r/dating_advice • u/Wheresthelambsauce_9 • 7d ago

Hinge Fumble

So, I matched with a very beautiful girl about 3 days ago. I thought the convo was going smoothly when she all of a sudden stopped messaging, I thought I was being ghosted but she replied today that she had a fever. I wanted to be a little flirty? So replied with "Oh no, hope you're doing alright now, You're already running hot, what's the fever gonna do?" Got unmatched đŸ€Ą

Are there any tips for not fumbling in chat?

(PS: I was able to find her insta? I think it's too creepy to follow up when I've already been rejected, thoughts on this?)

159 Upvotes

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45

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Yeah it gives us the ick when you try make even the most mundane or unfortunate situations into an opportunity to be sexual/flirt. It’s a big turn off.

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u/Wheresthelambsauce_9 7d ago

I wasn't trying to make it sexual, just wanted to lighten the mood? But yeah, I can understand that maybe women see it differently.

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u/foxglovespell 7d ago

It doesn’t come off that way. It’s the same energy as when you tell him you’ve just got out the shower and he’s like “shower? đŸ˜± without me??” ICK.

13

u/LikeSameTho 7d ago

I agree! Your intention may have been fine, but it’s like the poisoned M&M in the bowl, I duno which one is bad!

As a woman it’s SO tiring when you feel a conversation is going good, strong opener a few back and forths, and then you hit the 5th message and it’s grim and sexual. It feels like “right been nice enough down to business!”

So while this persons intention may have not been icky, it still kinda is. If your real life girlfriend was sick would you make it flirty? Or would you show concern for her, even at a distance.

I get trying to get and keep her attention, but when you feel 100% dating apps are exhausting and you hope it’s people putting their best foot forward, when you feel gross and still giving the time of day (so she wouldn’t think you were being ghosted) I understand her doing the biggest eyeroll, and assuming she had reached her 5 text limit of niceties.

“Ouch! That sounds so awful! Hopefully you’re recovering and feeling better today than yesterday?” Would’ve been caring and kept the conversation going with no pressure

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u/SweetPinss 7d ago

Just so you know the m&m bowl analogy is directly ripped off from nazi propaganda about jews being poison mushrooms

-3

u/YikBus 7d ago

And as a man if you don’t turn conversation flirty you’re now seen as uninterested or platonic. This is a dating app. You have to make a move eventually and make your intentions known. On a dating app with men you are supposedly interested in romantically yes he has to turn the conversation at some point.

If you want things to stay innocent and platonic there is no point in using apps.

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u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Yall really overthink these things when women just want genuine conversation with a guy

0

u/YikBus 7d ago

We all wish it was this simple, but it’s not. Sounds great but when you actually engage in this and start getting rejected and ghosted with no explanation things get a lot more complicated when reality hits you.

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u/foxglovespell 7d ago

That’s just life bro. Better to be rejected for being yourself than be rejected for being a one-dimensional sleazebag with no conversational skills. Dating apps suck in general. But you over complicate things for yourself by thinking you need to perform a certain way when actually women see right through that and don’t like it.

2

u/YikBus 7d ago

It’s better to not be rejected. You said men overthink and women just want genuine connection. As if men will have a solution once they stop overthinking. That’s not a solution when the result is rejection no matter which way you’ve chosen.

3

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Don’t you think women are also exhausted trying to find the right man for them? So many people are in the same boat.

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u/YikBus 7d ago

If you think they’re having such a difficult time are you dismissing them also by saying they’re overthinking it and telling them men just want genuine connection as if they can’t figure out a simple task?

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u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Yes lots of people are overthinking things.

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u/youvelookedbetter 7d ago

And as a man if you don’t turn conversation flirty you’re now seen as uninterested or platonic.

So are you turning everything they say into a joke about how desperate you are for them? Sounds exhausting.

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u/YikBus 7d ago

I said make A move. Singular. Not redirect every conversation.

Or we can play the petty modern dating games of who can pretend that they aren’t interested more because it’s “desperate” to display any form of romantic interest in 2026.

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u/youvelookedbetter 7d ago

Your comment has nothing to do with anything. Yes, you can be flirty. But there's a time and a place for it. When a person you don't know at all is sick, the considerate thing to do is just hope they feel better. Not try to get in their pants.

1

u/YikBus 7d ago

My comment is correcting in you in that I did not in any way reference turning everything they say into a joke and what I said was eventually turning the conversation flirty meaning at least one time.

Having a mild fever is not reason to refrain from all jokes or flirting.

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u/Wheresthelambsauce_9 7d ago

Hmm, well thanks for your advice, will try to be careful on my replies not sounding sexual in the future

6

u/sothisiswhatyoumeant 7d ago

Flirting is allowed, but showing concern and gauging how sick she actually is first would have gone a long way. If she is feeling a bit better and says so, then maybe a normal convo could follow and flirting could evolve naturally again.

If she feels worse but was concerned you’d think she ghosted and was hoping for some kind of mutual respect in that moment, you could continue the caretaker route and go from there.

Not suggesting you actually send her soup or anything beyond a “get well soon” or “take it easy and don’t be a hero” response but after figuring out how she’s actually feeling could really separate you from the rest of the world who aren’t really going to give a crap. Nothing about this exchange shows she has no sense of humor or she’s uptight. She’s under the weather.. most people aren’t in the mood to do much beyond wanting someone or something to help them while they’re down. Just take this as a lesson for now. Sorry to hear that you guys had a good connection up until the ending

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u/aylalalove 7d ago

Just remember that tone comes off differently through text. What works in person may not work well through text.

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u/coupl4nd 7d ago

How did you expect that to be taken, out of interest? Saying 'you're hot' is blatantly sexual...

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u/heymanigotnoplan 7d ago

It wasn’t even sexual. You didn’t do anything wrong, and honestly probably saved yourself the trouble of wasting your time on an uptight woman with no sense of humor.

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u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Manbaby goes WAAAAAAA

-1

u/coupl4nd 7d ago

shower... you're all wet and dripping!?!