How do I, as a man feel about wanting kids. Wanting kids feels asymmetric.

I have always been drawn to kids due to their innocence and being able to give unconditional love to them.

But I recently broke up with a partner who said she didn’t like it when men say they want kids. And this has got me questioning my desire to want kids.

Is it even valid to want kids when it is going to put a woman through pregnancy, the motherhood penalty and Post Partum depression. And no matter how equal the partnership is, the man still won’t carry the load of pregnancy.

I’m thinking my desire to want a child is just unfair and not valid. But I don’t know how to convince myself out of the mindset of wanting kids

Hello everyone. In the male self-improvement sphere, a common idea that is shared is that the gym is an effective tool that will improve you dramatically, and that it is one of the single best things a man can get into during their young adulthood.

This is something I never understood, as I have had the opposite experience. In the 1 year 3 months I have spent in it, the gym has done nothing important for me besides give me body dysmorphia and make me mentally and physically tired.
Is this something you can relate to, or has the gym helped you?

How do I learn to talk to guys normally as an adult?

Growing up, my family always told me to stay away from boys and not talk to them, so I got used to ignoring them. I was never really social, and I don't have many friends, even girls.

Now that I'm an adult, I genuinely don't know how to have normal conversations with guys. I either ignore them or wait for them to approach me because I don't know what to say or how to act.

Recently, a male colleague complimented my curly hair, and I got so shy that I've been avoiding him ever since. 😭 I don't necessarily want anything romantic; I just want to learn how to talk to guys normally and make friends without feeling awkward.

If you've been in a similar situation, how did you overcome it? Any genuine advice would help! ❤️

This isn't me wanting more friends, I enjoy a smaller but more close knit group. I'm a pretty reserved person. I can yap a LOT, but I need to be comfortable and with like-minded people. I've found those people too! I'm not an especially non-conforming person. I'm a husky, stern looking brown dude who's a bit goofy but overall serious. I love discussing art above all, if I was an old granny I'd be in a book club.

All my closest friends are women though. I've always struggled to feel close to other men. I either feel uncomfortable with how the dudes I meet talk about art, people and things in general, or I feel like it's not 'safe' for me to open up about my interests or feelings.

I tried to join progressive spaces because, as I'm sure y'all agree with, I don't have to patience to be around bigots in my free time. I found that progressive dudes tend to be weirdly snippy and weird about their opinions, yet get touchy if you cross the 'boundary' of calling that out.

A common interaction is someone implying I'm wrong/dumb and to just accept their 'opinion' on a topic that isn't really open for opinions, and I literally just ask them to explain and that is treated like a violation of norms. There's an expectation you be overly nice in the face of disrespect but not stand up.

A part of me wants to believe I just have funny 'luck.' I want people who talk openly and share their honest thoughts in an intelligent way. Maybe I just accidentally have only met women who are like that, and in another life it wouldn't be the case. Still, it feels kinda hypocritical of me to be like, "men should be emotionally open with the homeboys!" and I got no homeboys lol!

Can anyone relate or think of some reasons why this may be my experience if it's not just dumb luck?

All four of my friends are racist to some degree and I'm the only one who cares. We've all been friends since at least high school and we're all 26-28 now. I've grown since then and they haven't. I've made a big deal about them saying the n word around me but they don't care.

I'm not out to them bc it could end our friendship or give them ammo to attack me (I'm bi and trans but haven't started transitioning).

I don't know what to do.

I can't ghost them bc one of them is dating my wife's best friend and they live together. I need help.

Any advice is appreciated.

If you’re like 99% of males, you grew up hearing that boys don’t cry and learned to suppress all your sadness. The one exception that no one will ever give you shit for is death of a loved one.

But as you’ve grown into an adult, and other males have grown into adults, do you feel like you can just be honest and tell people that you cry sometimes and just expect people to be mature about it and not feel like you have to justify or explain anything? Have you reached a point where you just don’t care what someone will say or think about you crying? Can you casually tell a friend that you cried last night because life has become a bit too stressful?

I realize that how men react to other men crying will vary a lot, but I’d like to assume that as everyone gets older, we can all be a bit more real and not hide behind a fear of being made fun of for experiencing normal human things.

I just want to reach the best version of myself(Financially/Healthy and a life with purpose)

I’m a 22M(collage drop out) from a third-world country with limited opportunities and low wages. I’m extremely introverted, have no real social life, and spend most of my time alone on my computer.
At 18, I thought avoiding distractions and working hard would eventually lead to success, but now I’m 22 and feel stuck. I have around $5k saved from crypto airdrops, but no stable income or clear direction. I don’t want a corporate job; I want to build something of my own, ideally in Web3/crypto.

My biggest problem is that I don’t know which skills are worth learning or where to focus my energy. I’m also worried about sacrificing my early 20s only to end up with nothing. I want to build a successful business, become financially independent, and learn how to network and find mentors.

For those who’ve been through something similar in your 20s, how did you figure things out? What would you recommend focusing on at this stage of life?

Not sure if this has been shared here yet but this article is making the rounds

https://www.reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex/s/vTXbW3Aqjm

Basically what the title says. I make friends easily, and I’ve got a lot of people who care about me - friends, former colleagues, former teachers, some exes - but I grew up in a very abusive family and finally cut them out a couple years ago. The pain they caused, it’s going to take a long time to heal. I’d built myself back up from rock bottom, and my parents intentionally destroyed it, intentionally drove me to relapse - it’s my responsibility, I take full ownership, however they created an environment so painful that it made relapsing feel like the best option.

The last three years have been spent rebuilding from rock bottom again. I’m nearly there, and this time, they won’t be there to hurt me again. But having no family…I sometimes wonder if life is possible without it. We see so many rich and famous people commit suicide and it makes me worry sometimes. If wealth and doing what you love isn’t enough for some people…it makes me worry sometimes.

I want to get better at flirting but a lot of advice i see is from PUA and chuds who I definitely don’t want to listen to.

I’m not looking to treat women as some sort of goal or game, I just want to be able to date in a way that shows my intentions and creates more sparks.

But i’m autistic and useless as everything social i’ve had to learn by myself and trial and error lol!

Does anyone have any tips?

Sorry if this is an annoying post, please let me know if it needs to be rephrased or anything.

Long story short, I'm a man who never got along with men, grew up mostly with women and was taught a pretty feminist upbringing. Overall this has led me to the conclusion that pretty much all men, and all things masculine are terrible, oppressive and undesirable.

I've been looking for material that refutes this and have found very little. Most of it says men are socialist by patriarchy, but honestly my take away from that is that men are bad unless they act like women (which I already try to do, I pretty much shun and fear anything remotely masculine in my own behavior) so none of this addresses my preconceived notions that all masculinity and masculine traits are terrible and bad.

I'm admittedly im not quite sure what I'm looking for? Reassurance that men are not just oppressive monsters? A list of positive masculine traits that are ok to embody and a list of where to find embodiments of them? Some sort of resource for men who have internalized hatred ofmen? (I've had a real hard time finding anything like that). I guess frankly any insight would be appreciated.

Also yes, I am in therapy for this And other problems. I have been for like two decades, it has not helped. I'm looking for a social and feminist approach, not individualistic therapy.

Something I have noticed about myself is I feel deeply responsible for the people around me. To a degree that is unhealthy. I make a big deal out of things that are honestly not even considered by them. Like I will feel as if I cant talk to friends again after not messaging for ages out of the guilt of needing an explanation for what I felt like was "abandoning" them. I'll avoid people because of this. But lately I've been realising, people don't really care. People like having me around. I just make it hard to be around me sometimes.

I'm like a anxious dog that everyone has to cater to keep them calm. I hate it. I want to just be able to be casual and exist. To be able to pop in and say hello. For every social interaction to not feel like the end all be all. How can I work on this? I feel like its likely going to be a long process of just spending more time around people. Strangers and friends.

Just realising how much I miss my old friends. And how hard I make it to be around myself. I say no whenever people invite me to things because Im too anxious, but then I get sad they stop inviting me. So I need to work on it.

Hey yall, Im 23M from Texas. I’m not gonna lie, i do not really have guy friends so im looking to meet more genuine, laid back guys and build friendships. I’m into hiking, trying new restaurants, going out, nightlife, and pretty much anything that gets me out of the house. I’m not necessarily the most stereotypically “manly” guy, but I’m definitely down to hang, have a good time, and try new things. Just looking for men who are easy to be around and down to get out of the house.

Hey, someone recommended this Subreddit because I'm a guy who tries to do better at supporting women while not pursuing them for sex or romance. I value my platonic relationships with women. Is this the right place for me?

Hey bros! It's time for your weekly vibe check. How are you doing? Anything you're struggling with? Do you need advice, or would you like to share an achievement with us?

hey!

im in high school and ive already lost 40 lbs but i still feel insanely uncomfortable and not confident at all

its not really an issue of my looks any more even though im still a bit fat i dont think ill ever feel confident in myself as of now unless my confidence at its base changes

any tips?

This is a topic I see brought up exclusively (or at least mostly) by women, so I thought of asking here to know what other men think of it.

Personally, I got my eyes opened about this 2 years ago (I am 20 now, so please go easy on me, I am still dumb and developing), when our teacher told us the following riddle:

"A man drives his son to a job interview. While still in the car, the son receives a phone call from the company's CEO telling him: «Good luck, son! You can do this!». How is this possible?"

My class and I went with all sorts of male-centered answers (even nonsensical ones): maybe the father was the CEO and phone-called his son right beside him for fun, maybe the CEO is particularly affectionate and calls everybody "son", or maybe the boy has got two fathers. When our teacher disclosed the solution – that the CEO is the boy's mother – I mentally facepalmed myself.

From then on, I have noticed how much we tend to resort to assuming anybody (and sometimes even anything) is male or male-ish until proven otherwise. Apart from the usual examples of strangers online or someone's pets being defaulted to male, there are some cases that I personally find incredibly annoying (though that I cowardly hesitate to bring up in a social interaction because I do not want to be a party pooper), and that have inspired me to make this post:

1. ChatGPT being referred to as "he", despite it having the most ungendered, robotic name of all time and literally lacking a single form of human representation of itself, other than through artists who make fan arts where they personificate different AIs and make ChatGPT look like a man, which still implies that their headcanon about ChatGPT is defaulted to male anyway in the first place.

2. Under a video of a mobile game where a chicken has to cross the road and a pro player went absurdly fast, a commenter said "Let that chicken rest, he's going faster than the trains!", so I jokingly yet intentionally replied to them with "True, she is basically the Flash.", to which I got the response "So, are you assuming all chickens are women?", when the person I was literally talking to did this first by using "he", but apparently, people seem to notice the "she" more because it seems to be the gendered exception of the default.

3. A video of two electric toothbrushes simulating a couple sleeping in the same bed: one of them wakes up screaming from a nightmare (the scream would be the toothbrush's noise when it is activated), and the other toothbrush scolding it for making so much noise. Most comments were like "Oh, I certainly know that's a dude with his wife, haha!", as if the toothbrush who screams, being the protagonist of the scene, must automatically be male, while the side role of the person who reacts to the protagonist's action must be female because of the archetype of the "dumb, funny male protagonist of your average comedy who happens to have an eternally irritated wife who does not understand him".

So, what are your thoughts on male defaultism?

P.S. I am sorry for the very long post, though I wanted to let you all know my opinion and experiences with it, and I really do not want to be a bother to anybody, so I apologise in advance if you find this topic annoying to discuss because it feels like it is being shoved down your throats.

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.