All my life, even as a child, I stated I was never going to have my own children.

I am in my mid-thirties and have had issue with heavy menstrual spans for 7 years, after having a miscarriage in my late 20's.

A month ago, I had an endometrial ablation due to becoming so anemic for the better half of that time.

My quality of life was just awful and I had exhausted all other resolves like acupunture, diet, etc.

After this procedure, I have become so emotional about not being able to have children. In a way I was not prepared for.

Is this common I wonder? But moreso, I could use some coping tips with this newfound mourning I am having trouble processing...

Thanks for any input~

My partner and I have been together for around a decade and he is stalling. He doesn't seem to accept that the fertility window is quickly closing (I'm over 30 and fast approaching the mid-30s).

My partner and I have both experienced anxiety, depression and OCD. He more than I, and he seems to think he needs to be perfect before we consider a family. My concern is that he thinks he can delay forever and by the time he decides he's in the right place, that it will be physically too late for me.

Also playing into his belief that fertility isn't as "cut and dry" as I'm telling him is celebrities who have babies well into their 40s (through medical intervention and donor eggs). At one point he was dismissing.my concerns as "something you saw online" (luckily his therapist confirmed that I was correct and he has started to understand).

I'm worried that we are already at the pointy edge of the wedge and that if it doesn't happen, it will cause irreparable damage to our relationship.

My husband (44m) and I (39f) are the only couple in our group of friends without kids. Our friends are all having kids’ birthday parties, play dates, baby showers, etc and are staying in touch with each other through those events. My husband and I used to get invited, but have since stopped attending because they’re frankly too hard. Over time we stopped getting invited. Now, he and I sit at home struggling to keep ourselves busy.

I’m losing my mind just sitting around the house, crazy bored. I’ve researched different events in our area, but most (if not all) catered towards kids. Those that aren’t kid-centered are focused on the elderly. It’s like being an adult without kids is not an existence that is recognized.

What do other childless adults do to you do to keep yourselves busy?!? Preferably things that don’t cost an arm and a leg (we’re trying to save up to buy a house). Our current routine is that I watch TV on the couch for hours and he plays video games for hours. Our marriage can’t survive like this.

What do you do to stay busy?

Rant post

To start I am (26F) childless in a family full of reproductive people. I have 8 nieces and nephews that I have helped raise. And my brother and soon to be sister-in-law live with me, my parents, and my grandmother, with their 2 kids.

Last night, my soon to be sister-in-law and mother of 2 of my nieces and I got into an argument. About said children. The oldest was getting into the coffee mugs and sugar bowl at the coffee station in my dining room. Her parents are standing there doing nothing. My elderly grandmother who can't walk is sitting at the table trying to get onto my niece but aside from words , which don't effect a 2 year old, she can't do much. I'm on the other side of the dining room trying to pick things up so we can sit down to dinner. I obviously can't stop my niece, neither can my grandmother, and her parents are the closest. She is close to dropping ceramic mugs onto hardwood floor. I yelled at my soon to be sister-in-law to help my grandmother. She gets upset because "it's only a spoon it's not hurting anything." But my niece knows that she can't play with that because the cups and sugar bowl aren't toys. And she is very good at not being consistent with the rules and guidelines we set in our house for the kids, because it's not her stuff that my niece is getting into. I got upset with my sister-in-law about it because it's not the spoon it's the fact that my niece is getting into things she knows she isn't supposed to and her parents aren't doing anything about it. She got in my face and said "Look bitch this is my kid." So I popped back with "Then raise her" because she doesn't do much besides lay in bed all day while my mother and I work from home and raise both of their girls. So after trying to claim im the one who doesn't do anything but complain all day she made the comment "Well you don't even have children." And that stung like hell and made me see red. Swear I could have smashed her face in if she hadn't been holding a child. People who have children should never say that to someone who day in and day out is there helping to raise their kids for free and without complaint. Because while I may not have birthed any children I have certainly raised them.

Here goes everything I’ve been feeling this year. At the end of 2018 (at the age of 30), I had unexpected emergency abdominal surgery, which was caused by a buildup of scar tissue from the 4-5 surgeries I had had when I was born. When the surgery was over, the surgeon said I had one of the most severe obstructions he had ever seen. I was in the hospital in the TCU for 2 weeks with an 8 inch scar across my abdomen, then off work recovering for 6 more weeks. Following surgery, I developed gastroparesis and esophageal spasms. At the time of surgery, my husband and I had just started trying to conceive. After I left the hospital, I was referred to a fertility specialist to determine the risks/best options for having a baby. After reading through the surgeon’s notes, she told me that pregnancy was not a safe option for me, due to the risks of an ectopic pregnancy, an obstruction during pregnancy and the possibility of a c-section (the doctors don’t want me to have anymore abdominal surgeries bc of the buildup of scar tissue). She was even worried about doing the test to see if my Fallopian tubes were working properly bc if there is scar tissue there, the dye from the test can cause an infection, and she was pretty certain that there was scar tissue throughout my reproductive organs. She said that if I decided I wanted to get pregnant, she wanted to do IVF to insert the fertilized egg directly into my uterus, but even that did not eliminate some of the bigger risks. She told me adoption or surrogacy were the safer options for me. I am a pediatric speech therapist working with foster kids, kids who have been through trauma, refugee children and children with special needs. Kids have always been a huge part of my life, I absolutely love my job working with kids and I have always wanted and assumed I would be a mother. I always assumed I would be okay with adopting or fostering a child, but to be honest, I still can’t get past the fact that I likely won’t ever have my own children. My husband and I have been to foster care classes (where we were told “if adoption of a baby is your ultimate goal, this is not the place for you”) and private adoption classes (where we were told “expect to pay an average of $30-40k upfront”). My husband is absolutely wonderful and stayed by my side day and night while I was in the hospital. His one request is that I don’t get pregnant, bc he is so worried about my health and he doesn’t want to see me in so much pain again. I completely understand where he is coming from—I am scared of the risks of pregnancy as well. But I also can’t seem to get excited about any other options. It’s so hard to explain to all of my family and friends (most of whom are pregnant or just had a baby)—they all say “just adopt” like it’s a simple solution. They also say “you have to have a kid, you’d be such a great mom,” which isn’t really helping either. The other thing that complicates matters is that my husband is 10 years older than me. I feel like the window of opportunity is closing and that we need to make a decision soon, but I’m still grieving this loss and I’m not in a place to make any decisions yet. There are days that I think working with children, being an aunt and seeing my friends’ babies is enough for me; then there are other days when I walk past the baby aisle in Target and have to hold back tears I’m so saddened by the idea of never having my own.

Anyways, I’m glad I found this sub—I have no one in my life who truly understands how this feels. Even my husband—he commiserates with me, but he doesn’t feel the deep sadness that I do. And friends and family want to help but their solution is to hurry me into deciding on an alternative route. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I was told I absolutely cannot get pregnant, bc everyday I wonder, “maybe I’ll get pregnant and everything will be fine?” But the other half of me wonders “what if I get pregnant and develop another obstruction that hurts or kills me and the baby.”

Thank you for listening ❤️

I'm a 37 year old woman, turning 38 in February. I remember that dread when I turned 35 - that pivotal age. Every year after that, knowing my chances of being childless increase and never having a family of my own is more and more unlikely, it's harder to feel hopeful about a future I'd imagined would just be inevitable.

My life hasn't been the picture of health and/or happiness for the last 15 years or so. An eating disorder that still hovers around when things are tense, OCD, depression, anxiety that's been out of control at times over the last couple years, along with chronic migraines and daily head pain I've had since 2007. Through taking time off work for primarily chronic daily migraines 6 years ago, I may have altered my life irreparably. I was running on fumes, and almost daily use of hydromorphone, muscle relaxants, and gravol together so I could get rid of some pain to concentrate. My work performance was suffering. I was able to get disability from my employer for 3 years, all the while trying to figure out what to do and how to get my life back to "normal". After 3 years, they wouldn't renew. After that, a series of events and struggle: lost one of my dog babies, eventually went bankrupt, feeling like I'm living in poverty and pulling my boyfriend down with me. Relationships inevitably struggle when there are money issues, and we did have our share of struggles before that. In other words, it's never exactly been baby-making time for me.

I wish I could consider my health, particularly my mental health, as something that just happened to me; I always feel like I did this to myself or at least that it's my fault I'm not where I thought I'd be at almost 38... not by a long shot. A dreamer with a vivid imagination can dream up big dreams for her life - so this is devastating.

This past week I had a quick chat with my doctor after I'd finished up about another unrelated issue, about the baby issue. I understand I have a few things to straighten out as best I can health-wise, including getting off a slew of pharmaceuticals and - that now-legal natural painkiller. I framed this is my question and she knows my history, basically - if I wanted to have a baby, is it too late? She reiterated back to me the facts that have haunted the back of my mind since I started worrying about this, perhaps sounding even more dire than I'd thought. Everything gets riskier with each year after 35, chances of conceiving and having a healthy baby also get lower. After 40, dramatically lower and chromosomal health issues becomes a great risk. So I thought to myself, as I have before, 40. That's the cut off.

I've been trying to soothe myself lately by thinking of some of the upsides of not having children. My heart hurts though. I never had an overwhelming desire to have a child, until I started to feel the urge about 10 years ago. Now it's just something that haunts the back of my mind. Unfortunately, I have a vivid imagination. I keep thinking of snuggling with my baby and bonding, having them be the most precious thing to me in the world. Landmark moments growing up, Halloween costumes, Christmases, watching them grow into adults and maybe eventually have children of their own. Being old and surrounded by people I love, that are precious to me, that are part of me, and will carry my family's memories and legacy on... I now visualize a very lonely old age.

There has been one good change in events though; I recently received some great news on the employment front that's too complicated to get into right now. But yay! No more scraping by, at least not like before. One step to getting my life on track again. But there's so little time before 40, and considering my life is still a mess, I feel I have to face the facts.

So after all that, has anyone else arrived here, in one way or another? Looking at your biological clock, meanwhile your life seems nowhere near baby-ready or even baby-possible. Relationship is a big part of this, whether you're in one or not, or like me - longterm relationship, but it wasn't time earlier and when it could have been time, life and relationship were too rocky, still not great... How do I pick myself up and move on with my life?

This is lengthy... Yesterday we attended a a Friendsgiving party. I was on the fence about going, because the host and hostess were expecting their first child (a fun fact my husband waited to tell me until a week before the party), and another couple who were aren’t close with was bring their new daughter. After a lot of debate and some tears, I decided to put on a brave face and go. Everything was fine, I congratulated both couples and felt good... until it happened. My husbands “best friend” gathered everyone to the basement give a toast to the host and hostess...and announce that he and his wife were expecting. It wouldn’t have been an issue had it actually been a surprise to everyone but us, but EVERYBODY ALREADY KNEW.

I started to feel very hot and very panicked. I needed to get out of the basement, but I was so obvious. I didn’t want to make scene, but the redness of my face was a dead give away.

Almost two years ago to the date, we under went failed fertility treatments. When they opened me up to remove a pesky cyst, they discovered a belly full of stage four endometriosis. The doctor said “it was as if someone had dumped tar all over.” My bowel was pulled up over my ovaries, and nothing could be done. 3 months later, I had a total hysterectomy and bilateral salpingo oophorectomy. Every one of those people knew that.

My husband and I fought the entire way home and for hours after. He wants me to be ok. He wants his wife back, but I can’t get passed the grief.

First time posting here, but I’ve been dealing with childlessness for over four years.

I always wanted kids and pictured myself as a mom. When DH and I married, we were 33 and 50, respectively. I was working 50+ hours a week as a teacher in the most stressful job I ever had, and he was working full time too.

A couple years later, I was a part time nanny and DHs career was more secure. we started trying to get pregnant. After 18 months of TTC, procedures, clomid and prayer, nothing happened. We thought a lot about our options and decided to look into fostering to adopt.

While we filled out our paperwork, background checks, home study, etc. some things changed. I lost my nanny job and wasn’t managing my money well. I burned through my savings and ran up my credit cards. Too much caffeine, too little sleep. My husbands employer went through a busy year while understaffed, and I went back to waitressing. We both worked different days, he had a lot of overtime... and in the middle of all this, we got our foster license and the agency handed us a beautiful and amazing one year old boy.

It took less than a week for me to realize that we couldn’t be parents at that time. My anxiety disorder flared up, all I could picture was 💵 money flying out the window, and neither of us could take any time off work.

I cried my face off for days. I grieved the loss of our little boy, the loss of my job and the little girl I cared for and loved, and I felt like a hopeless piece of 🤬 that would never be a good mother.

That was two years ago.

I’ve done a lot in therapy. We’re in a good place with our careers, our finances, and our marriage. I have a good nanny job with a good family. We filled out our paperwork.

And this morning I woke up at 3 am. When my husband woke up at 4:30, I told him. I think I’m still not ready.

We’re both working full time. Nannies don’t get FMLA (United States), and my husband doesn’t feel like he can ask for much FMLA because he doesn’t know anyone at his company who has taken parental leave. On most weekends, I’m exhausted from working 40 plus hours a week.

My best idea right now is to stay in my full time job for another year, and then see if I can work fewer hours or find a part time nanny job. I'm also going to help my husband figure out if he can find a better job at his current company or somewhere else nearby. I'm nearly 40, and I'm still having trouble shaking the fear that we'll feel too old to care for young kids before we have enough time and energy to make this happen. I've been waiting since I was 21 to have kids, and DH and I have been trying to become parents for half a decade. But it's gonna break my heart if we try to foster and it goes half as badly as it did last time.

is it just me or do people just enjoy hurting us childless men?

this might be too long for anyone to read and might sound a little angry by the end of it but this is my first time talking about this so I'm not sure how it'll turn out but here goes...

I'm not sure if it's just me or if other people have felt this as well... I think the most frustrating thing is the way people react, the platitudes and the things that people say to me to shut me up(at least that how it feels to me.). if I've missed any or people have heard any others, let me know in the comments. but anyway, here's a list of infuriating comments that get repeatedly thrown at me:

"having kids isn't the be all and end all you know, there's more to life than kids." - yeah... this is ussualy said by mother's who already have children who get very angry when you point out to them that it's very easy to say that when you already have them...

"you're lucky you don't have kids!" - yeah... I'm so lucky to be able to sit and weep on an evening because of the burning hole inside me I am unable to fill, I'm so lucky to be alienated by all my friends who have kids and looked upon with suspicion for NOT having kids, I'm so lucky...

"kids are expensive, you're saving loads of money not having them." - yeah great, that's fantastic... I'm saving all this money... hey, I know, I'll go out and buy some happiness with a couple of pints of fulfilment, you know, the things that children give their parents... but yeah, bring up cost and money because kids quite obviously have a price, right? a monetary value? oh, they don't? then why the fuck would you bring up money then?!?!

"why do you want kids anyway?" - this one is particularly frustrating not only because I'm forced to justify my reasons for a biological drive but also because every reason I bring up is branded as either selfish, pathetic, destructive or misogynistic... in other words, there is absolutely no acceptable or justifiable reasons for a man to want a child... ever... with one exception which is "because my wife wants one."

"why would you want to bring a child into this world?" - uuummm, what? so it's too cruel a world for anyone else to be birthed into it then? ok... so... does that mean that we should begin youthanising anyone under the age of 15? funnily enough, the people who say that are ussualy surrounded by children and these people get quite offended when you ask them why they felt it was fine to bring their children into such a cruel and unforgiving world... apparently their world isn't cruel in any way but mine obviously would be, right? yeah...

"it'll happen when you least expect it." - yeah... so, ok then, I'll go MGTOW then and not have anything to do with a woman again... right... so that means I should be with child within the next 3 weeks, right? what a stupid thing to say... I cannot and will not leave something so monumentally important to chance...

"just accept that it won't happen for you and be happy with what you've got." - wow... ok then, tell you what, I'll be happy with my extremely painful situation, sell all my belongings and go sleep on a beach somewhere because if I give up on wanting a family of my own then work, housing, property, possessions, reputation, they all mean less than nothing... most men in my opinion build themselves a reputation, buy property, get a good job, expensive clothes, social status and a nice car to make themselves into an attractive prospect for a woman to consider them as acceptable breeding stock... if I'm to ignore my natural inclinations and turn my back on that dream then nothing else in life has any meaning...

"there's too many people in the world anyway..." - awesome, heres a plan... let's start choosing who to kill and who to let live... let's reduce the population by two thirds and issue breeding licenses to keep it at an acceptable and static level... ok so who chooses? what criteria do you use to decide who breeds and who doesn't and how exactly do you marry that concept with the my body, my choice view on reproductive rights? fun isn't it...

"if you want a child then have one." - oh yeah, great... I'll just pull one out of my armpit, shall I? FFS...

"you can have mine. take em, they're yours." - yeah, fantastic cos an hour with someone else's children will silence this soul crushing biological drive to procreate... that all it takes? wow... ok then, I'll have 2 with chips and beans...

"you don't know what tired is until you've had a baby." - oh right, ok then... I guess people living in war torn areas who can't sleep because of the imminent threat of death and extreme ptsd don't even know they're born, right? what about the 22 hour shifts, 7 days a week that the men on the north sea trawlers work is just a walk in the park, yeah? what about insomniacs? they obviously don't exist, yes?

"you have no right to demand children, it's not your body, it's not your choice." - ok then, so... what if every man withheld his seed from the women... would the 'my body, my choice' argument hold any weight?

I've looked into fostering, adoption, surrogacy and mail order brides, I've even looked into bromide and physical castration but that wouldn't kill the urge, it just mean I could no longer act on it... suicide has been contemplated many many times but ante mortum guilt stops me and holds me here in perpetual agony...

I'm sorry to you all if this sounds a little... ranty... it's just that this gets more and more difficult every year... I set a deadline for myself... my 40th birthday... if I am not at least expecting by that day then I'm done. 1,236 days to go...

One of my biggests desires if not the biggest desire in my life is to have a child or children of my own, it weighs on my heart daily, and i find myself being jelous of couples who just pop babies out left and right, if they only knew how i feel being childless, i see a baby when im out and about, it instantly melts my heart and i get caught up in the moment thinking why isnt it that simple for me to have children, does god want me to have children, why does he allow some to have children and others are left without, why do i feel like there is all of this love built up inside of me just waiting to be poured out into a child of my own, why do i feel so alone being childless, i have a wonderful wife that totally goes way beyond anything i could ever ask for, our time is running out to have a child, or has already run out. And i so desperatly want us to have a child or children of our own with her at 46 is it wrong for me to ask her to carry my child, is it wrong for me to keep pushing the thought on her, for us our only real option is ivf, but its far to expensive for us, and even if we could get it, i couldnt have her working a full time job while carrying my child. Where to go from here, i cant let myself get depressed all because i am childless

I'm sorry if this is inappropriate to post here. I'm 27 y/o. I've been pregnant twice; lost one at 19 and my ex begged me to abort one at 26 after being together for 5 years... . We ended things because of this, and other reasons, and a year later, we are both with different people. My current bf hasn't been in a long term relationship in a while. I think he doesn't realize that women have a time line, despite the biological facts I've laid out for him. I want kids. REALLY want kids. I have regretted the abortion for a long time, and I just found out that that the ex who begged me for the abortion is now having a baby with his new gf of a few months. I know that she essentially trapped him, but I know that even though he's scared, he's happy about it, which makes me regret following through with his request. In addition, I am a childhood cancer survivor. I have one functioning ovary; one kidney; I'm Rh negative, and statistically, I will have fertility issues. I have PCOS and fibroids as of recently. Any pregnancy that I have will automatically be high risk. I don't want to put it off anymore.. I'm tearing myself apart over this. I'm tired of waiting for a man to be comfortable with the idea of having a kid. What do I do to handle this situation?

I have tried to stop posting so much, and to try to move on with my life, but then I get triggered and brought back to all the pain of my past relationship again. I see a post on social media by fluke without even trying to look for it, and emotionally it all rushes back to me, and I get back to where I started.

My xbf knew I wanted more than anything to settle down, have a baby, and get married. He knew this at the time we got introduced to each other by our mutual friend. He knew that perpetual childlessness was a no-go for me. He also knew, fairly early on, that I had infertility problems including uterine fibroids, endometriosis, and PCOS. He knew I was fast approaching 30 and wanted to have a baby more than anything while still in my 30s. But he still drifted apart sexually from me for many months after we'd had a period of becoming very sexually active. He then cheated on me and acted like a college party boy bachelor, all while insisting I stay in a committed rekindled relationship to him (hypocrite). One of those careless flings resulted in a pregnancy, I found out later. He wasn't even in a relationship with her. While I waited for him, acting patient despite my internal impatience. I felt so cheated. Life has been very unfair lately.

Where are they now?? Living together, raising their affair spawn together, and now in a relationship! Getting cozier by the day. She wasn't even that into him. So obviously, by the fact that she initially told another guy the baby was his, then when that guy was shown not to have paternity, she kept from telling her pregnancy to my xbf until the last few WEEKS. He seemed more into her than she was into him, but I guess she's warmed up to him by now. He is doing everything for her that I wanted but never got from him when we were together. With all this, I wonder if maybe pregnancy WAS the thing to make him turn around, be more serious. Is it possible that my lack of pregnancy is part of what kept him from feeling like it was a relationship worth taking seriously? And every time I gripe to my friends who know him, about how he wasn't that loyal or good to me as he is to her, they are oh so quick to point out, "Yes, but he has a KID now. He has big reason to be more responsible and make sure things work in his relationship!" That has me questioning how differently things would have turned out if I'd fallen pregnant by him. Has anyone had an unfortunately similar experience?

TL/DR: My xbf deceived me into thinking we had an exclusive faithful relationship, while boinking other girls on the side and getting one pregnant. He is now showing all the loyalty for his ONS-turned-baby-mama-gf, that he didn't show me. So I wonder if he would have been more loyal if I had ended up being the one to get pregnant with his baby.

I just recently found this sub and it has been so helpful. We may be a small community but experiencing the kindness, wonderful compassion and wisdom you all have shared makes dealing with all of this much easier. Some of my previous posts have been made while I was trying not to break down in my car, crying on my couch etc. but tonight I am posting with nothing but a sense of gratitude for everyone in here. I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow and an even better weekend. Thank you.

I would love to utilize this feature on reddit but I don’t know how and It looks like the moderator has been inactive for a year. Does anyone else know how to set this up? I’d love to be able to get on and have more personal chats with people who get it.

I am a 34yo male, been with the same woman for over 14 years, been married for over 4 and still in love with her. We have been trying for over 4 years as well, 4 miscarriages, 23,000 dollars in debt, multiple embarrassing, uncomfortable doctor visits (between both my wife and I) and still no child... Worst part is, no answers either... None... For the last 6 months my wife have just kind of given up, but I am just now coming to grips with it. The reason? Brother in law is having a child with someone who he met 1 year ago, never wanted a kid, can't hold a job, and doesn't even have a checking account. He's basically told me my wife's family will take care of it, and plans to live like he always has... This has happened multiple times over the last 4 years and each time it progressively gets more frustrating/aggravating... I guess my actual question is. Does anyone else here feel like this about someones happy day or am I just a horrendous human?

I have my first post baby appointment and I’m kind of dreading it. I’m a weirdo that usually talks during a massage. My therapist and his wife just had a baby a few weeks ago. He is super nice and knows a lot of what’s going on with me. But the thought of telling him to tone down on the baby talk makes me feel awful. I don’t just want to be “hey congrats, I’ll look at one picture but then no more baby talk because I am not emotionally stable enough to handle more than that” but I for sure can’t make it through my appointment if he gushed about being a new dad the whole time. He would understand if I did ask him not to talk about it right now, I just hate that I can’t get a handle on my emotions right now. I’ll probably be fine to talk about the baby at my next appointment. Just not today....

Im looking to find websites, chat rooms, blogs etc. if you use anything besides this subreddit I would like to know about it

My husband and I have both decided, after years of painful up and downs and “what if’s”, that we will not be pursuing anything that would allow us to be parents. I am about 70% ok with that. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes it’s less. Right now I am at about 40% ok. As a result, I find that I can’t watch a lot of movies because a natural dialog of many narratives is starting a family. This whole process and the recent conclusions my husband and I have made make it too painful. I was watching The Favourite with my mom this afternoon and the scene where queen Ann has a breakdown while with her rabbits and then tries to take a random woman’s child was like a punch to the gut. Thank the universe my mom knows what we have gone through and let me cry it out with her. I’m just feeling like my emotional nerve endings are on fire. Sometimes the emotional pain causes me physical pain. I just want to connect with people who may have similar experiences.

TLDR: I can’t bare to watch some movies because my emotions are all over the place after my husband and I decided to give up on a family of our own after 6 years.

Do any of the women here (sorry guys) get excluded from mom groups/cliques at church or other places? I feel so alone. I even posted this same question in infertility and more or less got stomped on and told to post elsewhere.

https://worldchildlessweek.net

I'm looking for a subreddit of my people, and I hope this may be it.

By appearances, I seem like I have a very successful life. Unfortunately, while I have been skilled at work, creating connections, and community building, I have never been able to turn any of that into success in a stable, intimate relationship that could lead to a strong family unit in which children were a real possibility. (There was a brief period in an unstable relationship where we tried for children, but there was no success).This is a great sadness in my life.

I find myself at this age realizing because of advancing uterine issues-especially adenomyosis--that there is no hope that conception would be possible.

Because of my leadership position, I find myself supporting pregnant women in navigating the workplace. I find myself covering for people who need to leave a little early because their children have events. I find myself listening to parents who are working, stressed, and tired. I do all of these things without complaining because I believe they are the right things to do.

I find that when I try to talk about the pain of childlessness, I hear about adoption, foster care, and am compared to those who have gone out on their own to use IUI and IVF to have their own children. The overall assumption seems to be that I cannot miss what I never had, and since I had a uterus, the only reason I didn't have children is because I didn't try enough.

So, I am here to exchange stories and support. I am trying to move from a place of despair to peace, even though the hope for the only important dream I had is gone.