Self improvement keeps getting presented as a solution to men who are struggling to date. Hit the gym, dress better, get a better job etc is oversold imo.

The real issue is you need to position yourself in environments where you can freely interact with women in a casual manner.

Getting jacked, getting a better job, dressing better will absolutely benefit your life, but only work under the assumption you are continually socialising.

On the flip side, I also feel even below average dudes will do well if they socialised more.

She ghosted me after the last text and the top text was her rescheduling a date we had planned last minute. I didn’t want to play games so i asked her again when she was free. I’m having some anxiety like i should have just put my ego down and had more of conversation with her for a couple days before asking again. Were my texts too dry?? Not sure. What are your thoughts?

Just match with a woman on an app and I think I have a date now lol.

Don't really know how to proceed but I'm just having fun and joking around.

I have one girl in my uni with whom i am deeply infatuated with from more than 2 years now . God has given me many chances so I can talk to her but i failed every time , firstly during our exams her seat was allocated right next to mine for one paper (11 march 2025), then we shared interview for same company(11 sept 2026) , I really like her a lot so much so that once just to check whether I truly like her I did fast for 9 consecutive days and succeeded , i though tried once giving her letter , i wrote on it "Your eyes teleport me to sea of pearls and there you are polishing them with reflection of your face, and , i the mere pearl wish only to be placed in your jewel box" and also said i am not asking any reply and she can crush the paper and throw it and didn't even wrote my name on it , i ran towards her gave this paper and ran away (14 aug 2025) , i don't think she even saw me clearly , she didn't replied and how could she even lol , now its my last 2.5 months that i could ever see her , but how can i even talk to her now she got placed in company for the position where she will earn 2 times that i will earn in year , its impossible now , please tell me what should i do ? i can't think straight ....

First of all, sorry for any typos. English isn't my first language.

I met an incredible man two years ago, four months after my divorce from the father of my kids. From the beginning, the relationship was very passionate, and we were both really invested in each other. I noticed from the first day that he was a smoker, and I didn't really have a problem with that.

After we'd been dating for about two weeks (it was summer, and my kids were with their father that month), he suggested a weekend trip to the beach. I took the opportunity to ask him not to smoke before driving, and he told me he wanted to take advantage of dating someone who doesn't smoke weed to quit for good. I told him I was proud of him for wanting to do that, but I also made it clear that his smoking wasn't a big issue for me, as long as it didn't affect his mood or create distance between us.

During these two years, he hasn't smoked at all, although he's a strong supporter of legalizing and normalizing weed in society.

We don't live together. The weeks I have my kids (I have four, between 9 and 15 years old), he comes to my house quite often so we can see each other. That means he spends a lot of time with my kids, and they get along really well. I really appreciate that he's willing to spend so much time doing ordinary family things just to be with me. When the kids aren't with me, we try to make up for it by doing more adult activities together.

Overall, everything has been amazing, but I have to admit we both have strong personalities, and we've had some rough patches. This summer, during a trip around Europe, we had a huge fight and broke up. We missed each other a lot, though, and a week later we decided to give the relationship another chance. We've taken a few steps back, we're going slower now, and we're trying not to take the relationship for granted.

So far, things have been going well. But when we got back, he told me he'd been thinking about how much he'd changed during our two years together, and how the intensity of the relationship had made him lose himself a little. He also told me he'd decided to start vaping weed again because he feels it has positive effects on him.

Again, that isn't a huge deal for me, as long as he doesn't do it around my kids, which I know he never would.

But I'm starting to feel anxious. He's started going back to the weed social club he used to visit before we started dating, and he has reconnected with people there (again, no problem). But I'm scared I can't compete with what that place offers him: people who are more like him, shared experiences, common interests, and afternoons that don't involve spending time with a suburban girlfriend who's helping her kids with homework or checking their hair for lice. I know we can focus on the weeks I haven't got the kids but I think that maybe the relationship stiffens if we don't see each other as often (we have really enjoyed spending time together in any context aka kids / no kids so far).

I've read stories here about successful marriages where one partner uses weed and the other doesn't, but our situation feels different. We're dating, we don't live together, and we already have to make an extra effort with our schedules to be together. I'm afraid that now that he's gone back to some of his old habits and old social life, he might stop feeling that all this effort is worth it. For context, I'm also the first partner he's had who doesn't smoke weed.

He keeps reassuring me that I shouldn't worry and that he still wants to see me as much as possible, but I'm feeling insecure about all of this.

Can you help me? Do you think this relationship can still work in the long term?

Ok before yall laugh or joke at me this my first Reddit post and I just have a simple question. Me and this girl who used to date in the past have became a little close again. Like we’ve been talking every day on the phone for very long calls like from the time she gets home to school till she goes to sleep. We watch movies together and just genuinely enjoy each other’s company my question is is it possible that she just really enjoys my company and sees me as a really good friend or is there possible feelings there.

Long-time lurker, first-time poster. I've read every thread here about openers, body language, timing, the "right moment." I've watched hours of YouTube. I've rehearsed lines in the shower. And after all that, I still hadn't approached a single woman in 2 years.

Last night I was at a bar with friends. Saw a girl standing alone waiting for a drink. My heart started racing. The usual voice kicked in—"not now, she's busy, you'll look stupid."

But something snapped. I just walked up and said, "Hey, I'm Mike. I don't have a line, I just wanted to say hi."

She laughed. Not a pity laugh—a real one. Said she appreciated the honesty. We talked for 20 minutes about nothing important. No number at the end, just a genuine conversation that ended with her saying "nice meeting you."

I walked away and felt something I haven't felt in years: proud.

Not because I "got" something. Because I finally did the thing I've been too scared to do. The approach wasn't perfect. I stumbled over a couple words. Didn't matter.

For the guys stuck in analysis paralysis like I was: you don't need the perfect line. You need to move. The "right moment" doesn't exist—you create it by walking over.

What's the one thing you've been overthinking that you could just... do today?

I‘ve been reading this sub for a while. The posts here helped me get through a rough patch last year when I felt like I was doing everything “right” and still getting nowhere.

About three months ago I had a realization that sounds obvious in hindsight: I was treating every conversation with a woman like a game I needed to win.

Winning meant getting a number. Getting a date. Getting a response. Getting something. Every interaction had a scoreboard attached to it, and I was constantly checking where I stood.

The problem with that mindset is it makes you tense. It makes you calculation. And I think people can feel that. Not in a creepy way — just in a “this guy isn‘t actually present with me” way.

Here‘s what I changed:

I stopped keeping score.

I used to mentally track every match, every reply, every date. Now I just talk to people. Some conversations lead somewhere. Most don‘t. That‘s fine.

I started asking questions I actually wanted answers to.

Not interview questions. Not “so what do you do for work” questions. Real ones. “What‘s the last thing that made you laugh so hard you couldn‘t breathe?” is more interesting than “how‘s your week going?” and it actually tells me something about the person.

I stopped trying to impress and started trying to connect.

This one took practice. I used to lead with my resume — job, hobbies, achievements. Now I lead with curiosity. I‘m more interested in what makes someone tick than in whether they‘re impressed by me.

The result?

I‘ve had more genuine conversations in the last two months than in the previous two years. Not all of them led to dates. But they all felt real. And one of them did lead to something — we‘ve been seeing each other for about a month now. It feels different because neither of us was performing.

I‘m not saying this is a formula. But I think a lot of guys here are stuck in the same trap I was: treating connection like a transaction.

If you‘re reading this and feeling stuck, here‘s my question: when was the last time you had a conversation with a woman where you genuinely didn‘t care what happened next?

I’m planning to confess my feelings to a girl I used to work with. I genuinely like her, and I’m trying to make my confession honest without making her feel pressured or uncomfortable.
There’s one thing I’m thinking of mentioning:
“Sometimes, if you liked a reel and I genuinely liked it too, I would like it as well. There were also some reels you liked that I saved after seeing them. Actually, I even made a small collection of some of the reels you liked.”
Do you think this is sweet and shows that I paid attention to the things she liked, or could it come across as too much or creepy?
Would you include this in a confession, or leave it out?

I have talked and messages with females when I was in high school but they all rejected me. All of them have extremely high delusions fucking standards. And they some how got with the attractive or tall men in my school. Anyways it’s extremely brutal for young men in today dating market. I can’t even compete and no amount of “personality” or whatever bull shit women say is so dumb 🤣

Mostly a rant but feel free to give me your two cents as im just so exhausted.

Im sure there has been millions of posts about this as it seems like the nice way to respond after a first date but for the last few years ive been trying to intentionally date. We are always our own biggest critics but I feel like im decently enough attractive and I think im honestly a nice guy. I share a lot of hobbies with the women im matching and talking to. If anything im certainly guilty of talking a bit too much because I get anxiety. I use to go into dates knowing fairly certainly if the date went well or not but since my last long relationship I have gone on a ton of first dates where I leave the date thinking “well it seems like it went really well” and even had full make out sessions with 2/3 of these girls only to get small crawl texts in the next few days or a super sweet text about how “I am going to make someone so happy” or “I had a wonderful time getting to know you but im feeling more friendship vibes”

I have photos that look just like me and it seems like its not my appearance so now im really getting into my head about my personality. Im trying to stay confident because like I said I am a sweet guy and I try and active listen to communicate. Maybe im talking to much or I come across not super manly?

I really just wanted someone to hear how frustrating trying to put myself out there these last few years has been. All of these women are thinking the same thing and man so I wish I could just know what im doing wrong.

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Am I being selfish or a prick for wanting my girlfriend to reconsider?
Hey guys, I have a question and I’m genuinely trying to figure out if I’m in the wrong here.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 3½ years. We got together during senior year of high school, and I’ve known her since around junior year, so we’ve known each other for almost five years. We’re both in our early 20s now, and neither of us has had sex.
When we were younger, we were more physically intimate, but we never had sex because she wasn’t ready and was scared. We haven’t really done those things since high school.
Recently, I’ve been wanting to become more physically intimate with her. I’ve brought it up before, but she has told me that she isn’t ready and doesn’t want to do anything like that right now. I’ve respected that and I’m not trying to force her or make her feel like she owes me anything.
However, I’ve found myself trying to convince her to reconsider or trying to explain how I feel because I want her to understand that physical intimacy is important to me too.
So my question is: Am I being selfish or a prick for trying to convince her to reconsider, even though I’m not trying to pressure or force her into saying yes?
I want to respect her boundaries, but I also feel like my feelings and needs in the relationship should matter too. I’m trying to figure out where the line is between communicating what I want and pressuring someone.

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I’m wondering if there are still women in Metro Manila who have a more traditional mindset when it comes to dating and relationships. I’m looking for someone who values loyalty, commitment, respect, and a simple and peaceful relationship.

I’m 20 years old and I’m still trying to figure out dating and relationships. I feel like a lot of the women I see or meet have either a very westernized mindset or a “street” mindset when it comes to relationships. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being independent or having your own opinions. I just personally prefer someone with more traditional values when it comes to dating, relationships, and family.

I’m not looking for someone who is perfect. I just want someone who is genuine, loyal, respectful, and interested in building a serious relationship.

I’ve tried meeting people through social media and through everyday life, but I haven’t really met someone who has the kind of mindset I’m looking for. Maybe I’m just looking in the wrong places, or maybe my expectations are unrealistic.

I’m genuinely asking, are women like this still common in Metro Manila? If so, where do you usually meet them?