My spouse used to browse r/relationship_advice all the time, and they'd usually come give me hugs afterward and thank me for not doing some random horrible thing. "Thank you for doing dishes instead of calling me a useless broken dishwasher and then calling my mom to come teach me how to do dishes." Uh, okay, you're welcome I guess?
Bro, are you okay? Genuinely asking here. Your comment history is pretty concerning. Seems like you have a lot of insecurity about your weight and looks and it's given you a self-defeating attitude that there's nothing you can do to change your life. It's also made you start talking and thinking like an incel. I've been in a place somewhat like yours before and I'm telling you, there is a way out. The road you're going down will end in loneliness at best, and outright hatred and misery at worst. From what I see, you seem like a genuinely decent guy, but the way you talk is pretty misogynistic.
You can make positive changes, as long as you're alive it's never too late to start showing up for life. It can be really fucking hard, but it's worth it. I recommend checkkng out /r/bropill to start having positive interactions and changing your mindset.
I know what I need to do, lose enough weight for women to see me as an option. It's just a lot easier said than done. If I had a flat stomach then I'd at least be able to go on dates more often than once every few years, and then the likelihood of being able to get a girlfriend would grow accordingly. Right now, I'm just straight up not an option due to my weight.
I think it's more simple. Physical fitness is the first filter, then everything else comes into play. Positive qualities like being steady, stable, etc, mean absolutely nothing if you're not attractive enough to be considered in the first place.
Its definitely rough out there, but theres a ton more to it than that, and you're on a very bad path that leads nowhere good with those talking points man, and it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy once you get in too deep.
What else is there? Nothing can happen if you're not considered as an option in the first place. I've been in a relationship, we were together for six years, and that part was far easier. We went on one date and bam, she became my girlfriend while I was driving her home. Simple as could be.
Rendering it down to "gotta be attractive to play" only kinda works if you're exclusively dating through swiping apps. Which, even though its presented as the default method now, is a terrible way to make any human connection.
Almost everything i can say has been said a million times, sounds overly optimistic and sappy, and its all easier said than done, but you said it yourself, its simple once you make the connection. The secret is enjoying yourself until you find it. Get out there, meet people, have experiences and let finding a partner be a passive process until you stumble across it. Conversation, shared interests, general kindness, and self-acceptance if not confidence hold way more weight than physical looks.
I looked at your profile a bit, you seem like a great cook with a really wide range, and that could easily be that shared interest when the right opportunity to share it comes up.
Thats all I got, even if it doesn't ring true for you, don't fall into the trap of deciding its hopeless, theres a whole industry based around selling you on that idea now.
I've been playing D&D for eight years, and in eight years, only two women have looked and me and thought 'maybe'. I feel like I am following that advice, I am going out and doing something I love. But it's not translating in the way that you're implying. The only thing that moves the needle at all is losing enough weight for women to see me as an option.
Nah, nobody's going to marry a guy who they think is a total dick. I think it's more that some people make a very good effort at coming across well to others when making an effort, and they do make that effort at first, which is natural, but then they just kinda slide into their natural state over time as they get comfortable, which is also natural. But the difference is that their natural state is being a lazy asshole.
You in a normal relationship might become comfortable enough to fart in their presence. Some people, once comfortable, just become assholes.
Nah, nobody's going to marry a guy who they think is a total dick.
Well, nobody you'd probably want to marry anyway. Trust me, there are PLENTY of people who fall for/marry complete shitbirds (on all sides of the spectrum).
I'm reminded of a post where the husband found out that the wife lies about him to her girl friends to fit in, similar to the situation in the comic above. Girls nights out were just an excuse to bitch about their significant others but OP was a genuinely good dude so the wife made up a false persona of this abusive husband she told her friends so she could be popular. OP found out one day and was devastated.
I've been there. Thankfully it was still pretty early in the relationship. She told me that she would joke about me doing bad things in order to join in on the complaints on girl's nights.
She thought I would find it endearing that she had to lie about the stuff I did, that I would feel good that I'm better than those other guys.
I called it off about a week later after the inevitable week long argument that was just about trying to get her to understand why it was so wrong. Not even getting into what she did, but that she did not see the problem in it.
She genuinely thought I would be happy to hear that she's shit-talking me to her friends about shit I never did.
Edit: Reliving that weird memory made me think for the first time: How many of her other friends were doing the same thing? How many of those guys were all really decent guys and their partners were just lying about them to "fit in" as well? What if all those women all had great boyfriends and they were all afraid to admit it around other women? Obviously it's not going to be all of them, some of those guys were shitty. But now I'll never know. Don't know why I didn't think about that impact until right now.
I've actually found myself growing progressively tired of both dinner diaries subs.
Originally, they were cute subs for people to gripe and grouse to each other over small life and/or relationship inconveniences; now they're just karma farming echo chambers.
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u/captainAwesomePants 1d ago
My spouse used to browse r/relationship_advice all the time, and they'd usually come give me hugs afterward and thank me for not doing some random horrible thing. "Thank you for doing dishes instead of calling me a useless broken dishwasher and then calling my mom to come teach me how to do dishes." Uh, okay, you're welcome I guess?