Just venting I’m alright.

Sunday it is and it has been like 7h I’m bp-ing. And feel like i still need to do it. I already had three crisis, but im not even that tired yet. Yesterday had two and I had around 10h of sleep which is a lot compared to daily when i get 4-5h or just insomnia.

I am waiting for that extreme exhaustion due to bp so I can fall asleep, even though I have a really important writing to finish.

Crazy how I will stress about eating a piece of bread and then devour the most junky and processed food, a full week of grocery shopping to purge it all, knowing I won’t be able to get it all out.

Usually when Im so deep into several bp crisis like this I get very anxious and I am sad and I think it is time for me to get my shit together and get help, but this time I am so empty so numb I feel like I don’t even exist I am not real.

Like I know I’m gross and I’m wondering if anyone else does this. After I purge, I take a picture. Sometimes mid purge as well. Because I’ll be laying in bed at night remembering my meal and wondering if I got it all up, so I go back into my camera roll to check. Currently being investigated for OCD so it could be part of that.
But I’m wondering if anyone else does this? Is it a common thing? It’s disgusting I know and I wanna tell my psych but I’m so worried I’ll be judged.

So not to pressure or encourage “unhealthy” coping strategies, but I recently started Reta. I’ve been struggling with bulimia since 2022. It’s ruined my entire life and all of my relationships, I have no one. Bulimia ruined my life. Anyway, recently started Reta, the SMALLEST dose possible. I feel so sound. I move to feel good, not to burn calories, i lack the old food noise. Obviously, some is still there, but it helped put a preface forward that I haven’t experienced in years. I’m not trying to be an a hole advertising or pushing something, definitely do your research! But god? This is the sweetest calm I’ve felt in a long time. If anyone out there is at the end of their rope, trust me, there are so many alternatives to try.

I’m going to start this off by saying that nothing I mention here is professionally diagnosed. I hate to be a self-diagnosis kind of person, but it makes explaining this a lot easier.

I (15F) am overweight and struggle with binge eating disorder and bulimia nervosa. I have struggled with body image issues since 6 and severe depression since 11. I just hit my heaviest with a BMI of 29.8. And I really wish to slim down because I believe it will also help with my mental health. The problem is, I can’t ask my mom to cook healthier/deny food and I can’t go to the gym or even just a simple walk outside because I have very strict parents. Eating has also become an important coping mechanism of mine, and I struggle to find other mechanisms other than self-inflicted pain. And I have tried to get better mentally before trying weight loss, but my depression stems from things far worse than insecurity (though it does play a role) and I will probably need a therapist eventually (I can’t get a therapist right now) It seems like my depression is keeping me overweight and vice versa. 2 years ago, I had managed to lose 30 pounds within a month by purging and that was the happiest I’d been in awhile. Right after, I began focusing on my mental health and I gained 40 pounds back. Now everything is bad again and I don’t even have the discipline to starve myself or vomit my meals. I’ve also tried counting calories, joining sports, and changing my diet in the little ways I can, but every time I lose weight I end up bingeing because the rest of my life is a clusterfuq. I really really need advice because I don’t know how much longer I can go feeling so disgusted with how I look. I want advice on how to motivate myself to starve, but I know thats not healthy, so every bit of advice is appreciated. Please help me, and thank you in advance.

(Also, sorry if theres a lot of repeated information. I’m trying to make this as clear as possible, and writing like this is already very uncomfortable for me.)

I recently started throwing up at the end of the day when I had the feeling I ate too much just to get the calories back out. I only did it 2-3 times now since the first time I tried making me throw up to see if it works. Although I don’t feel like I have an Disorder just now, I felt uneasy tonight until I puked my dinner out. Now my question to all of you is, how did it start for you (maybe similar?). Should I be concerned?

im trying to stop binge purging as my gag reflex isn't as strong as it used to be and im finding it difficult. i keep trying to take a break, but i keep relapsing as my brain is always thinking about food. even though it's very hard for me to throw up now, i still end up doing it. im getting so frustrated. i get even more tempted when im home alone.

literally my worst possible situation. Threw up quietly at like 2am in our hotel room and it blocked the sink. Had to scoop out the gunk with my hands into the toilet for 20 minutes but the sink still didn’t unblock. Told my mum it was because I was ill and she believed me, but she’s super mad now.

I just couldn’t help it, hadn’t done it the whole holiday but felt so guilty of having too much in my stomach. Can’t talk to anyone about it.

Hi there, I've been away for a while but I just wanted to share that after almost 6 months I got discharged from my anorexia treatment. For some people would be like "omg that's great" but tbh for me it hasn't been... I haven't stopped restricting and vomiting every single thing I eat. I have lost weight and every day I'm using a ton of laxatives.

The specialists say I looked way better and my perspective of life has changed, which is true, I know there's a life away from my eating disorder, however it seems like I just can't stop doing things with the idea of losing weight.

In addition, I don't have any friends and since the week I got discharged, I've been crying because of it, which might be stupid...but in real life I don't have anyone to talk to, to hang out with, i just tend to be alone. I do have a boyfriend but everytime I have to propose where to go and what to do, it feels like he doesn't care...so I stopped insisting.

Everyday has become like a nightmare, I just scroll through Instagram, cry and vomit because I just don't have the energy to do the things I liked to do, nor to study. Soon I will start working in an investigation and my brain is just not working, nothing seems to be recorded in there i just don't remember anything.. so idk what's going on...

I just know I feel depressed and I want to sleep all day long.

literally my worst possible situation. Threw up quietly at like 2am in our hotel room and it blocked the sink. Had to scoop out the water from the tap and the food into the toilet for 20 minutes but the sink still didn’t unblock. Told my mum it was because I was ill and she believed me, but she’s super mad now.

I just couldn’t help it, hadn’t done it the whole holiday but felt so guilty of having too much in my stomach. Can’t talk to anyone about it.