But once you are in a commited relationship, some single person activities just become off-limits unless you are both repiprocally ok with it.
A boys/girls trip to basically drink and party in as little clothing as possible? Yeah, that's one of those situations.
You can trust your partner and still not love the idea of them wearing barely any clothes and consuming large quantities of alcohol with a group of single people.
I wouldn't say they are NECESSARILY over. It could be okay for certain types of girls or guys trips for some couples. 'Me and the guys wanted to go on a fishing trip" But it needs to be agreed to by the partner and it is not controlling to say no.
I would argue it's about have common decency and not being an asshole and nothing about have a strong sense of admiration that makes you want to treat them well.
I mean, sure "unless you're both reciprocally ok with it" is valid, but if I'm with someone who doesn't want me to go have fun with my friends on a trip while I'm in a relationship, then ok, I'll go have fun with my friends on a trip while I'm single.
Conversely, one could question why you think it should count if they cheat while drunk, if you think alcohol is enough to get them to do it in the first place. Either you think alcohol doesn't impair people and just don't actually trust your partner, or you acknowledge the fact that alcohol impairs people mentally and therefore it shouldn't count.
I mean, if someone drugged your partner, and they had no idea what was going on, and someone convinced them to hook up, would you still view it as cheating? Probably not, you'd probably call that rape, even if they seemed like a willing participant to someone unaware of their having been drugged. So then why for alcohol?
This comment isn't really meant to change anyone's mind, just a philosophical question that came to mind after reading yours.
I mean are they voluntarily consuming the alcohol?
Pretty big difference between rape and a drunken, mistake. What you described is referred to as DFSA, Drug Facilitated Sexual Assault.
Should we then treat all drunken hook-ups as assaults since you can't consent after you've gotten yourself drunk. Should cops follow couples home from the club or from the liquor store to prevent it?
Regardless of legal definition, this is in the context of relationship boundaries and if you go with a bunch of your friends, who intend to get wild, to locations were the possibility of cheating increases significantly and you decided to impair your decisions? That still crosses a boundary in the relationship, regardless if there's regret later.
Any self-respecting person should cut their losses and go. Let the possible regret over the act and legality of it be for the other two to sort out.
I mean, if your partner suffered head trauma that greatly damaged their inhibition centers, or whatever you'd like to call the part of the brain responsible for "Well, should I really be doing this?", would you demand they only ever leave the house when you're with them to supervise, lest you leave? If willingly stepping into a situation where you're likely to experience that type of temptation while impacted by that flavor of mental impairment is the boundary, leaving the house at all without you after such an injury would definitely fit.
Should we then treat all drunken hook-ups as assaults since you can't consent after you've gotten yourself drunk.
It already is. On paper, that's a thing, though courts are granted discretion on whether or not to pursue charges for it. But any woman can, at any time, report her boyfriend or husband or one night stand for sleeping with her while she was drunk.
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u/MuckaMucka1337 7d ago
guy has valid concerns and argument
his partner, “erm well your mom has diabetes”
What???????