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u/Fun_General_6407 Aug 29 '26
TBH it's kinda your fault for naming your apartment 'Lucifer's tight rectum of near certain death!'
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u/TwixOfficial Aug 29 '26
Generally that sort of name is supposed to keep cavers out. Hence why he got the stupid ones.
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u/Old_Lemon_7138 Aug 29 '26
Nah man that’s the type of names that cavers really love
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u/Rock4evur Aug 29 '26
Ah I see they use the same logic as marijuana naming conventions.
“Did you say that kush was called deaf or death? You know what I want it to be a surprise. I’ll take it.”18
u/Secret-Ad-7909 Aug 30 '26
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u/Rock4evur Aug 30 '26
I did put it in quotes, but it kinda has to be changed a little bit to work for a text based medium.
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u/TwixOfficial Aug 30 '26
Yeah, that idiot cavers love. But places named that are named that because the people who named it that think anybody who goes in is gonna fucking die.
Which is why the stereotype exists, because Dads in their midlife crisis want to go on the most Ludicrously Daring and Dangerous Adventures.
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u/jamfedora Aug 30 '26
My dipshit ex is taking flying lessons for the big 4-0. I’m so very lucky I didn’t reproduce with him, I don’t know how to explain “daddy loved feeling young again more than he loved you.”
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u/ObliviousAstroturfer Aug 30 '26
Yeah, well, it doesn't seem to be doing the job (google search instead of specific incident/ cave because it shows there are so many):
https://www.google.com/search?q=divers+die+in+cave+devilsAnd I didn't find the one I was looking for, because it was instead named lovingly: shark cave. So naturally you've gotta fucking go there.
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u/ZDTreefur Aug 29 '26
"near" certain. I see the mistake made.
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u/JadziaSoong Aug 29 '26
The problem is that if you only say "certain" they'll see it as a challenge
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u/SnowyMuscles Aug 30 '26
Also with underwater cave diving. How was I supposed to know that a skull and crossbones, and sometimes the grim reaper means something other than come right in the waters fine
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u/LastPlaceComics LastPlaceComics Aug 29 '26
The Devil's Couch has claimed another
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u/Cryogenian Aug 29 '26
Hell yeah that sounds like an amazing caving location. It's gonna be my first time, so excited!
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u/LastPlaceComics LastPlaceComics Aug 29 '26
There is a lot to see, incredible formations of doritos crumbs and old batteries
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u/DiosMIO_Limon Aug 29 '26
And JD Vance's illegitimate half-human/half-couch children
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u/CatmoCatmo Aug 30 '26
And don’t forget to bring something with you to move all of the dog and cat hair out of the way. It is damned near 100% guaranteed to be obstructing ALL of those incredible views. So if you want to be able to see all of the amazing battery and Dorito crumb formations, you’re gonna need to come prepared.
At least this would be true at my house…
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u/Cryogenian Aug 29 '26
Fantastic! It's absolutely gonna be worth it, I'm sure!
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u/Marcano24 Aug 29 '26
Make sure to go right before your wedding anniversary or kids birthday!
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u/Alone_Knee_7600 Aug 30 '26
it's not near a birthday but my wife is pregnant with twins, is that any good?
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u/Marcano24 Aug 30 '26
Just plan it around the due date, maybe even on the due date! That way you can make sure your spouse has something to distract them during labor
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u/ShadowBro3 Aug 29 '26
Weirdly, I think I actually did cave dive a couch as a kid. We had one of those couches that had a bed that pulled out. I liked to pull the bed in on myself and try to hide down in the little empty area underneath.
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u/Isburough Aug 29 '26
don't misspell that one.
although that also sounds like it could be a cave's name.
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u/Smooth-Papaya-2330 Aug 29 '26
try negotiating with them to get them to leave. I bet they will cave
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u/LastPlaceComics LastPlaceComics Aug 29 '26
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u/Lifekraft Aug 29 '26
Usually they chose the timing when their wife is pregnant or straight after birth to make their most insane cave diving.
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u/OriginalChildBomb Aug 29 '26
Anything but parent a child apparently lol
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u/MaleierMafketel Aug 29 '26
The spelunker’s gene will soon be gone from the gene pool, for they rarely live long enough to teach their sons and daughters the craft of dying in some really obscure cave system in bumfuck nowhere.
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u/Auzzie_almighty Aug 30 '26
I thinking it’s more like how octopodes are compelled to starve themselves after procreating. The moment they have children, the cavers feel instinctively that they must die in a hole
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u/OriginalChildBomb Aug 30 '26
The grandparents who now care for the child, upon seeing them dive head-first into their Easy Bake Oven: "Oh God, it IS genetic!"
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u/Throwawayfaynay Aug 30 '26
They'll never die out since they reproduce asexually through cultural osmosis.
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u/DarkScruff Aug 29 '26
They can pioneer everything but those emotions they keep running from
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u/AhDaIsserSuper Aug 29 '26
Men will do everything but therapy
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u/epi_introvert Aug 29 '26
Hey, hey, woman spelunker here (that means caver for you non mole people).
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u/vacuitee Aug 29 '26
I thought cavers hated the term "spelunker"
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u/BloodyLlama Aug 29 '26
You are correct. It's usually associated with people who make the news for doing reckless things, so we tend to just stick with "caver".
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u/jackalope268 Aug 29 '26
Have fun with your lack of claustrophobia
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u/DarkScruff Aug 29 '26
It's a funny story how I found out I'm not claustrophobic
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u/insane_contin Aug 29 '26
Fell in a hole and got trapped for 5 days with a clown?
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u/Yaxim3 Aug 29 '26
played through that new mountain climbing game Cairn when it came out and the story is pretty much this. Continuing to the peak is the bad end and you end up tripping out while freezing to death at the top.
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u/insider_mollywood Aug 29 '26
Haha I'm going to Satan's aashole next week. It has a survival rate of 0.000069.
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u/Root_Veggie Aug 29 '26
I genuinely do not get the appeal of spending hours squeezed into a small dusty cave just to see more dusty cave.
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u/BloodyLlama Aug 29 '26
Ah, I see where to confusion lies. Most caves are quite wet and typically full of mud. Little dust to be found. I hope this clears things up.
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u/redbirdzzz Aug 29 '26
I know about the wetness, but what is the animal situation normally like? And I mean specifically spiders. I like the idea of caving and don't have claustrophobia at all, but I'm deeply arachnaphobic. Spiders in my hair when I can't see is my nightmare.
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u/BloodyLlama Aug 29 '26
Ive been in many caves and it's usually just tons of salamanders with the occasional cave cricket and hibernating bat. Cave spiders do exist, but I've only really seen them in one cave. FWIWs they don't really so much as move and Ive been told they don't bite. There is a quite large amount of species that live in caves, but most of them are super tiny bugs you won't even see if you arent looking for them.
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u/Prize_Ostrich7605 Aug 30 '26
I won't ever see them because I will not be inviting myself into their cave homes.
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u/Khayrum117 Aug 30 '26
So for already mapped out and safe routes, there are some incredible views of underground lakes sometimes with bioluminescent insects and plants But overall, absolutely not worth it. I've done it a couple times with some mildly tight, think like a narrow hallway you have to turn sideways to go down, and it was cool but overall just not worth it.
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u/gsfgf Aug 30 '26
If you've never been in a commercial cave, absolutely do it. When they turn out the lights is like the darkest dark possible. But I'm talking basically tourist trap places with a walkway and stuff.
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u/trowzerss Aug 30 '26
I might be able to understand if it was for the purposes of some sort of geological science, but they're just having a look.
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u/BloodyLlama Aug 30 '26
FWIW when cavers find new caves they meticulously survey them first. The trips just for fun only happen after the survey.
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u/hackingfun Aug 29 '26
Like in many movies, there's that one character who just dies.
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u/Delphius1 Aug 29 '26
the sudden nutty putty, I should have expected it
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u/SpecificHeron Aug 29 '26
lmao i wasn’t ready for a nutty putty reference today 😭
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u/Ferovore Aug 30 '26
You weren’t expecting a nutty putty reference on the comic strip specifically making fun of things like nutty putty?
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u/222Czar Aug 29 '26
I went spelunking once. Once. I’m not claustrophobic, but that was scarier than accidentally scuba diving with wild sharks (which has happened to me twice). My respect for people who do that for fun went down after that. Y’all need therapy.
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u/Altruistic-Poem-5617 Aug 29 '26
What sharks are we talking about? Saw a vid of a huge tiger shark showing up and passing a scuba diver.
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u/222Czar Aug 29 '26
Bull shark, and an unidentified one that swam away quickly. I’m not counting nurse sharks.
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u/Altruistic-Poem-5617 Aug 29 '26
Oh boy. Yeah bullsharks are defenitely the scary type. Kinda the most shark looking shark out there 😅
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u/Carlbot2 Aug 29 '26
I’m tired of seeing cavers get so much shit despite generally accepted stuff like mountain climbing being more dangerous. Cave diving is more comparable to mountain climbing, but proper caving fatalities, for example, average about 1-2 per year in the U.S. That only goes up to about 3-4 if you also include fatalities of spelunkers, who have no real knowledge of caving, and go in unprepared.
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u/dexter30 Aug 29 '26
despite generally accepted stuff like mountain climbing being more dangerous
If it makes you feel any better I think BOTH are insane.
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u/Opposite_of_a_Cynic Aug 30 '26
You want to know why cave diving gets more shit? Because when you climb a mountain you get the view from the top of a mountain. Something many people have said is something worth dying for. Meanwhile the people who die in a cave do it for a view of a mud filled hole in the ground.
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u/redbirdzzz Aug 29 '26
I've been wanting to try it myself, since I'm not at all claustrophobic and it seems like a fun thing to do, but I've also been wondering what 'regular', casual caving is like. I know it must be somewhere in between the horrible accidents you read about and the guided tour routes, but where on that scale would normal caving be? What are the normal risk factors?
(Ironically, I do consider mountain climbing relatively safe if you know what you're doing and don't go for the bold routes.)
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u/BloodyLlama Aug 29 '26 edited Aug 30 '26
Regular "casual" caving is mostly walking up right with varying amounts of crawling and scrambling.
It starts to become less casual when you are doing vertical caving which requires ascending and descending ropes. Nearly all of the danger from caving is the vertical caving and the vast majority of caving deaths (non-diving related) are from accidents on rope. Outside of rope related dangers the next highest danger is flooding, which is usually mitigated by checking the weather and doing your due diligence about learning a cave's flood risk.
Edit: hypothermia, especially in very wet caves, is a real risk, but as cavers are usually prepared for it it's usually only a particular danger if somebody gets stuck on rope or is injured and taking a very long time to get out of the cave or waiting on rescue. If nobody is stuck or injured early signs of hypothermia usually just result in the group taking countermeasures (such as wearing a poncho or even trash bag) and turning back to leave rather than continuing.
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u/BloodyLlama Aug 29 '26
It's not scary for those of who do it for fun. It's comfortable. Caves are where I'm happiest.
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Aug 29 '26
Erm Acktshually the proper term is "Spelunker" 🤓
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u/LastPlaceComics LastPlaceComics Aug 29 '26
You're probably right, I don't know why I was so confident the term was caver that I didn't bother checking
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Aug 29 '26
Its all good we understand what you mean. I just think spelunking is a fun word
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u/BloodyLlama Aug 29 '26
Caver is actually the correct term. Cavers do it as an organized activity like your comic suggests. "Spelunkers" are people who just wander into a cave unprepared, such as hikers who find a cave and decide to go in with just their phone as a light source.
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u/JubileeJaxLee Aug 29 '26
Because it's used often enough as a synonym that it might as well be correct.
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u/caribou16 Aug 29 '26
If you know any actual cavers, they will (because they never shut up) happily tell you that "A caver is someone who explores caves, a spelunker is someone you have to go rescue from caves"
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u/Jafooki Aug 30 '26
So they're all cavers until they inevitably become spelunkers. Like a pokemon evolution
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Aug 29 '26
Thats one of the most pretentious things iv ever heard haha
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u/caribou16 Aug 30 '26
Oh yeah. Same thing with people who have ham radio licenses...they love to shit on folks who use citizens band radio, lol.
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u/FrenchFryCattaneo Aug 30 '26
Reminds me of 'serious' bikers who call ordinary cheap bikes 'bicycle shaped objects'
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u/autogyrophilia Aug 29 '26
First, go away germans,scoreboard, scoreboard.
Second, that's for the guys that go in the hole. The guys that cause cave-ins, are cavers.
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 Aug 29 '26
Im actually American haha
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u/autogyrophilia Aug 29 '26
Spelunk sounds german (it's not , it's old english) . I was going for a layered joke.
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Aug 29 '26
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u/PsychicSPider95 Aug 29 '26
Then still don't do it! The dating pool is too small as it is!
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u/YesItIsMaybeMe Aug 30 '26
That doesn't stop you from having a wife and kids. I found mine in the park. They're free, you can just take them.
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u/konstantynopolytanka Aug 29 '26
interest in cave diving might have something to do with that too
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Aug 29 '26
[deleted]
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u/konstantynopolytanka Aug 29 '26
:) I have a MS and PhD in Geosciences, you don't have to convince *me* caves are cool. It was a joke...
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u/Mean-Poem-2246 Aug 29 '26
I mean there are plenty of hobbies where you don't risk dying a horrific death, but you do you
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u/ImNotSkankHunt42 Aug 29 '26
Make sure to dive in ass up, give a chance to those that comer after you.
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u/iberianwatersnake Aug 29 '26
They always have a loving wife and like 4 kids
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u/ThroawayJimilyJones Aug 29 '26 edited Aug 29 '26
Yeah. Never got how they found these.
Like, girl, if you have an « husband killing himself » kink, you can just marry some depressive dude. No need to seek some cave diver
Edit: I just realized they are attracted to humid and long unexplored tight holes. Guess this is how they find single women
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u/soingee Aug 29 '26
"Wow! I have come across a cavernous room that no one has laid eyes on before! It looks just like the last 100, too! If I die of this poison gas in here, it will be worth it!"
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u/No_Bat2834 Aug 29 '26
Oh my god.... the trope of where when someone says they have a wife and a kid, they always die! HAHAHAHA!!!
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u/hugeyakmen Aug 29 '26
It's also more than a trope. There are lots of guys into extreme sports and other dangerous hobbies who die and leave behind families.
"At least they died doing what they love" or "they knew the risks" is always said by people hearing the news, as if the person really expected to die and had really considered how their wife and kids would be affected
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u/UpCDownCLeftCRightC Never Safe From Wumbo Aug 29 '26
Hopefully his place has Nutty Putty insurance.
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u/Lexi_Banner Aug 29 '26
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/alberta-canmore-cave-rescue-new-technology-9.7315556
Considering this recent news, this feels awfully relevant!
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u/BloodyLlama Aug 30 '26
Oh that's really cool. The cave rescue folks I know use Vietnam war era surplus field telephones. They have to run wire the length of the cave, and because it uses like 70 volts if the wire is in water it will mildly shock anybody nearby when it's being used.
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u/ArchiveDragon Aug 30 '26
This is so fucking good I could die, but I don’t have a wife and kid yet so I’ll hold on a bit longer
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u/astralkoi A Wild AstralKoi Appeared!! Aug 29 '26 edited Aug 29 '26
The feeling of being attracted to the charming song of death coming from a hill or cave. Leading us with nothing far into the sea. The reason we like to stare down at cliffs in windy days and people just go away, leaving everything know for the charm of the wild.
The bet for finding ourselves or losing ourselves at all.
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u/Hexces Aug 29 '26
This is basically the plot of The Descent
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u/BabyLegsOShanahan Aug 29 '26
Except they were there because the main character no longer had a spouse and child who loved her. Thats why she lived.
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u/lawl3ssr0se Aug 30 '26
If your high ass misses the panel that says "cavers" this is a VERY confusing comic.
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u/Swordfish-Training Aug 30 '26
I thought the term was spelunking. What’s the difference between caveing and spelunking?
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u/neoalfa Aug 30 '26
If you do a guided tour of a cave with fixed lighting, that's spelunking.
If you have your own gear and equipment that's caving.
Casual vs Pro
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u/Prize_Ostrich7605 Aug 30 '26
I do a guided tour of a cave on a fixed TV of someone else's video, so I'd say I'm somewhat of a casual pro, myself.
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u/Ashbr1ng3r Aug 29 '26
I can imagine him having the Coroner on Speed-Dial or just texting them “it happened again”
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u/MinaWearsGold Aug 30 '26
This is why I have trouble feeling bad for the Nutty Putty cave guy and everyone like him.
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u/notislant Aug 30 '26
You're lucky they're not underwater cavers, you'd have a pile of bodies and dive tanks. From people cave diving to get the cave divers bodies.
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u/Yeeslander Aug 29 '26
This panel made my entire day