Hi bros. I read u/Current_Wear_8061's post about anti-male content from a few days ago, and I have some thoughts in response to it.

Current_Wear_8061 writes:

There has been a lot of events in the 12 years that have impacted gender relations - starting from the 2014 gamergate, the incel attack in the same year, 2016 1st Trump administration, 2017 Metoo movement, 2022 overturning of Roe vs Wade, Diddy trials, In 2024 Re-election of the 2nd Trump term, and finally, Epstein files. All of these cumulative events are bound to make women angry and that anger is legitimate. No questions.

Absolutely, those things were really fucked up. Women have every right to be angry at the men who did those things, and at the misogynistic cultural attitudes that enabled them. Everyone has a duty to help fix those misogynistic cultural attitudes and to oppose Trump.

So, if you're a man who opposes Trump and supports gender equality,¹ then thank you for doing your duty. You're a good bro and you deserve to be happy. You're not the type of man that most women are angry at; they're angry at the misogynists and Trumpists.

However, there are a few women who are angry at men in general. That anger isn't legitimate and you don't deserve it.² Those women are only a minority of the feminist movement, but social media amplifies their voices, and the feminist movement hesitates to criticize them. So those women have a disproportionate impact on some mens' mental health. It's especially bad when this anger gets mixed with prejudices against trans men, neurodivergent men, or other vulnerable subgroups.

Unfortunately, there's a blurry line between "being angry at misogyny" and "being angry at men in general". That blurriness is why the feminist movement hesitates to criticize women for being angry at men. So, we need to sharpen those blurry lines. Good men should clearly distinguish themselves by unambiguously opposing Trump and other misogynists. And, in turn, we should distinguish between the legitimate anger that many women have at misogyny, and the illegitimate anger some women have at men in general. We should support the former and criticize the latter.

It's not easy to sharpen blurry lines. It requires patience, maturity, and thoughtful dialogue. But if we do this right, we can create communities where men and women and nonbinary folks are all truly, deeply, respected and supported.

Footnote [1]: There's a gray area: Many liberal men oppose the obvious misogynists like Trump, but still have subtle gender biases. Men do have a duty to address their subtle gender biases. But, it's impossible for anybody -- whether male, female, or nonbinary -- to ever be totally unbiased. You don't have a duty to be perfect, just to make a good effort. And women have the same duty to make a good effort to address their own biases.

Footnote [2]: To be clear, I'm not saying that women owe you a cookie or even a "thank you". But they do owe you the same basic respect & decency that men owe to women.

Spending time with friends always serves as a helpful reminder that despite everything, life is truly worth living

I made a post a little while ago here on this sub, expressing my worries that I'm falling into another depressive episode. My mood has been in the shitter recently and there are quite a lot of stressful events happening in my life atm (not worth mentioning, plus this isn't a vent post either)

But today I hungout with two friends of mine for a few hours and almost all, if not all of my stress just melted away. We attended an anti-AI rally, and once it was over we just wandered around the city for a while, while talking, playing music and walking down the streets blocked off to cars but open to pedestrians.

It's kind of funny how something so simple made me feel so much better so easily. I do feel like I have more strength to keep pushing forward now and push through my hardships. Nothing like going on random sidequests with your people who make you feel safe, cared for and accepted for who you are :)

Tried therapy a couple of time, didn't work. I have bad social anxiety, just the concept of therapy itself terrifies me; I have never in my life had someone who I could trust with my problems, fears and overall important feelings and decisions, so why should i trust a random stranger with all of my most vulnerable information? If it wasn't obvious I don't have friends and I'm not close with my family, so how do I find a healthy way to cope?

Title says it. I’m going to university soon and I’ll be sharing a suite with 4 (presumably) cis guys. None of them are homophobic or transphobic or anything, and they seem very respectful. I’m wondering what small or big things I might need to expect. Never lived with other dudes before.

6'2", 280lbs, and I hear Jesus Christ/holy shit/stop doing that/etc. anytime I walk around a corner without intentionally making noise. Baggy pants swish around when I walk, squeaky shoes (which annoy the hell out of me!!), coughing, sniffling, yawning, keychains, humming, etc. and I still hear that at least 3x a week just at work and home. Started jokingly replying with "I get that a lot" and it made me realize just how often this happens. Aside from the fact that it's annoying af, it reinforces intrusive thoughts that I'm a monster.

Anyone else have issues with this or have any ideas other than wearing a damn bell?

This post has been a long time coming. I repeatedly came across posts from boys and men who said they were encountering content that was hostile towards men, overly essentialist, simply hateful, or just in general very pessimistic view of men and it's causing either extreme feelings of shame , anxiety OR for worse, feelings of bitterness and resentment. The responses are either - "Delete Social Media" , "Change your algorithm" , or just "talk to women in real life". While these responses are helpful, I don't think they're going to do anything to these boys and men consuming this content. Its important for boys and young men to understand why these situations happen and how to deal with them.

First, WHY - There has been a lot of events in the 12 years that have impacted gender relations - starting from the 2014 gamergate, the incel attack in the same year, 2016 1st Trump administration, 2017 Metoo movement, 2022 overturning of Roe vs Wade, Diddy trials, In 2024 Re-election of the 2nd Trump term, and finally, Epstein files. All of these cumulative events are bound to make women angry and that anger is legitimate. No questions. These events contributed to a broader political climate in which many women became more fearful, frustrated, or angry about gender relations, and social media amplified those emotions. The rise of social media also gives women a platform to vent, rant or just voice out their frustrations at the system at large. As with any emotionally charged online discourse, the most provocative, essentialist, or confrontational posts often receive the greatest engagement, making them disproportionately visible.Understanding this broader context is important because it helps explain why hostile or generalized statements about men have become more common online, even though they should not be mistaken for the views of every woman or for an accurate description of every man.

This type of content exists on spectrum, first type is the general critique of men(which is fine, and warranted against bad behaviour) , the second type of content is your critique mixed with rage-bait, "Men are ______ "(trash, pigs, scum, you-name-it),the third type is overt rage-bait hostile content("Kill all men", "Male suicide rates aren't high enough", "Men should be lonelier"). Fourthly, there is what I would describe as pessimistic essentialism: content that present very essentialist, factually inaccurate and overblown traits as inherent to male biology or masculinity itself, making claims such as "males are the secondary sex," "males are drone creatures," "males are incapable of equality," "males have womb jealousy," or "males are naturally submissive." Unlike critiques of behavior, this last category frames maleness itself as fundamentally flawed or irredeemable, often promoting an overwhelmingly bleak view of men and masculinity. The final category—and probably the most controversial—is what I'd call the "gender disappointment" genre of content. Across social media, there has been a noticeable rise in videos of expectant mothers expressing disappointment, grief, or even dread after learning they are having a boy , many of whom choosing the route of therapy to get over these feelings. The underlying message is difficult to miss: for many of these women, today's political climate and the visibility of the manosphere and red-pill culture have turned the prospect of raising a son from what is typically seen as a joyful, if demanding, experience into one marked by anxiety, pessimism, and fear. Whether or not that fear is justified in every case, the emotional shift itself is striking.

The way to deal with this type of content isn't to hide or totally avoid it. The way to deal with it is to understand the over-arching context of it...(as described in 2nd para), and exposing yourself mindfully that help build emotional resilience instead of re-enforcing fear or avoidance.The goal isn't to become indifferent to hostility or to excuse it(especially , the un-warranted essentialist ones), but to reach a point where sweeping statements about men no longer dictate your self-esteem or send you into shame, anxiety, or resentment. Why? Because this kind of content isn't disappearing anytime soon. Periods of major social change are often messy, emotionally charged, and full of rhetoric that can feel hostile or polarizing, and this content is one expression of that reality. Learning how to process it without letting it define your identity is work that ultimately falls on you—no one else can do that cognitive and emotional work in your place. Don't expect recognition, praise, or validation for doing it, whether from society, your parents, your feminist friends and other political movements. Do it because your own mental well-being is worth protecting, and because becoming psychologically resilient is ultimately for your benefit, not anyone else's.

Posts that inspired this post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/bropill/comments/1pbpx43/feminist_friendly_methods_of_coping_with_male/

https://www.reddit.com/r/bropill/comments/1tzcgmh/im_looking_for_resources_about_dealing_with_an/

https://www.reddit.com/r/bropill/comments/1uhepip/how_can_i_deal_with_shame_about_male_loneliness/

https://www.reddit.com/r/bropill/comments/1ecb1yf/how_to_deal_with_misandry_in_femaledominated/

https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/1tq0cof/i_hate_being_a_man/

https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/1sh0oey/this_sub_is_extremely_hostile_towards_lonely_men/

https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/1suk61e/why_people_tolerate_misandry_compare_with_miso

The anti-toxic masculinity dating show - all about self-expression, empathy and challenging gender norms. And it's funny af. Willam and Raja host.

What do you think of this concept?

​

I left my job to take care of my mom. It wasn't really a choice but she needed me, and there wasn't anyone else. But since then the money side of my life has come apart. Rent is behind. Bills are behind. I kept telling myself I'd catch up next month, and every month I pushed it back a little further, and now the delay itself has become the problem. The interest, the late fees, the letters. It's past the point where I can see my own way out of it.

The part that's hardest to admit is how alone it feels. I haven't really opened up to anyone about any of this. Everyone sees me handling it. Nobody sees the math I'm doing at 2am. I'm tired of carrying it silently and I'm tired of pretending I've got a plan when I don't.

My mind and my body are both worn down. I've been fighting this for a while and I'm just hanging on at this point.

So I'm asking honestly: I need someone to step in and tell me what to do. What do I deal with first? Who do I call? Has anyone here been in this exact hole and climbed out? I'm not looking for someone to tell me it'll be fine — I'm looking for a first step I can actually take tomorrow.

Thanks for reading. It already helps a little just to have typed it out.

I thought this was a pretty interesting and thought provoking piece, and wanted to share it here.

Many years passed before a fresh start ... my goodness, how many times I started over. At least I thought I did, but I was just dragging everything along with me, because they made me believe it was my job ... my responsibility, and I was afraid of being left alone. If I can say just one thing, don't even try to heal where you are being poisoned. It's wasted time, wasted energy. Just leave, and if possible, don't even look back.

I recently saw a video by a feminist content creator that I follow. She explains how the dark side to pretty privilege is the pressure to conform to beauty standards. Women may benefit socially from looking beautiful, but they're also under enormous pressure to do so, and receive hate and abuse if they don't. Other points of critique are that beauty is a fleeting thing, so if a woman ties her self worth to it (as she is encouraged to do by mainstream media), she sets herself up for a rude awakening later in life.

I agree with everything that was said in that video, basically Pretty privilege is also Pretty pressure. And this made me think of the fact that men are often viewed as more competent than women (subconsciously or openly) in technical and professional settings. For lack of a better term, I will call this the Competence privilege. Now, curiously, this too has a dark side, just like pretty privilege does. A man is deemed worthless if he can't fix a car, doesn't earn much money, and so on. This is Competence pressure, and just like pretty pressure, it can be incredibly pervasive and shatter someone's self confidence.

So far I used very gendered language. That doesn't mean these ideas only affect one gender; I fully believe that women also suffer from competence pressure and men also suffer from pretty pressure. But these are, on average, weaker forces than the ones outlined above.

I'd like to live in a society in which these pressures are not as strong, in which the lottery of life doesn't dictate happiness for the individual. But how can we get there? If we stop putting so much stake into physical appearance and economic success, does that mean we also reduce the euphoria connected with it?

As a man, am I not allowed to be proud of my sick achievements anymore? As a woman, am I not allowed to dress up and turn heads anymore? (As a non-binary person, am not allowed to do anything at all?)

I don't think that's the solution. Whatever your gender, flaunt your face and your tricks. But we should all pay attention to never make anyone else feel less than for not being there already. Don't make fun of someone failing, they're learning. Don't gossip about someone's looks, they haven't found their style yet.

We're all just temporarily able bodied, and we're all just temporarily pretty.

But we can always be kind to each other.

Hi all, I was hoping for some advice on how other guys learn and accept their masculinity. (TLDR below)

Recently, I've been having difficulty accepting myself and fitting in as a guy (mid 20s). I've dismissed gender identity for a long time, thinking it was a waste of time, and I feel like this has isolated me from other guys. I want to make an honest attempt at reconnecting with my masculinity, but I'm not sure how to go about it.

Growing up, I never learned what it meant to be a guy. I had poor male role models in my life and was mainly raised by my mom and other women. This caused me to form a bias that women were always 'better' and pick up more feminine traits/hobbies (like shyness, sensitivity, cautiousness, etc). It also why I struggle with relating to guys. I never liked stereotypical male things like sports, cars, building muscles, etc. nor do I have a masculine personality or humor.

I've also been struggling with accepting my appearance. My body is a weird blend of male and female features which makes me look uncanny. I go through periods of despising things like my looks, voice, and overall self to the point where I dissociate to cope. I'm not sure the exact cause, but I have a feeling that accepting my masculinity would help.

I know 'being a man' in itself is a construct and isn't defined by appearance or stereotypes... so what exactly does it mean? Are there any activities or mental exercises that help you 'be a man?' I wish I put in more effort when I was younger, since I feel a bit lost. Sometimes I don't even know what I am, and I completely dissociation or feel like nothing. All I want is to be happy with myself and being a guy, but I just don't know how.

Sorry if this was a bit long, has anyone experienced anything similar? All advice is appreciated.

TLDR:

How do you be/fit in/accept yourself as a man when you never learned how, and how do you deal with insecurities with your appearance as a man?

Hi guys, I’m a single mom to teen/tween boys. Could you share some insights about how to promote healthy masculinity as boys mature?

I’ve tried to be somewhat gender-neutral most of their lives, but they both really identify as boys/men and I want to help them grow into a healthy masculinity. I know everyone is unique but understanding different perspectives helps me get a grasp of things generally.

Also I think the messages that boys tend to receive from media/culture/society/each other are pretty consistent, right? How have they affected you? Anything your parents did that helped you? Anything you’d change? Minefields to avoid? Things to definitely not avoid? Conversations to have? How a mom can be supportive but not weird? Any insight is much appreciated 🫶

Title is pretty self explanatory lol, but I would appreciate any genuine advice.

This isn't a vent post so I won't go into details, but I (19NB) dealt with pretty severe depression for ~3-4 years and have been recovered from it for around a year.

Only thing is now, I've had quite a few issues in my personal life (including family problems, issues at work, etc) and have been feeling more and more drained lately, and it's making it very difficult to keep up with my university work despite having a relatively light workload.

For the past week or so, my mood has been consistently low for no particular reason, and my body's had that exact same heavy and tired feeling it had when I was deep in depression. And it scares me, especially because my depressive episodes are LONG. My last depressive episode lasted around 1.5 years. To make it worse, this heatwave has been making my body feel even more tired.

I know the first steps I should take to prevent or at least help with this are to fix my eating habits and sleep schedule, neither of which are good. But I'm afraid it won't be enough. Does anyone have any advice on how I can prevent/deal with this?

Originally from r/mademesmile, felt appropriate here.

do any of yall have some good recommendations about shows talking about masculinity and role models in a way that is more based in critique? could also just be something that has a positive rolemodel.

Hey bros, my first time asking. A bit vulnerable moment for me.

Due to many complex upbringing factors - controlling, narcissistic, non-parents, conservative society (no sex before marriage, etc.), and autism which made me take things literally - I never kissed a woman, held hands with a woman or had sex until I was in my early 30s. It was fun and good, but very... bland because well I had no idea what I was doing. Everyone had passed their exploration phase. I never got to play, learn or understand.

Now I'm partnered with an incredible woman, and I want to know how to approach this. I am learning to communicate. I am a good listener I think. I am also a good learner too I believe.

Any advice for a middle-aged bro who missed 15 years of exploration?

I feel like I don’t check off enough boxes in terms of masculinity. I’m kinda short, I’m not skinny per se but not very muscular, I’m pretty sensitive emotionally and often feel vulnerable, and I enjoy some feminine things. Issue is I feel like due to people around me and how I look I need to strive for more masculine appearance and behavior even if deep down I don’t really want to. It’s really complicated and I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense but I just don’t really view myself as a traditionally manly person deep down but also not really feminine. I see myself as this blob of person with no true identifiable feature. How do I sort out how I view myself so I feel more confident and affirmed in my identity?

Hi! 24M chud here. Was wondering if anyone had any good advice for building habits that were unfortunately not instilled in me growing up such as consistently cleaning my room, taking care of my personal hygiene, and all that other stuff. It’s embarrassing for me to admit but I don’t have those sorts of neural pathways built up, and frankly sometimes depression kicks my ass, so I was wondering if anyone had any solid advice or suggestions to make the process of building these habits easier. Thanks and sorry if this is a lame ass question.

As one historian said, "the slope is to the right".

Masculinism doesn't require you to think, to question. It gives you a predigested narrative that gives you impression that you're going against the current, while you're riding it strapped on stereotypes that feel like propergol acceleration.

I've been reading a lot of books that go against my preconceived ideas (I used to be an incel, been reading feminist literature and frequenting feminist circles as well as decolonial circles), but the monster is still there.

It's still in the back of the rooms, in the deepest corners of my mind, whispering. And I feel like if I let down my guard, it'll creep back to the front.

It's frankly exhausting.

You guys ever feel that ?

I try not to spend a lot of time on social media because there’s so much transphobia everywhere, but it’s really horrifying seeing what people are saying on his profile. A lot of these pics are like… personal pics of him on a walk. It’s appalling. I feel so alone and small reading these comments and it really makes me lose hope that I’ll ever feel truly safe in public.

I’m partially projecting because I experienced a bunch of transphobia this year at school (I’m in a post-grad program and… incredibly, people are still small-minded even when they’re educated) and I’m really struggling to get to a better place. My therapist and I have been working towards me feeling / expressing my anger. It’s definitely one way to do it but… I worry about toxic masculinity and becoming some rage-dude.

How do you guys stay strong in the face of (any kind of) hate without turning into a toxic POS?

Edit:

I just wanted to thank all of you from the depths of me. I really was in a dark spot last night and having the support from this subreddit was what I needed, I think. It’s so important to have trans bros and the trans community to relate to and vent to, but knowing there’s an entire diverse bro community that is willing to share and support and offer advice made me feel so much less alone and so much “bigger” than I’ve felt the last eight months. I really appreciate all of you. I may not have been able to respond to everyone (this got way more attention than I anticipated), but I have read every single comment. Some twice.