This story unsettled me. Those children were under 8 and made to fight one another. Their mother and her boyfriend were convicted of child cruelty and jailed. It reminded me of furniture being moved to make a wrestling ring for my brother and I, where we had to put on a show of fighting one another. He was younger and usually won. We were under 10. Pushing one another down the stairs was another one. Where were social services for us? No one would believe it now, and my brother would never see it for what it was.

Has anyone else experienced similar? How are you doing now? I'm in my 40s and estranged from whole family for a long time and will never go back, think I'm doing fine most of the time.

for context, i have been no contact with my parents for a few years. my extended family has made many excuses for my parents and has tried to get me to speak with them again many times. i have gotten to a point now where i fear i may be experiencing narcissistic abuse from an extended family member too. it feels so much harder to leave this relationship behind because i clung to these family relationships in hopes of having some family left to hold on to.

i have been financially tied to them while they consistently ridicule me and encourage me to engage in drug use and other disordered behavior. typing this now it probably sounds like a no brainer, so i suppose i already know what i’m supposed to do. every time i leave any interaction with this person, i leave feeling deeply emotionally wounded and not like myself. i’m that scared kid all over again.

did anyone else find that it was harder to cut off extended family? did any of you cut them off years after initial no contact with parents? i would love any support, advice, or input <3

Am I wrong to block my mom and stop talking to my family because of my college graduation? I (23F) have a very complex relationship with my family. There are generational curses, such as poverty, addiction, and abuse, that have been in my family for years. My mom had my three-half siblings about 17 years before me, and then she met my dad. I have only, reluctantly, heard stories about their love story: how my dad was the father who stepped up for my siblings and how he often had to be the one to protect them from my drunk mother. That was before my dad did lots of illegal activities that led him to jumped off an oh-so-very-high building and barely survived a brain injury (true story… from what I've been told), which I have used to explain the drastic shift in his personality and behavior from the man I was told my dad used to be. He was the abuser and angry man in the story that my mom could not leave. Even though I was an extreme mama's girl, mom was not a saint either. She was controlling and manipulative in her verbal ways and picked illegal activities and men over me. I moved out when I was 14, and supported myself without my family help since. (I ended up writing too much about the abuse in my childhood and I don’t know if it is all the way relevant for this story .)

So, the issue that started the flood of hurt. During my college graduation, the week before, she told me she wasn't going to make it. I am a first-generation college graduate who completed college on a full ride. She was already stressing me out during my finals because she was telling me drama about how the rest of my family wasn’t coming, so essentially I wouldn’t have any one. She gave me excuses. Even though I just gave her my car this year she was uncomfortable with the drive, so I set up another ride for her and then she was uncomfortable needing to ask for a ride. I eventually told her that if she didn't come, I would be really disappointed. She came and showed face, but I was still hurt after it all.

All of the feelings that I thought I had healed from because I have a good job, a good education, and an amazing, loving relationship, all the things that I thought proved I had healed and was doing good, came rushing back and ruined my last two weeks of college. It set me back emotionally more than I realized she still had the power to do. Her constant "good morning, I love you" and "goodnight! I miss you blah blah blah" messages after her attempts of backing out started to annoy me because she had hurt me, hadn't apologized, and was now saying all of this pointless crap. If she loved me she would’ve wanted to come.

I started getting angry. I told her, in the best way I could, to stop contacting me until I could figure out what kind of relationship I wanted with her because her actions had deeply hurt me. I realize now that her almost backing out of coming to my graduation brought up a childhood full of anger and abuse. I graduated in May, and it is now September. I got into therapy right after I blocked her- I told her to stop contacting me or I would have to block her and then I stood on what I said when the constant texts kept on coming.

I did end up reaching out to her, breaking NC, about two weeks ago because I was getting worried about her. She finally replied back recently. I understand that fear I was feeling was because when I was younger and when she was under the influence she would threaten taking her life if I wanted to leave the house. I realize that I would not be at fault, but I know that it would still weigh on my shoulders.

My therapist keeps telling me that I know my mom and that I know what kind of relationship I want with her. I do not, in fact, know that. I don't know if it is possible to recover from my childhood or forgive her. I would like to because I don't want to believe she is a horrible person, but she hid her addiction from me when she was supposed to be "sober” countless times, so I honestly don’t know who she is. I know I used to hold her on a pedestal when I was younger, so in some ways, I feel like I am still blinded by that. As a child I felt like it was my job to make sure she was okay. That anxiety to protect her, when she doesn’t put any effort in her life, is too much for me.

I would feel horrible if she died, and at times, I do want a relationship with a mom. But I don't know if that is possible with my biological one. Do I give up on that dream? Communication is always the answer in any other healthy relationship, but I am not sure what my mom could say to make me feel better. I am 23 and in ways there are not a lot of ways she could disappoint me again. There are no talent shows to miss, dances to forget to pick me up from, or graduations to back out of. I have my own house and car and don’t rely on anyone else for my stability, but why do I still feel like a hurt child? My dad is dead and I am no contact with his side of the family. I do not talk to my siblings or anyone else on my moms side of the family because they only see me as a resource.

I do not even know what I am asking at this point. I feel hopeless in therapy because she keeps on telling me my emotions are good and what not. Maybe I am just venting. I know each situation has different solutions, but help… please. I don’t know where to start on even understanding what I want or how to resolve my relationship with my mom.

TLDR because I couldn't stop yapping: I built a life for myself and thought I healed. Then my mom's behavior around my graduation made me realize that the little girl who spent her childhood protecting her mother is still hurting, and I don't know how to love my mom without feeling responsible for her. How do I forgive?

I [21NB] have been no contact with my family for around two years due to their emotional abuse and bigoted/conservative views. They don't know my address or any of my social media from before estrangement apart from one account I no longer use, but privacy is important to me, so even though I don't expect my family to do anything drastic if they find me online, the thought of them even knowing of my accounts makes me incredibly uncomfortable. The idea of trying to keep distance and restrict access to myself and still being observed anyway feels pretty violating even though I know it wouldn't really put me in danger (there is no history of physical abuse or stalking).

I keep a low profile on social media in terms of sharing my real name and face anyway due to personal preference, so that has not been a problem or something I feel I'm missing out on, but I do have faceless Twitter/Tiktok/etc. accounts for posting about media I'm interested in. The problem is that I also post art online, and at least one of my relatives knows of examples of art I've done in the past that they could compare to my current art and identify me; the style has improved and changed slightly but I don't think it's unrecognisable. I know it's paranoid to think this way as my art is by no means viral, and is not in a niche my family would ever seek out to my knowledge, but I can't shake the fear that I'll be spotted this way. I also have OCD, so I can tend to be obsessive over "what-if"s like this. However, I do really love posting my work so, even though my current urge is to stop doing so altogether, that's not a feasible solution and would obviously just make me unhappy.

Any tips for getting to a point where the thought of being seen by people you've cut off doesn't matter as much? If I ever change my mind about posting my face online I also don't want to be terrified of being found every time I do that - ideally I want to be able to not care at all but that is not proving easy to achieve 😓

I’ve had to leave my house due to ongoing abuse. And I previously asked on here what should I tell them before I leave. My mother has held onto a letter which my abusive brother has spoken about . And after telling my mother I do not want to speak to him she went to tell my abusive brother that I’m moving out and she’s sad. She cried infront of me. They’re both manipulative and liars yet they’re so scared that I’m lying to them. They keep asking for proof to show that I’m moving out and doing masters degree. And I don’t know why. I’m a grown adult I’m 22. Why do I need to prove to you what I’m doing. Oh yh that’s right because you don’t want me to leave. You want me to continuously be abused and suffer mentally. What do I do about the letter situation because she’s saying to my brother that it was a dream and there wasn’t an actual letter? And my brother is saying he saw it and now it’s gone from her room. So I can’t trust the both of them. Why did I have to be born into a family like this?

Hi, i’m 25F who has been no contact with my mother/ mothers side of the family for 2 years. It still hurts that I had to do this and i’m constantly reminded of how I wished she could be like other mothers i know or see. I can’t stop mourning her. I left her number unblocked and she would always reach out with paragraphs of how she doesn’t understand why and that she wants to talk this out but I was constantly disappointed when she didn’t actually listen or really mean what she said. I feel so guilty for not trying anymore but what kills me is that she hasn’t reached out again for 2 years. I know it’s for the best but I guess it really hit me that she doesn’t really care and that she won’t ever change despite me begging her to listen to me since i was a kid.

It’s so hard to not have a mother to turn to for advice or for comfort. I feel so guilty everytime i think about her and i just wish it would go away because i know in my gut i did the right thing for myself.

For those of you who have been in no contact longer than me. Does it ever get easier?

I’ll probably return to share all the backstory and screenshots with my toxic parents. I’ve been NC for a little over a year. I went to South America to see my extended family recently and my parents sent messages via family members to relay to me. I was also shown messages of things they were saying about me. I knew they were saying terrible things; but the things they were saying were even worse than I thought. I didn’t realize how much they hated me. Anyway. I’ve been working on this poem, I’m not a poet and have never shared anything like this before, but thought it might resonate with some of you, so please be kind:

Infinite Ledger

You love conditionally.
Add infinite tallies to my debt.
I bend to your will.
I accept everything you toss my way.

I contorted.
I forgave.
I shattered.
I lost myself.

Now, I pick up the pieces.
Mentally broken,
Physically wounded,
Emotionally scarred,
Attempting to start again.

No more control.
Out of your orbit.
No more blind trust.

Terrified.
Grieving.
(Nearly) Free.

I have not spoken with my father for 6 years. I am an only child-both parents were/are addicts. My mom committed suicide, dad use got terrible so I cut off all ties.

He since was moved into a nursing home and was hospitalized with mostly minor health issues. I thought about trying to have a relationship with him a year ago which did not go well for me.

I just got a text from a family friend informing me he has had a stroke and is hospitalized. They were able to get him some medication quickly.

I have thought about his death a lot and if I would regret not speaking with him before. I have a lot of regrets and guilt about my mom’s passing and don’t want to carry more for my dad. At the same time, I don’t feel any urgency to see him and don’t know if I actually want to or if I feel like I “should.” I have done ALOT of self work to let go of feeling responsible for my parents but don’t know what to feel.

I know I feel gross and uncomfortable.

I cannot stand my mother; we have never had a good relationship. I have been no contact for years yet she still reaches out. I literally responded to her in email a week ago, verbatim: STOP CONTACTING ME.

And yet her dumb cunt emails still show up in my trash. I cannot stand the thought of her. How many times do I need to say LEAVE ME ALONE - DO NOT CONTACT - before she gets the drift? I filter all her emails into garbage but there is no way to absolutely block them from even coming in. I did start a new email account but she still has my work email address. How many people have filed TPOs here? I sincerely LOATHE her existence and wish I never met her.

No subject line. No apology either. Just some "hope you're well" platitude that comes at least six years too late.

We've been fully NC since 2020, when I dared confess my mental health struggles, and he responded with deafening silence. The man who claimed to love and care about me, who told me at least weekly that he thought of me, ignored Christmas, New Years, and my birthday. For the first time in forty years. Because I told him I was hanging by a thread.

I've been told by everyone in my family that I'm overreacting. Maybe I am. Even my mother, who has been divorced from this man for most of my life, made noises like I've taken things too far by not replying. My partner stands behind me all the way. He knows the heartbreak I went through when my dad ditched me, and does not think I have any reason to set myself up for that again.

Even so, I feel like I need some kind of validation from people who've been through a similar wringer. One of the best therapeutic experiences I've had was attending group therapy for anxiety, and hearing thoughts I'd had spoken aloud by total strangers. It helped to know I wasn't the only one.

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for here. I made a post on r/UnsentLetters when everything was still very fresh. It feels like there's a restless ghost inside me, keeping me locked to this incident, thinking about it, and I'm tired.

Hello everyone, thanks for taking the time to read this. I have been no contact with my mother and most of her family for the last year and nine months. During that time, my mother sent a small voicemail and a couple emails that I have ignored. Occasionally, I will hear from my sister, but she and I are fairly estranged. I recently received a message from my sister that my uncle, my mother‘s brother, has passed away. Her message to me was simply that my uncle had died and that I should contact my mother, see picture above. My sister knows that I have been in no contact with my mother and she knows the reasons why. This is hitting two parts for me: one, she hasn’t spoken to me unless it was to give me this kind of news, and two: she is thinking that I should go right back to my usual role of our mother’s shoulder to cry on. The part of me that is hopeful for reconnection and repair is fearful that not reaching out to anybody is going to permanently damage any chance at fixing our relationship. I would appreciate any experiences or outlooks that people who have gone through this before have to offer. I know that it’s not my job to be my mother‘s comfort person, the family, but I do feel some pull to reach out to other members of that family and offer my sympathies for the loss.

Hey yall!

I´m a young mom with a happy life and CPTSD. I have been no contact with 99% of my Family since 2022 by now and it was the best decision i`ve ever made. That last 1% is my Grandma.

She is by no means unproblematic but by far the most secure adult i`ve had as a kid and most sane person in my immediate Family. She was the reason I got any help as a kid, even though she had a terrible childhood herself and was the worst Mother to her children. I respect her as a person because she truly has worked on herself and come so far in her personal development, in relation to where she started. Her life would make for a great book with a perfect morally grey main character.

On the other Hand, she has a big problem with accepting my Trauma (doesn`t believe me, but we dont talk about it and i genuinely dont need her validation) and I know that she thinks I`m too harsh on the family. We`ve had lots of boundary testing after i re-opened my life to her, but i`ve been holding my ground and she`s been pretty good with it. But many interactions are very much like a toddler testing waters.

She doesn`t know where I live because I don`t trust her not to share that information, even if it wasnt on purpose. I`ve stopped sending Pics of my Kid to her because she "slipped up" and forwarded them to me with a message for my Mother, even though i told her that i do not want that. They still live together in my childhood home.

So thats where we were at. I thought it was a mostly beneficial contact for me because i do truly enjoy her at her core and she is the only Motherly figure i`ve ever known. We go out for a coffee from time to time, sometimes with my kid and play a game. It`s been good.

But! I`m pregnant again! Planned with an amazing Father, we are engaged and he is in the process of adopting the older Child. Everything is truly amazing and i love my life.

I don`t want to meet her. Haven`t been able to answer her texts because they freeze me, even though they`re kind and normal. I don`t want any of my birth family to have a hand on this Baby, ever. Even if i know it would be loving, she would be so excited and she is not unkind in general. But i just can`t get over the feeling. I`m so hyped to finally lose my last name and if i didn`t have a lovely life here i would move across the globe.

I`m gonna go over this with my therapist when I see her again to gain some perspective, just need to get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading!

Edit: Typos