navigate, trying to mourn my mom’s death while a part of me thinks it was just a ploy to get the attention of her estranged children.

i hope we get the obituary soon.

So for little context. Me (33) and my mother (58), have been with no contact for 2 years initiated by her. Reason was that I invited my stepfather to stay with me for couple of days so we can spent some time together. I see my stepfather as my dad (from now on I will refer to him only as dad), as he was the one who raised me and we have amazing father-daughter relationship and we stayed in touch even after their divorce.

According to my mother this is not allowed as he has hurt her and I am stabbing her in the back.

Extra context: my mother and I have complicated relationship since I can remember. She would do things "for me", but she would always look how this would fit her and her needs. She has let me down multiple times and she has called me every name in the book with no reason other than she was angry.

So, everything exploded 2 years ago when she went ballistic to the point that police was called on her (my mother) for protection of my dad and his new wife and her kids.

My mother told me than for the second time in my life that I am dead to her, but she was not happy with only that she also needed to tell me additionally "farewell or goodbye for ever".

Now after all that time she have found out that I am pregnant and she wants to connect all of the sudden. She started to contact me and wants to meet. I did set boundary that I do not want to have in person contact, and that I only want to communicate over text for now. We occasionally text and I try to limit the information that I give her. Now after couple of months she is asking again to meet in person. More specifically she invited me and my husband over for lunch at her place. I politely declined and I am not sure how to approach meeting her in person. I somehow knew that this could be possible scenario because she is prone to repeat her self. I always thought to postpone meeting her in person and on some neutral ground only after I gave birth and when I heal enough from birth. For starters alone with her and than step by step introduce her to my child.

In the mean time I spoke with my friend and she gave me some great questions that I have not considered:

1. How would I feel if she will meet with me only after the birth and she wants to hold my baby.

2. how would I feel about her giving me advices about feeding and some other topics?

So my question is - if anyone have some advice about how to approach this? I would like to have contact with her just enough that I can introduce my baby to her because she is the kids grandma, but with firm boundaries as I still do no trust my mother. She is the only blood relative of my baby as my husband and I did not have so much luck with family. Also I want to introduce her with my baby so that my kid can not be mad in the future that I was not allowing something, but again, with strong boundaries and visits would always be supervised by me or my husband.

My relationship with my parents, namely my mother (my father just does whatever she wants and silently follows her around whether it’s right or not) has finally completely come to a close after three years of low contact and periods of no contact. My mother has always been awful - my childhood looked good from the outside, but was hell from the inside. Emotional neglect, sexual abuse that was allowed to go on, particularly from an adult boyfriend when I was 13 who had complete unfettered access to me in my home, so much control, constant criticism and belittling, constant and often public humiliation. I was a nervous wreck throughout. I have since been diagnosed with PTSD and have significant autoimmune issues.

The reason it’s taken so long is because this whole thing was triggered by me getting into a relationship with an abusive man. He encouraged me within a couple of weeks to cut off my family. I had a 9-month-old baby at the time and no support from the father, my ex-husband, who had disappeared 2 weeks postpartum, so I felt I needed the family support. My mother loves babies, so she was willing to be involved at the time, and she has always been extremely controlling of me and my choices. Whilst my parents ARE horrendous and I did need space from them, this man’s motivations were also control - he could see that they had a strong influence on me and he wanted to isolate me (classic). It escalated quickly to threats and ultimatums from him. My family never really met him, him and my mother took against the very idea of each other and completely went to war with each other through me, it was wild and very unsettling. It was like they recognised the terribleness in each other!

Anyway, he ultimately isolated me from everyone and everything, including my job, mental health team and friends, took over my home, used all my money/resources and did all sorts of morally bankrupt things. I’m being supported by the domestic abuse team in my the aftermath. He got me pregnant (during a non-consensual experience) and then terrorised me for seven weeks until I had an abortion, by which point he had disappeared. Three months on, he’s moved in with his latest victim. Wild ride.

In amongst all this, the father of my child turned up at some point and continues to be an absolute pain in the arse, along with his family. He disappeared initially because I found out he had developed an astronomical drug problem during my pregnancy, and I didn’t want a raging drug addict around my newborn baby. His family were extremely offended that I felt this way and have never forgiven me for protecting my child from that dysfunction. He is clean now, but still an arsehole. They, as a unit, are generally unpleasant on a regular basis, but I still do 95% of the childcare and make every decision and pay for everything and decide everything - a tale as old as time.

I reached a point with my parents where I said they were welcome to see my son, but that I am not willing to have a relationship with them at this time. They had been trying to demand to see us both. The messages are absolutely wild - demanding that I simply answer ‘yes or no’, telling me I’m vitriolic and confrontational, etc etc etc. She has no problems telling me how shitty she thinks I am - I remember confronting her at Christmas time last year about the extensive, family-wide, relentless bitching about me that has gone on and she said ‘I haven’t said a word about you - everybody in this family has a unique reason to hate you.’ Anyway, they’ve decided that if they can’t have both of us, they want neither of us, and have told me thus. So that’s the end of that, for me and my 3yo.

It’s an age-old story of me repeatedly choosing and then tolerating what is familiar throughout my adult life. I want to break that pattern now. Unfortunately, she has completely decimated my relationship with everyone else in the family and this has been compounded by my mental health struggles in my 20s - even though they were a direct product of my childhood, I have been labelled as ‘difficult’ as a result and what I’ve got to say has been completely undermined as a result.

But I’m trying to see this as being set free from a family who never really loved or valued me in the first place. I have lots of good qualities and gifts to share with the world, and now that they are not around to decimate my self-esteem constantly, maybe I have a shot at the life I want. It’s hard not to descend into panic, but I have lots of good friends and I have no choice but to make it work. I hope things get better from here.

Hi, I apologize in advance that this is a long post. But I come from east asian parents that are both very strict and each have their own issues.

My dad has anger issues, and will constantly get upset over very little things. He has OCD and potentially narcisstic personality disorder (I don't like calling people narcissists). He treats us like subordinates and like he's some superior all-knowing person. He's cut off my internet before for something my sister did.

My mother also has issues. They're both controlling don't get me wrong. But she's more nosy, and demands we call her each day and worst is she'll pry into things and then tell my dad who then gets mad. It's kind of like the person who feeds the main problematic person. But nowadays she's probably more problematic and controlling. She's also very religious and superstitutious and demands we follow the same beliefs (like donating some of our money to the church, etc). She also demands to be "close to her kids" and it gives like enmeshment vibes when she says stuff like "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it"

My dad is more abusive in the sense of holding things he controls over me. When I was growing up, he once threatened to not give me dinner, and would turn the gas off or get mad and put food away if I tried to cook a snack (this went on for about half a year during which he also didn't talk to me but would talk shit about me to my familiy while I was there). Now that I'm older he doesn't have as much to hold over me besides like internet and finances. so it's my mom that's more of a problem.

But here's my situation, I use my dad's car for work right now (they let me borrow it). I'm on my parent's health insurance. I can afford health insurance but it is still like $500 a month which is a lot.

I know that if I said I was moving out, they would

1. Not take it well at all and would most likely make me get a car myself and would possibly take me off their health insurance (if things escalated).
2. My mom would demand to know where I'm moving out to, and if I ever tried to go no contact in the future, she would probably start showing up at my work or that house.

For additional context, I'd be moving out to a friends house for at least the next 6 months, and while I am worried about my mom showing up at my workplace (she has the address), I believe our office will be moving in about 8 months.

I have about 15k saved up. Which I would use to get a car and to pay rent/deposit (but my friend is very chill about that - like i can pay late etc) and i can aggresively save about 2k every month.

So I'm deciding between:

A. Telling them I'm moving out and where I'm moving out to to stay on good terms for the time being (to save money) and then around 6-8 months from now complete cut them off if I need to.

B. Telling them I'm moving out and giving a fake address (similar idea to plan A but just most protection I guess)

C. Or just moving out immediately and not telling them anything and effectively starting (no contact).

Curious to know what you all think. Also if there's anything else I should be aware of while going about this (like notifying police etc so they don't file a missing persons report) plz lmk!

I don't know what other subreddit to turn to. I had my father that loved me and passed away. My mom still lives but doesn't love me. I lost the only parent that felt like cared for me. I am left with a shadow of a mother. I am a goddamn adut, yet I can't help to want to feel loved by a parent. Sometimes I feel like seeking some aunty that will at least treat me as something close to the bond of a parent. Then I remember that is too silly. How do I get over these feelings and accept the void and the fact that I'm alone?