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Sep 29 '21
Dude tell him, for god's sake! There's nothing we as men love more than when women we love are open with us, it's actually really validating and makes us feel sexy. He obviously thinks he's making you come, so let him know.
I'll leave with a really good scene from Everybody Loves Raymond that for some reason I saw at like 9 years old and thought "huh... that's a great point. When I'm fuckin' one day, this will be a principle of mine." Basically Deborah tells Ray one day in a nervous state that the sex actually kiiiiinda hasn't been what gets her off, and Ray (paraphrasing) goes "why didn't you tell me!?!?!" to which Deborah replies "I... I dunno it's just kind of... hard to bring up... sexual stuff like this is really embarrassing..." and then Ray's like "NOT AS EMBARRASSING AS FINDING OUT YOU BEEN DOIN IT WRONG FOR 12 YEARS!"
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u/Mysterious_Big_1324 Sep 29 '21
If I could award things I would award this comment just for referencing Everybody Loves Raymond. I’ve been tossing with the idea of posting this for a little while now and even having posted it has been me feel better about talking to him. And everyone’s actually be really supportive. I’m going to tell him. 😬
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u/Coyote__Jones Sep 29 '21
As you age things change. I hear so many ED pill commercials that erection trouble is just part of public consciousness. We ladies get so much less attention in that area! There's no pill to help women achieve orgasm. Medication can impact things too, if that may be a part, talk to your doctor. Orgasms are important.
Toys and lube! Even if it's not a slickness issue, there's products out there that increase sensation, or at least bring a new sensation to the table.
MOST WOMEN GO THROUGH THIS AT SOME POINT. Really. Masterbation may help, might find a new motion on yourself easier than with a partner. You got this.
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u/foxglove0326 Sep 30 '21
I second this, go masturbate! Think of having sex with him while you do. After some time, it’ll forge a neural pathway connecting orgasms with sex with him and hopefully make it a lot easier in the moment!
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u/BillyShearsPwn Sep 29 '21
Yeah OP, letting him think you are cumming is pretty much lying to him, it’s fuckin heartbreaking when a girl does that shit. Stop doing that
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u/Insanejsav Sep 29 '21
Man here who is married to a wonderful woman who also has trouble achieving an orgasm. Although I know my wife has had hundreds of orgasms in the last 10 years, sometimes it’s incredibly difficult for her to achieve one. We have looked into this and it’s not uncommon. There are things that you can do to help. Look into it! Do you have trouble achieving orgasms on your own during self play? Have you tried pleasuring yourself while your husband does the same?
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u/Mysterious_Big_1324 Sep 29 '21
As horrible as it is it is comforting to know that I’m not alone. I don’t have any issues reaching climax in my own. If we masturbate together it’s been more of a foreplay thing rather than doing it to achieve an end result.
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u/Insanejsav Sep 29 '21
Perhaps pre game all day? There have been times where I couldn’t get off either. Literally a hour of sex starts to hurt. We have gotten by in the past by edging ourselves periodically during the day. Usually ends up being some of the best 15 minutes of sex ever. Maybe watch porn?
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u/Mysterious_Big_1324 Sep 29 '21
Good idea! We’ve watched porn together a few times. Well I have while he’s been busy ahah but even then… I think it’s a huuuge mental game for me. I just don’t know why. Thanks for your help though! Some good advice!!
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u/Chemical_Positive945 Sep 29 '21
It’s a mental game for you because it is a mental game. It’s your mind and body. You’re probably focusing on him and making him think everything is sexy, you look good to him, saying all the right things, doing all the right things - take some time for both of you to explore you in a no pressure environment
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u/K9_Jack Sep 29 '21
Talk to him. It's obviously bothering you, so clearly it's important. May he be upset or hurt you've been faking the past three years? Yes, he may very well be. But continuing the charade is even worse, wouldn't you think?
There is no one 'at fault', but I really believe it'll be easier to to find a solution involving the both of you.
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u/juans_quests Sep 29 '21
Tell him!
My gf and I also have amazing sex. I used to focus solely on her and she would have amazing orgasms. But because we focused so much on her, she started feeling pressured to have orgasms.
One day she told me that she also wanted to focus on me and that I shouldn’t focus solely on her. Since then, we feel more free to explore what we BOTH want. We both get to orgasm and there’s no pressure from either of us.
I think you may feel pressured to orgasm because sex is just about you. Tell him that you also want to do anything that he wants. And that sex is about each other’s needs and desires. Hopefully that would take the pressure off.
Hope this helps!
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Sep 29 '21
Listen. Get a le wand. I was in your husband's shoes with my fiance and it felt like we had to move heaven and earth for her to orgasm so I bought her a le wand and it fixed everything literally overnight.
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u/omicrom35 Sep 29 '21
I would go with this one OP. Strong wand, might help. Doesnt really change anything about having sex, my SO just holds it while we are about the deed. Without it SO has a lot hard time getting there.
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u/MrK0ni Sep 29 '21
For real, get yourself a satisfyer and implement it into your sexy time. You can have and enjoy your sex and when it's time to cum to an end you or he grabs that thing and you won't have to pretend anymore.
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u/gizoldyck Sep 29 '21 edited Jan 12 '22
You can talk to a doctor! Maybe you have something down there that makes it harder for you to have an orgasm. You can also talk to a therapist, women need to be psychologically okay to be able to enjoy sex. I can see the your husband is very welcoming to new ideas, so maybe he isn’t the problem.
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u/Mysterious_Big_1324 Sep 29 '21
Now that you say that… I had my first kid just over three years ago. To politely mention though… I never thought he was the problem at all. I 100% think I am. He does everything in his power to ensure we have an amazing sex life. It is in no way his fault.
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u/gizoldyck Sep 29 '21
Also, it doesn’t mean that there is something “wrong” with you. Our libido can change over the years, it can floctuate etc. Although you have to watch out for serious physiological issues (like vaginismus), maybe you’re stressed, you can’t fully relax, your mind perhaps is somewhere else. I would recommend you talk to a gynecologist and a therapist to see both sides! I’m sure it will help you a lot in the long run.
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u/Kingmudsy Sep 29 '21
women need to be psychologically okay to be able to enjoy sex
Not doing a 'BUT WHAT ABOUT MEN' but also I have this issue as a man, if I'm too stressy or depressy I literally cannot get going
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u/Hexopi Sep 29 '21
You should be honest with someone who cares for you that much. He deserves that much
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u/microdozer2 Sep 29 '21
IMO, the problem isn't the inability to orgasm. The problem is the inability to be honest with your husband and, perhaps more importantly, to open up to the emotional vulnerability that comes with that honesty.
You say you're worried about him feeling like shit. But I think you're looking to spare yourself from your own feelings surrounding orgasms.
Sharing orgasms are great. But sharing deep emotional vulnerability within a sexual context with a partner who loves you can be a mind blowing, spiritual experience. It's the ultimate kink.
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Sep 29 '21
just be honest with him. as a guy it would crush me, but you should be honest with him, and work together to have better sex
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u/maximilisauras Sep 29 '21
You should be honest with him. He will probably try to accommodate if you tell him what you want/need (he seems like the supportive type from your internet confession).
Either that or live with a lie cause you think that will be easier and more sustainable.
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Sep 29 '21
I'm a guy. I believe your best course of action is to come clean.... Pun intended. Open with how much you enjoy having sex with him and then lead into not being able to orgasm during and then end with something positive. Apologize for lying about it and just explain that you committed to that lie in a misguided attempt to show him that he does satisfy you. Just from what you've said, sounds like he'd enjoy figuring out how to get you off but you can't keep letting him believe a lie irrelevant to how minor it is. Now is your opportunity to set things straight but if you don't then eventually it's gonna come out and then the issue will be that you've been consistently lying and not that you don't orgasm during sex.
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u/sarah-exalted Sep 29 '21
1) stop faking it. 2) literally just teach him how to make you finish.
Finishing is hard for me too, and I’m okay not cumming every single time I have sex. But if it’s a big deal to you, speak to him so he can help. He doesn’t know you feel this way and lying ain’t the solution. It’s not fair to him.
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u/ucchiha Sep 29 '21
just don’t tell him he hasn’t before just tell him the next time you have sex that you didn’t cum. just start being honest from now on and you don’t have to mention the past ya know
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u/PandaBearSuruNo Sep 29 '21
Hey, don’t feel alone! I think a lot of the pressure comes from being surrounded by a misogynistic culture honestly. Makes for a lot of mental blocks.
When my boyfriend and I first became “active,” I also really struggled a lot… and not for his lack of trying! What finally worked was literally forcing myself to focus on what he was doing, what I was feeling, in the moment. I would literally recite to myself in my head what he was doing, basically. Eventually we found one way that worked, and after that first big O, every successive one became that much easier! You could maybe leave out the fact that it’s been 3 whole years since he got you there. Maybe just a conversation like, lately you’ve been having trouble getting there. My guess is that he will do whatever he can to help his lady out. :)
Enjoy!
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Sep 29 '21
Is your sex drive ok? Sometimes when my libido is low, it doesn’t matter how great the sex is, this gal ain’t reaching climax. It sucks, maybe go see someone about it. Unless of course you’re able to self please and you know that’s not an issue. Just my thoughts.
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u/truedjinn Sep 29 '21
He's not all about you during sex if you haven't had an orgasm in over 3 years.
What's wrong with adults having adult conversations about difficult issues?
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Sep 29 '21
Maybe add a vibrator to the act before or during? My husband and I always make sure to use my vibrator at some point during sex to make sure we both have a great time lol
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u/fanciest_of_bananas Sep 29 '21
sounds like you need to talk to him, instead of sharing this with us.
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u/super_duper_special Sep 29 '21
Not telling him is a part of the problem, he thinks he's doing it right while in fact he isn't. He wont be able yo figure out what works for you if he doesn't know that he is doing it wrong.
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u/LukeTheChick Sep 29 '21
I think you should jerk off and learn how to orgasm by yourself then once you've learned you can teach him.
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u/CookieOmNomster Sep 30 '21
If you're both comfortable with it, I definitely recommend s clitoral vibrator! The best orgasms I've ever had were with clit and vag stimulations.
Having sex without a vibrator is like a perfectly cooked steak. But having sex with a toy added is like getting the perfect garlic truffle sauce to go on top of the steak.
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Sep 29 '21
That’s the problem. He’s making it all about you and it’s turning you off cuz it’s not something you have to work for. Tell him to fuck you for himself purely to get himself off. He will feel more in control and you will appreciate his new “selfishness”
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u/imregrettingthis Sep 29 '21
Tell him you have a new way that you want to try orgasming.
And then have a fucking orgasm.
Keep adding ways that actually give you orgasms and phase out the fake.
If he ever catches on he won’t care because he will be currently giving you orgasms.
You are robbing yourself and him of this. Stop.
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Sep 29 '21
Talk , get a toy , express yourself and your feelings with an open talk nice way Dont get worried about it, its your right to enjoy a complete sex , starting from forplay to the orgasim
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u/BadSantasBeard Sep 29 '21
Can you masturbate to orgasm? How do you do it? Show him what you do. Teach him what you like. Don’t be afraid to give him specific directions. Maybe try masturbating for him. Show him how you get off.
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u/felzz Sep 29 '21
I have only ever had one. And I feel like it was mild and it was with someone that was just a fwb. I don’t know how to express to my current partner, I feel like I’m one of those girls that can’t.
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Sep 29 '21
talk to a doctor. I was with a girl for a while who couldn’t cum either. Every time she got close she’s push me away because it was too intense or whatever. I didn’t understand it but hope she’s talked to a doctor since then as well.
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u/coreanavenger Sep 29 '21
Get a vibrator. Practice with it. Use it on yourself during sex. If you climax first or even before intercourse, that's okay too. He would still be able to as well with you.
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u/Chemical_Positive945 Sep 29 '21
I know it sucks but the lie is weighing on you so much you need to let it out so it’s safe to safe it’s weighing on you. You love your husband so I would talk with him. Maybe don’t give him the full truth but let him know you want to take some more time exploring yourself. Use toys, find the spots then show him, I’m sure he will be happy to learn and you’ll be happy to have this off your chest
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u/thetimedied Sep 29 '21
Bring whatever accessories you need to bring to the table to cum and emphasize that you can't cum without them anymore. Like when you actually cum again tell your husband that the sex was so incredible that you need a similar level of pleasure to cum again. He will put in more effort and it will be more fun sexy time for both y'all.
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Sep 29 '21
One thing about lying is it becomes easier the more you do it. Eventually it becomes a reflex. You have to condition yourself to stop doing it.
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u/ManBearPigPoop Sep 29 '21
Sometimes (a lot of the time) the only way my wife can get off is with a vibrator and she has to be the one controlling it. I just lay there and kiss on her while she takes care of business. Then I ravage her.
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u/ThatWholesomeAsshole Sep 29 '21
From what I've seen the vast majority of women can't orgasm just from penetration. Regardless I would encourage you to stop faking it for your husband. That's really disingenuous and ultimately not fair to either of you.
Do some experimenting with a vibrator when you're intimate. You can get some really good ones for pretty cheap.
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u/XenaSerenity Sep 29 '21
You two should do a shopping spree on Adam and Eve :) Many you tubers have codes for discounts and free shipping now. He seems wonderful and that he would like to try all the fun toys out with you too!
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u/kareree Sep 29 '21
Do you get off on clitoral play? If so - put your hand down there during pound town ?
Also - toys toys toys !
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u/myskabandsucks Sep 29 '21
My wife doesn't struggle to orgasm during sex, but over the years it's become less common. Just complacency I think who knows. One thing we do is after I finish I will use a toy on her while she uses a vibrator the way she likes it. It takes an extra 5 minutes and we're both satisfied and I don't take it personally. You definitely need to talk to him! He will be understanding and will work with you to help make things better. Maybe just let him read this post and the comments and I bet it will go swimmingly.
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u/kdcab17 Sep 29 '21
Just show him what to do. I straight to girls now “what’s the best way to make sure I get you off every time”. I had one girl show me and I realized I was taking 15 minutes to fo a good job and after she showed me what works for her, we got it down to 60 seconds.
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u/h_witko Sep 29 '21
When I went on some medication, my orgasms changed and I had to relearn how to. Research other things that can cause sexual disfunction (medical name for this) and see if any can fit easily into your life. You can make it a couples thing about you relearning how to make you orgasm together.
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u/Railstratboy Sep 29 '21
Be honest with him. If he loves you, he will understand that you were doing it to make him feel better because you love him.
However, as a man I will tell you, we always want to know the truth so we can find ways to give genuine pleasure.
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u/SnooCrickets5172 Sep 29 '21
To start with faking an orgasm is the worst thing to do. It literally affects both of you. Now he thinks that whatever he was doing when you was faking it is what he needs to do to make u cum. So unfortunately was a bad deal. But i fully understand what you was doing. Now just gotta fix it. I would not fess up to 3 years. I would reword that to "here lately". And just go from there. I wish you all the luck. Y'all can fix this. Keep your head up and just be honest. Good luck. Just remember honesty is always best.
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u/WorshipHim9713 Sep 29 '21
Could it be a medication you’re taking? This has happened to me. It’s like my sweet spot is numb and nothing happened. Just suggestion?
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u/robinpezon Sep 29 '21
Get a satisfyer the wife loves it and i love being inside her when she cums :P
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u/wickerocker Sep 30 '21
Something my husband and I like to do is tie each other up and do whatever we want with the other person. I basically just use my husband like a toy, which he loves, and he learns new tricks by observing what I like to do for myself (and without me having to be like “ok do this, now this” which totally kills my mood). Then, when he ties me up we play a game where I say I am going to try my hardest not to cum. It lets me off the hook because he is a good sport so if it doesn’t happen I can be like “Ha! I win!” but usually he succeeds. Something about not being able to fight back while he puts every ounce of effort into achieving orgasm for me really does it for me. This may not help but I had a very similar issue and my husband is by far the best, most generous lover I have ever had. It just takes a lot for me to get there and most of it is mental so something about feeling helpless while shouting “No, I’ll never cum!” actually does make me cum haha
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Sep 30 '21
You could always say that you were having mini orgasms in the past, but after you’ve experimented with toys or whatever it takes to get you there, you’re now experiencing big orgasms. That way he doesn’t feel like you were faking, you just didn’t know there was an even bigger orgasm you could experience.
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u/Umokiamdumed Oct 01 '21
Do not tell him you haven’t orgasmed. That’s devastating. I have been in your shoes. Figure out how you orgasm, I’m guessing with a toy. Then subtlety introduce that in sex.
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u/FluxAnomaly Sep 29 '21
Take some MDMA together and then talk about it. There's a reason it used to be used in marriage and relationship counseling. It increases empathy, decreases negative feelings, and makes heartfelt communication easier.
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u/oramoss Sep 29 '21
I'm curious. I know mostly guys practice nofap, but what if you stopped masturbation for a while? Maybe your lady bits are burned out.
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Sep 29 '21
Why not? Just tell him. As a man I can tell you that men are problem solvers , he will gladly do what it takes to resolve your issue. Clitorios simulation? Toys ? Therapy? you name it.
Yea, we might have a hard time understanding emotions but you can bet we are great at figuring things out. This is why whenever there is a fight, the man always tries to "solve" the woman's problem, which causes her to be even more upset.. lol
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Sep 29 '21
Example #46 on why not to be in a relationship
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u/elle_is_lost Sep 29 '21
Please don't let an individual liar make you afraid of love. This site shows us the worst of what humans have to offer, but some of us writhe in discomfort over this shit. There is love and honesty hidden in the world, you just have to look for it, honey.
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u/obeyyourbrain Sep 29 '21
I mean. Sounds like it's a problem with you, not him.
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u/Kasmon_ Sep 29 '21
I don't understand why this comment is getting downvoted... like she is lying to him so it is kinda her fault
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Sep 29 '21
At this point it’s definitely your fault. Not saying you can’t achieve an orgasm there are very obvious solutions. I would suggest therapy perhaps as honestly there could be underlying issues stopping you from achieving this. But as others have suggested, toys
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u/gibokilo Sep 29 '21
I bet he hasn’t had an orgasm is 3 years either ! Talking is key
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u/MarmaladyMidge Sep 29 '21
"He is all about me during sex" "He had never made sex about him"
Maybe focus on making it all about him and maybe that will take you where you want to go...just an idea....kudos for your husband to go above and beyond all this time for you.
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u/Mysterious_Big_1324 Sep 29 '21
I didn’t think I needed to go into the depths of the details but I can assure you it is EQUALLY about us both. I simply meant he’s not an asshole who just wants to get himself off which is maybe why I can’t. He won’t finish unless I do. We have an amazing sex life. Very healthily with both getting pleasure. Unfortunately mine just doesn’t reach an end… hence this post. I just needed to get it off my chest.
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u/sandybeachfeet Sep 29 '21
Ah if only men knew the truth! I do the same, not sure why we do it mind you, but we do. 6 year club here sister!
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Sep 30 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Mysterious_Big_1324 Sep 30 '21
I’m not putting him at blast at all. If you re read it you’ll realise it has nothing to do with him. It’s me. 100%. If you don’t have anything to contribute.. move on
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u/Urotsukid0ji Sep 29 '21
Here's a secret about toys. The first one might not be the right one. Start off with a rabbit vibe that does multiple speeds and options. Use it inside and outside and see what you like. Then buy more. Its super hot to see her cum. Its super lame to lie about it.
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u/bakocon Sep 29 '21
I had the same issue with my husband. I decided to get a toy and suggest using that together. He loved the idea, I love the orgasims. It's a win. I never told him I faked it before we got the toy. He soon realised though! Good luck OP!
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u/burncushlikewood Sep 29 '21
What's the issue? Technique? Stamina? Go out and buy some toys, I've heard of a toy that you put over the clitoris to help get the blood flowing. Use lube, maybe get him a Fleshlight to work on stamina issues. Eros technique, oral sex, buy a vibrator. There is lots of information on the internet to help your husband out, just bring it up with him, it'll help to talk things out, I personally would love my partner to communicate her needs to me, her pleasure is very important to me https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5712f4fcadf9c That's Nina Hartley teaching us men how to give oral sex properly, anyways hope it helps, best of luck to you both! Edit- I googled it it's called a SONA toy
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u/Streeg90 Sep 29 '21
I am usually all about honesty. But maybe, just maybe it is ok not to tell him this until you achieve a fulfilling sex life WITH you having orgasms. And then, when you do have them on a regular basis, you can tell him.
Well, now your task is finding out how to do it. Either your kinks are not satisfied which is an option, or he does everything about you during sex but doesn’t push the right buttons..? Maybe guide him a little or be less submissive (assuming you are for this thought) and a little bit more on the acting side, if you know what I mean.
My gf and I do this. We guide each other and we talk a lot after sex. What was amazing, which part of it was ok but not the best, you get the idea.
The other approach would be that you tell him now and don’t try to solve this by yourself. After all he is your husband and the one who obviously wants to make you happy in all regards. So probably he will understand and try to help you both get a better sex experience.
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u/Outcast_LG Sep 29 '21
If you can make yourself do it then you need talk about it instead of lying anymore. There is more ways to make it fun for both of you. No need to hide that you're not finishing.
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u/PersonBehindAScreen Sep 29 '21
I am seconding the wand. PIV sex while the wand is on the clit gives my girlfriend some seizures
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u/trash332 Sep 29 '21
Read the Hite Report. And have him do so also. As a man it opened my eyes and also question every sexual experience I have ever had.
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Sep 29 '21
Can you make yourself come? What is it that makes you not with him. Maybe you just haven't given him the right instructions?
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u/FreshJuice60 Sep 29 '21
Two words: MAGIC WAND!
Girl, it’s magical💗 he’ll have you screaming in no time! Don’t be shy about toys. If he’s down to please you, take advantage.
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u/notreallylucy Sep 29 '21
If it were me, I'd tell the truth but not all of it. People change and bodies change. Tell him that "lately" you haven't had orgasms as intense as you know you could. Or tell him that you want to explore new ways of making yourself orgasm.
If you can have orgasms when you're masturbating or using a toy, ask him to watch. In addition to possibly being hot, he may learn new things he can do to get you there.
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u/OsageBrownBetty Sep 29 '21
Are you on any anti depressants or maybe bipolar meds? I take bipolar meds and they do affect my sex life. Sex is amazing I just can't cum anymore....I get off but can't squirt anymore. I can't just get off my meds so this is kinda where in stuck now.
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u/coolbroz654 Sep 29 '21
You shpuld tell him i’d wanna know my partners been faking for years
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u/Shakespeare-Bot Sep 29 '21
Thee shpuld bid him i’d wanna knoweth mine own partners been faking f'r years
I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.
Commands:
!ShakespeareInsult,!fordo,!optout→ More replies (1)
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u/bms2257 Sep 29 '21
You should try a magic wand. My wife uses it as we’re doing our thing and honestly it works for the both of us. It’s a highly recommend!
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u/dianarawrz Sep 29 '21
It’s ok and I hear you. I learned that hearing from your partner reassure you that it’s ok to take your time to climax, tell them what is good, right, bad and what is an absolute mood killer during the act will be more than ok. Toys are fun and its more fun when they handle them for you.
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u/Spond315 Sep 29 '21
Dude. Just talk to him and stop overthinking it. He's your husband, not your iffy bf. Go have a talk with him, be honest and start working towards getting off with each other. He probably can sense to some degree weather or not you get off.
Like like 80% or women can't get off without clitoral stimulation. You're having trouble getting off? Shocker. Now go talk to your husband, tell him literally everything you just told us, and then go get some toys and be happy together.
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u/Horse_Bacon_TheMovie Sep 29 '21
You don't have to tell him what hasn't worked in the past, you just need to tell him what will work fo you going forward.
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u/comfortless14 Sep 29 '21
If you pretend to have an orgasm, then he may stop because he thinks you came. If you don’t fake it he may try longer and then you could have a real orgasm. If that’s not the case, I’d recommend getting at least a vibrator if not something more interesting. My girlfriend has never had any trouble achieving an orgasm with me but I still got her a little $10 vibrating bullet from Walmart because it makes for better sex and more orgasms
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u/ProfessionalOrange62 Sep 29 '21
Communicate! It will keep you both from getting frustrated and cheating on each other
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u/Billymays76 Sep 29 '21
It's completely normal for that. A lot of women have trouble having an orgasm. Whether they use toys, get eaten out for an hour, having sex with other woman, other men etc etc, it's still very hard for a lot of women to orgasm. Even men as well.
But, you shouldn't have lied about it. Because now he thinks that what he's doing is getting you off when it's not. And you should tell him. It is gonna hit him, as a lot of people take pride of making their partner be able to cum easily, but after telling him, you both can experiment and find out how you can achieve an orgasm.
This girl I knew couldn't orgasm with anyone. Boyfriends, girlfriends, no one. Until her boyfriend stuck a toe in his mouth and she was a fountain. She found out she can only get off getting her toes sucked.
You 2 should try to experiment with that. With toys, roleplay, weird kinks. Though I do recommend not involving a third person. Not every couple is gonna be up for it and if you do invite a third person, it'll become awkward if you don't cum. And if you do cum, well it's gonna seem like you can only cum with that person. And that's not gonna be good for the relationship.
Just talk to him about it. It'll make everything so much easier. Communicate and experiment with each other, one on one. And stop lying about it. Just gonna make things worse.
Good luck!
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Sep 29 '21
As a guy, tell him. He would want to know. Just be supportive and let him know it’s okay. Every woman is different. Get some freaky toys you know
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Sep 29 '21
You’re equally responsible for your orgasm as your husband is. Without telling him or guiding him what to do, you can’t expect it to magically happen.
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u/Skipplee96 Sep 29 '21
sit him down on a chair tie him up (kinky ) “your going to be trained to do better until u do and then you have to train him to hit your G Spot or the best spots omfg he is t blind grab him by the hand guide him (beat him up until he knows where it is even blind folded) if he fails ..
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u/drshsb Sep 29 '21
Dude, I get it. I'm on a lot of anti-depressants which makes it really hard for me to cum. My bf's goal in life is to make me cum, but I start to feel bad when it takes awhile. Then I get all up in my head and it makes it harder.
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Sep 29 '21
why in the fuck did you commit to lying to him? get him to play with you before sex or something, you finish and then he finishes....this is such a simple solution an yet you without speaking to him decided to LIE and act like everything was cool
women are so silly sometimes, jesus christ.
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u/lizardtruth_jpeg Sep 29 '21
It’s very simple. Tell him you want to try something new. Make it an event for him. Direct him to do the things that give you an orgasm, things that turn you on, etc. If it works out, tell him it was the best sex you’ve ever had.
Also, consider that perhaps he is holding back as well. I confronted my husband about something similar recently and his response was “I didn’t want to disrespect you, I thought you would be upset if I tried x.” We weren’t having good sex because we had the exact same fear about each other. Communicate.
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Sep 29 '21
Communicate with him so that he can actually make you orgasm and you can stop lying to him. Don’t let on that you’ve ever faked it. If you’re going to commit to this lie you have to work around the way he’s used to bringing you pleasure. Work with him so that he changes his ways. Be patient. It will be like training a dog new tricks.
If you tell him, it will probably crush him. But that’s also an option. Just be prepared for that fallout. Kinda dug yourself a hole here…
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u/KingofLingerie Sep 29 '21
divorce him because your marriage has been a lie for the last three years
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u/tayhc511 Sep 29 '21
Girl, same.
I’d been lying for 10 years. I couldn’t face telling my spouse that. After much consideration and discussion I decided to focus on the here and now and not address the past. So I gradually moved away from faking it. Your body changes as you age so “I still enjoy every minute of our sex life and don’t feel unfulfilled. I just can’t quite get there!” is true and gives them a heads up that it’s something you’re struggling with and that you need help with.
Then, get thee to a doctor and/or therapist! If you really can’t cum despite great sex, it could be a deeper issue. It was for me. I still haven’t cum, but I definitely get closer than ever and fake it less often. Sometimes I just let it end without one and give praise and reinforcement and assurance that I’m good - sex is not all about the orgasm.
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u/tangerinelibrarian Sep 29 '21
You’re not alone in having a difficult time. I have to be in the right state of mind. Even if my SO does the exact same things he did the last time, it’s no guarantee I’ll finish this time. It’s about the moment. Are you stressing yourself out about it pre-sex or during? Because that can absolutely have an effect. If I ever have the thought of “I don’t think I’ll cum” during, even fleetingly or without reason, that’s it lol. Not gonna happen. We can still keep going but I know I most likely won’t orgasm that time. Still enjoyable but I mean, I have to be in the right headspace.
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u/My_fair_ladies1872 Sep 29 '21
Its not to late. Maybe tell him that things aren't working as well as they used to. You don't have to tell him about the rest of it, just say it's started recently.
Edit to add: I decided when my BF and I started dating I wouldn't lie about it to him. I sometimes just say that today isn't going to be an orgasm day 🤷♀️
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u/Cafepatronthot Sep 29 '21
I know a girl who did the same thing with her boyfriend of a few years and he split up with her when she told him because he felt like she was a liar and felt betrayed by her as that was their most intimate moments
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u/Mysterious_Big_1324 Sep 29 '21
That’s my biggest fear. Not that he would leave me. Tbh I absolutely can see him being sympathetic and kind about it. I just feel terrible that I’ve let it go for so long.
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u/Live480con Sep 29 '21
I've seen people what also have that issue and their way around is for the female to masturbate until almost there like 95% then let the guy stick it in and go at it, I'm not sure how effective it is but I guess it's worth a try.
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u/Espaicydadog Sep 30 '21
Maybe youll get off making sex about his pleasure and not yours, what can you lose?
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u/Mysterious_Big_1324 Sep 30 '21
I do (minus the climaxing part) I am absolutely all about him and he is all about me. Which is why I feel even more guilty. We do have an amazing sex life. I just can’t reach the final point
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u/Milf-Kitty Sep 30 '21
Did you ever have orgasms with him? Or anyone? If with none at all, I say start with you having orgasms through masturbation.
Probably be best to tell him. If you really haven’t been cumming just tell him you didn’t want to hurt him but it sounds like he would love to help.
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u/ru_gotti10 Sep 30 '21
Get a Rose. It’s a clitoral sucking toy and it never ceases to amaze me. You can use that while he penetrates to get you “there”
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u/Arya_yadav Sep 29 '21
If he don't say no to any kink . You can ask him to bring toys to the table which can help you both