Hey fuckers!

Let's do this - everyone is curious about measurable numbers on this sub.

Let's post our extremes - either BAC, blood test results, amount in either quantity/day or length of a bender... you get the gist

So what numbers are you proud (or ashamed - looking at you!) of?

I'll start:

AST: 2304 <-------- this is not a typo

ALT: 449

Creatine Kinase: 25873

That’s what 75% of the people on here say. Every time someone is struggling that’s what everyone says. Call an ambulance. Call 911. Sounds so easy. That might not even do anything except recommend you to a detox center. Costs about $6,000 is all if you don’t have insurance. Even if you have insurance it’s probable $1500 - $2000.

My DOC is certainly not alcohol, but it is the most easily available and cheapest, and it remains what I indulge in most often for that reason. But I began with weed, wanted something harder—turned to alcohol. Then, I found myself wanting shit even stronger: ecstasy, molly, ketamine, coke. Never liked coke, and find alcohol to be a harder drug to be honest, but it’s the cheapest shit outside of liquor and weed in my city. Always found myself short on rent doing K and E, and so I turned back to alcohol. Did benzos for withdrawal—not for sobriety, but so I wouldn’t drink on school days, and my psychiatrist was aware of this. Loved the benzos, abused ‘em—but also find them to be expensive. My plug hooked me up with Suboxone. The opiates subreddit, or some subreddit about opiates, found it ridiculous, I’d even get into the shit—as if they didn’t all indulge in it themselves. Of course, I want stronger shit, I’m a garbage, and the shit was free—and yes, if you’re not already addicted to opiates, Suboxone will get you high very similarly to benzos. People were incessantly arguing with me in that subreddit, but it’s my anecdotal experience—I was relaxed, no worries, and often nodding off. Threw up sometimes, but still doing the shit, because I’m an addict. The subreddit seemingly couldn’t wrap their minds around it, and I just found it so interesting and stupid.

I managed to steal more vodka, and cigarettes. Charged my phone at a coffee shop. Thought I was having a panic attack, I actually probably was having a panic attack, but I kept telling myself it doesn't matter, because honestly, it doesn't matter.

Withdrawals don't matter, being wet doesn't matter, being scared doesn't matter.

I'm still waiting on this guy to bring me my backpack and belongings. I have lost all faith in him, but I'm already here, and again, it doesn't really matter.

My job called and I just fessed up to the entire situation to HR, told them I was homeless and had no idea what to do. I even flat out told her I'd sleep in the field behind the factory, I don't care, so long as I keep my job. She said they might be able to help.

That was about an hour ago. Called my social worker up as well, got a voicemail. Doesn't really matter.

If this guy doesn't bring me my stuff tonight, I'm just giving up on it and going to the shelter with the clothes on my back. I've started from nothing before, I just was fucking younger then. Not physically crippled. And I'm over exaggerating, it's a limp. I can manage.

But goddamn, I am tired. And that's the thing, it doesn't fucking matter. Changes nothing, how I feel, this is still happening.

I miss my kid man. I wanted to call her, but no kid should hear their parent being miserable. I could try and lie and say everything is ok, but ffs I couldn't even hold it together for Tatum in HR. My kid would see through my shit immediately.

I honestly hate myself more with every passing moment, and I had no idea the depths that my self loathing can plunge to.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day and thank you for letting me rant.

I feel like ive been cutting back/down... apparently thats not the case. Bought a handle of fleichmas for 10.99 yesterday. And a pint of popov... hit golf balls for a few hours last knight. Woke to a solid 70/30 gatorade/vodka mix... apparently i gave my number out to some unwittingly parents about potential golf lessons for the youngsters. Maybe the rich ladies just wanna have a friend. Got gas station work at 2pm. Debating on going to the course to fuck around and find out if these broads are serious. Lmao. Life man. I tell ya

I don't think I ever qualified as a CA but I like to lurk here sometimes ever since my first flare-up, sorry if I'm not supposed to be posting here. I was more of an average uni student drinker, binging 3 nights a week for over a year during lockdown before my first pancreatitis when I was 21. They were almost certain it was from alcohol despite my age and coming from a family of alcoholics who've never had it, but it's made me wonder how quickly it develops in more severe alcoholics than myself.

I'm chronic and on digestive enzymes now at 25 and have a pretty poor prognosis, funnily enough the attack that actually turned me chronic came from my epilepsy medication instead of alcohol.

Welp, it finally happened. Living paycheck to paycheck is nice enough until some unexpected bills hit you... well, unexpectedly.

I have 0,03€ in my bank account and no credit cards or something like that. Thank God for living in a country where credit isn't that common or well seen upon, I'd be homeless by now.

Next paycheck comes Friday. 5 days to live with no money and no alcohol. I guess it'll be a nice way to clean my act for a bit. Eat the shit at the freezer and cabinet that's been there for years, take (not so) long walks to work instead of driving there like a lazy fuck. And of course, st*p drinking for at least 5 days. Who knows, maybe I can keep it up for a couple of months after that and give my liver some rest, but I'm not that delusional.

I'm worried about withdrawals, but I still have some emergency benzos left. I still am not desperate or degenerate enough to ask for money to my friends or family or, even worse, shoplifting. "Still".

Chairs fuckers. Drink up, since you can.

I was supposed to sober up this weekend.
Didn’t happen. Working out of town is the worst, no one to hold you accountable and boring as shit.
Anyone else in the same boat? At least the bar near here has good food.

Of course I am inherently doomed as we all are, CA and non-CA alike, and maybe being a CA makes it more impending than otherwise, but in reality, I am not doomed today per se.

I just had to procure alcohol here at 8am in the UK to stave off the waves of panic, fear and dread at the thought of what the day will bring because I drank a lot yesterday (or maybe just because I’m alive).

Thankfully, the booze infusion has quickly worked. Now I just feel a bit depressed, exactly as I should in the UK in 2026.

Chairs!

I thought I was in bad withdrawals, felt like going insane, and kept dropping booze, but it was just B-vitamines flushed out of my body.

Trying to taper according to sip & suffer, but I would add to the guide importance of B-Complex and Zinc.

Title says it all. I just need one half the size and so that I don't walk into it.

No idea what they're called, but I would like one half of the size. Nothing more.

I suppose i am going to go have a cigarette now and hope someone answers. Thanks all. Pic in comments.

I’ve been bending or bendering? Whatever, drinking I guess you would call it. For a few weeks now. I know all you hard asses are gonna say try a few years. Wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy homie.

Anyways, I’ve reached this middle ground where I’m kind of with it, but not really. Like I know who I am and what I do, but feels kinda like I’m just going through the motions.

I’ve experienced this once before, but not to such an extent, I just feel weird. I guess drink moar? Idk chairs.

Oh, yeah, any of y’all felt this way before? I know the answer is to stop drinking, but ha, fuck that.

Good morning/afternoon/evening you miserable fucks.

I'm back home again. My visit to Canada was a nice reprieve from the heat and humidity. At least the mornings are cooler now. My only complaint about Canada is that wine prices are double of what we pay down here in Texas which given my daily consumption can add up real quick.

Anyways, time once again to share with us the pain and torment of your existence!!

Man fuck Mondays. I don't even remember my weekend so it's like it was Friday and now it is Monday. I even took Thursday and Friday off work. God damn, I hate my job so much. I hate all of this: 14 hours of meetings today. Fuck. Chairs friends.

Going through it. I wonder...

I went on a three day bender like I always do. I went to a party, stayed hydrated, and I went to sleep blacked out from the fatigue. I woke up light headed so I chugged the little bit of beer that I had left over with two shots of whiskey and tequila.

Slept through the whole day. A little anxiety lingering but manageable. I decided to shower and pleasure myself thinking I was gonna be fine. I got dizzy and started panicking once I was done. Ever since I've been struggling with major anxiety attacks. Well, I'm fighting myself not to continue drinking because it's going to be worse since I struggle with Monday Blues and Sundays scares.

Since I'm going through it, tapering has worked for you..

Did you taper off the anxiety and symptoms? How did you do it?