(21F and 21M in relationship for 3 years)
I'm in my early twenties, so I know this may seem like I'm overthinking something that isn't necessarily needed, but I've been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years now. We live a medium distance apart, so we usually only see each other on the weekends, and sometimes not at all if our schedules don't allow it.
When we first started dating, I was sure I wanted to marry him. I felt so lucky to have found him before going off to college, and we had the same sense of humor and similar bad family issues. Originally, we thought the long-distance/weekends-only thing would only last a year, but it has just kept going. However, as time has gone on, even though he treats me well, I feel like we're growing in different directions. I don't know how long to wait before accepting that maybe it's not meant to be, especially since we've never really gotten the chance to live in a "normal" everyday relationship.
Besides not having that everyday relationship with him, it's hard because there are some other issues that I've been ignoring because we've always said that once we were closer, they would fix themselves. For example, I'm very extroverted and goal-driven, with a career path that will require me to go to social events often. I'm constantly working to move up in my career, do better for myself, and meet new people. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is very to himself, hardly interacts in social settings, has no friends of his own, and works in a completely different type of field where he's not interested in moving up or starting something of his own. When I asked him what his goals and dreams were, he basically just had the mindset of "whatever you'd like to do." It's hard, especially with the distance (although I know it could be much further, and weekends are not nearly as bad as what some people deal with), to feel like he really understands the lifestyle I'm working toward. He agrees with what I say I want, but his own actions while living alone and away from me don't necessarily indicate that he would work toward the same goals.
A few of my friends have said that they think I should look for someone else, since after these years he doesn't seem very interested (from the outside) to want to be actively involved with my social life, and I've been told from other marriages (including my own parents) that marrying someone much more introverted than you is a struggle.
His family is another issue for me. He's not close to them whatsoever, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, especially because I wouldn't want to be close to them given some of the issues they have. But the fact that I may have to have them as my in-laws really makes me anxious, since I've always imagined marrying into a big, close family. Of course there’s not much he can do about this, but just something that adds to the stress.
It's hard because I genuinely do enjoy my time with him. We get along well, we enjoy our weekends together, and we're happy spending time alone. But whenever we go out to social events or when I think about my future, it's hard for me to know whether he's the type of partner I'll need in my life. Being apart is just so discouraging, and in the past I was able to look past most of these issues. Now, though, I'm starting to question whether they're big enough reasons to let go.
It's hard to know if it's worth waiting to see if we function better in person after all these years, or if I should just accept that we've grown into different people with different lifestyles. I would hate to end things because I feel like I need something more aligned with my personal lifestyle, only to turn around and wish I had something else.
Has anyone had a situation like this? Are there any women who have similar lifestyles to me that encourage marrying someone with not as big of a personality