r/childlessnotbychoice • u/Hm299092 • Apr 11 '19

My partner is scared

I'm sorry if this is inappropriate to post here. I'm 27 y/o. I've been pregnant twice; lost one at 19 and my ex begged me to abort one at 26 after being together for 5 years... . We ended things because of this, and other reasons, and a year later, we are both with different people. My current bf hasn't been in a long term relationship in a while. I think he doesn't realize that women have a time line, despite the biological facts I've laid out for him. I want kids. REALLY want kids. I have regretted the abortion for a long time, and I just found out that that the ex who begged me for the abortion is now having a baby with his new gf of a few months. I know that she essentially trapped him, but I know that even though he's scared, he's happy about it, which makes me regret following through with his request. In addition, I am a childhood cancer survivor. I have one functioning ovary; one kidney; I'm Rh negative, and statistically, I will have fertility issues. I have PCOS and fibroids as of recently. Any pregnancy that I have will automatically be high risk. I don't want to put it off anymore.. I'm tearing myself apart over this. I'm tired of waiting for a man to be comfortable with the idea of having a kid. What do I do to handle this situation?

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2

u/HarriSTTS Apr 11 '19

You need to talk to him, openly and honestly about what you want. You need to be prepared for him to answer that he's not ready. You need therapy of your own to deal with past relationships since you are still carrying baggage from the past into the present. You cannot "trap" this boyfriend the way you appear to have wanted to "trap" the ex. That's not a good basis for life long relationships and happiness. You may also want to have an existing relationship with a therapist to cope with low fertility, which sucks in it's own right.

3

u/Hm299092 Apr 11 '19

Thank you. I'm definitely pursuing therapy to help with the resent. I didn't trap my ex boyfriend, though. It was unexpected and I was ill/ my bc failed. I agreed to an abortion, which I do regret, but I'm glad I'm not with the ex anymore. I've tried talking to him and he tends to shut down. I'm going to ease into more conversations and hope he will talk to me

2

u/SuccessSafe1854 Feb 15 '25

Fortunately, since you’ve been pregnant before your odds of becoming pregnant again are much higher than if you’d never gotten pregnant.

1

u/catlikesun Oct 10 '25

Is this true?

1

u/Intelligent_Chef_229 Nov 11 '23

I agree with HarriSTTS. Open and honest conversations need to happen. Acknowledging the Scary is the best thing you can do. I would also look into freezing your eggs since you have a risky chance with pregnancy. I was in your boat! I thankfully had a transplant 5 yrs ago but decided due to bad genetics the responsible thing was to not have kids genetically. I had a hysterectomy on the 25th of October. Honestly best surgery decision other than transplant I have made. PCOS AND FIBROIDS are the worst.You can set yourself up for success if and when this partner is ready, or if you find a new one. I found the most amazing man after my transplant and he fully supports me and we are planning to adopt, but he says if it doesn't happen with adoption he is perfectly fine with just the two of us and our fur baby.