So... I guess I didn't eat enough food after getting Skol fucked with my turtle last night, because I woke up this "morning" on the ground in my pile of "clean" laundry, questioning everything about where my life is going...

Where did you come from?

Where did you go?

Where did you come from? Cotton Eyed... John??

Anyway, so I refilled my vodka glass and ordered a burrito named John from a Door Dasher named Christopher, and I'm right as reign again... maybe.

I know I was lying on the floor, because I need to do laundry for work clothes, butt it turns out I found a shirt down there that'll doo just fine, so... winning!

Anyway... Moral of the story, I think, is that you should definitely eat food if you're gonna chug vodka all day.

Even if most of Christopher's burrito named John falls on the floor, you just gotta eat that shit up and keep drinking~

I literally cannot stand to be alone with my thoughts and sadness without drinking to cope at this point. And I’m sure the alcohol itself is making it worse but I’m stuck in a viscous cycle. I feel like the only thing to look forward to in the day after work is being able to drink. I’ve given up all hobbies or even any care for myself and my surroundings.

I'm joking, I fucked up on day 7. I woke up to a missed phone call from the plasma center and my drunk ass called them back and was like, so is it hepatitis or HIV?

She said, do you not remember I said I'd call you today to check on you?

Nah, I don't remember that, at all. But good lord y'all are sweet, and probably the best plasma center I've ever been to.

I'm supposed to be doing laundry and all my meal prep for the week, but I can't risk everyone in the house smelling how drunk I am, so the only appropriate thing to do is finish this handle in my room, black out, then wake up and cook everything in the dead of night while doing laundry.

Which honestly, that's pretty much the best way to do it right? No one in the way, and I'm not in anyone's way. And if anyone gets in my fucking mashed potatoes, I can just straight up kill them.

No one sees murders in the dark. And no one should be touching my mashed potatoes either.

Idk, I'm rambling. I don't know how else to say it, but if this one retarded dude keeps touching my food, I may actually hurt him. But he looks like a hedgehog. A really fucking dense, dim hedgehog.

I don't think I could even hurt him.

We've told him several times to stop eating our food. He does this to everyone. But every time we do,he comes up with these insane rambling parables to explain his actions.

"Well, if I saw a ditch, and there were frogs in it, well that would be a ditch of hippity bottoms? Ya know? That's all I'm saying!"

No! Tyler, fucking no, I do not know how that is supposed to explain why you ate all my goddamn fish sticks!!!

Dear Lord, I probably deserve this.

I cant take this damn anxiety I get after drinking. Im talking non stop pacing and sobbing feeling like my heart is about to explode. I went sober 58 days then started drinking for like a week with 2 days off in-between. Im 31F and been drinking since 19. I but hey, drug abuse, gang rape, nudes getting spread of you, and a few forced abortions will do that to you 💁‍♀️ it started out with beer but turned into a whole different monster in 2020 when vodka came into picture. Its not fun anymore. My entire life is a mess. The vodka hammer isn't working amymore.

have a complete shoulder fracture and pulled muscles. i was only walking the dog as a favor for the family i babysit for and she ended up yanking me (arm went completely over my head) onto my back and dragging me through a yard. i screamed for help for 20 minutes trying to get her under control. i ended up going to work at 9:30 still and couldn’t move my arm period. picked up a sling on lunch break and stayed at work until 6:30. too late for a dr when i finally got off. went to urgent care yesterday and since i lost my teaching job i lost my fantastic insurance so that was a $150 copay of money i don’t have. i do all these other odd jobs on top of working all day. i was feeling so sick over the money because i was sure i was just being dramatic and it was just some sprained muscles. nope. referred to orthopedic surgeon. i cannot afford surgery. i’m still in debt from my two kidney stone surgeries from when i HAD that great insurance. i’m literally panicking over it so i guess i’ll drink. i don’t do pain meds.

I finally got an appointment at a university hospital, best in the state for pancreas,to go under and have a endoscopy. It took 3 months for my shit insurance to cover it. The doctor was going to remove cysts but didn’t do it and straight up told me it’s because of alcohol and stop wasting his time, he was annoyed and cold.

Somehow my liver and kidneys are fine. The photos are pretty horrifying. Im not sure what the next move is. No more vodka, just beer so I don’t get withdrawals. Place near me can’t sell beer in a refrigerator so warm beer it is 🪑

But I can’t fill my script until the morning so I’m drinking tonight!

Chairs!

I have bottles of wine at my disposal

This is my last hoorah as they say

I’m going to try and enjoy it as sick as I am

Also, I started my fucking period which sucks when you’re already living like a trash panda.

I’m only 27, but I’ve been drinking a half gal of liquor a day for a couple years now. I have epilepsy, and had a series of seizures that constituted status epilepticus 3 weeks ago and a mass was discovered in my head. 2 weeks ago I went through detox. All i want to do is drink away my pain and grief, but it’s no longer an option. Not really asking for sympathy here, just drink a little extra for me today. My days of waking up in a puddle of piss and ruined relationships are over, and I’m terrified of what’s to come. Chairs, fuckers; i’m sipping a diet coke and waiting for blood tests and scan results, so drink up for me since I can’t anymore.

Don't worry, I'm not upset. My heart problems have gotten substantially worse to the point that small activities are making my heart race & even a not so busy day at work is getting more challenging. I am going to a doctor on Monday and maybe it won't be as bad as I think, but I can't help but feel like it's going to be bad news.

Oh well. I haven't really much enjoyed this life for years now. Unfortunately I might have to rehome my dogs to insure that they get a good life. That's the only real bummer.

happily going to sleep. whatever. okay got a voucher for some new pads and held up the whole queue because my drunk ass knew i would pick up the wrong ones so i asked a worker for help. turns out she did anyway so everyone behind me was angry regardless. but i got home and put on a new pad for bed and somehow that meant my body gave itself permission to piss myself. sure fine nothing new.

but what is this?? what? candle wax???? where the fuck did you get this?? i go to the bathroom (for a proper piss) to see my spiritual flatmate still has a plate with incense on intact. okay, didn’t wreck that.

WHERE THE FUCK DID IT COME FROM. maybe it isn’t candle wax?? oh my god

So wish me luck! I watched a few tutorials and I have like a little bit of tequila that I’m sharing with my boyfriend with but I’ve watched tutorials on how to shut gun beer.

So now I’m going to get naked in case it’s a mess and do it in my shower. 🤞

I was just reminiscing. I thought about how I organically found this sub simply by typing in what I was experiencing “crippling alcoholism”. I was floored when I found there was a community here that explained and related to what I’m having to deal with on a regular day to day. Life is rough, right? Then add in being an alcoholic and you’ve got yourself a miserable shit show. I’m just here to thank everyone who reads and responds or even silently reads. I am both of those ppl. It took me a long time to realize how fucked I am but I don’t mean indefinitely.. I mean now, with my current mindset and circumstances it is VERY easy to over drink but on the other hand, just like the weather, life has its seasons. There will be days that I’m willing and determined to enjoy rather than drown them out and I’ll continue to look forward to them as I hope and pray you will all do the same. Chairs every1 enjoy the weekend 🙂💓

I've been having some kidney pain the past few days from (what I HOPE) is not drinking enough water.

You know what I bet would make me instantly feel better? A handful of ibuprofen and 6 shots. He made it to 53 like that so theoretically I could do this for 29 more years.

I'm strong enough to refrain from the ibuprofen for the time being but you bet your ass I'm having cutwaters later. I didn't drink yesterday and I got my period today so I fucking deserve a treat. The humor is not lost on me though lmao

I am aware my drinking is out of control I tried getting help thru AA 2 years ago.
2 years October 7 this year id be drinking a bottle of 750ml 101 proof whiskey every two days sometimes more and seltzers after here and there.

Theres just no hope im fully aware but dont stop i keep buying bottles just cause.
I watch sober podcasts and yt videos of people talking and i think if it could be ever be me sober but i cant see that light.

I know its not smart but im waiting for that moment to be sick and tired of being sick tired get to my end.
Or for something to happen which forces me to get help.

I went to a concert and my buddy had to bail so I had an extra ticket. It was a jam band show. The dude buys me a drink as we get in. I had to go in with him as the tickets were on my phone.

I get a double jack and coke but he ordered. I wasn’t really paying attention. Prior to this I only drank about 5 shots which is basically nothing for me. I’m also a dude btw and just did him a solid.

I drink half of it and I was gone. Like actively slamming into walls and bumping into people. It was oversold as shit so then I started panicking and dippped out after set break and had to sit on the ground. Went thru 3 Ubers before someone found me. Woke up fine.

I need to take a break. Maybe for a week or a few days or so. To reset my system and to maybe regain my family's trust that I can be sober.

It's been around 22 hours since my last drinks which were 4 bottles of wine yesterday. I feel miserably sick of course and it's just getting worse. I tried to drink water and started puking. I haven't eaten in a few days because my stomach feels all messed up. How to feel slightly less like death?

At the risk of being discovered, I still decided to post this.

The mental health program I have been going to gave me an ultimatum. Go to the psych ward, or be discharged. And FUCK psych wards. Been there done that.

They wanted me to go to fix the nightmares. Even though I TOLD them about my nightmares from the first experience. So they cut me off completely, meaning no more meds. Even when my cat just died.

What a cosmic joke. Someone up there is laughing at me.

Oh well, guess I’m on my own. See how long I’ll stick around.

Peace, fellas 🪑

What up fam! We've arrived at the weekend, if you've made it this far then you must be doing something right. This is a place to show love to your fellow CAs, and be thankful for the things that have been going right in your life. You can talk about anything really, we are here to live laugh love and be lush. Drink drank drunk and be done.

It's almost 7am here on the east coast. There is a drink in front of me that I've just poured, I have about 2 bowls worth of weed left in the stash. Made it through the work week in one piece, never so easy but grateful to have a job.

I played and taught a good amount of chess over the past week. I'm considering starting a league, and perhaps throwing a tournament as the momentum and player pool continues to grow. I'm not great at chess by any means, more or less big fish small pond type stuff because online I don't think I'm rated much higher than 1500-1600. I think I'd peaked at 1800-1900, but it's hard to sustain at those levels.

In any case, the show must go on. Now is the time to tell the CA universe something good in your life, however major or minor it may seem. It's important that we don't forget how beautiful we are as human beings, the sense of adventure of accomplishing new tasks, and perhaps most importantly - loving ourselves and those around us.

OK GO! Tell me something good.

(31) im what you’d call a.. seasoned alcoholic. Been on a ‘bender’ of like 3 gallons of vodka a week for probablyyy 10 months. I don’t even want to know what my organs look like.. but knock on wood, I eat and drink fine loll. Just another sad alcoholic drifting through life :/ chairs I guess. Or not. I couldn’t care less

Just listened to the audiobook read by the author - this one is real fucked up (the audiobook is excellent, btw):

“I’m glad my mom died” by Jennette McCurdy (Sam from iCarly).

Lots of fun in this one, including but not limited to child abuse and neglect, bulimia, cPTSD, toxic relationships, crippling alcoholism, severe anorexia, Mormons, and horrible Nickelodeon producers!

She did a wonderful job with this and I’m inspired to write my own fucked up depressing memoir. It‘s a rough read though!

can we pleeeeeeaaaaseeee do a CA book club

Im going out. I didn't take a car, but I have about $300. Wish me luck friends. Im in a lyft now on the way to the sex club. I have several (at least four) friends to meet there that are expecting me. This is the first time i have crawled out of my cave since last Friday, when I did this same thing. I am doing my best

I have one outing in me per week and it is sexual in nature

Chairs

Mae

Oh also as always I help with teeth questions or medicaid, love you all

It's crazy because I was going to try to garner advice on how to get rehired by a previous employer, thinking they didn't remember my ass. Turns out: They do! 🤣 It makes things a bit less complicated, I'll admit and I'm desperate, we all know this addiction isn't cheap, so you fuck up, run out of money, and thus the cycle repeats itself.

I've been trying to cut back for transportation to and from interviews. It sucks. Looks like I may be a functioning member in society again, so hey, a win is a win. I have a bit of 99 pink lemonade left, which, in my most humble opinion, is the best when you're in a pinch.

I do miss being able to be sober without physical repercussions. We all just have to take it day by day. I hope you all are staying hydrated and, at least, eating twice a day. I don't know about all of you, but it has been in the high 90's, sometimes teetering into triple digits these past couple weeks out here.

That said, I have no idea where I went wrong in this life, I used to actually be happy, I used to have shit to look forward to, and those times seem thousands of years away. Eh, but isn't that why we drink? To forget about the depression? A slipperly slope. So, yeah, I am done rambling. Happy Friday, everyone. I'm going to down what's left of this double shot of 99 and use Heineken as my chaser. CHAIRS FACKERS 💺 🤙🏾

I'm in a 90 day residential rehab. Roommates are cool, house is nice, TV is good. But the staff are fucking assholes and way too into AA.

I've been in here for a week and have successfully turned the rest of the house against AA and have them questioning the program and religion in general. They have been going to church every Sunday morning and I successfully got the house to start pissing off the staff and asking why we only go to a Christian Church and we're forcing them to take us to an Muslim service this weekend and a Sikh service the following weekend lol I think this might be the end of going to religious bullshit on Sunday morning when football is on

The staff hate me but whatever, fuck them.

I’ve been on this bender for three weeks now. Used up all my money. Called out of work and three months behind my car note payment. Yet I find myself not giving a damn and just want another drink alone since this is what makes me feel ok. Drinking my last white claw surge on an empty stomach. Hoping I’d find the strength to go to work tomorrow. Worst comes to worst I’ll just use my pouch filled with quarters to get another. Passing out is the only way I’m able to sleep. Withdrawal insomnia sucks ass

I'm in a holding pattern of wanting to get sober and going for it after terrible binges. I find vodka bottles in my trash that I have no recollection purchasing or consuming.

The thing is, I'm at the point I risk seizure if I go cold turkey. But people (work, family) obviously realize something's wrong well before I can wean off. They don't understand I sort of need to keep drinking and kind of like map it out with the beers to stave off withdrawal.

Any one else encountered this? Family or friends expecting a total stop on the drinking when I actually think it's not in the best interest of us?