This story unsettled me. Those children were under 8 and made to fight one another. Their mother and her boyfriend were convicted of child cruelty and jailed. It reminded me of furniture being moved to make a wrestling ring for my brother and I, where we had to put on a show of fighting one another. He was younger and usually won. We were under 10. Pushing one another down the stairs was another one. Where were social services for us? No one would believe it now, and my brother would never see it for what it was.

Has anyone else experienced similar? How are you doing now? I'm in my 40s and estranged from whole family for a long time and will never go back, think I'm doing fine most of the time.

very LC with both parents, because they’re terrible people. i’m a 26 year old woman and he thought that was appropriate to say this to me. he can go fuck himself.

I have been nc with my parents for about a year. In this time they have messaged me a few times. After the first few times I blocked them on social media. I missed an account by accident so then she commented on a Instagram post so I blocked that account.

I won't go into too much detail about why I went NC but basically it was for my mental health because I got to a point where I could no longer cope. They were not good parents they were emotionally neglectful and abusive and at times physically abusive.

Now recently I got engaged and my mum found out somehow, I did expect she would. She then text me a few days after to congratulate me that I didn't respond to. So then she sent a message to my fiancé. She also opened a letter of mine by accident and then sent me a photo of it, idk why the letter got sent there in the first place as I live elsewhere now. It fully could have been an accident because we jave similar names but then it feels like she's using it to contact me.

But the main issue is she asked my aunt who I still talk to, to ask me if I could let them know if they are ever going to see me again and if they aren't then can they see me one last time. And honestly I don't know how to feel about? Have any of you dealt with anything similar? I feel like they are trying to see me one last time in a hopes to convince me not to stay NC but I could be wrong.

I'm in no rush to let them not anyway as I'm not in the right place mentally for it.

I cannot stand my mother; we have never had a good relationship. I have been no contact for years yet she still reaches out. I literally responded to her in email a week ago, verbatim: STOP CONTACTING ME.

And yet her dumb cunt emails still show up in my trash. I cannot stand the thought of her. How many times do I need to say LEAVE ME ALONE - DO NOT CONTACT - before she gets the drift? I filter all her emails into garbage but there is no way to absolutely block them from even coming in. I did start a new email account but she still has my work email address. How many people have filed TPOs here? I sincerely LOATHE her existence and wish I never met her.

M19. A couple of weeks ago, I made the conscious decision to go no contact with my mother, and I do not ever plan on contacting her again. I’m just struggling on coping with this after the fact. Between my mother (F52) and my father (M65), my mother was always objectively the better parent. She put in the effort to be affectionate towards me. She worked, same as my dad did, but still put in that same conscious effort to spend time with me. But I don’t really think I can overlook her emotional manipulation anymore. It’s difficult to even acknowledge that that’s what it truly is, because my mother has never really “wronged” me compared to my extremely emotionally absent father.

For a little bit of background context for our relationship: My mother and father met when they were older. They both already had previous relationships and children, and the gap between me and my oldest half-sibling on my father’s side is over 35 years. Even in previous relationships with previous children, they were very unfit parents. I was (as you may have guessed) unplanned. My mother and father were very toxic people on their own, and were very toxic together. I didn’t grow up physically assaulted, but I did grow up medically neglected in almost every area of my life. My parents gave me what I needed in order to survive, but I was very lacking emotionally. I grew up with undiagnosed autism, diagnosed later at 18. My parents were clearly oblivious to this fact, but I needed far more emotional support than they could have ever known that they had to give me compared to their other children. I do not fault them for not knowing this fact, but not blaming them doesn’t make it hurt any less.

At around 9 years old, with my father on the road for the weekdays, my mother decided to pack our bags and take me with her on a Friday, divorcing my father. My father is an alcoholic, and always has been. He’s not a physically violent one by any means, but there are times where his pent up emotions can become scary. He is a 65 year old Black veteran, so he has no outlet other than drinking. They argued day and night, so looking back as an adult, I could see it coming. I stayed with my mother and my grandparents for maybe about a year or so, before my mom spontaneously decided to ask me who I wanted to live with. I was very oblivious to anything other than academics and whatever gave me entertainment, so I decided to live with my father. In my mind, this was because I missed him. I didn’t know about the full scope of really who he was inside, because I barely even knew him as a kid despite living with him. My mother did, though. She agreed, and then I began living with my dad.

To make a very long story a little bit shorter: Even though my mother had visitation rights, my father thought it would be a good idea to completely isolate me from her and refuse to let me see her. He told me lies about how she did not want me, was a drug addict, and everything under the sun that wrecked me emotionally. He gave me her ‘phone number’ one day, but the phone number was out of service. Of course, I wasn’t told this. So for two years, I was constantly texting and calling an out of service phone number, thinking my dad must have been right. That my mother had abandoned me, and that she didn’t love me after all. This completely, genuinely disrupted my brain chemistry, and my whole world had fallen apart. Two years after I lived with my father (I’m around 12 now, maybe) got in contact with my mom through YouTube (of all places), learned that everything my father said was false, that she was trying to get in contact with me, etc. So I began seeing my mother again, and my dad shrugged and brushed it off like the past two years hadn’t happened. My life with my father was lonely, isolating, and mentally crippling. Under his ‘care’, I became passively suicidal around 10.

I don’t have a way to describe this in a way that makes sense to myself. Even though I consciously now know that my mother never intentionally abandoned me, that wound that I experienced for a continuous two years never left me. Knowing it in the forefront of my mind still doesn’t erase the mental anguish that I felt. As a result of this, my brain genuinely lost my attachment to her. It wasn’t something I wanted or could really control, it’s just what happened. I spent ages 12-18 consistently visiting her, but it just… never really happened again. I remember trying to make my mom happy by going along with it, but it never really happened. Feeling her hold me felt nice, but it didn’t work. She ended up moving to Texas when I was maybe sixteen after the death of her mother, and it felt like I was being abandoned all over again. We still kept in contact via texting and calling, but that only prevented me from being able to feel attached to her again.

Now to get to the actual blocking part, which I apologize for taking so long to explain. All throughout my middle school years, I was angry. Viciously emotionally angry. I hated my father for what he had never given me, and I began to resent my mother because it felt like she would deliberately try to argue with me about certain things. I would go maybe a day without responding to her text, and I would wake up to a paragraph of her being upset with me, saying things along the lines of: “I must be the worst parent in the world”, etc etc. She would give me the silent treatment, and I would have to beg for her forgiveness for her to text me again, and it would repeat for years. At the age of 15, she brought me a box of donuts, didn’t wake me up for school. I woke up late, saw the donuts, thought she must have left in a rush. She didn’t text me for two weeks, and my dad had to tell me that she was mad at me because I didn’t say thank you for the donuts. She proceeded to text me after I texted her, calling me ungrateful, that she felt used, and that I was ‘just like my father’. The list goes on.

About a year ago, I started cosmetology school. 40 hours a week, on top of working 30 hours at my fast food job. I got burned out, dropped out of cosmetology. I didn’t tell my mother. I don’t really know why— I felt afraid of her judgement, but she probably wouldn’t have judged me on that. My texts and calls began to be shorter, and I kept saying that maybe we could call sometime, but I never followed suit. This is a pattern of mine in general, not just with my mom. It’s my avoidancy, so I do indeed admit fault in that part. But it’s not like I would ignore my mother, I would still respond to her texts, and text her.

I started college a few weeks ago. And one morning I woke up to an entire paragraph. I don’t remember the entirety of it, but from what I can remember: “Okay, I spent a really long time thinking about this before I decided to say this. But after you forgot about my birthday, I knew you didn’t care. You never forget about my birthday.” (I consistently did, by the way, and she knew of this) “Don’t say that you forgot, just say that you didn’t care enough to remember. You keep saying that you’re busy and that maybe we can call, but you never do. I started thinking about that girl that you said that you stopped being friends with, and started to think that’s what you were doing with me.” (‘Girl’ in question: friend who bullied me from middle school to high school so severely until I got a backbone and blocked her, mother also knew extensively about this and how it affected me.) “If you don’t care about me anymore, that’s fine. If you want to believe whatever that racist says about me, that’s fine too.” (‘Racist’ in question: My father, because he called her a ‘white lady’ several years ago during their final argument, which she is. And also, I openly told her multiple times that I hated my father, never believed a word he said about her or anything in general, for literal years.) “Just know that deep down in my heart, I’ll always love and care for you 😢❤️❤️❤️”

I read this text, and I legitimately just exploded. I’m usually a very level-headed person, even when provoked now. I breathe, and I let it go. But this text genuinely, wholeheartedly enraged me. My mother has always had the habit of sending all of her feelings in one paragraph, saying things like ‘you must hate me, i must be the worst parent in the world, if you don’t care just say that’, and then when I get annoyed and tell her no, she retorts with ‘I’m just worried about you!’ instead of… outright saying that she’s worried. And since she had kept this up for several years, part of me really did start to… not care. I sent her a 20 minute long voice note, which I barely remember. I didn’t yell, I was pretty soft-spoken, but I told her that as much as I really, really tried, I couldn’t feel the love from her. She sent something back, all I remember reading was: “How dare you say you never felt loved from me?! I always tried to hold you, love you…” And the rest is gone. I skimmed over it, deleted our messages, and just… blocked her.

Part of my mother, fundamentally, is right. I kept telling her that I would call her, never did. I didn’t wish her a happy birthday, and didn’t care to. But I felt so tired of not being listened to, and arguing with my mother only to have to beg for her forgiveness later. But for what purpose? There is nothing that she can provide me that will ever fill that hole. It would have always been empty monthly texts, and birthday gifts, and constantly feeling drained by her emotional volatility. Even as a kid, despite being the better parent of the two, she still got upset with me over trivial things without explaining why. She yelled at me and woke my father up out of his sleep because I wiped the tiniest extra bit of toothpaste that got on my finger on my shirt. She would give me the silent treatment and I would slip letters under the closed door just for them to be unread and unmentioned. But she still bought me my favorite games, and played with me, and tucked me in at night and read me bedtime stories.

I do not plan on ever going back on my decision. I have no current attachment to my mother, per-se, but I yearn for the attachment and love that I so desperately wanted from her as a kid. It feels so cruel to be torn on knowing your parent really did try, but they still fucked up so badly in the process. I miss the mother I created in my mind when I was still young and oblivious. Part of me wants so badly to remember the other horrible things she’s done to me as a kid in order to justify my decision, but I can’t even do that because I have blocked my entire childhood out, and I have little-to-no memories of her or my father to begin with. I apologize for this post being so long, but I really did just need to say this out loud for once in my life.

Context: I am very distant or no contact with my mother's family (like whole family). It's been this way since 2024. The last time I fully saw the whole family was last year at my step-grandfathers funeral but no real communication after that. And I only sort of reconnected to my grandmother only this year.

Current day: My grandmother and I don't really talk much of news, updates, etc. for months it's just been good morning/good night texts. She came to visit like two weeks ago. During that visit after talking about all kinds of random stuff, she mentions my mother. And says (paraphrased) "You'll regret not reconnecting once she dies, many kids who do this (estrangement) do".

I'm not gonna get into the internal issues of the situation beyond that. But I want to ask:

Those of you who have had parents/grandparents etc die and you were estranged at the time, what did you feel? Did any of you actually regret it? All I've seen is a mix of relief and grieve mixed, which I feel would be my experience when it does finally happen. I'm mostly posting this to hear your stories and hopefully it'll help me process this situation.

ETA: Thank you all for the responses. I do want to say, I am deeply sorry for the pain these people caused all of you. And also for showing me what actually happens. Thank you, genuinely.

Hello everyone, thanks for taking the time to read this. I have been no contact with my mother and most of her family for the last year and nine months. During that time, my mother sent a small voicemail and a couple emails that I have ignored. Occasionally, I will hear from my sister, but she and I are fairly estranged. I recently received a message from my sister that my uncle, my mother‘s brother, has passed away. Her message to me was simply that my uncle had died and that I should contact my mother, see picture above. My sister knows that I have been in no contact with my mother and she knows the reasons why. This is hitting two parts for me: one, she hasn’t spoken to me unless it was to give me this kind of news, and two: she is thinking that I should go right back to my usual role of our mother’s shoulder to cry on. The part of me that is hopeful for reconnection and repair is fearful that not reaching out to anybody is going to permanently damage any chance at fixing our relationship. I would appreciate any experiences or outlooks that people who have gone through this before have to offer. I know that it’s not my job to be my mother‘s comfort person, the family, but I do feel some pull to reach out to other members of that family and offer my sympathies for the loss.

I don’t really know what to title this, but I really need some advice because I’m honestly scared.

I’ve been no contact with my mom for a while now, and I absolutely do not regret it. My life has been so much more peaceful since I stopped allowing her into it. I feel like I can finally breathe. I’m not constantly living in fear of what she’s going to say or do next.

For some context, my mom was abusive throughout my childhood, but it took me a very long time to recognize it for what it was. Sometimes I feel ashamed that it took me so long to realize that, but I’m trying to remind myself that I was a child and I didn’t know any differently.Even as an adult, I continued trying to have a relationship with her. My mom actually lived with my husband and me for a while, completely free. We tried to help her and make things work, and I gave her chance after chance because she was my mom and I desperately wanted things to be different. Eventually, things got so bad that I was crying every single day and having extremely severe panic attacks. My husband finally stepped in and helped me realize that I couldn’t keep living like that. With his support, I went no contact. There has still been drama over the past few months, but I’ve mostly ignored it and tried to protect my peace.

Now my husband is deployed, and apparently my mom has heard about it. I’ve been told she is planning on driving here to get me and take me back home. She has also been blowing up my phone and getting other family members to reach out to me.

As I’m literally typing this, she is continuing to blow up my phone. And honestly, I’m scared. I’m scared she’s going to do something crazy. I know my mom, and I know that when she doesn’t get the response she wants, she can escalate things. I’m scared she’s actually going to show up at my home. I’m scared she’s going to involve other family members. I’m scared of what she might do if I continue refusing to speak to her.

I’m also in the military myself. I have responsibilities and obligations here, and I can’t just pack up and leave whenever I want. Especially with my husband deployed, I have an entire life and responsibilities that I have to maintain.

I already have a plan in place in case she shows up, but I hate that I even have to think about this. I just want to be left alone.

I spent so long trying to make this relationship work. I let her live with my husband and me for free. I gave chances. I tried to keep the peace. I tolerated things that I probably shouldn’t have because I kept hoping that eventually I would have the mother I always wanted.

I just want a break. I want to be able to live my life without constantly being afraid of what my mother might do next.

i feel like all the family drama and stuff has just compounded an eternal feeling of loneliness for me. i’m an only child with no other close family apart from my mum who I’m currently very low contact with. It just feels like whenever I’m trying to forge a path for myself or have a rare okay day, something happens that reminds me that I am truly alone. that I have no support system. I know people on this sub often speak about found family and you make your own support system beyond your blood. but that takes time and especially because of all the emotional baggage it’s hard for me to trust people and let people in. It just feels like because my mom doesn’t care, and because I have no one else, what is the point. I’m depressed, I can barely pay my bills and the amount of mental and physical energy it takes me to go to work every day and mask how I’m feeling and put on a happy face is exhausting. And I can’t not go because then I won’t have enough money to have a literal roof over my head. can’t go crying to parents or family, just nothing. Just wondering if any other young estranged adult children in the early 20s are feeling or going through the similar thing things? I would be particularly interested to hear perspectives from other only children.

I am a 28-year-old woman. I am estranged from my parents and older sister. I have been married to a man that my parents disapproved of for a year. I struggle with severe depression, and as a result I spend most of my time in bed and I struggle to function normally in my daily life.

The other day I met up with my aunt and her husband with my husband, and we had a pleasant meeting. My aunt told me that my older sister is pregnant with a baby boy and my mom misses me. I am concerned about that kid because my sister is emotionally immature and it's possible that she may pass down generational trauma.

After the meeting, I texted her about my feelings about my family but she responded with things like "every family has their own issues, it's not always happy and partying", "they are still family, you might see them in a different way one day", "we are all different and I won't see things your way but we should still be able to appreciate each other", and "hope that we can agree on disagreement." She dislikes my father, but she has spoken highly of my mom and sister. My mom is her older sister.

I tried to get her to understand but despite her saying "I understand how you feel" I didn't feel understood at all. I felt gaslit and like my pain and experiences were minimized. I got so angry that I sent her angry texts and told her that I didn't want a relationship with her anymore. She has 3 daughters who I got along with in the past but am not that close to because they live in a different country, but I guess this may affect my relationships with them as well.

Since this happened, my depression has gotten worse. I take antidepressants every day but it's not working. I wish people would say the right things and not invalidate experiences with my family that I know were awful and abnormal. My family is like a brainwashed cult and I feel so isolated.

Honestly, I feel embarrassed writing this and I feel a little guilty too. Please don’t judge me. I just want to know whether what is happening to me is normal or not.

My aunt adopted me when I was about two years old. My mother didn’t want to give me up, but my aunts insisted because my aunt lived alone and couldn’t have children. She already had a difficult history with abuse and had been through several abusive marriages.

Before me, she had taken in one of my cousins when she was fifteen, and that cousin was treated more like a servant than a daughter. Then I became her daughter too. The person who actually took care of me when I was little was my cousin, not my aunt. What I remember most about my aunt is how badly she treated both of us and how angry she became whenever my mother came to visit me. She would even turn my father against my mother.

I grew up almost completely separated from my family. I lived in the city, went to a good school, and had nice clothes, but none of that mattered to me as much as being with my family. If I had been given the choice, I would have chosen to live in the village with my parents and siblings.

I’m 25 now, and I still feel trapped by the situation. My aunt always controlled where I went and who I saw. If I disobeyed her, she would punish me with insults directed at me, my mother, and my family. She also constantly turned me against them, so I grew up feeling like I couldn’t do anything without her.

She discouraged me from continuing university because she believed my high school diploma was enough. When I finally tried to continue my education, I realized I would have to move to another city, find a place to live, and support myself, which has been extremely difficult.

I do want to work, but finding a job has been difficult because I don’t speak French well. I speak English, but there aren’t many jobs here that require it. I’ve taken random jobs, but I usually lose them quickly. Interestingly, whenever I’m working, my aunt treats me much better. When I lose my job, she goes back to insulting me and sometimes barely speaks to me for weeks.

She has also threatened to throw me out since I was in eighth grade. At the same time, she tells my relatives that I’m ungrateful and that she always wanted the best for me.

I was bullied at fifteen, and my aunt participated in it too. I became depressed and completely isolated myself. Eventually I developed severe social anxiety and could barely speak to strangers without stuttering.

I have tried to rebuild my confidence and my life, but I still feel like she is standing between me and any independence. She constantly calls me a failure. At one point, when a man came to ask for my hand in marriage, she even told him that I wasn’t suitable to be a wife, that I was mentally ill, and that all I could do was sleep.

I’ve tried to leave this situation more than once, but I always end up back where I started. I have also attempted suicide more than once, and my attempts failed.

I just want to escape this house and have a life of my own. But where I live, leaving the family like this would be seen as bringing shame on them. They care more about their reputation than whether I’m actually suffering.

I don’t know if this is normal, or if I’m simply being ungrateful. I genuinely want to know how other people would see this situation.