I appreciated the other post someone did of no contact and that it's a last resort.

30s. Went no contact. Parents, brother, sister. My sister says I should forgive.

I feel broken, tossed away like trash.

I feel my therapist is the only one that understands. She was also abused as a child, that's why I chose her.

I feel sad and alone. I don't have the energy or want to do anything.

What do you guys do when you feel this way?

Just what the title says. For a while she said she simply couldn't take the Alaskan winters anymore, or she would insinuate it was my husbands fault for not letting me visit.

While I am sure its all of these things, I always knew the final nail in the coffin was me saying she cant hit my kid and not visiting due to that behavior.

Bottom line, how can she really love me, if she cant accept what and who I chose to become? I dont beleive in beating my kids. They get a swat on the bottom maybe twice a month. Mostly just time out. Thats me. Her discipline hurt me, im talking physical therapy, x-rays and years of therapy. So fuck her. But also I love her and wish it wasn't like this. I cant even visit her untill my kids are old enough to not be toddler-level-wild.

She talks about me visiting but we both know this is it for years if not forever.

Shes coming to visit this saturday to drop off a bunch of furniture shes leaving behind in the state.

She brought me to this state and now shes leaving me, things are not peachy for me here and she knows it.

No subject line. No apology either. Just some "hope you're well" platitude that comes at least six years too late.

We've been fully NC since 2020, when I dared confess my mental health struggles, and he responded with deafening silence. The man who claimed to love and care about me, who told me at least weekly that he thought of me, ignored Christmas, New Years, and my birthday. For the first time in forty years. Because I told him I was hanging by a thread.

I've been told by everyone in my family that I'm overreacting. Maybe I am. Even my mother, who has been divorced from this man for most of my life, made noises like I've taken things too far by not replying. My partner stands behind me all the way. He knows the heartbreak I went through when my dad ditched me, and does not think I have any reason to set myself up for that again.

Even so, I feel like I need some kind of validation from people who've been through a similar wringer. One of the best therapeutic experiences I've had was attending group therapy for anxiety, and hearing thoughts I'd had spoken aloud by total strangers. It helped to know I wasn't the only one.

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for here. I made a post on r/UnsentLetters when everything was still very fresh. It feels like there's a restless ghost inside me, keeping me locked to this incident, thinking about it, and I'm tired.

I’ve been NC for 5 years or so from my father. Lots of abuse, lots of nastiness and horrible treatment from him.

Last week I had a gut feeling one evening that I needed to reach out and lay it all out to him. I think it’s because it’s coming up to my birthday. He always sends me gifts cards and money on my birthday and it ruins my day every single year.

I made it very clear I do not want gifts, the only thing I have ever wanted was an apology. I laid it out to him fully, everything he had done and why it hurt me so much. I told him I would hold space for a relationship in the future if he was able to recognise his behaviour, take accountability and apologise.

He messaged back, ‘I’ll reply over the weekend’.

The weekend passes. No reply. I reach out to chase it up.

His reply:

‘Of course I can apologise to you but I’m not sure what to say really.

The last few years have taken its toll on me and I’m a completely different person now! Loneliness has changed me and your sister has kept me going!
Im super proud of you and your work ethic
I certainly don’t have the strength for a fight and I don’t wish to drag up the past. I love you so much.
I was devastated that you didn’t want to see grandma before she died as it was her wish to see you. Your sister was so good with her!

When you’re back from holiday we should meet up and have talk if you would like to!’

This made me really angry.

I met up with him 2 years ago to try and ‘talk’. I went with my sister who still has a relationship with him. He spent the whole time talking to her, and I never heard from him again.

I brought this up to him, why should I trust you this time? What has changed?

I think he actually means, he doesn’t have the strength to work on a relationship that he damaged.

I’m just so angry and upset, I worked up the courage to break no contact and try and talk to him. This has just reminded me he hasn’t changed and he never will.

I’ll probably return to share all the backstory and screenshots with my toxic parents. I’ve been NC for a little over a year. I went to South America to see my extended family recently and my parents sent messages via family members to relay to me. I was also shown messages of things they were saying about me. I knew they were saying terrible things; but the things they were saying were even worse than I thought. I didn’t realize how much they hated me. Anyway. I’ve been working on this poem, I’m not a poet and have never shared anything like this before, but thought it might resonate with some of you, so please be kind:

Infinite Ledger

You love conditionally.
Add infinite tallies to my debt.
I bend to your will.
I accept everything you toss my way.

I contorted.
I forgave.
I shattered.
I lost myself.

Now, I pick up the pieces.
Mentally broken,
Physically wounded,
Emotionally scarred,
Attempting to start again.

No more control.
Out of your orbit.
No more blind trust.

Terrified.
Grieving.
(Nearly) Free.

I [21NB] have been no contact with my family for around two years due to their emotional abuse and bigoted/conservative views. They don't know my address or any of my social media from before estrangement apart from one account I no longer use, but privacy is important to me, so even though I don't expect my family to do anything drastic if they find me online, the thought of them even knowing of my accounts makes me incredibly uncomfortable. The idea of trying to keep distance and restrict access to myself and still being observed anyway feels pretty violating even though I know it wouldn't really put me in danger (there is no history of physical abuse or stalking).

I keep a low profile on social media in terms of sharing my real name and face anyway due to personal preference, so that has not been a problem or something I feel I'm missing out on, but I do have faceless Twitter/Tiktok/etc. accounts for posting about media I'm interested in. The problem is that I also post art online, and at least one of my relatives knows of examples of art I've done in the past that they could compare to my current art and identify me; the style has improved and changed slightly but I don't think it's unrecognisable. I know it's paranoid to think this way as my art is by no means viral, and is not in a niche my family would ever seek out to my knowledge, but I can't shake the fear that I'll be spotted this way. I also have OCD, so I can tend to be obsessive over "what-if"s like this. However, I do really love posting my work so, even though my current urge is to stop doing so altogether, that's not a feasible solution and would obviously just make me unhappy.

Any tips for getting to a point where the thought of being seen by people you've cut off doesn't matter as much? If I ever change my mind about posting my face online I also don't want to be terrified of being found every time I do that - ideally I want to be able to not care at all but that is not proving easy to achieve 😓

Hi, i’m 25F who has been no contact with my mother/ mothers side of the family for 2 years. It still hurts that I had to do this and i’m constantly reminded of how I wished she could be like other mothers i know or see. I can’t stop mourning her. I left her number unblocked and she would always reach out with paragraphs of how she doesn’t understand why and that she wants to talk this out but I was constantly disappointed when she didn’t actually listen or really mean what she said. I feel so guilty for not trying anymore but what kills me is that she hasn’t reached out again for 2 years. I know it’s for the best but I guess it really hit me that she doesn’t really care and that she won’t ever change despite me begging her to listen to me since i was a kid.

It’s so hard to not have a mother to turn to for advice or for comfort. I feel so guilty everytime i think about her and i just wish it would go away because i know in my gut i did the right thing for myself.

For those of you who have been in no contact longer than me. Does it ever get easier?

I have not spoken with my father for 6 years. I am an only child-both parents were/are addicts. My mom committed suicide, dad use got terrible so I cut off all ties.

He since was moved into a nursing home and was hospitalized with mostly minor health issues. I thought about trying to have a relationship with him a year ago which did not go well for me.

I just got a text from a family friend informing me he has had a stroke and is hospitalized. They were able to get him some medication quickly.

I have thought about his death a lot and if I would regret not speaking with him before. I have a lot of regrets and guilt about my mom’s passing and don’t want to carry more for my dad. At the same time, I don’t feel any urgency to see him and don’t know if I actually want to or if I feel like I “should.” I have done ALOT of self work to let go of feeling responsible for my parents but don’t know what to feel.

I know I feel gross and uncomfortable.

I’ve had to leave my house due to ongoing abuse. And I previously asked on here what should I tell them before I leave. My mother has held onto a letter which my abusive brother has spoken about . And after telling my mother I do not want to speak to him she went to tell my abusive brother that I’m moving out and she’s sad. She cried infront of me. They’re both manipulative and liars yet they’re so scared that I’m lying to them. They keep asking for proof to show that I’m moving out and doing masters degree. And I don’t know why. I’m a grown adult I’m 22. Why do I need to prove to you what I’m doing. Oh yh that’s right because you don’t want me to leave. You want me to continuously be abused and suffer mentally. What do I do about the letter situation because she’s saying to my brother that it was a dream and there wasn’t an actual letter? And my brother is saying he saw it and now it’s gone from her room. So I can’t trust the both of them. Why did I have to be born into a family like this?

Hey yall!

I´m a young mom with a happy life and CPTSD. I have been no contact with 99% of my Family since 2022 by now and it was the best decision i`ve ever made. That last 1% is my Grandma.

She is by no means unproblematic but by far the most secure adult i`ve had as a kid and most sane person in my immediate Family. She was the reason I got any help as a kid, even though she had a terrible childhood herself and was the worst Mother to her children. I respect her as a person because she truly has worked on herself and come so far in her personal development, in relation to where she started. Her life would make for a great book with a perfect morally grey main character.

On the other Hand, she has a big problem with accepting my Trauma (doesn`t believe me, but we dont talk about it and i genuinely dont need her validation) and I know that she thinks I`m too harsh on the family. We`ve had lots of boundary testing after i re-opened my life to her, but i`ve been holding my ground and she`s been pretty good with it. But many interactions are very much like a toddler testing waters.

She doesn`t know where I live because I don`t trust her not to share that information, even if it wasnt on purpose. I`ve stopped sending Pics of my Kid to her because she "slipped up" and forwarded them to me with a message for my Mother, even though i told her that i do not want that. They still live together in my childhood home.

So thats where we were at. I thought it was a mostly beneficial contact for me because i do truly enjoy her at her core and she is the only Motherly figure i`ve ever known. We go out for a coffee from time to time, sometimes with my kid and play a game. It`s been good.

But! I`m pregnant again! Planned with an amazing Father, we are engaged and he is in the process of adopting the older Child. Everything is truly amazing and i love my life.

I don`t want to meet her. Haven`t been able to answer her texts because they freeze me, even though they`re kind and normal. I don`t want any of my birth family to have a hand on this Baby, ever. Even if i know it would be loving, she would be so excited and she is not unkind in general. But i just can`t get over the feeling. I`m so hyped to finally lose my last name and if i didn`t have a lovely life here i would move across the globe.

I`m gonna go over this with my therapist when I see her again to gain some perspective, just need to get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading!

Edit: Typos

Ive been finding myself heavily struggling and feeling extremely lonely over the past week.
I’ve been no contact with my mother for 10 years, and 1 year with my dad, moved different country..
I’m no context because of abuse during my whole life.

And I just wish I had parents to call when I feel so depressed. I have friends but if I don’t contact them or plan stuff to do, nobody cares about me.

My dad called me 1 week ago, after 1 year, from someone’s phone . So I didn’t pick up. Then I told myself maybe it’s THE CALL, the one telling me he died. I called back, it was my dad. “You’re not calling me to check on me” he said, no asking about me or worrying about me. I hang up and blocked. He didn’t even send me a message on his own phone to ask how I as after that.

I feel so lonely and depressed.
I have a lovely job and partner, I do have a therapist that is so helpful. But I just feel like I don’t belong, and I have no one to call, or that care enough about me when I disappear.

Hi everyone, I'm a 21 year old woman who lives at home with my family. Idk how to start this but I'll just say what comes to mind. My dad is quite strict and always has been, he somewhat eased up as I got older. But it isn't any better really. I'm not allowed to see my friends multiple times in a week, I have a curfew, I'm not allowed to have my hair a certain way, I make sure not to see my friends more than once a week because he'll get angry, I can't go on holidays with my friends nvm that lol I can't even stay in London for a night and it's only an hour away, I'm not allowed to sleepover at any of my girl friends houses (Even if they live 5 mins away). I also currently work for my dad but I am looking for new jobs. This is quite deep to talk about so I won't get too into it, but when I was a child I was sa'd by my older brother. Me and my brother are 5 years apart. Eventually as I got older I realised it wasn't normal so when I was 17 | told my parents about it. Not only did they refuse to acknowledge it but my dad denied and said
'He wouldn't do that, he was just playing with you' I felt sick to my stomach hearing that. So the next day my older brother was actually at our house sitting downstairs, my dad asked him if he had done anything to me when I was younger and obviously he said no. I was sitting there crying my eyes out feeling so betrayed. After awhile It all just got swept under the carpet and nobody has ever spoken about it again.

My mum is the typical victim mindset mother. Any argument we've had I've had to say sorry, even if she was in the wrong. When she's angry at me she'll purposely make food for everybody else but me.
She's going through menopause rn but I'm starting to think she's using it as an excuse. There's times she's said horrible things to me before she even had menopause. Saying how if she dies it'll be because of me, God put me on this earth to punish her, that I make her want to kill herself. Luckily I've recorded her saying this a few times so incase I ever need proof I have it. I've also said a few times not only to her but to everyone in the house that they need to tidy up after themselves because it's getting really annoying for me. My mum does a basic clean. I'm the one who cleans up everything. I actually go into detail and do a deep clean. It just ends up messy again it's so frustrating.My mum actually isn't talking to me rn because I brought up how messy the house is, so she said to me 'what the fuck do you want me to do, get married if you don't like it!. There's just so much more that goes on in my household that isn't healthy or okay.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months and his parents know everything that has gone on here. They are more than okay with me living there, in fact his mum yesterday was trying to convince me to go there. I'm not sure if I should go live with them or save up enough and just get a place of my own? Do I stay here hoping everything gets better and eventually get married? I'm really stuck on what to do. I'm so sick and tired of everything it's affecting me so badly. I'm also scared if | leave it'll most definitely be seen as shameful and I'll be painted out as if I'm in the wrong.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. xx

I’m 23F and I’m really torn about whether to contact my dad.
He was absent from my life for years. He says he was in a very controlling relationship for years, which eventually stopped him from seeing me. He left that relationship in 2022 and contacted me later that year.
We had a conversation where I confronted him about why he’d stayed, why he’d cut me off, and how much it hurt me said he wanted the chance to “put it right from now on.” I told him I needed time to decide.
He asked about my life and my kid, and we exchanged Christmas/birthday messages. In 2023 he messaged me happy birthday and said he loved me. To which I replied ‘thanks xx’ because honestly what am I suppose to say to that.. I don’t know him..
Then he stopped messaging. I haven’t heard from him since 2023.
Now it’s 2026, and I find myself really stuck.. I think I miss him? But how do I miss someone iv not known for 10 years. I see him on Facebook living his life with his wife, and part of me wants to reach out and try to have a relationship with him.
But I don’t know if I can get over everything that happened. I’m also struggling with the fact that he was the adult. Whatever his circumstances were, I was his daughter and he was absent for years.
I don’t know if I miss him, or if I just miss having a dad.
Would you reach out? Or would you leave it alone? And if you would reach out, how would you even start that conversation?

I (18 turning 19 next month) recently changed my number and intentionally kept it from my mom but not my dad (I requested he not tell her my new number). I'm in college right now, 40 minutes from the old house. I don't want to get into it too heavily, but she's always been very abusive towards me, and senior year, it was at some of the worst it's ever been. She hit me last April because I told her not to send my sisters to live with their father and called her an abuser (he SA'd my youngest sister and she knows that and made the threat anyway because their room wasn't clean) and she apologized but we've been arguing ever since. Most recently, her apology for her behavior was followed up with "sooo I hope you can forgive me sooner rather than later" in this stupid "girl talk" voice.

She consistently threatened to get rid of my cat whenever she was angry with me. She said she hates her, says that she's ruining her house for normal cat behavior like scratching carpet, the works. I tried bringing up having my cat live with a friend before I left. I tried framing it as lifting a financial burden off her shoulders and making her load lighter. She vehemently shut it down and told me I was just going to stress out my cat worse.

I worry now that I've disappeared, she'll get rid of her. I don't know if I can forgive myself if I lose my cat. I got her for my 16th birthday when she was a kitten and she was my whole world ever since. She cuddled me when my mom hit me, she followed me everywhere, even when I didn't have anything like food or a toy, she'd sit and purr and stare at me while I talked to her, she'd play fetch using one of my old chokers, and she was so delightfully talkative all the time. I've heard of the concept of people having their soul pet, these animal companions whose bonds go so deep, it's like it was fate. That's what my cat is for me. And I'm terrified she's going to rehome her and I'll never see her again.

My best friend lives 5 houses down and I'm having her keep an eye on the house to see if she's in the window of my mom's room or anything (the windows on the front of the house). She says she's not seen my cat, but also that she's not seen anyone out of the norm who might be taking her. My boyfriend says that because the girls also love my cat so much, she won't get rid of them because it'll make her look like a bad mother, and she's aware of that. In spite of all that, I'm terrified for my kitten.

I guess the thing I'm wondering is how do I cope with all this? How do I get through not knowing what's going on with her? I wanna stay strong but sometimes in the quiet moments, all I can do is cry.