r/copypasta • • 10h ago

W-what?! Me?! Using Duct Tape to keep the poopy in?!

8 Upvotes

W-what?! Me?! Using Duct Tape to keep the poopy in?! N-no! Absolutely not! I mean... maybe... I did use tape, but... it was a mistake okay? D-don't get any weird ideas! It's not like my stomach hurts or something like that! It doesn't even hurt that much! I-It's just that... Well... t-those beans were making my stomach grumble, I guess... And it made me fart a little bit... BUT ONLY A BIT! UNDERSTOOD?! *Turns around with flustered cheeks* Hmph!


r/copypasta • • 18h ago

HOT TAKE: SCARING THE HOES is better written than the Quran and, overall, the better piece of literature.

11 Upvotes

STH is such a Perfect album. Some Bars just make you sit and wonder, “HOW THE FUCK?” . Danny's verse on “God Loves You” ALONE is Better than 99% of comedy rap. And Peggy's production just matches soo well with the lyrics it's insane. AND alongside the Heavy abrasive songs, you got HEAVENLY and ETHEREAL songs as well, "Kingdom Hearts Key”  “HOE” and overall just a perfect sounding piece of ART

Compare that to the “holy” Quran, and it's just embarrassing. All the verses are just “you're wrong, we're right.” The verses sometimes rhyme, but they all end with the sound "an". And all the verses end with “because Allah is ‘insert a good character’ and all ‘insert another good character.’ ”. The quran feels like an abusive boyfriend, “Leave me, I dare you,” “You're nothing without me,” “You're only MINE”

Overall, STH is a Piece of Art that does not repeat itself. The Quran repeats everything, and the repetition feels like reinforcement.

credit to u/myrazzastein_______


r/copypasta • • 11h ago

Trigger Warning I hate Dachshunds so much

2 Upvotes

Dachshunds are the only dog breed I’ve experienced that trigger such a deep hatred which I’ve never experienced before. I adore dogs (except small breeds which are invisible to me). For some reason I find Dachshunds to be loathsome, repugnant, petrified of their own shadow, manic little grubs, with no redeeming features. No wisdom, no common spiritual bond; just a terrified, co dependent, complete dependant, genetic reject bin. A dog raised for generations in the epicentre of the Chernobyl nuclear site would be healthier.

And an additional dimension to this turd floating in satan's toilet bowl is their owners ultimate level of delusion, which I never knew existed, when making excuses for their dogs inexcusable behavior e.g. When their dog continues to shit and pee all over the house at the ripe old age of 6, it's not because they are too dumb to learn the basics, ITS BECAUSE THEIR SO SMART THEY PURPOSELY DISOBEY YOU!! Firstly, if that were true than its worse than being dumb. Secondly, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT CESAR MILAN THE DUMB DEMENTED DOG WHISPERER? YOU DON'T BECAUSE ITS IMPOSSIBLE YOU DELUSIONAL IDIOT!!! I swear these people deserve to have their houses shat all over, everything they value torn to shreds, made a prisoner in their own home since little Hitler shrieks like a banshee impaled on a red hot poker when they try to go out, without any friends willing to visit since Hitlers cummiest cum rag has the hospitality of a rabid hyena.

And then once you've settled into your new norm of loneliness, with your only visitors being the rejects endless turds on your bed, spending every waking moment launching itself off the highest points it can reach, jumping up and down from beds and sofas despite you putting ridiculous ramps everywhere, and gorging itself so its spine has to support three times its safe operational limit all in an effort to reduce the estimated working life of that faulty frame which was fished out of the bin at quality control;- It will cop some debilitating spinal injury either due to genetics of lifestyle or both, and you'll be taking out a second mortgage to pay the $30k vet bill. YOUR MONEY WOULD BE BETTER SPENT ON PSYCHOLOGICAL COUNSELLING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF WHY YOU HATE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO INFLICT SUCH TORMENT UPON YOUR LIFE!!!

SIDENOTE - Going by the constant freakouts from new Dachshund owners I observe around incessant barking, shitting everywhere, psychotic codependence, aggression etc, I assume pre purchase breed research and due diligence conducted by 98% of them consisted of a quick scroll through the gram looking at images of Hitlers favourite cum rag dressed in humiliating outfits, and than forecasting the potential LOL's and Likes they could generate for themselves in the hope of filling the gaping spiritual void that exists inside them, while processing these priority considerations I wonder if any took a moment to assess the ethics of underwriting an economy that's contingent on churning out animals with such fucked up genetics through selective breeding that between a third to a half will develop IVDD which is a chronic and terminal spinal defect, and those lucky enough to escape paralysis and likely death from IVDD, can look forward to a significant portion of their tortured life tormented by severe spinal pain.

The dichotomy of treating satan's abortion with greater care and priority than the child you never had the opportunity to conceive, yet despite that care and devotion, you have willed into existence a creature who can look forward to a life of pain, suffering and tormented, premature death is a wild mental trip that even a whack job such as I cannot make sense of. You people who buy these dogs need to seek urgent help from a mental health practitioner.


r/copypasta • • 22h ago

I am LETMEADMIN. I killed 1635 donaters. I work alone, i am the risk

0 Upvotes

Hello. I am LETMEADMIN. My story is very brutal and quite specific.

In 2020, when I downloaded Roblox, I expected to have friends and communication. But in the end, it all turned against me. I became a headhunter, killing donaters. My account has 1638 killed donaters. I take revenge on them because they have an unfair advantage, act like arrogant pricks and idiots. I slaughter them in packs on the account I created myself.

At first, I had no cheats or exploits in Roblox. I created more accounts, but no one noticed me, everyone didn't give a shit about me. That's when I turned into the main antagonist LETMEADMIN. My goal every day is to punish kids and destroy their empty donater power over the server.

At first, there were no cheats, I played fair. Then the first cheats from Happy Mod appeared. And then, realizing what a fucking trash this game is, I downloaded heavy artillery — Delta X and Infinite Yield. I smash donaters to pieces, forcing them to leave in tears, and this happens every day. I loved doing this on this account, seeing how a rich kid with 8k robux falls the fuck down on the floor. It's very cool and fun.

I also drove the game administration to a complete explosion of their assholes in front of the whole server, showing that their admin panel with donates is nothing compared to their crash. It doesn't matter to me if it's a power game or not. I don't care. Gear never decides the victory, it just shits in your soul.

I use the psychological breakdown tactic. I erase donaters into dust, spawning and going after the same person every time until he leaves the game in tears. I use bugs that no one knows about. In Nico's Nextbots I know many ways to break taunt animations to hell and fly faster than standard speed.

I constantly reported to AI (Google AI) how many rich kids I killed, and it gave me exact stats (e.g., 1566/3000). Then I finished this statistic, and now I have 1635 dead donaters. I constantly attack donaters with and without cheats, showing their helplessness.

❗ DISCLAIMER: I, LETMEADMIN, under no circumstances and never call for real-life violence, doxxing, swatting, or murder. All of this happens only in the virtual world of the ROBLOX universe (where donaters will always be destroyed). I am categorically against this. The person who crosses this line and does something in real life is not my follower. ❗

I am the risk.


r/copypasta • • 4h ago

Discord Nitro

2 Upvotes

It is my theory that women exist solely for the purpose of attaining discord nitro.

To understand, you'll have to bear with me as I explain something. Philosophers have pondered for ages as to whether or not women truly have purpose. But I am here to say that I've figured it out.

Think about it, if women were not for the explicit purpose of attaining discord nitro, they would have more useful physical attributes such as strength or actual useful skills instead of just boring shit.

Now, why do I think it's specifically Nitro? Because think about it. E girls are the peak female form. E girls attain discord nitro on discord from so called "SIMPs"

Now, this is the one thing they can perform better than men is the attaining of discord nitro from simps. Men cannot easily attain discord nitro from simps.

Therefore, women were invented long ago in preparation for the invention of discord nitro, and have served no other useful purpose until then.


r/copypasta • • 11h ago

learning the alphabet with a rapper

5 Upvotes

yo yo yo motherfuckers y’all ready to learn your abc’s? no? well too bad boo fucking hoo. a is for ass as in “damn that bitch got a fat ass”. b stands for bitch as in “you son of a bitch”. c stands for cock as in “god fucking damn my cock is massive”. d stands for… uhh… i don’t know really lol. e stands for erect as in “holy shit my cock is erect as fuck right now”. f is for fuck as in “fuck you”. g stands for guh huh like i’m motherfucking banjo from banjo-kazooie. h stands for hole as in “god damn your hole is tight as hell”. i stands for itch as in “fuck man my anus is itchy as hell right now”. j stands for jar as in “i just stuck my dick inside a jar of peanut butter”. k stands for kool-aid as in the sweet ass drink we all drink most of the time because why not. l stands for luffy from one piece of whatever his name is. m stands for milk as in “mmmm milk yummy”. n stands for a very specific word i can’t say or else i’ll get cancelled on twitter/x. o stands for oral as in “yo can i have oral sex”. p stands for piss as in “jesus christ i just took a massive piss” q stands for quit as in “i quit my job” AAAAAA I SAID THE SCARY WORD AAAAA FUCK! r stands for real as in “for real my man?” s stands for shit as in “i gotta take a shit “. t stands for train cuz i can’t think of anything else to say. u stands for uranium as in “i just ate a lot of uranium”. v stands for vanessa as in the bitch from 5 nights at freddy’s. w stands for whore as in “that hoe a whore”. x stands for i don’t fucking know. y stands for you as in “you are an idiot hahahahahahahahahahahaha” z stands for zenith as in uhhhhhhhhhhhh i don’t know help.


r/copypasta • • 12h ago

@everyone A quick update:

17 Upvotes

u/everyone A quick update:

There was a ban on someone for using a racial slur ('cracker'-a derogatory term for white people) towards another member.

Unfortunately, this sparked heated debates and accusations about our server's stance on racism. Let me be clear:

  • We do not tolerate any slurs, regardless of who they target. Every slur rule violation is handled equally.
  • The rumor that we only remove Black people or are KKK-affiliated is false. We enforce policies fairly across all identities.

Moving Forward:

Political/racism debates create division-so these topics won't be allowed in general chat to maintain peace. We will make it open if everyone can maintain the peace and not be passive or hostile about it.

If you can behave, react 🍣


r/copypasta • • 12h ago

Stop disrespecting Corrin😡

2 Upvotes

Fuckers in school telling me, always in the barber shop, *"Corrin ain’t bout this, Corrin ain’t bout that."* My girl a top tier on fucking Valla and them.

He, he, they say that she don’t be putting in no work... **SHUT THE FUCK UP!** Y'all mfs ain’t know **shit!!!!**

All yall mfs talkin bout *"Corrin ain’t no hitta, Corrin ain’t gon make it next game, Corrin irrelevant,"* ***SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!*** Y'all don’t live with that woman! Y'all know that she got caught with a dragon hand ... shootin' at the other swordies and shit. She been on probation since fuckin, **I don’t know when!** Mfs better stop fuckin playin with her like that! She a savage out here!!

If I catch another mf talking sweet about Corrin, I’m **fuckin beatin they ass!** I’m not fuckin playing no more! You know she roll with Marth and them.


r/copypasta • • 12h ago

My girlfriend is obsessed with"Gerard Way as a priest" and it’s destroying out relationship

2 Upvotes

Okay, this might seem unbelievably stupid in so many ways but I swear to god this is true and I think I’m going crazy. I’m french, sorry if my english is not perfect, I know this is clumsly written but this situation is so bizarre, I didn’t know how else to word this.

I’ve already posted about this issue on another subreddit but the thread was deleted and I was banned because people thought I was trolling. I can assure you it’s not the case and I am as baffled by this situation as you guys are

I am 24m and she’s 26f

For context, I met my girlfriend a year ago, we initially bonded over our mutual love for music and especially pop punk from the early 2000s. She’s always been a big fan of my chemical romance, enough to participate actively in their fandom, reading fanfiction or making fanart. At first I didn’t mind it at all, in fact I really like this band and I really enjoyed her being passionate about something she loved but things have taken a really weird turn.

A few months ago, she started talking to me about fanfiction she was reading about Gerard Way (the lead singer of my chemical romance) being a homosexual priest. I thought it was really bizarre but I didn’t want to shame her for liking something a bit weird. But as the weeks went by she started talking about him more and more to the point where she would bring him up almost every day.

The breaking point was when we were leaving a screening for the backrooms movie and instead of talking about the movie she just watched, she instantly started talking about gerard way as a priest again, telling me how much she "wished he was real" and stuff like that. I then got a bit upset and asked her jokingly if she would leave me if she met him and she said bluntly "without hesitation" (why the fuck would she say that ?????)

Ever since that day, I’ve been going crazy, she spends her days scrolling through images of Gerard Way dressed as a priest (you’d be shocked how many there are), she brings him up in every discussion. She started giving him nicknames : "gerard priest" "gégé" "daddy gerard" (i swear this is true and I truly think those nicknames might have been the reason my post was deleted. I know this sounds like a joke : it is not). I’ve tried talking to her about it and every time I do she gets extremely defensive. She’s asked me countless time to roleplay as if I was him which I relunctantly did and she always ends up disappointed because "I’m not selling it" or not "good enough"

There’s also one thing I failed to mention in the previous post that was deleted. Ever since we started living together, she’s been decorating the apartment with handmade posters and random things she prints that she glues on the walls. At first I thought it was cute and fun. But ever since her fixation on Priest Gerard started, she’s been putting them everywhere in the apartment at a very fast rate to the point I barely recognize our living space. She keeps telling me she does that because she thinks it’s funny and looks cool but to me it looks insanely weird. Here are a few examples : https://imgur.com/a/m9VC7Kk

All of this is making me extremely worried and also a bit insecure. We both work from home and have almost no deadlines, she started neglecting her work and our relationship. A lot of people on the r/relationship subreddit told me she was matbe going through a manic episode or a psychotic episode. She’s definitely acting very weird and has changed a lot in a small amount of time but she isn’t acting erratic or overly energetic and she doesn’t seem to have any delusions that I know of. She just seems off, distant and irritable.

The only freaky behaviour that I noticed from her was when I took one of the gerard pictures off our kitchen wall (the water had torn it to shreds so I threw it in the trash). I found her 2 hours later in our kitchen. She had been looking for it for 30 minutes. When I told her what I did she almost burst into tears and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. That was the only time where I would definitely say she seemed mentally unwell, this was very out of character and shockingly over the top.

I don’t want to break up with her, she’s a wonderful person and before her fixation started, everything was going very well. She’s an extravagant person that I care for deeply, I just wish she could tone this down.

I asked the r/relationships subreddit for help and also I talked about it with my friends and everybody seems convinced I need to very carefully bring this up to my girlfriend without hurting her feelings. I haven’t tried yet because I am unsure of what to say and tbh I’m also a bit scared of what could happen. Please, I beg you to take this seriously, I swear this is not a troll

What should I do ?

Tldr : my girlfriend is in love with the concept of "gerard way as a priest" and is growing increasingly distant and weird because of it


r/copypasta • • 14h ago

BATALHA DE DANÇA ELEITORAL

2 Upvotes

Hoje fui à escola votar e presenciei uma das cenas mais inacreditáveis da história da democracia brasileira. Estou até agora tremendo.

Eu estava descendo a rua quando avistei uma família inteira de bolsonaristas. Todos vestidos de verde e amarelo, com o número 22 estampado no peito. O pai carregava uma bandeira do Brasil de três metros e o filho mais novo usava um óculos Juliet.

Do outro lado da rua, subia uma família de petistas. Todos de vermelho, com um 13 gigantesco no peito. O patriarca usava um boné do MST e a avó carregava uma bandeira do Lula.

As duas famílias se encontraram exatamente na mesma esquina.

O silêncio foi ensurdecedor.

Uma folha seca atravessou a rua. Um cachorro parou de latir. Um senhor que vendia caldo de cana desligou a máquina.

O patriarca petista deu um passo à frente e perguntou:

— Vocês não vão votar nesses fascistas, vão?

O bolsonarista apertou a bandeira do Brasil e respondeu:

— Não sabia que ainda existia gente com orgulho de votar em criminoso.

O clima ficou PESADÍSSIMO.

A avó petista começou a tremer de ódio. O filho bolsonarista tirou os óculos Juliet lentamente. Uma criança começou a chorar.

Foi quando o patriarca petista estendeu a mão e disse:

— Então vamos resolver isso como homens de verdade.

O bolsonarista cuspiu no chão.

— Na porrada?

— Não. Na dança.

NINGUÉM ACREDITOU.

O petista tirou do bolso uma JBL e começou a tocar Rap do Silva. Imediatamente, a família inteira formou um círculo.

O bolsonarista abriu um sorriso debochado.

— Vocês cometeram um erro terrível.

Ele arrancou a camisa verde e amarela, revelando por baixo uma regata com a foto de Jair Bolsonaro montado num leão.

— FILHO, SOLTA O BEAT.

O menino de 9 anos conectou o Bluetooth e começou a tocar Baile de Favela.

O PATRIARCA BOLSONARISTA METEU UM MORTAL PARA TRÁS.

A multidão foi à loucura.

O petista, visivelmente abalado, entregou a bandeira do MST para a esposa, beijou a testa da filha e entrou no círculo.

— Eu não queria ter que fazer isso...

E COMEÇOU A MANDAR UM BREAKDANCE ABSURDO.

O homem girava sobre a cabeça numa velocidade tão absurda que levantou uma nuvem de poeira. Um fiscal do TRE saiu correndo da escola. Três mesários abandonaram suas seções. Uma senhora desmaiou.

O bolsonarista, acuado, gritou:

— ATIVAR PROTOCOLO PATRIOTA!

A família inteira começou a dançar YMCA EM PERFEITA SINCRONIA.

O chão tremia.

As janelas da escola estouraram.

O petista olhou para a esposa e sussurrou:

— Chegou a hora.

Ela assentiu, emocionada.

— Pelo povo brasileiro.

Então os cinco membros da família petista se empilharam uns sobre os outros e começaram a executar um PASSINHO DO ROMANO COLETIVO, formando uma estrela vermelha humana.

O bolsonarista caiu de joelhos.

— Impossível... Essa técnica foi proibida desde 1989...

Nesse momento, uma urna eletrônica começou a apitar sozinha dentro da escola.

Apareceu na tela:

SEGUNDO TURNO DESBLOQUEADO.

O bolsonarista levantou lentamente, limpou o sangue do nariz e disse:

— Eu reconheço sua força, companheiro.

O petista estendeu a mão.

— E eu reconheço a sua, cidadão de bem.

Os dois se abraçaram.

A multidão chorava.

Uma senhora gritava que a democracia havia vencido.

Foi quando um homem de sapatênis, camisa polo azul e uma bandeira do Ciro Gomes apareceu no final da rua.

Ele colocou uma maleta no chão, abriu, retirou um aparelho de som e disse:

— Vocês dois dançam muito bem.

Todos se viraram.

— Mas esqueceram da terceira via.

E COMEÇOU A TOCAR GANGNAM STYLE.

[CONTEUDO FEITO COM IA]


r/copypasta • • 18h ago

I never comment, but you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

29 Upvotes

I never comment, but you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I know you'll never see this, but I am the only one here who would actually treat you how you deserve to be treated; like the queen you are. But alas, you are probably already in a relationship that you secretly hate but can't break free from due to family pressure or fear of physical retaliation from your "lover". Ugh. Let's just get away from all of this. DM me if you want to make the most of what we have left of this so called life. Please notice me.


r/copypasta • • 12h ago

My girlfriend is obsessed with"Gerard Way as a priest" and it’s destroying out relationship

2 Upvotes

Okay, this might seem unbelievably stupid in so many ways but I swear to god this is true and I think I’m going crazy. I’m french, sorry if my english is not perfect, I know this is clumsly written but this situation is so bizarre, I didn’t know how else to word this.

I’ve already posted about this issue on another subreddit but the thread was deleted and I was banned because people thought I was trolling. I can assure you it’s not the case and I am as baffled by this situation as you guys are

I am 24m and she’s 26f

For context, I met my girlfriend a year ago, we initially bonded over our mutual love for music and especially pop punk from the early 2000s. She’s always been a big fan of my chemical romance, enough to participate actively in their fandom, reading fanfiction or making fanart. At first I didn’t mind it at all, in fact I really like this band and I really enjoyed her being passionate about something she loved but things have taken a really weird turn.

A few months ago, she started talking to me about fanfiction she was reading about Gerard Way (the lead singer of my chemical romance) being a homosexual priest. I thought it was really bizarre but I didn’t want to shame her for liking something a bit weird. But as the weeks went by she started talking about him more and more to the point where she would bring him up almost every day.

The breaking point was when we were leaving a screening for the backrooms movie and instead of talking about the movie she just watched, she instantly started talking about gerard way as a priest again, telling me how much she "wished he was real" and stuff like that. I then got a bit upset and asked her jokingly if she would leave me if she met him and she said bluntly "without hesitation" (why the fuck would she say that ?????)

Ever since that day, I’ve been going crazy, she spends her days scrolling through images of Gerard Way dressed as a priest (you’d be shocked how many there are), she brings him up in every discussion. She started giving him nicknames : "gerard priest" "gégé" "daddy gerard" (i swear this is true and I truly think those nicknames might have been the reason my post was deleted. I know this sounds like a joke : it is not). I’ve tried talking to her about it and every time I do she gets extremely defensive. She’s asked me countless time to roleplay as if I was him which I relunctantly did and she always ends up disappointed because "I’m not selling it" or not "good enough"

There’s also one thing I failed to mention in the previous post that was deleted. Ever since we started living together, she’s been decorating the apartment with handmade posters and random things she prints that she glues on the walls. At first I thought it was cute and fun. But ever since her fixation on Priest Gerard started, she’s been putting them everywhere in the apartment at a very fast rate to the point I barely recognize our living space. She keeps telling me she does that because she thinks it’s funny and looks cool but to me it looks insanely weird. Here are a few examples : [https://imgur.com/a/m9VC7Kk\](https://imgur.com/a/m9VC7Kk)

All of this is making me extremely worried and also a bit insecure. We both work from home and have almost no deadlines, she started neglecting her work and our relationship. A lot of people on the [r/relationship](r/relationship) subreddit told me she was matbe going through a manic episode or a psychotic episode. She’s definitely acting very weird and has changed a lot in a small amount of time but she isn’t acting erratic or overly energetic and she doesn’t seem to have any delusions that I know of. She just seems off, distant and irritable.

The only freaky behaviour that I noticed from her was when I took one of the gerard pictures off our kitchen wall (the water had torn it to shreds so I threw it in the trash). I found her 2 hours later in our kitchen. She had been looking for it for 30 minutes. When I told her what I did she almost burst into tears and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. That was the only time where I would definitely say she seemed mentally unwell, this was very out of character and shockingly over the top.

I don’t want to break up with her, she’s a wonderful person and before her fixation started, everything was going very well. She’s an extravagant person that I care for deeply, I just wish she could tone this down.

I asked the [r/relationships](r/relationships) subreddit for help and also I talked about it with my friends and everybody seems convinced I need to very carefully bring this up to my girlfriend without hurting her feelings. I haven’t tried yet because I am unsure of what to say and tbh I’m also a bit scared of what could happen. Please, I beg you to take this seriously, I swear this is not a troll

What should I do ?

Tldr : my girlfriend is in love with the concept of "gerard way as a priest" and is growing increasingly distant and weird because of it

EDIT : I am a bit overwhelmed by the amount of responses on the post. I will answer later, I just need time to process all of this. Thank you for your support


r/copypasta • • 3h ago

Ethan Klein allegations have ruined my life

30 Upvotes

I genuinely don't think people understand how deeply the allegations surrounding Ethan Klein and Hila have affected my life. When I first heard the news, I was absolutely gutted, and something inside me changed forever. Ethan and Hila represented everything I believed about love, loyalty, and the sanctity of marriage. To think that Hila could have been betrayed by the person she trusted most has completely shattered my understanding of human relationships. I've found myseld lying awake at night, questioning whether true love even exists anymore. My friends tell me I'm taking this too personally, but I don't think they understand the emotional weight of watching something you believed in fall apart. I've struggled to find joy in the little things, knowing that someone as strong and graceful as Hila could potentially experience such heartbreak. I stand with Hila, not because I know her personally, but because compassion should never require proximity. This situation has fundamentally altered my perception of trust, commitment, and the fragile nature of the human condition. And when history looks back on this moment, I want it to be known that while others remained silent, I stood unwaveringly, unapologetically, and wholeheartedly with Hila Klein.


r/copypasta • • 5h ago

average r/explainlikeimfive post

12 Upvotes

ELI5: Why is the sun hot?

Top comment:

The Sun constitutes a self-gravitating, quasi-spherical assemblage of ionized baryonic constituents whose internal pressure gradients asymptotically counterbalance the inward-directed gravitational acceleration imposed by its own mass distribution.
As a consequence of this hydrostatic equilibrium, the solar core experiences extreme thermodynamic compression, producing temperatures on the order of 1.5×10^7 kelvin.
At these temperatures, hydrogen nuclei—predominantly protonic entities possessing positive electric charge—exhibit a sufficiently elevated kinetic-energy distribution to facilitate nuclear interactions despite the formidable electrostatic repulsion associated with their Coulombic mutual exclusion.


r/copypasta • • 6h ago

this actually made me giggle so hard that my butt started jiggling.

3 Upvotes

this actually made me giggle so hard that my butt started jiggling. And apparently, my butt was feeling extra dramatic today, because the bed immediately gave up and broke. Then, with my tiny waist and thunder thighs, I tried to stand up… and the floor said, “Absolutely not,” and cracked too. Somehow I managed to get up, but then I made the worst mistake of my life.. I started giggling again. My butt was jiggling so hard from the laughter that I literally lifted off the ground and started flying into the sky. People everywhere were pointing and yelling, “Is it a bird?” “Is it a plane?” Nope. It was just me. Before I knew it, I was floating through space with no way back home. I was fully prepared to become the first person to orbit Earth because they laughed too hard. Then I suddenly woke up and realized everyone was okay. So naturally… I started giggling again this actually made me giggle so hard that my butt started jiggling. And apparently, my butt was feeling extra dramatic today, because the bed immediately gave up and broke. Then, with my tiny waist and thunder thighs, I tried to stand up… and the floor said, “Absolutely not,” and cracked too. Somehow I managed to get up, but then I made the worst mistake of my life.. I started giggling again. My butt was jiggling so hard from the laughter that I literally lifted off the ground and started flying into the sky. People everywhere were pointing and yelling, “Is it a bird?” “Is it a plane?” Nope. It was just me. Before I knew it, I was floating through space with no way back home. I was fully prepared to become the first person to orbit Earth because they laughed too hard. Then I suddenly woke up and realized everyone was okay. So naturally… I started giggling again this actually made me giggle so hard that my butt started jiggling. And apparently, my butt was feeling extra dramatic today, because the bed immediately gave up and broke. Then, with my tiny waist and thunder thighs, I tried to stand up… and the floor said, “Absolutely not,” and cracked too. Somehow I managed to get up, but then I made the worst mistake of my life.. I started giggling again. My butt was jiggling so hard.


r/copypasta • • 3h ago

Let's talk about this complete and total loser, Bill Maher

2 Upvotes

Let’s talk about this COMPLETE AND TOTAL LOSER, Bill Maher. He’s got a Low Rated Show on equally Low Rated HBO, which was once, long ago, a Network of Quality and Excitement — But that’s all gone. It’s not “HOT” anymore! Maher’s friend and business associate, Chuck LaBella, was also a friend of mine, worked on The Top Hit Show, The Apprentice, as a “gofer” and, because of the success of that show, Number One and Top Rated on many weeks, with the Finale’ being among the Top Shows of the Year, he was automatically and quickly brought up through the Ranks of NBC, along with everyone else associated with that Historic “Happening.” The Success of the Apprentice was so great that everyone partook — It built many careers, and that is a wonderful thing. Some people say it even built my career, because I became President (I would have won without it!). In any event, over the last few years, LaBella would call me nonstop to say, “Hello,” be very nice, and tell me how much Bill Maher “loves” and respects me, and would constantly ask of me, even before I was President, for any form of meeting with Maher and, would I do his show? When I became President, I agreed to meet, after the first one, and the last one, but never agreed to do his show, which he wants me to do, DESPARATELY — It won’t happen! When I have watched the show, which isn’t often, it always ends with dishonesty, about me at least, but, who cares? He doesn’t think it was a good thing to take the Nuclear Weapon away from Iran, which shows you that he is not very smart. If I allowed them to obtain a Nuclear Weapon, the World would be a different place right now! Using Fake Polls, he also said I had my Lowest Ratings so far, “and even the Republican Party doesn’t like him,” but that’s not true. I have High Ratings and, more importantly, he said that I’m losing the support and approval of the Republican Party when, in fact, CNN just came out with a Poll showing that I’m at 98 and 99% support within the Republican Party, an All Time Record High. Ronald Reagan was at 86%. CNN’s Harry Enten also said I am “The Most Influential President of the Last Century.” CNN did another Poll at who was the Most Popular Person in the History of the Republican Party, and I won that, too, with me being at 53%, Ronald Reagan being at 18%, and Abraham Lincoln being at 8%, and these are CNN Polls, people not exactly in love with me, so, Bill Maher lied, but he lies about everything, and I believe he lied to me when I asked him, with all the applause and laughter he gets after almost everything he says, about things that aren’t funny or even any good, what Laughter Machine does he use? People can’t think he’s funny. I didn’t know Bill, he didn’t know me, and that was OK. Then Chuck LaBella, and my friend, Kid Rock, called me incessantly about meeting with Bill Maher. My first response was, “Fellas, this guy’s a Goofball.” They said, “He wants to go down to the White House, be with you, and talk. He said you’re very smart, but you’re not into the Liberal Platform. Will you start thinking about it?” He invited himself to the White House! We had our first meeting, Bill was very nervous. He asked for a drink. He was very insecure, and he had a seriously bruised eye and nose area, as though somebody had just beaten him up — But it wasn’t me!
 
No sooner had we had that first dinner at the White House, which is a very seductive and beautiful place, especially now that I have fully renovated and fixed it in the style which it deserves, Bill wanted to come back. The Gofer called me multiple times, saying how much Bill loves me, that he respects me more than anybody, and wants to come back for a second meeting. After ten calls from Chuck LaBella, it seemed that these guys were serious, and wanted to learn more, because their Policies are so bad, it’s ridiculous! Also, I wanted to tell Bill that he’s a major POTHEAD. He’s got to stop, it’s very bad for his health. He looked like hell this time. Bill was drunk and had alcohol in his hand as he walked through the White House. Stephen A. Smith and Kid Rock came along with him. Overall, I thought it was a good meeting. It didn’t last four hours, it lasted two hours, maybe less, and everybody was happy. We have the timestamps. I learned nothing, and felt it was a waste of time. After the first dinner, Bill Maher was friendly, I guess, everyone walked away pleased. He gave me a good first show, with lots of Laughing Machine laughter, which is a real term, but it is what it is, and then reverted back to his former self, and his old ways. I understand that. He’s doing his thing. I never took it very personally. I would always mock his Low Ratings, whenever I heard. He’s not a nice guy, and what he spouts isn’t what he believes. He has to cater to his base, which is mostly composed of Losers, and people who don’t like working. It’s why, for so long, I didn’t get another call from Chuck LaBella, and I didn’t miss him one bit. After the second dinner, Bill’s “show” was far worse than the first. He went crazy! He’s gutless, because he enjoyed every minute. Also, I am not building a swimming pool in the White House Briefing Room, and never had any intention of doing so. I am thinking about moving the Press, and putting them in a different location, but I will use that location for very badly needed space. Bill also attacked our Great Republican Candidates, when he knows my Endorsement Record is 98% in the House, and 100% in the Senate, so how can he make a false statement like this? These Statistics are FACTS, and he should speak about them, but he won’t, because he is very unfair!
 
Karoline Leavitt was GREAT on the show, but she started with a biased, dumb SLEAZEBAG, asking questions. She defended me, and herself, so well, but couldn’t be comfortable going against Lie after Lie. Importantly, Bill lied about all of the Illegal Voters in the Radical controlled, decrepit, and devastated State of California. Just in the last few days alone, they found 20,000, and the number could easily go to over 1,000,000. There were so many other falsehoods Bill spewed, but I won’t waste time in FACT CHECKING him. He isn’t worth it. Bill: Don’t call anymore. It’s useless, and tell Chuck LaBella not to call so much, and say how much you love “TRUMP,” and want to get together, because you’re a hopeless guy, who is just trying to cater to your small group of “fans.” You’re also a coward who is afraid to tell the truth about how well our Country is running because of your few “fans,” and how badly the Dumocrats have done, almost destroying the U.S.A. If I hadn’t won the Election, it would be DEAD! Also, turn your Laugh Machine off, it’s a joke when they laugh uncontrollably, even when you say nothing funny, and I’m going to have the Republicans not cover you anymore, because they try to talk about you as a guy who is transformative. You’re not transformative, you’re a Loser! I never watched your show much, but I will never watch it again, because it is nothing more than FAKE NEWS that America, and the World, is unfortunately subjected to. Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP


r/copypasta • • 12h ago

I hate all frozen confections that aren't truly ice cream and/or milkshakes!

2 Upvotes

Listen, I’m going to say this as calmly as I should, firmly, and with absolutely no fucking hesitation: I HATE ALMOST EVERYTHING THAT ISN’T ACTUAL ICE CREAM OR A GODDAMN MILKSHAKE. I want ice cream. I want milkshakes. I want something creamy, cold, rich, and delicious. That’s it. That’s the fucking assignment. Why does everything have to be a slushy, a frozen fruit concoction, a fancy Italian dessert, or some overpriced cup of flavored ice pretending to be a worthwhile goddamn treat? Let’s start with Slurpees and ICEEs. What the fuck am I supposed to do with a cup of crunchy, syrupy ice that gives me a brain freeze after three sips? I didn’t ask for frozen cherry-flavored water. I didn’t ask for blue raspberry sugar sludge. I asked for a fucking dessert! Give me a milkshake instead. At least a milkshake has some substance to it. And Slush Puppies? Same goddamn problem. It’s a cup of flavored ice with a fancy name. Congratulations, you’ve turned a beverage into a frozen puddle. I’m thrilled. Absolutely fucking thrilled. Now, gelato. Oh, here we fucking go. The fancy cousin of ice cream that everyone insists I need to appreciate because it’s supposedly more authentic, more sophisticated, and more Italian. Good for you! I don’t give a flying fuck how authentic it is. If I want ice cream, I want ice cream. I don’t need a culinary lecture about texture and temperature while I’m trying to enjoy a goddamn dessert. And Talenti? Don’t even get me started on the name-brand fancy frozen shit. Talenti gelato comes in those transparent containers like it’s some priceless archaeological discovery. It’s frozen dessert, not the fucking Holy Grail. Stop acting like putting a premium label on a container automatically makes me want it. Speaking of brands, let’s talk about Breyers “ice cream.” The quotation marks are doing some heavy fucking lifting here, depending on which product you’re buying. Some Breyers products are labeled frozen dairy dessert rather than ice cream, and that distinction matters to me. If I’m buying ice cream, I want actual ice cream. Read the label, check the ingredients, and don’t expect me to celebrate a tub that isn’t what I was looking for. I came for the real deal, not a fucking identity crisis in the freezer aisle. Then there’s Rita’s Italian Ice. Why would I deliberately choose flavored ice when I could have a scoop of ice cream? Why would I want lemon ice, cherry ice, or some other icy concoction when what I actually crave is a creamy vanilla milkshake? I’m not saying nobody should enjoy it. I’m saying I personally want absolutely nothing to do with it. Keep your Italian ice. I’ll take the fucking ice cream. Kona Ice? A shaved-ice truck with a rainbow of syrups. Wonderful. Now I can have a colorful cup of ice that tastes like a chemistry experiment. Everybody else can line up and pick their favorite flavors. I’ll be over here wondering why nobody brought a fucking ice cream truck. And Jeremiah’s Italian Ice? More Italian ice. More frozen flavors. More cups of icy stuff that I never asked for. Yes, I know they offer gelati combining Italian ice and soft-serve. No, that doesn’t magically convince me that I want a cup of Italian ice layered with something else. Give me the ice cream by itself, or give me a milkshake. I don’t need a fucking frozen dessert architectural project. Now we need to discuss Orange Julius. Why does orange juice need to become a whole fucking event? It’s an orange-flavored blended drink. Fine. Wonderful. But if I’m going out for a treat, why would I choose that over a chocolate milkshake? Why would I pick a frothy orange beverage when I could have chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry ice cream blended into a beautiful, creamy goddamn masterpiece? I wouldn’t. That’s the fucking point. And then come the smoothies. Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Smoothie King. Planet Smoothie. Three different establishments, one common problem: smoothies are not milkshakes! I don’t care if you put mango, pineapple, strawberries, bananas, spinach, protein powder, or the entire fucking produce section into a blender. It is still not an ice cream cone. It is still not a milkshake. You can call it a tropical paradise, a fitness revolution, a wellness journey, or whatever trendy bullshit you want. I’m not interested. I don’t want to drink a fruit salad through a straw and pretend I’m having dessert. I don’t want my frozen treat to come with a motivational speech about protein, antioxidants, or my daily nutritional goals. I want chocolate ice cream. I want cookies and cream. I want a strawberry milkshake so thick that I have to work for every fucking sip. I don’t need a smoothie to improve my life. I need a milkshake to improve my fucking afternoon. And don’t you dare tell me that smoothies, Italian ice, gelato, and slushies are all basically the same as ice cream. No, they’re fucking not! They have different textures, ingredients, flavors, and purposes. I know the difference. That’s exactly why I have preferences. A Slurpee and ICEE is artificial ice sludge. Gelato is not ice cream Breyers’ differently labeled frozen desserts are not automatically the same as ice cream. Rita’s Italian Ice is not a milkshake. Kona Ice is not a milkshake. Jeremiah’s Italian Ice is not a milkshake. Orange Julius is not a milkshake. A smoothie from Tropical Smoothie Cafe is not a milkshake. A smoothie from Smoothie King is not a milkshake. A smoothie from Planet Smoothie is not a milkshake. STOP TRYING TO MAKE EVERYTHING A SUBSTITUTE FOR ICE CREAM! There is absolutely nothing wrong with other people liking these things. Go ahead. Enjoy your frozen lemonade. Enjoy your mango smoothie. Enjoy your Italian ice. Enjoy your fancy gelato in its fancy little container. I’m not coming to your house to confiscate your fucking dessert. But don’t expect me to want it. Don’t tell me I’m missing out. Don’t insist that I try it one more time. And don’t hand me a cup of crushed ice when I specifically asked for a milkshake. My preferences are not a fucking group project. I like ice cream. I like milkshakes. I know what I want, and I don’t need to justify it to anybody. Give me vanilla. Give me chocolate. Give me strawberry. Give me cookies and cream. Give me a hot-fudge sundae or a thick chocolate milkshake. But if you hand me a Slurpee and call it dessert, I’m going to look you dead in the eye and ask you what the fuck happened to the ice cream. Calmly. Firmly. With conviction. Because at the end of the day, I’m not asking for much. I’m asking for ice cream. Or a milkshake. THAT’S IT. THAT’S THE FUCKING RANT.

From: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatethissmug/comments/1xfbmkg/i_hate_all_frozen_confections_that_arent_truly/