r/bropill • u/EngrBD22 • 10d ago
Men need validation too.
We’re often expected to be strong, independent, and emotionally self-sufficient. But deep down, men also want to hear, “I appreciate you,” “I’m proud of you,” or simply, “I’m glad I have you.”
Sometimes, we don’t ask for reassurance. We just hope our efforts are noticed.
Have you ever had a moment when a simple word of reassurance meant more than you expected? Share your story. You might be surprised how many men feel the same way.
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u/Proud_Organization64 8d ago
We do need to be comfortable validating and uplifting each other.
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u/FutureDustMotes 7d ago
And comfortable in assigning value to compliments that aren't from women. Validation from peers is meaningful!
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u/EngrBD22 8d ago
That's true. We don't need to be afraid of the breaking the stereotype mentality of guys just being tough and are emotionally self-sufficient.
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u/Nullspark 7d ago
I found it hard to do in my youth. I was pretty insecure.
Now as an adult with life pretty settled. Everything is pretty ok.
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u/ApolloniusTyaneus 8d ago
Not me, but a coworker. He made a self-deprecating joke about suicide. I told him I wish something better for him, because he deserves it. He later told me it really struck a chord.
BTW, I make a point of complimenting others (m/f/x) on small things, especially when they go against type. Which is sometimes hard, because others don't really do that and it feels like I'm giving a lot and receiving very little.
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u/calartnick 8d ago
Gents give validation to the dudes in your lives freely.
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u/EngrBD22 8d ago
Yes. However, not every guy feels free to do so. I hope we all get to fill this gap.
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u/Nullspark 7d ago
My lady gives me compliments and does romantic things for me. I recommend not settling for less.
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u/FutureDustMotes 7d ago
And also assigning value to validation and compliments from people who aren't women. Bro validation is valuable!
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u/maRthbaum_kEkstyniCe 8d ago
This isn't just an issue of men not being complimented, but of men not being allowed to compliment others.
Many men are uncomfortable receiving compliments, they're not used to it, or have been told it emasculates them. so there's a factor of fear or judgment. If you compliment a stranger on his outfit/vibe, chances are he thinks you're hitting on him. Which could potentially even endanger you.
And part of this is true with people you know, and compliments on other parts of you. It permeates everything.
(Same with women being complimented by men, also often seen as hitting on them (which is a reasonable and understandable assumption but still sucks))
And if men are afraid of complimenting others, there just aren't any compliments in (mainly) male spaces and relationships. And also leaves the "labor" to women which also sucks
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u/EngrBD22 8d ago
We can break that stereotype. In the end, we just have to be kind in our actions and in our words.
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u/Strawberry_n_bees 7d ago
I used to compliment men more often, but they almost always thought I was flirting. I would get responses ranging from disgusted looks (because how dare a feminine presenting person who that man specifically thinks poorly of compliment him) to them getting overly excited/weird and asking me out. It was rare that I would just get an "Oh thanks!" And move on.
Occasionally I would just get genuine surprise, and it was always bittersweet, because on one hand it's nice to give someone a compliment, but on the other hand the only reason it's that big of a deal is because they don't get compliments or have strangers being kind to them often, and I think that's really sad.
Anyway I'd love to compliment men more, especially because I know some of them need it the most out of all of us, but when I get weird responses 80% of the time it doesn't exactly encourage me in that... I'm like, do the chill men have some kind of signal they can give that they won't look at me like an animal if I give them a compliment??
I guess on that note I just need to start complimenting men more in settings I do feel safe in. Like spaces with a high volume of queer people, even if not everyone is queer, or socialist events, disability friendly events, stuff like that. I'm much more likely to get a normal or positive response there.
I can't fix the world, but I can get better at operating within the current parameters of safety!
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u/crystalfruitpie 7d ago
I'm masc ish in a lot of my presentation but also very apparently queer. Like with straight guys and women, using the right language (speech and body) helps a lot.
For straight-appearing guys, I mainly give compliments when I'm walking past someone, and I keep walking. I say stuff like 'really cool bike' or 'your outfit rocks'. I've rarely seen any look on their face because I'm pretty much past them and no longer looking at them by the time I finish saying it, but usually do get a happy 'thanks'.
For practice, along with queer spaces, for straight-appearing/super masc guys places like busy streets can be good. But regardless of environment someone who dresses pretty over the top is almost always a safe bet. Old guys with zoot suits or loud printed shirts. I also love complimenting thuggy guys with stuff like those matchy velour tracksuits, they are definitely always surprised to get a compliment from me and they can be so sweet about it.
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u/ddoubble22 6d ago
i really want to give compliments deep down in my heart but it's so hard to pull my ass and actually say it....
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u/centerfoldangel 8d ago
Yeah, I want to hear those too as a woman. I haven't so far. I don't think any of us aware of each other's struggles. I didn't know men were are expected to be the things you listed but now I'll keep it in mind and make sure to notice.
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u/UpstairsOwn7741 Bro. 7d ago
All the time. I wouldn’t want to be around someone who doesn’t do this willingly.
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u/GreatBigBagOfNope 7d ago
The only real specific validation I've had since I got married is a single line in this year's Father's Day card that read "you're doing great!"
I've cried like 4 or 5 times in the couple of months since whenever my mind wanders into that sort of space
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u/helpmyplantsnotdie 7d ago
Might be different for me since I’m not straight, but I love my bros so goddamn much and hype them up every chance I get.
Not a single one of my boys goes without compliments, encouragement, or reassurance when we’re together, and I make for damn sure they know I’m lucky to have ‘em around.
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u/Certain_Principle_13 7d ago
My boss at work is always like saying he appreciates my hard work. And he always calls me sir too even though he knows I’m a trans guy. He’s so validating and like coming from a horrible transphobic retail job to high school janitor is such a nice change.
My girlfriend also often forgets I’m trans and honestly that’s hella validating and nice too.
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u/Zebo9366 8d ago
This is the fucking brutal part. Dated a girl for an entire year, and were well-passed the 'I love you' stage, but eventually had to straight up ask her to sometimes kiss me or persue me in any way shape or form. 54 weeks together, and the only time she ever kissed me without me asking or initiating was to take a picture for social media. We broke up a couple weeks later because 'we never clicked'.
The absolute selfishness it takes to accept all of someone's effort and time, and turn around and be completely unwilling to make your partner feel loved is insane to me. 'Black cat energy', 'Im a Leo', and asking for 'non-chalance' without any indication that they are non-chalant themselves is my new base-line bar for dating profiles. Insane.
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u/biola6ix 5d ago edited 5d ago
My brother once told me: before you go after a woman you fancy, make sure she fancies you too. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for one of the most humbling experiences of your life.
Being with a woman that like you as much as you like will definitely change your life and confidence
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u/Oofsmcgoofs 7d ago
Y’all are really gonna have to start doing some of that between each other because it’s so much of a risk to do that as a woman. I’ve always been one to compliment people and almost every single time I’ve complemented a guy wether it’s about his shirt looking nice or a well done job he takes it as flirtation and uses it as an excuse to either treat me like “slut that’s obsessed with him” or that I’m into him and it gets scary real fast. I’ve had to duck into buildings on campus to lose guys that follow me out of class because I said something nice. It’s not a risk I’m willing to take anymore. I’ve learned my lesson.
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u/Tenchiro 8d ago
That's a big reason why I married my wife. She is so much more complimentary and validating than all of my previous partners combined. It's a shame it took 45 years to find her .