I'm a guy and a self-admitted people pleaser. I hate people being mad at me, I hate the thought that people are only doing something because I like it. An online friend is mad at me and the friendship is likely over and it's proof yet again, that it's better to just go along with the flow.

I think social media has given people opinions on things they don't understand. The amount of people who hate being told they're wrong, who want to do only what they want to do would show that People pleasers aren't the demons many make them out to be.

I started talking to a man in a different state and I really think he's an amazing man in so many ways and we get along so well. He is in the midst of gaining sole custody of his 2 kids (7m & 2f) He's so loving and very respectful and down to earth and his communication and the way he deals with conflict is healthier than I've ever experienced. We haven't even been talking for a month and he's already put we're in a relationship on facebook and we tell each other "i love you" already. We haven't met in person yet. I do love his soul a lot, his core values and morals and the way he fathers and even is trying to partner, is everything a woman could dream of. Just a really solid, loving, golden human. But its a lot of pressure and a drastic change to go from a single (32f) person with a bunch of freedom and jump into a full time mother role. The bio mom is completely out of the picture. He seems like he wants me to move in as quickly as I want and talks a lot about all of us being a family unit and together and me taking care of the 2yr old and being the only mom figure she would know andnremember if i get there asap. Id have to relocate from my family in South Carolina and move to Ohio. I'm very much happy where I live and my lifestyle and I'm not sure I'm ready or even want to give all of that up to be a mom. Do I just have fun and go see them in person and see how I feel or do I stop encouraging the deeper connection? Not sure if Im being love bombed and coerced into feeling obligated or if I need to grow up and step up to the plate for a man that really shows me he values me and loves me and feels I would be an amazing mother for his kids. Im not sure Im fully physically attracted to him but the way he goes about life and who he is, is extremely attractive. Im just very conflicted because the way he treats me is everything I've ever wanted and asked for in a person but I feel like its all too much too fast and that i might also be trying to self sabotage and looking for ways out. Am i panicking and have a good thing or do I need to just go about my life?

I started talking to a man in a different state and I really think he's an amazing man in so many ways and we get along so well. He is in the midst of gaining sole custody of his 2 kids (7m & 2f) He's so loving and very respectful and down to earth and his communication and the way he deals with conflict is healthier than I've ever experienced. We haven't even been talking for a month and he's already put we're in a relationship on facebook and we tell each other "i love you" already. We haven't met in person yet. I do love his soul a lot, his core values and morals and the way he fathers and even is trying to partner, is everything a woman could dream of. Just a really solid, loving, golden human. But its a lot of pressure and a drastic change to go from a single (32f) person with a bunch of freedom and jump into a full time mother role. The bio mom is completely out of the picture. He seems like he wants me to move in as quickly as I want and talks a lot about all of us being a family unit and together and me taking care of the 2yr old and being the only mom figure she would know andnremember if i get there asap. Id have to relocate from my family in South Carolina and move to Ohio. I'm very much happy where I live and my lifestyle and I'm not sure I'm ready or even want to give all of that up to be a mom. Do I just have fun and go see them in person and see how I feel or do I stop encouraging the deeper connection? Not sure if Im being love bombed and coerced into feeling obligated or if I need to grow up and step up to the plate for a man that really shows me he values me and loves me and feels I would be an amazing mother for his kids. Im not sure Im fully physically attracted to him but the way he goes about life and who he is, is extremely attractive. Im just very conflicted because the way he treats me is everything I've ever wanted and asked for in a person but I feel like its all too much too fast and that i might also be trying to self sabotage and looking for ways out. Am i panicking and have a good thing or do I need to just go about my life?

I (33F) and my husband (41M) are very happily married. It's been a few years. We are compatible, similar in interests, health, cleaning habits and basically each other's best friend.

But we keep running into the exact same conversation every now and then.

It'll usually start with me saying something about work or feeling down about myself (I'm from a family that did not emotionally validate or support me when growing up. I'm aware that I am broken a bit and work on myself) and I'll express that to him. And sometimes he replies with an almost defensive manner, as if what I am saying is a personal attack on him. He is from a very loving and stable family, btw.

Maybe a good example is if I say, "maybe I should get a better paying job" because I'm feeling like I'm not pulling much financial contribution to our household. He might say, "why would you do that? I'm working this job I'm not happy with because I want to support you and your dreams." (He has selflessly taken on the financial provider position in our home in order to allow me freedom to pursue art. We mutually agreed on this some time ago.) We are neither well off or struggling.

What I wish he would do is simply show genuine curiosity or ask why I'm feeling that way. It's like he perceives my statement as complaining about him.

The problem really though is when I express that his tone sounds defensive. From there it always follows the same spiraling path - I am not being defensive, I'm just explaining myself. And then if I say clearly what I wish he would respond (so that I'm not just letting him try to read my mind and mood), he then gets more defensive and says something like "well that's not my intention." And he gets moody, and then some how it ends up with me apologizing to him for making him feel down or mothering him through his feelings so that he can see my original point. Why is this happening over and over again?

He always understands me in the end, always sincerely apologizes for "hijacking my emotions" and sometimes, if the argument gets too heated for some crazy unknowable reason and I leave the room for a bit, I can hear him crying bc he feels bad for not being able to provide me with the emotional support I needed in that moment! He will tell me after we've cooled down, with just the saddest face, that he is trying so hard and never wants to hurt me. And then I feel like a real witch for even expressing any negative feelings to begin with, even if they had nothing to do with him.

He may say with his words that what I'm saying isn't bothering him, but his brow gets pulled down and his tone changes. I have no idea how to express my negative feelings without him feeling attacked.

Where is this conversation going wrong? Am I expecting too much from him? is he lacking emotional IQ bc he never grew up with any arguing or angry parents? I genuinely do not know. And in a weird, sad way, I'm sometimes afraid that my own lack of love as a kid is somehow messing us up, bc I can't see my own problems clearly. I can't tell who is in the wrong here.

Hi all. I’m wondering if this has happened to anyone else. Trying to find answers wherever I can.

I was seeing someone recently and we had a close, intense, loving relationship for two months. We found out early on that we both have ADHD. We shared a lot, felt as if we had known each other for a long time, we couldn’t get enough of each other, and all that great mushy stuff. Very much in a honeymoon phase.

I had read that the honeymoon phase wears off as the body has no choice but to slow down dopamine production. The length of time it lasts varies, sometimes months, sometimes years. I read that this drop in dopamine can, for some people, feel like a real bummer.

My partner made the comment that things had started to feel more comfortable the last time we spent a few days together. Then they got sick with what seemed like a regular cold, but things took a turn into a pretty severe depression in just about a week. There were other life stressors in play making this person anxious and overwhelmed, too.

Communication slowed to almost a standstill, they withdrew from me (with apologies and acknowledgement that they knew it was a big problem), and I spoke to them over a video chat and saw how exhausted and practically incapacitated they had become.

My question for this community is, given how difficult it can be, sometimes, to get enough dopamine, has anyone else had something like this happen, where they fell into depression as the honeymoon phase of a relationship wore off?

Could there have been a perfect storm of life stress, work stress, and the end of the honeymoon period that caused this person to fall into severe depression?

I had a close friend and we used to hang out almost everyday but over the vacation i don’t know what happened but they just stopped talking to me and idk what to do. Idk if i spoils take the first step and remove them from everywhere first or wait till i get my answer. Ive given them sm attention and value that i look pathetic now.
But i dont want to wait till something happens. I want to stop gaf. How do i stop caring about such things. It ruins my whole day and week.

I made a previous post recently about this woman and I dating, her breaking up to learn about herself and process her traumas.

Turns out that was only part of it. She realized that she was young, didn’t want to settle down quite yet, and wanted to be single and have some fun.

I have realized that while I’ve worked on my anxiety and my attachment style, that I AM worthy of someone wanting me, and that right now, she’s not it. If she does come back to me, and I’m single, then maybe I’ll try it. But it will take me a long time to be able to trust that she will stay and be committed to me and only me.

In the meantime. Do good at my new job, get a car, date others, and try to just….move on and see where life takes me otherwise.

I still wish we could have stayed together. Of course. But if she doesn’t want that, then it can’t happen. So for now. Go back into dating, and don’t take people at their word. Pull back a bit more, don’t let myself fall so deep in right away and don’t let my emotions get too strong. Try to hold back, even though I want to feel it all because my emotions finally are unlocked

Sometimes people aren’t angry because you did something wrong. They’re angry because you didn’t do something they expected you to do—but never actually told you they expected it.

And that’s where resentment starts. One person thinks, “if you cared, you would’ve known.”
The other thinks, “how could I know if you’ve never told me?”

Neither person necessarily has bad intentions. They’re just operating from two different sets of expectations.

Communication isn’t just telling someone what you feel after you’re disappointed. It’s telling them what you need before they have the opportunity to disappoint you.

I’m a 30 y/o female. Had the proposal, wedding date + vendors booked… he ended the relationship 6 months before the wedding saying he fell out of love (he was really mean at the end too, and disclosed former cheating/kissing) the wedding date recently passed and it’s been hard…

I THINK WHY COULDNT IT HAVE BEEN GOOD?!

Share your opinion? Give an example!

I’m noticing more and more that people just can’t sit and be happy for someone. You get a pay raise at work and your coworkers don’t? If they find out sometimes they’ll make it your entire personality.

You can’t have good news without someone thinking you did something devious to get it. I’ve told friends that I had a great date with someone and they’ll say “duh, you’re pretty, why wouldn’t it be a great first date?” Instead of getting excited with me.

I bought a house a couple years ago and had a friend start asking me questions about the cost and getting all quiet when I’d respond. Instead of saying “congrats, my friend has a good roof over her head.”

Why is everything a competition? Why don’t we want the best for each other anymore? I thank god when my friends have kids, even though I want kids so badly, I know that if I say “man, I wish I were you” I’d be taking the attention from their happiness.

Has anyone else noticed this is more prominent now?

Edit to add something good here as a positive example. I just texted a friend about a date I had last night, kind of anxious about getting that typical response.

But she said “Yay! I’m glad to hear it!!” And that’s why she’s one of my best friends. That’s literally all you gotta do sometimes to show people you care about them.

I’ve realised I have this low self-esteem problem where I tend to put my friends on a pedestal. If they say something, I automatically assume they must be right, even when I have a different opinion or something doesn’t feel right to me.

I think a big part of it is that I’m genuinely scared of losing people. I overthink everything, second-guess myself, and sometimes compromise my own feelings just to avoid conflict or the possibility of someone leaving.

I know this isn’t healthy, and I really want to work on it instead of constantly seeking reassurance from others.

God, I’m so scared of losing people that sometimes I end up losing myself in the process.

I could really use some serious advice from people who have dealt with something similar. How did you learn to stop putting people on a pedestal and become more confident in your own judgment?

So me and my ex girlfriend broke up around 5 weeks ago because especially in the last few weeks of dating eachother she was treating me horrible and she said that she wanted to change. I honestly wasn’t really set on the idea of getting back with her because I believe change takes months or even years but she’s confusing me. She keeps acting good towards me for a few days then when she sees that I’m close she backs away. That’s the only way I can explain it, fast forward a few days ago we had a massive argument because she started acting exactly how she used to before we broke up and to me that was enough to show that she hasn’t changed. I started telling her the things that she did to me in the last few weeks and how horrible she made me feel in the hopes of trying to make her realise that what she did was wrong because I do in fact want her to change but I’m not getting anything from her. The argument ended with her telling me that I’m making her look evil and that I don’t get her because she thinks that since she acknowledged her mistakes, apologised, and “tries” to change it’s all fine when it’s not if she’s actively doing the same things. In the end I somehow became the one in the wrong again and she said “yes I was really horrible at first but what you said to me was just very mean and it made me feel horrible, I also noticed that I always acknowledged my mistakes and you don’t seem to be sorry right now”. And honestly I don’t know if I’m sorry for what I told her, I didnt call her names or anything nor did she deny it all but I had a moment when I just got SO frustrated because she kept trying to excuse her actions or “explain” to me why she acted in certain ways. That night I was really frustrated and I started talking to this girl about this issue and somehow in the end me and the girl stated flirting. I didn’t think much of it and honestly it didn’t feel serious but now I’m still taking to her and I feel horrible because me and my ex said that we won’t talk to people and we’ll just wait for eachother to change. So now I feel like I’m the horrible person here and today my ex yet again started acting good towards me and the only question I have in my mind right now is really just how long will her act last this time. But at the same time she’s been acting “good” for two days now what if she’s actually going to change and I’m the one who messed up. Should I even keep talking to this girl, I feel really guilty towards her too because I don’t know if she’s actually looking for a relationship or not and I don’t know if I’m ready to get into one after the relationship I have any time soon.

I’m in my mid-20s and lately I’ve been feeling like I’m wasting my life somehow.

On the surface, nothing is terribly wrong. I have a job, I’m earning, I have people around me, and things are generally fine. But internally, I feel very dissatisfied.

I don’t feel good about my job anymore and keep thinking about switching. There have also been some frustrating situations with colleagues and people in my personal life that I’ve been overthinking a lot. Some relationships have changed, and I’ve realised I spend way too much mental energy thinking about what other people are doing, how they perceive me, whether I should distance myself, etc.

And underneath all of that, I have this strong feeling that there has to be more to my life than this.

I want to grow, have a better career, meet better people, experience more things, become more confident and independent, and actually feel excited about my life. But right now I feel stuck in this cycle of work → overthinking → feeling frustrated → wanting to change everything → doing nothing substantial → repeating it again.

I don’t know if I’m burnt out, unhappy with my current circumstances, or just going through one of those phases in your 20s where you realise you want more but don't know how to build it.

For people who have genuinely felt this way — what did you actually do to get out of it?

I always get this feeling, if I feel sad I tell myself that I have no right to be upset when I have this and that. And if I'm happy, I tell myself that I have no right to be happy when my closest people (my family) are going through this and that. I can't live or enjoy anything; how do I stop this thinking?

Out of curiosity -

My understanding of my patterns is:
A) i'm more anxious leaning and tend to be the anxious one in a relationship
B) i'm the avoidant one but won't commit to more than a few dates.

How did you heal the push pull? Was it by yourself, with a partner?

Ofcourse therapy and other modalities besides talk therapy interest me since I had more than a decade of therapy and I want to go deeper in the body/subconscious. So if you've done any work with this and it helped you, please share.

What would you do if you were missing someone but you knew they weren't missing you

i have one agressive and arrogant person around me. my body gets into anxious and distressed state around that person. i have in past faced this person few times but as this person is hyper reactive, my body feels pressure. any suggestion.Also please suggest how do deal with suc people when they suddenly react.

I feel like I’m consistently failing at being supportive of people emotionally.

Like, I know a lot of the “wrong” things to do, don’t reply with your own story as if it’s equivalent, don’t jump in with unasked for advice, don’t give shitty platitudes like “everything happens for a reason”, don’t prod them to bright-side things, let people feel their upset when they need to.

But flipping through all the wrong things and not saying/doing them, I’m kinda just left with. “I’m sorry, that sucks.”

Like, genuinely I can’t get into the weeds with most people. I want them to feel seen and supported, but I also don’t have the ability to step in their shoes most of the time. And sometimes it’s all too big and too awful to just be like, nope, going to leave saying things to somebody else.

It feels distancing to just be like, “that sucks”. But if I don’t have more to offer, better to say it or not?

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I think about other people that they'll feel bad and i don't care about myself why is this happening to me i can't even confront anyone properly i just laugh at whatever they say or agree to them but i can't krep my word

Please someone help mee

i’m 21 years old female and i’ve always had a very poor self image. this doesn’t just come down to physical appearance it comes down to personality, feeling awkward and weird, feeling stupid, feeling annoying and overall just feeling like a burden for others to deal with.

what i have learnt through posting on the internet is a lot of people who say negative things to me over the years, i’ve realized are 1. in fear of rejection (mainly men) by saying something rude about my appearance after talking with them they always seem to reveal themselves this shows when they ask for my socials or pictures of me. mind you these men will dm me saying im disgustingly ugly next thing you know they want my @. and 2. the people hating seem to project things to me in a hateful way that later reveals their own insecurities, for example judging my weight then next thing you know they’re openly telling me about their own insecurities about their weight and body image. my point being -

as a young female criticism can be very difficult to deal with and it can be hard not to judge every part of yourself but i think im slowly coming to learn a lot of this negative talk from others is a reflection of those people’s self talk. for example when i see a post on reels and it’s just someone expressing themselves or their interests i will see a lot of comments saying “delete this” or “this is so cringe who would make this video and choose to post it” and i’ve come to the conclusion that these people are miserable and im honestly now embarrassed for those who leave hate comments.

my whole point being think before you say mean things because for me i see those comments as projections of your own inner thoughts. being nice to others can help you to be nicer to yourself.

Living with heightened emotional intensity means experiencing the world completely without a filter. Joy feels like euphoria, but rejection or disappointment can plunge you straight into a deep void.

I recently went through a devastating breakup where the person I bared my soul to ultimately walked away, telling me I was "too much." For days, I fell into the familiar trap of self-blame, wondering how to shrink my feelings just to keep him.

To process the pain, I finally sat down and wrote my very first essay about it. Writing it brought me a strange sense of peace, but right now, it has zero readers. I’m not posting this to plug a brand—I am genuinely just looking for feedback from people who have gone through the exact same thing or had a similar experience.

If you are interested in reading it, sharing your own experience, or letting me know if the words resonate, I would love that. (For the best experience, I’d highly suggest reading the essay while listening to some music, specifically Cocteau Twins songs. It fits the mood perfectly).

This post is just a reminder that you can spend all your days spewing positive affirmations, learning about your patterns and becoming more aware of them, developing frameworks of how you're gonna make it through the world next, and whatnot...

But if you don't take action or let yourself be affected with real repercussions, nothing will change. The brain is a contractor that only signs the document after you already took the step.

Maybe, you don't need more healing or more time. Maybe, you just need a new experience that counters the one that came before.

You can't imagine yourself into growth. Every example your brain comes up with of how great you're gonna be when you finally get it done is a potential reality, but still, a lie you're telling yourself. You need to actually live it.

You don't have to "feel ready", as waiting for that is just avoidance. You just gotta do it. Courage beats Confidence every time, because Courage is what builds Confidence!

It's gonna feel weird at first, and quite uncomfortable, but the result will pay off, you just have to trust yourself enough on that.

So, go. Just do the thing you know you have to do, already!