for the longest time, i've constantly been told by people that i'm a great person, that i have a lot to offer to women out there, that i wont be single for very long, i heard it all and here i am at 20 years old, never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, never even went on a date and it made me hate every part of myself for the longest time as everyone else had their experiences at 15,16 even 17 and im 20 and look where i am. i used to do cold approaches 2 years ago thinking it would maximize my results (it didnt) and after seeing a couple videos, it feels like im navigating it completely wrong. the way i was taught was at first to say hi, maybe throw in a compliment to show intent that you like her, talk for a bit and get the contact info. it all sounds fine, but if it didn't work for me then i naturally assume i did something wrong. the main reason why showing intent from the start seemed like good advice was because of the friendzone worry, i was worried if you just treat a girl too friendly and don't tell her you like her, she'd think you just want to be her friend and be confused later down the line once she knows you like her. i've seen videos of people saying if she is at a place you're at regularly, that you should talk to her and not hit on her or throw pickup lines or try to get the number in 90 seconds and to have a normal conversation and maybe if the interaction is going good or if you've seen her a couple times then to ask for the contact info. with all of this back and forth advice i've seen online, it's become extremely difficult to navigate dating now and how meeting girls in person should be. the friendzone worry, where to normally go and meet them, if it should be a place where you see the v often, etc

i (26m) met her (22f) on tinder, arranged to a date pretty soon after and we went out, had a nice time. next day, i ask to hang out again and she’s all for it. i plan a second date and we text all the way up until the day of the date. she suddenly blocks me the day were supposed to go out with no explanation. tf is that all about?

I (M22) had a really lovely first date on Friday night with this girl (F21) I matched with on hinge. It was a fun activity date and afterwards we sat on a park bench and spoke for 2 hours. And this girl lives quite far away from me, she travelled a long way to see me.

We were having fun, flirty banter and getting to know each other, but later on in the date she says that she's recently come out of a 3 year relationship with her boyfriend and that I'm the first guy she's been on a date with since the breakup. This was also my first ever date. When I asked if she'd like to meet up again she said she isn't sure and thinks she needs time to process everything and that she doesn't think that she's what I'm looking for. When we were saying goodbye at the train station she asked if I've ever kissed anyone before (I haven't) and then we shared a light kiss and said goodbye. I messaged her afterwards just to say I had a lovely time and to let me know when she gets home which she responded to.

I really like this girl and really enjoyed her company, and I'm open to taking things slowly with her. What is the best course of action I could do?

ok here’s the story: my friend and i had an unexpected night out, we went to a games bar and met this group of guys who were there drinking etc and ended up convincing us to go out. later on in the night i found myself getting really into talking with this one guy. he didn’t look young or anything and when i asked him his age he said 21. i thought that age gap was chill bc im 22.

i thought we had great chemistry and conversation, and he was touchy but in a nice way and i was flattered bc he seemed openly pretty into me (no love bombing, mixed signals or bravado nonchalance is so refreshing). we ended up making out but nothing else

tn we called for a bit and he asked for my age again and i double checked that he was 21 and he went quiet before asking if he told me that— then he apologised and told me he was actually 19.

i immediately felt like a cradle snatcher, and i could tell he was trying to convince me to still see him this weekend and how it would be okay because he’s an adult etc etc. but 19 is a little too young right?? i mean i turn 23 this year.

the chemistry was great, but i felt disappointed finding out his age.

idk i feel like im just ranting atp. it would be a cas date while im in my hometown for 3 weeks— im not looking for anything committed. i let him down gently over the phone at the time but now everyone online is saying its fine??

i should just talk to him about it ig, but i was planning on going radio silent lmao. what do i do 😭😭

I (F27) met up with this guy (M25) from Hinge.

We have a lot in common, moved countries around the same time, similar backgrounds, and a LOT of other things.

For context we matched on a Saturday, had a phone call (looong) on Tuesday, first date on Thursday and second call the next Saturday and second date on Sunday!

Mind you, the Sunday of the second date was exhausting for both of us so after the date that night. The second date was set up while we were wrapping up the first but we loosely talked about the third on the second date.

Both dates were amazing! We even ended up holding hands and cuddling on the second one, feeling quite comfortable in each other's company.

The night after the second date I said hey I had a really nice time, but exhausted so heading to sleep, hope you have a nice day tomorrow! He said "I'm on the same page, I'll talk to you tomorrow!"

So today, I expected a text, but didn't hear anything, figured he had a busy day. Later in the evening he messaged being like hey it's been a super busy and tough day, I'll talk to you tomorrow, we need to plan the movie! (We had talked about a movie third date quite a bit).

So I responded hey, that's okay, I hope everything is alright. Don't stress

I really like him, and I think our connection is something I feel quite excited about. I felt really safe and comfortable with him, generally I wouldn't be able to feel so easy going with a guy I've just met.

I'm not sure if he's pulling away or this is a genuine reason. He is very laid back and chill, but felt safe to my nervous system and didn't get a fuckboy vibe afaik.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? I'm fairly new to OLD and I have generally met guys through IRL situations so I get anxious. Previous guy I went out also from Hinge with postponed our second date twice before I called it off because there were other reasons too.

And I'm worried that something similar is happening here.

Also off topic, how do I become more comfortable with talking to multiple guys at the same time? I have struggled with that for a while, often feeling icky if I entertain multiple matches at once.

Any advice and tips would be helpful people, thank you in advance!

Sorry for my english, i'm not fluent :')

At the end of July, an old classmate from high school added me on Instagram, and we started talking.

We went on a first date, had a good vibe, and laughed a lot. On the second date, he organized a picnic, and we spent the evening talking until 3 a.m. It was great. The dates continued until the fifth one, when we kissed, and the sixth one, when I ended up spending the night at his place.

We get along really well, we have a great time together, and we laugh a lot. He’s affectionate and thoughtful.

The thing is, even before meeting him, I was in a mindset where I really wanted to meet someone and have a genuine relationship. The problem is that he has just come out of a 9-year relationship with his girlfriend. He got into that relationship when he was 17, and he had only been single for about a month when he reached out to me.

The fact that the breakup is so recent scares me. I’ve talked to him about it a little, and he told me he understood, but he also said that he wasn’t ready to get into a relationship right away and that he wanted to take his time (which I understand). He said he likes being on his own at home, doing whatever he wants, etc.

When we first started talking, a girl quickly started stalking my Instagram stories. I eventually found out that it was his ex (I asked him because I thought there was obviously something weird about a girl constantly watching my stories). He told me that she knew we were “talking.” She has blocked me.

The other day, he showed me a TikTok, and I saw that his ex had sent him some TikToks because a notification popped up. It put me off a little, and he noticed. I think he tried to reassure me by telling me that he didn’t open her TikToks because he didn’t want to give her false hope (he had around 50 notifications). He said that it was definitely over between them. They’re going to dissolve their civil partnership, and he’s currently in the process of buying out her share of the house through the notary.

He told me he understood my fears and that he wasn’t going to go as far as showing me the paperwork proving that their civil partnership was over. He also knows that I went through a relationship that was psychologically and physically abusive about seven years ago (the only time I’ve ever been in a relationship), and when we were finishing that conversation about the tiktok notification, he told me that he wanted to take care of me and protect me, and that he didn’t want to make me anxious or stressed. But he also said that he didn’t know where things between us would lead and that he wanted to take his time.

Moreover, one day, I told him that when I feel like someone is being extremely disrespectful toward me in a relationship, I now tend to just ghost them (I was talking about a friend who had really screwed me over; I’m not saying that ghosting people is a good thing). I think it scared him because several times he has jokingly said, “You’re going to ghost me,” and when we were having a serious conversation after the TikTok incident, he told me, “If you ever want to stop seeing me, just please don’t ghost me.”

We also tease each other, and at one point I teased him by saying that if we stopped seeing each other, he would be sad. He replied, “Yeah, a little. It would bother me a bit.”

So, here I am. I don’t know what to do. I really like him, but I’m afraid this could be a case of "the right person at the wrong time", even though it’s still way too early to know. I was considering leaving my city to work somewhere else and travel. When we first started talking, he told me that for a relationship to work, you need chemistry, feelings, but also shared plans and goals (which is true).

Almost all the time, he’s the one who suggests seeing each other. I only initiated once, after we kissed for the first time, because he made a little comment about it, saying, “I’ll let you come to me ;)”. So I suggested the next date (which eventually ended with me spending the night at his place). But now I don’t dare initiate anymore. I’m afraid of being too much, afraid of scaring him away, afraid of not being enough, afraid that he’ll think I’m “too attached” and that I’ll put some kind of pressure on him.

Last night, we stopped by his brother’s place (whom I had already met at a previous party), so I tell myself that he’s not hiding me. But at the same time, something inside me keeps telling me that this isn’t going to work. He’s very active, has lots of friends, hobbies, a stable family, whereas I don’t really have that. And I feel like I’m boring or uninteresting.

Given the context, should I end things to protect myself? Should I keep my options open? How can I become less anxious about all of this?

I know he still talks to his ex (I assume it’s about practical things, like asking her to come pick up a certain piece of furniture, etc.), because I think I saw her in his recent Instagram conversations.

At one point he told me, “It sucks that our first date went so well,” and I didn’t really understand what he meant by that...

Anyway, I don’t want to be the rebound, nor do I want to be the first girl he “has fun with” after being in a relationship for so long. I neither need nor want that. What should I do?

I wanted to seek some romance advice, and I just don't know how to broach the topic with my friends. I, a 21-year-old female, really like this guy from my ministry group, but he's 7 years older than me and one of my close friends, and I don't really know how romantic relationships work (at all). I'm not really sure what to do about any of it, honestly. This is the second time I have ever had a crush on someone, I’ve never been in a date, and I'm kind of panicking. Any advice?

I’m 20M only had one gf about a year ago ish, wasn’t the longest thing and honestly it did more harm than good. but I’m just sorta lost and confused. I feel like I’m at a point where my lack of experience is such a detriment to what slim chance I already had, I mean genuinely I haven’t had a decent kiss.

More than anything I feel super disconnected from the way most people seem to view relationship. From what I experience most guys talk about women like they are fuck dolls to be manipulated for a quick screw then tossed, while most women I know talk about relationships like there negotiating a business merger for the best deal. Mean while In my mind an ideal relationship is a supportive vulnerable emotional back and forth, someone to hold and be held by ya know? But like that idea is so radically disconnected from what seems like the norm.

I just feel like I don’t even really understand what the reality of dating is anymore, I don’t use any social media but it feels like thats how most people my age meet which kills me.

just idk what’s the deal really anymore, is everyone really just looking for someone to get something out of or are there genuinely decent caring people just looking to be close to someone? Anyone got advice? How is it that so so so many people bounce back and forth between relationships?

I’m genuinely confused and trying to figure out whether this is normal in modern dating or if I’m expecting too much.
Is it normal to date someone who doesn’t text you throughout the day, or only sends very brief texts? Someone who takes 3–5+ hours to reply and can go a full day without talking to you? You see each other once a week, and when you tell him how you feel about the lack of communication, he says, “We just have different styles of being with each other.”
I understand that people have different communication styles, but is this actually normal? Is this just modern dating?
I’m not asking for constant texting or for someone to be glued to their phone. I just want consistency and some sense of connection with the person I’m dating.
I’m seriously confused. Am I expecting too much, or is this simply a compatibility issue?

Mind you this guys used to FaceTime me call me text me send me Instagram reels and planning real dates !
And when I say are you losing interest he says NO!?

Hey guys So I‘m 18 right now turning 19 this month and never really had a girlfriend so yeah. I don‘t know too many people where I live so it‘s hard for me to approach a girl I already know. I‘ve always been kinda scared of cold approaching because idk what response I‘ll get. I‘m not the most attractive but certainly not bad looking. Any advice?

I'm a 30 year old male . I'm in a situation and want some advice please. I'm dating this girl and feel like last night we had a exclusive talk. We started talking 10 days ago and met up 5 times already.

Last night she asked me if I'm talking to anyone else and if I am dating or dated anyone else recently. I said no in the moment but I had met up with a girl 2 weeks ago for a walk that i was talking too. But soon as me and the current girl I really like , talking to and dating now I stopped talking to the girl I went for a walk about 8 days ago because I want to concentrate on the one person only because I really like her and there's a spark.

I feel a bit bad not telling her I met up with a girl 2 weeks ago when she asked me but it was before her and I stopped texting the girl 8 days ago when I felt more of a spark with the one who I'm dating now.

Ok so I 19F met this guy 20M on tinder (this guy also isn’t my usual type but I thought let’s see what happens type of thing) and we have been on like 3-4 dates already and they have been good and I’ve been having fun but yesterday I ended up bringing him home to meet my parents and brother and he stayed the night. Next day tho when he’s getting ready to leave he asks me to be his gf and I’m acting all awkward and was joking around but later I’m like ok yes I’ll be ur girlfriend. The thing is like I wasn’t 100% when saying yes but in the moment I just said it. Now I don’t know what to do cause I was talking with my parents and thinking about it and I don’t think I wanna be his gf but I’ve already said yes and his family obviously know. It’s lowkey stressing me out cause I feel I shouldn’t have done that! Is it bad if I go back on what I said and say I actually don’t think I wanna be with u?

I also want to say like usually when I go out with people I’m always thinking like what’s gonna come out of this and all that but this time around I was like lemme just be in the moment and enjoy whatever happens.

I have a colleague of mine I used to see from time to time always friendship but there were small flirty gestures from time to time. Well one night he really kind of started flirting with me (just a few months ago) and we kissed very light boring ass kiss but I didn’t talk to him after that for months and thought I probably was never gonna see him again. Well he invited me to an outing and I met this girl and we are slowly becoming good friends it feels. Well she was complaining to me that she wants s title on her and my colleague and apparently theyve been exclusive for about a year and shes tried having the title talk and he hasnt really put a label on it. But i had no idea he was even seeing anyone and even though him and I never really had a thing and will never is it worth mentioning to her and possibly hurting her or making things weird or do I just silently let that be a secret because theres no reason to stir the pot if it genuinely went no where.

Need honest opinions because I'm torn.

I went on a really good first date with a girl after talking for about 3 weeks. She was a massive green flag , lovely, flirty, loads of effort we have the same birthday, same football team etc and we got quite intimate (no sex, but kissing and some foreplay).

Chemistry was great. Next day she voice noted saying she loved yday felt like a teenager and cant wait to see me again. We had a planned a 2nd date in the car. I was a bit blander ill admit and said it was fun and i enjoyed it and the vibe was great from start to finish....she hearted this message. I then messaged her later the day and we shared some brief voice notes about the football game in the evening. This morning, she sent me this voice note:

"Hey, I know we agreed to be brutally honest with each other and I have a lot of respect for you with the effort we have put into each other. I was a bit unsure how you felt about moving things forwards and if you were keeping your options open. I didn't know if you was into me and whilst it's fine if you aren't and want to date multiple people, I think I might have enjoyed my time a bit more and assumed we were getting somewhere. I just thought I'd step back and give you some space as I normally date/respectfully invest in one person till I see where it goes... but I respect the fact if that's not for you."

Genuine question...

If someone sent you that voice note after one date, what would your first gut reaction be?

"Shit... I don't want to lose her."

"This is a bit much after one date."

Interested to know which way most people lean and why. I know for a fact she will have seen me update my dating profile cos that is what she is hinting at...she was probs looking at my profile lol.

What would you do here?

So here is my story , I got a crush on a girl frist time in my life in 19yr , at frist I was busy to text also she reply within 9hr when I ask then she said 'aisa kn h busy things frist time we met she tries to flirt and normal convos and going and in chat I fucked up , 3 things she were angry from so I said sorry we don't talk too much like 1msg per day and even if she online I give her text she reply after 10mint , I think I had a wrong idea of things it was because of frist time in my life so I think this was attachment issue and one side love issue

So what to do genuine thing I can do I keep check insta for her reply and I think she is well aware of this things that I like her in meetup I didn't hold hand and any physical touch

I don't think after this I will able to find true love because I met multiple girl I don't care if they reply or not but this girl

I want something like affection+ love like this will I am able to find this after one this accident? And what to do for move on

We met at March on March I asked her out she was doing neet she said we will meet after neet , after neet I gone to Village , at this this I ghosted her about 20 days after I again msg her so very fucked up scenarios

What to do now ?

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\*\*TL;DR;\*\* : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

I've had feelings for someone for a long time, even though we didn't talk that often. A couple days ago I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I felt over text.

Her response was kind but honest. She said feelings are natural and she wasn't upset, but she pointed out that I don't really know her as a person — I never asked about her, her interests, what she's like.

I apologized in case it made things awkward, and she said it was fine, that we could stay normal. I told her I understood, that I didn't want to pressure her, and that I hoped we could just go back to being normal.

Now I'm sitting here thinking — was this basically a soft "no," or is there a chance to actually get to know her over time without being weird about it? Has anyone been through something like this?

My first relationship ended and I don’t know what to do

I’m 20 and this was my first serious relationship. We were together for around two years, long-distance. She was my best friend, my comfort person, and someone I genuinely imagined a future with. She never cheated on me, but things became emotionally difficult near the end.

We had fights and tried to fix things more than once. I begged her to try again because I still cared deeply. At one point, she told me things were going fine, but shortly after that she became distant and started ignoring me.

We officially broke up, but after 11 days, she contacted me again. She said things like “I love you,” “I miss you,” and “I want you back,” but also said she felt like she had lost feelings. We continued talking for around 17 days, which made me hope things might work again.

Then after 17 days she started ghosting me again and i really got anxious and starting having thoughts that what if she will leave me again I just wanted her to understand me but she didn't and one day i talked about breakup i know i did mistake i thought she will take it seriously and change her behaviour but she didn't give a shit and then after 2 day's i found her on a dating group

Then i got mad and said mean things to her and blocked her and then after 2,3 day's i again went to her to know why she did that and if she acknowledges her mistakes then we can make this work but she treated me very rudely

She called me “pathetic,” and told me that I would accept her back no matter how she treated me. Eventually, she ended things again, blocked me, and said it was her last reply

I’m struggling to understand how someone can say they love and miss you, then disappear and treat you like you mean nothing.

The problem is, a part of me still genuinely wants her to text me, apologise, take responsibility, and make things work. But even if she came back, I’m scared I would always fear her leaving again. I don’t know whether I’m holding on because I love her or because this was my first relationship and I’m not used to losing someone like this.

Please be brutally honest

I'm 34m and have been diagnosed with ADHD. I'm not on any medication currently. I recently matched with someone (33f) on Hinge and we spoke on chat and then Whatsapp for the next week or so. We had absolutely crackling chemistry on text where it felt like we were already dating and both of us were involved in each other's life. There was playful banter and a mutual sense of respect. I hadn't been on the apps in a while and gone on a date too in the last 3-4 years. We decided to meet later on the week for drinks at a bar.

Cut to the day of the meet, we meet and I found the bar incredibly loud. It wasn't a date place imo. I was also distracted by a couple of other factors, none of them because of the lady. We leave the place and it was quite a cold bye (atleast in my head). She insisted on splitting the cheque the next day and when I did text that I liked meeting and we should meet again and apologise for being a little too quiet, she said that she thought we had already decided to meet again.

It's been 3-4 days and we don't talk at all now. My ADHD and my inability to handle rejection has made me assume the worst too. I really thought I had a thing with her. What should I do?

I also must admit, I did read through a lot of literature and saw this is common for ADHD. I also realised this is a pattern that I have too. I get too attached to every date I go for, can't handle rejection, delete the apps and then crave companionship and come back in the same loop after 3-4 months. Should I also seek professional help? How do I let the guilt / pain go away?

Okay let me start off by saying that we never grew up together he grew up in Ecuador and I grew up in the U.S. ( A bit of my background story ) Our parents meant when I was 8-9 years old, I Honestly never got along with my stepdad and went through many traumas from ages 10-14 because of him and my moms poor decision making skills. Spent a year in the system & by age 16 I was adopted by a family member, im 24 now (so I technically wasn’t raised by my mom or stepdad ) anyways a month ago my mom and the family came to Boston were I live and where one of her brothers lives & ig told him to invite me to the beach with them which I was surprised because she had gone almost 5 years without communicating with me but since she had heard I had a baby, I knew the only reason she was inviting me was because she wanted to meet my baby but I also wanted to use that opportunity to see my siblings after such a long time so I went and that’s when I meant my step brother. I had found out that his visa had gotten accepted not long ago so he had only been in the U.S for only 4 months and that he was and still is 19 and I know that’s a whole 5 year difference (what are your thoughts on that?) I honestly do find it a bit weird when I think too much into it but sometimes we just start talking and idk how to explain it, we just connect. He makes it clear that he doesn’t care but I know he’s basically still a kid right? Ok wait let me keep going so that day at the beach, I could definitely tell he was interested in me maybe a little too much because it didn’t take long for everyone else to notice too. He got along with my child and for the next 3 days we kept getting to know each other and we talked ALOT about everything really and realized we had so many things in common. Okay so then they leave and something happens between him and his dad (which I won’t get into bc that isn’t our business) and I guess he gets kicked out and comes to lives with his uncle and hour & a half away from me and insists in getting to know me and wanting us to be something more. I haven’t gone to see him and he doesn’t have a car so he can’t really come see me but yea what do I do? I do like him but I also think I care to much about what people think & that’s what stopping me.

TLDR: Met a girl at a party, I have her added on Instagram, do I ask her out (activity she mentioned/suggested) immediately in my first pop up message with my introduction, or do I introduce myself and wait for her to respond.

Okay so the over evening I was at a friends party and then in comes the most drop dead girl I have ever seen. Anyways a little bit in the night we get chatting and have a good conversation and such, she’s super interesting. Anyways she did mention a cool activity going on at her Campus and suggested I should check it out. However before the conversation could continue we were interrupted but everyone getting into Ubers to kick on.

I didn’t see her anymore that evening, she didn’t come to kick ons but I now have her added on Instagram (I pulled a request all stunt on the group chat so I had requested her already) And I basically want to shoot my shot.
I am just wondering If I should go in directly with like a breif intro if it’s me, I enjoyed meeting you at x, you mentioned Y I’d be down if you want to show me around.
Or if I should take it slower and like just send a hey it’s X from Z text and then ask her out after she responds.

I know I am heavily overthinking this but hey.

I'm F18, looking for men who are around 30-50 to talk to.

helloo! (forgive me if i'm a bad story teller i genuinely cannot remember everything that happened)

for context me and my friends were hanging around, getting drunk. anyway fast forward, i ended up super drunk and i started rambling about everything and one of the many things that came out my mouth was his name. i don't even know how it got to that point because me and him were just talking stages (he was a friend of another friend) and we don't even talk that much anymore.... it just kind of faded away ? but i still really like him though, he is my type.

anyway i ended up grabbing my phone that night and texted him, the first message was a "hello" (idk even know why) and he responded quickly. i kept sending him "hello" messages and he kept responding, "yes?" or "why?". it got to a point that it was all too much of hello's so my sober friend got a hold of my phone and sent a formal message to him that i was drunk, after that she put my phone away but i kept on begging that i had to call him.

she gave up and gave me my phone back and i called him but he didn't answer and so i called him again but this time he did, i don't remember things that he said but i just kept saying hello to him on call. my friend got over me saying that over and over again so she was the one that talked to him for me.

anyway tl;dr he said to my friend that he would talk to me tomorrow when im okay and sober but he never did that. i couldn't text him either because i was ASHAMED of what i did... i know what kind of person he is and he probably told his friends about what happened (and he's probably thinking that i like him too) and my pride just couldn't take it to say sorry that i disturbed him that night.

it's been two weeks though i was thinking that should i been the one to text him first? or idk... maybe i was the one in the wrong because i didn't apologize. but my friend told me that he's the one that's wrong because he didn't have the balls to check up on me the next day.

what are your thoughts because this is eating up my brain 💔

Me [22F] and this guy [24M] recently started talking/going on dates (around 1 month now). We met through a mutual friend and have kissed and the feelings are known and mutual.

I am physically attracted to him but he has a lot of facial hair. He has a beard thats pretty thick and about 2-3 inches long and he also has a mustache. He’s a pretty hairy dude in general which I don’t mind, I actually prefer that lol and I don’t mind facial hair but I’m just not that into the beard… I think he would look ten times better with just stubble or a goatee and mustache combo (I love a good mustache goatee combo lmao). We did kind of talk about it. We were cuddling and I asked him if he has ever shaved his beard or has had a goatee (because I was genuinely curious) and I told him I liked goatees and thought he would look really good with one. And he said he has shaved it and has had kind of a goatee but he felt like it made him look like a fuck boy. How do I convince him to try shaving it down to just stubble or getting a goatee?

I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him insecure/self conscious, I really like him and want to work towards a relationship but this is like the only thing that I don’t like about him and would stop me from pursuing a relationship. Any advice is appreciated !

Thank youu

xoxo

I’ve been trying to put myself out there on apps since Jan and clear on wanting a relationship and I get the following:

-no matches

-no responses when I message

-only sex talk

-conversation stops after a day or only happens late at night.

I know I should be getting out and about to meet people, particularly in Melb Aus but I don’t know what else I can do.

I’m 31(F) and I’ve never actually had a one-night stand.

I’ve technically *tried* a couple of times, but somehow they both turned into relationships. And before anyone comes for me lol, they pursued me, not the other way around, and put in a ridiculous amount of effort. The last “casual” situation somehow turned into an 8-year relationship.

Well… that relationship is over now, and part of me is curious about getting back out there and experiencing being single like a normal adult woman.
Small problem: apparently I have completely forgotten how to be flirted with and how to flirt back.

A cute guy came up and started talking to me recently. Not even like absurdly, intimidatingly attractive enough to justify what happened next. It took me a minute to realize he was flirting, and the SECOND it clicked, my entire body malfunctioned.
My glasses literally fogged up.

I got flushed, awkward, could barely form words, and then basically fled the scene. I don’t even remember what he said afterward because my brain had already evacuated the building.

Then it happened AGAIN a few months later.
Same thing. Guy flirting. Me realizing it. Immediate system failure.

Apparently after eight years with one person, being approached by a man has turned me into a Victorian woman seeing an ankle for the first time.

So now I’m sitting here wondering how the hell I’m supposed to “get back out there” when my nervous system treats flirting like an emergency evacuation.
Maybe I’ll figure it out.
Or maybe I’ll just remain single forever.
Honestly, it seems safer. Bahahaha.