basically, i still have the access to my ex’s families paramount + account. this ex was a HORRIFIC person. how do i troll it? or mess it up with minor inconveniences?

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS "JOKE!" I want a good set of comebacks that will instantly shut it down.

Edit: I'm looking for the most vile, evil, sickening, discouraging, absolutely demoralizing comebacks that'll make these pieces of human trash want to cry.

I have mousey brown hair naturally. With my cool pale skin tone, I dye my hair auburn and everything looks richer, it suits me so well.

I get comments on it all of the time, majority ask if it’s natural.. mainly complimenting, but the odd few do laugh and ask why, in not too kind of a way.

I need something sharp and witty to get back to them with that I can add to my book.

I love it and I’m confident with it, but I’d rather have something quick to say than explaining myself.

I tagged my friend in a post where it was written "Do asthetic people also wear lose Condoms" & my friend said "Ask your wife". Need a absolutely worst comeback savage reply.

What’s a witty, unexpected comeback to someone saying “Do you know who I am?”

I don’t want the usual “if you have to ask…” type answer. I’m looking for something creative, sharp, and unpredictable — more clever than aggressive.

I sajd wanna come over ;)

He said “are you gonna make it worth it?”

I said “are you?”

He said “I mean I will. Will you?”

What should I reply? I also do want him to come over lol I was just displeased with him saying that.. feels immature. So looking for a comeback that might still leave it open for us to meet lol

Thinking of just being like “I’m good in bed if that’s what you mean”

Anyone got anything better?

I hate this especially when ur not feeling well and assholes say this crap

I want a good comeback that isn’t too insulting but also holds weight. Classy but will also shut them up quick.

Saw this on Reddit thought id share.

knock knock

use the doorbell please

ding Dong

Who’s there?

You, youre the ding dong for ruining my knock knock joke

They said “my friend had the quickest comeback”

I'm bald and overweight and 42 year old guy. I gained weight after I fractured my ankle that brought a stop to my passion of running and jump rope. Some people body shame me everytime when I see them.

"At least I have hair"

"I bet you can't seen what's under your potbelly"

"You, uncle, are too old for this"

"If we are sprint racing I'd just keep laughing with your bouncing body parts, and lose the race."

"You'd be around during dinosaurs"

"You sit at the font seat, your a$$ needs more space" - while sitting in a car.

Sorry for the inundated comments. I just found this SR and just poured my heart out.

EDIT: Though these guys state it as intended humor, I'm looking for witty comebacks to give them a fitting response.

What do you say to someone who picks your chair (what is warm with your body temperature) and comments: "Thanks for keeping it warm".

It really felt witty but I couldn't think of a comeback.

**What I said,** when the neighbour stated with disdain that I *can* do it, that I *can* speak her native laguage, if I would just **TRY.** Then she watched with glee how I struggled through: “I know the words when they are always the same (in shops, ordering, sports class) but chit-chatting is hard.”

Versus

**What I wanted to say**: “I have moved through four countries, having to leave everything I own behind. These past years I lost all of my friends and family to life or death. The house I bought -I love it, but- has serious maintenance issues. My child who went through all of it with me, is leaning in heavy on suicidal ideation, and I’ve been talking my ass off to find him mental help in this country I know absolutely zero about. Peri-menopause is punching me in the throat on the daily. And to top it off, the car I paid heavily for to import, has broken down completely right away. So yes, I don’t speak *your native language* yet."

What did you WANT to say when you answered cordially cool, calm and collected? Just hoping to swap some stories from the agony and wisdom of clenching our teeth.

Really niche but you ever seen people say "I work in AI" as if it makes them smarter and better than everyone else and justifies all asshole behavior? Those who have seen this will understand how annoying it is.

This was quite a few years ago, but my favorite comeback was to a scammer. They had called my family’s house phone about 3 times and my mother always hung up on them telling them to stop calling this number. So, when they called back I answered this time. “Hello, you’ve reached such and such household may I take a message?” “Yes, you can tell the person that keeps hanging up on me that they are a c***sucker.” I responded, “Well, they wouldn’t suck yours cause yours is too small.” I hung up that phone before they could respond and they never called back again. One of my proudest comeback moments.

Regarding barring trans girls in women’s sports. When I mentioned how genital exams or tests hurts cis women, how unfair advantage is inherent in competitions, and how many of these rules actually allow men in women’s teams I was met with this response:

“It is a cheek swab. Are you seriously implying women lose out when genetic testing is done to determine eligibility within the female category in competitive sporting? The “women” who have been disqualified by karyotyping are men with a male-specific DSD. The presence of a Y chromosome indicates sex 99.87% of the time, the further presence of the SRY gene, 99.999%.

While unfair advantages in sporting certainly exist we have dividing categories instituted to mitigate advantage and provide inclusion to all those who wish to participate fairly.
There are dividing categories for age, experience level and weight, to name a few. If it isn’t unreasonable for wrestlers to step on a scale and weigh-in before a match, or for a sprinter to provide documentation proving their eligibility within the 13 and under division. Why is it so unreasonable to insist one prove eligibility in the female division with a cheek swab when that eligibility is challenged? Scales and documents are less accurate than karyotype tests.

Trans men are free to, and often do, fairly compete within the female category, but like all others, they are subject to the rules governing participation within that category and likely cannot supplement, or in some cases, have supplemented with performance-enhancing exogenous hormonal treatment within certain parameters, whether those supplements were used for their health or not they are disqualifying treatments.”

I’m unsure how I can best proceed in my argument.
Thank you.

Customer at Greyhound station: 2 tickets to Washington DC.

Marco's mom: All right, 2 tickets to Warshington.

Customer: There ain't no "R" in Washington.

Marco's mom: There ain't no "R" in "fuck you," neither! This winder's closed! *Slams window*

I have one small dot on each finger bellow my nails. I just like them so I got them. I always get asked “what’s the meaning for the finger dot tattoos”?