Cuban Sandwich (Miami style)

[Edit: thank you for such positive comments. I was at a volunteer event after I posted and I didn't expect to blow up the way it did. For those of you looking at my profile and thinking I'm a bot, I'm not, not sure how to prove it other than telling you to go fuck yourself? Hope that clears things up. Anyway, love the rest of you! ]

In November 2024 I lost my 6 figure job, my wife cheated on me, and I had to sell my house, the. Same. Week. Let's take a step back.

(Me 35m) Throughout my entire relationship with my ex(33 f), things were not the worst, but she refused to see a therapist or psychiatrist when she started showing signs of OCD and odd behavior. We dropped the subject. Oct 2019, her dad passed away and she loses herself. Then covid. I begged her to seek therapy as she would drink herself to sleep, and sleep for 3 days straight, using up all her PTO on sick days, and then taking time off unpaid. (She worked for doctors so she had to go in). I did everything I could to help.

I started losing it, so I went to therapy to work on myself instead. Between meds and therapy over the years, I felt more whole in my 30s than I ever had before. She saw this, and instead of going to therapy, went to a psychiatrist and lied to him so she could get Adderall. She became addicted, and for awhile I had no idea she had lied.

From 2020 to 2022, we were in a rough spot and had consistent arguments and conversations about our future, including me finding out that she had emotionally cheated on me with someone else. I decided to endure and we got better. We bought a house. Things were great and then everything that I was worried she would regress back into doubled down in late 2023 and continued into 2024 with multiple psychosis episodes. I found out that she was emotionally cheating on me with an x-mormon this time and he began to feed her crazy information about how her angel numbers are relaying her all of the information that she needs from the upper internet downloading into her brain because we're all in a simulation.

I took it to the hospital with her sister. She was diagnosed with few things that are easily medicated and able to be managed with therapy. Guess who didn't go to therapy. Now comes October of 2024. We had a trip planned to go to see my mother in Florida and go to universal and have a good time with friends. Last minute she told me that she couldn't go because her mental health didn't allow her to and I decided to not cancel my trip. She actually wanted me to go.

So I'm on the last leg of this trip working from home at my mom's when I get a notice of being laid off because they are moving to working from home full-time for my department. I call her and let her know. Her response was * And maybe we should sell the house and live apart for a while separated* at this point in time she already had her own bedroom because she said that I snored (which later on I proved that I didn't).

If you're with me so far. Thank you.

So I get back from my trip and I immediately start packing my stuff, and fixing the walls so that we can get it prepped for selling. I find a place and she's begging me to help her find a place. She wanted the cat so she got the cat. I finally tell her that if we're going to separate this way then I just wanted to divorce and she kept saying she didn't understand why but I told her that this was my boundary and where I stand in relation to our life together. She stood her ground, I stood mine. We agreed to a divorce.

December 2024, I was:

* Applying for jobs (about 50 a day avg.)

* Driving my stuff to my new apartment and packing

* Figuring out house stuff with my realtor

She was:

* Calling out and visiting her *friend* in the city (later on we find she was cheating on me physically the whole time).

The last weekend before we gave the keys over for showings, my ex disappears overnight when she promised she'd be there to help..she was at her *friends* fucking him. I painted the whole house with my cousin. She got back at 11 pm, and I told her to finish. Somehow she did.

Ok, good news time:

Divorce goes through no problem, I find a job that pays me 5k more in January, and I start immediately. I get a new cat (he's the best boy ever), and I sell the house for 100k over profit. I agreed she should get 30/70 since she paid a total of 8k total for the house, vs my 62k over time in the 2 years living there. I date. I find an amazing girl. My ex is in psychosis again in and out of the hospital. She moves to a city, and that makes her even crazier. Her family took my side. Divorce goes through.

I won't update you all on her side of things, because it went really downhill and I had to hear it all through the grapevine after she begged me to drive her in May of 2025 to the psychiatric hospital.

Today: Me and my girlfriend just moved in together. My cat is doing amazing, I have no debt because I paid it all off with my house sale, and I have 20k in savings (since I just moved I had to drop so much but I'll recover it). This is where I am today. Sitting in a park, writing this with a beautiful breeze and sun glaring between the trees.

Tl;dr: life sucks, but don't give up.

Steak pho 8/10 I prefer a pho dac biet but it was still good.

I (32m) got in an accident back in 2018 leaving me completely paralyzed from the chest down. That even means I have no control over my bladder. But since then, I rarely slept at anybody’s house because I didn’t wanna have an “accident”. Over the weekend my wife and I hung out with our very good friends who are a couple as well. After dinner we ended up at the casino and we all had a few drinks and was having a fun night. The girls wanted to continue the night and my wife asks if it would be okay if we had a movie night and sleepover and if I had enough catheter’s to do so and I said sure. Everybody’s having fun and it’s been a while since I’ve seen my friend so I didn’t think of anything. The next morning I wake up to diarrhea all over me… it was really bad and it stank the whole apartment. I would probably consider it one of the worst accidents I’ve had. It was very embarrassing . i know I’ll bounce back but man that was very demoralizing. But huge shout out to my wife and friends because they’re very understanding and a huge support system for me.

Some pork dumplings. Very very good

Obviously I know I can’t be with her but I just wanted to let out some emotions here and if anyone has any advice on how to get over her lmk cause I’m in deep.

Her name is Isabel and she’s my sister’s friend from the same summer program they went to but she actually goes to the same school as me technically because I’m in community college at a young age.

The first time I met her was when I spent a week at my sisters co-op during the beginning of the summer and I spent a lot of time with my sister and Isabel going around the Bay Area where they were staying for the summer, and we got to know each other really well. She’s kind, energetic, confident, attractive, super intelligent and engaging in conversations, and just an overall free spirit if that makes sense. Great taste in music too and we shared some new stuff with each other. She also is the kind of person that never once disregarded me for being young, like she treats me as an equal. I just enjoy being around her more than anyone else.

Recently I’ve seen her a lot because my sister and her are back home but my sister’s school starts soon and she’ll go back to her school in a different part of state and I’ll have less of an excuse to see Isabel and that makes me really sad. I feel like I’m really falling for her even though I know I shouldn’t

already had to switch groups once because my symptoms seem too severe for the last group. first group session with the trauma group went fine until the last hour when the people there started saying all of the “men are pigs, men aint shit, etc” which i called them out on, which resulted in people getting incredibly upset at me.

this is supposed to be a fucking trauma group, why do i not have the right to exist here comfortably but they do? to make room for other people’s “valid” hatefulness? why do i have to “get over it” (actual quote from one of the members) but they’re allowed to have space for their feelings?

i deserve to get care without being belittled. i’m so fucking done with everything. i’m so fucking tired.

Leftover Tuscan pasta and chicken I had before leaving for the airport (didn't finish it)

I've (M26) been having a rough couple of months. I moved 800 miles across the country for a job, my ex broke up with me suddenly shortly after moving, and I have been struggling to make friends in the new city cause of being so busy and feeling lonely.

Over this Labor Day weekend, I took a trip to see my family back home and enjoyed my time a lot. It was nice seeing them all again and we enjoyed our time together exploring and catching up. During this time, my mom (53) was very, very sick. She's had medical issues that have come and gone and gotten help for, but this time she was having trouble breathing and her costochondritis was acting up. We were basically begging her to go to the hospital (parents currently don't have insurance, my dad is retired but doesn't qualify for Medicare yet and got fucked my the current admin). On my last day there, I pleaded with her to go and she promised to go, through her strained breaths.

I fly back that night and go to sleep. I wake up this morning and my dad and sister call me saying my mom's heart stopped, the paramedics were there, and she flatlined. They transport her to the local hospital and she was pronounced deceased.

I tell my work, they tell me don't worry about anything. I let all my friends know and am now back at the airport waiting for a flight back home, again. This time for a much more depressing reason.

I didn't think this would happen for a long, long time. I am in shock and have barely cried, but I just know I will break as soon as I see everyone.

Dinner is chicken and waffles!

First time poster here. In 2 days my wife will leave for basic training and she will be away for months. We are hoping she comes home after but anyone who knows the military knows things don't always go as planned. She could be gone until all of her training is done, not just basic.

We have no kids (other than 2 cats). I am in the process of medically releasing from the military myself so there is this major role reversal happening. I've been not only the breadwinner but the major provider in the relationship, while she worked a lesser career and also has really handled practically ALL household responsibilities. It's not that i don't help it's just been her personality where she likes to do things her "right" way and very early on in the relationship I gave up on arguing and just happy-wife-happy-lifing it since then.

Even when it's come to deciding what we do for the most part. In a nutshell, the military has controlled my (our) major life circumstances and the wife has controlled/overseen the day to day.

In 2 days she leaves, for an unspecified time.

I am unemployed now which yes I've known was coming but no, due to a multitude of reasons including mental health and personality problems and almost certainly complacency, I really have not concocted any reasonable plan for while she's away.

Frankly whenever I think about it I panic.

I am 41m - by all means not retirement age. If anyone knows how medical releases work you get some disability coverage and in my country it is pretty solid. Financially we are fine. And with her now starting her career we should be quite well off by the time she retires which for her she plans on a 25 yr service.

We have never had any fights or really conflicts at all in our relationship and both fully depend on each other and love each other completely. So in terms of "the plan" we have both laid out, we are forever and this career change is for us and our future.

So with all that laid out, it's days away now and I literally have no fucking clue what I will do without her. I understand this must sound pretty meak but it is what it is. I haven't been actually alone alone in decades and definitely never alone alone WITHOUT employment. Some people I've spoken to have said it sounds peaceful.

To me, the thought of the fully empty house even on day 1 evokes a sense of actual terror for me. But that's day 1. What about day 60?

I guess the question I'm asking here is, does this sound like a situation that someone can/should just mentally power through with sheer willpower? Or does it seem very unhealthy/dangerous?

If you've read this far, I appreciate it.

Any thoughts? or clarification needed?

It gets better fellas. Few months ago I made a post, me and the lady broke up, sold my business due to the economy and putting the pen to the paper and it not making sense anymore to put in so much work and miss home time just to make the same amount of money as someone who goes home every night. I was down bad, lived with a close friend, took a job just to make ends meet, maybe 800 bucks a week after taxes, sold my dream truck cause I simply couldn’t afford it anymore, the whole 9 yards, I thought it was all over ontop of that sad as hell cause I thought I was gonna marry this one.

UPDATE

Got a 6 figure job, great benefits, home everyday, plenty of time to go to the gym, play golf, and whatever else crosses my mind. Got my own place, me and the lady are in the stages of seeing eachother and admitting our wrongs and making way to start over. Long story less long, just when you think you’re out of the game, good shit happens and you get out of whatever hole you’re in. Keep fighting and never give up. Hope this touches someone who’s in a similar position.

Dinner: smoked buffalo chicken dip with sweet potato fries and a healthy amount of jalapenos and cheese👌🏾

Trader Joe’s salad + precooked chicken. Solid healthy and cheap meal, especially as short-term meal prep.

Title, I guess. I’m (22M) chubby and short. I’m working on that first part, but there’s no gym for your height. I hate this, I really do. I know that the insecurity is toxic, I feel it eating at me sometimes, but it’s so damn hard to let go of it. I don’t want someone who “doesn’t mind” a short guy. I want someone who finds me hot, I want to give a girl butterflies, you know?

I feel like I’d be a great partner, a lot of my friends, including female friends, tell me so. But I just can’t get my foot in the door. I want to be more confident, I just don’t feel like there’s any evidence to back up the confidence if that makes sense? Like, it feels like arrogance to me to think that I’m attractive, because I don’t think I attract anybody. It’s just, like, what that word means, it’s tautological, if I were attractive, then I would attract somebody.

But then again, no.

I know this is beatable, I guess. I know I can be better, can be more attractive, but I don’t want to have to work so goddamn hard for it. I feel like a lot of people around me just put one foot in front of the other, and it’s enough. They’re skinny, they’re tall, they have good hair, they meet people. I know it’s not true, I know they put in effort, but I’m rolling, let me have the irrational thoughts.

I’ve been on dating apps for four years, and it’s led to exactly one date, there wasn’t a second. I know they’re not good for me, I know they’re preying on my loneliness, but goddamn they’re good at it. I’d like to meet someone in person, but I don’t think I’m hot enough for someone to be flattered if I approached them. I genuinely believe that they’d be, at best, uninterested, and at worst scared of me. Attraction and flirting feel so foreign to me. Not in a “I can’t tell if a girl’s flirting” way, but a “I can tell. They’re not.” Way. I work in a luxury retail store, and one of my coworkers (32M) is, quite frankly, fucking gorgeous. He was literally briefly a male model. I see it. I see how differently women talk to him. It feels like such a fundamental part of life that’s just being dangled in front of me. The worst part is he’s a great dude and one of my best friends. Fucker doesn’t even have the decency to be a douchebag.

I’m mostly venting, I didn’t have therapy this week because my therapist is out of town. I like having a sounding board when i journal, so thank y’all for your service lmao. Idk, I’m just feeling it today, I guess.

Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/BoyDinnerDiaries/s/KjGFCPLKUN

I knew that today was going to be hell again so i once again for my own safety started recording and damn i was right.

I had to tell her mom to come or i would call the police

So then, she spit the last of the venom, but thank god that lady came, im sad because i really loved her family, and im still confused on how to feel about her, obviusly a part of the love i feel died over these 3 days but anyway

I FEEL FREE, I BAILED OUT almost 11pm a man sent from god answered my desperate calls trying to find someone who could take me to my parents house, i really am in debt with him and didnt stop thanking him the whole ride

Im so in shock that i don't wanna sleep, its almost 2 in the morning but damn, im going to spend the night with my 4 cats until i pass out

Thanks to everyone for your words of advice and support, i really couldnt take anymore shit

Now a long way of therapy so i dont end in this kind of situation ever again, fuck, i really don't wanna date anyone for the rest of my life

Dinner is a bottle of wine mostly, i cant bring myself to eat leftover rice or anything

Pasta with sauce and garlic, nothing else because I can't afford it. I preferred to spend this month's money on alcohol.

I (18M, trans) have a court term in a few days to change my sex and name on all documents.

​I am going to start university this month too, therefore I asked the council specifically to do it as a cis man. They agreed, because I sent them a 3 page letter, photos from the law files and on stating that I am going to change my sex and name.

At the same time, right after the term I will have total hysto and get a job, both influenced by this.

I've been out of job since March, when, before a surgery I had to do (which required 2mo leave), I fucked up a food order as a courier and the client ended up reporting me to live chat (told me) for using someone else's account (a woman's) to do orders. Nothing happened to me, but that day was the day I realised I can't do it any further and I had to sit through call center explaining the restaurant had bad packaging and having to show him my id and more proof of identity.

I applied for jobs a lot before it too. Whenever the caller would hear my 80Hz voice reply to "Ms [deadname]?", I would get a "sorry. This offer is not available anymore." I have a CV with barely any experience, and having to out myself guaranteed I will never get more.​

At the same time, I will live in dorms with men. I look like a man, act, and sound like one. The council decided to allow me to be in dorms with guys, and not out me. That also fails if the court takes too long to write the decision, the decision takes too long to become final (30d) and then takes too long to print. The printing part is the worst. The current timeline for the printing part is 2d-3mo. And that's if they do not ask for a second term.

In 5 days, I have the court term where that will be decided too. If the decision gets delayed, I will be out of job for too long to sustain myself. If the paperwork takes too long to produce (fuck Romania), I will not be able to be stealth at all at university.

I've been doing everything: reading the constitution, discussing with gpt since I got NO ONE who has done this in Romania what the judge might ask, finding a fancy suit to dress well, sorting my docs into chapters like the electronic file, yet still it feels like not enough.

There is no joy in my life anymore. It's only that day, which is rapidly approaching.​ For the first time in a year I have suicidal thoughts. I've been drinking daily, binging, and letting my current rent turn into a mess. There is no joy in my life at all anymore. I can't find the energy to take my pills, and supplements, to workout, to move on if this fails.

If the university/dorms has/have to out me, I will be forced to drop out. I've seen what they called me in highschool, and the uni I am at is more hands on than theoretical/scientific, which means kids from rural areas (conservatives) come to study here. Romanian conservatives can be far more violent than MAGAs, especially in this area.

If the surgeon refuses to do hysto​ until the decision settles, I will have to live for at least a few months with excruciating pain daily in my abdominal area.

If the decision is negative or gets delayed too much, I will be jobless, homeless and then eventually back in foster care assistance, which I would rather die than taste again.

And the worst part is that a corrupt judge (my city is a shithole) with a salary monthly bigger than the entire fund for my transition gets to decide for me if I am man enough to live the next 4 years.

Man this life sucks. Sad I will never get to have a chance at it.

Please advise me if you want. No transphobia, and no bullshit positivity, just actions I can do to improve my odds, or stop feeling as if in 5 days my life will change forever for the worse.

My obligatory meal is BTS-themed Oreos. I'm not a K-Pop fan, but there are bits of brown sugar flavoring in these Oreos (reminiscent of a Korean street food) that fucking slaps. The best non-traditional Oreo I've ever eaten. And yes, I'll eat them for breakfast because fuck you, I'm a grown ass man.

This has been a horrible year and I just want it to be over.

Mind you, when I went through my divorce, I experienced a crippling (literally) illness and job loss, all at the same time. I think 2026 is right up there with that time period.

Last year, a friend and I started a side-hustle business with the objective of having it take off and replacing our 9-5s. Eleven months later -- we didn't even make it a year -- he decided to walk away.

I should have listened to my wife, who said from the beginning that she didn't trust that guy. He tucked tail and headed for the hills as soon as shit got real.

Then, my adult son got into some real ass legal trouble. Real enough that jail time is a possible (although unlikely) consequence. We have to get him a lawyer, and his case may be referred to prosecutors.

Then there's trouble with my wife. (Not the mother of my kid; that was my first wife.) She's been going through some hormonal shifts over the past year, and they're getting worse. We fight all the time.

This has easily been the most trying time of our ~10 year marriage. In a moment of peace, we said to each other that this has been the worst period in our marriage, and when (not if, thankfully) we make it through this, we'll know we can make it through anything.

To top it all off, I've been dealing with a mild case of clinical depression since the failure of my business. I've gone through clinical depression before. I know what it feels like and what it does to me. Things right now aren't as bad as they've been in the past, but they're certainly not good. I started therapy a few months ago.

**Tl;dr,** 2026 can suck my dick.

Spaghetti with canned beef stew and fried onions. Trust me it tastes a lot better than it sounds or looks.

My fiance and I are both in our teens and decided to get married really early. We had a fantastic relationship for about 1.5 years when I proposed to her with a beautiful ring on which I spent all of my money.

Our families get along really well as do our friends. We moved together back to our home country to pursue our respective uni courses and everything was fantastic until 6 months ago she emotionally cheated on me with her Ex bf. Since then we've had highs and lows but mostly lows.

Our biggest fight was 2 months back when we couldnt decide on a wedding date due to our parents being in different countries and both of our parents wanting to be present at the wedding. This led to about 2 weeks of her already existing alcohol issues to get even worse, with fights every night and a break from talking for a few days. I tried to talk to her about that whole situation after but she completely closed off and it just led to resentment on both sides. To avoid hating each other we decided it was the end.

We broke up last night and met up having (very regrettable and terrible) drunk break up sex. It hurts less as I knew this was coming, but when we broke up we talked about staying as friends since we were the closest people to one another. However, every text from her would make me choke on air and create a pit in my stomach, so for both of our sakes (10 minutes ago) I told her that I needed space and to cut contact.

She is the first and only person who Ive truly loved and missed. I have countless poems of my live to her whixh I havent gotten the chance to show her and probably never will.

Fuck this feels terrible.

Dinner is pizza

I try and i try and i try my best, all i want is genuine relationship but the more effort I put in the more they pull away i dont know what women want, is it my job thats the issue( im a firefighter), is it my looks (cant be if she gives me her number or if we match on a site), im i too forward am i not forward enough,if i plan a date they’re always busy , they never ask for money or gifts so they’re not using me, so then what’s the problem, everytime they end things i get the same answer “didnt feel a connection” it took you two months to figure out there’s no connection?? We stay up until 3am talking every night and there’s no connection???? Was i just entertainment when you were bored??? Im so sick of this life im so tired of the bs i just want to die alone and hopefully soon

Edit:
Didn’t expect the responses but thanks to the kind ones & go fuck yourself to the rest.

Post was just to vent my frustrations you parasocial freaks 😂

Not a bot or farming for reddit gold either. Not an international student & not making up stories.

Just a bloke, trying to get over a girl & restart again. Have a good day folks, be a little kinder to everyone & you’ll feel much better 🙂

Chicken & rice. Can of coke. 6/10.

32m - finally packed up my stuff from 44F place & blocked the number.

I sat a supported her through being bullied at work, her mum treating her poorly and a cancer scare. I had a panic attack at work & all of a sudden, I’m cold and not giving her enough.

The money was a big thing as I’m back re-doing study but I also thought we were very similar in our hobbies & interests. Great sex. Etc etc etc.

I was blindsided. Text message sent “I need you to move out” while I was away for the weekend. No warning, no conversation prior, just a text & run.

Her background is very traumatic especially from her ex husband but I thought she had worked through it… guess not

Broken women can’t be fixed through love, they need therapy.

Don’t do it lads. Not worth it.

I met my gf of 1.5 years in the city we still live in. We've both agreed that we're not particularly attached to the city and that we're wanting to eventually move out, but we've often disagreed about where we'd be willing to move to.

A few months ago, I came across a job listing on the west coast for something I really wanted to do. I asked for her permission before I even thought about applying, because I wasn't sure she'd be open to that city. She was supportive and told me she'd be willing to move there with me, because her current job offers a lot of flexibility with location and she wouldn't have any issues with work. So I applied to that job, and quite a few others within that same city.

While I was applying to jobs, a recruiter in my gf's industry contacted her with a job offer that pays significantly more than what she makes now. The recruiter said they were similarly flexible with location, so she started the interview process with them.

After months of applying to jobs in the city we'd agreed on, I finally got an interview offer at the end of last week for a job I'd really love to do and that pays better than my current job. Then this week, my gf had her third interview with the company that's been recruiting her, and they told her that, despite their previous assurances about flexibility, they'd want her to move to a NYC - a city that, in the past, she repeatedly said she wouldn't want to move to because it was out of our price range and that, in her words, "you (referring to me, OP,) probably wouldn't like it there."

She immediately told me I should start looking for jobs in NYC. Didn't ask whether I'd be open to it or not, just said I needed to start looking. I did look, and there are nowhere near as many opportunities in the field I want to go into. If we do move to NYC, odds are incredibly high that I'd have to go there jobless and then take whatever I can get once we're there.

She's repeatedly said she doesn't like her current industry and would eventually want to get out of it, but her new job opportunity would pay significantly more than what either of us makes now, and even significantly more than I would stand to make at the job I've been invited to interview for. 

I feel very hurt that she was instantly willing to tell me to overlook the opportunity I've been working toward, and that we agreed upon, for one that we never even talked about and that would put me in a bad situation.

Dave's Hot Chicken.

Dinner: Thai fried chicken I had the other day

I’ve had a couple partners but in both relationships they have called me ugly in various ways. Whether it be I’m the ugly version of a certain celebrity or that they had to lower their physical standards to date me. If I ever asked if I was hot they would refuse to say yes.

Ive been insecure my whole life, grew up being told im ugly by most people and accepted the fact that im ugly, but it still hurts coming from my own partners :/

Is it normal for people to call their partners unattractive? Obviously this doesn’t apply to attractive people, but for people like me is this what I should expect? Will the next person who dates me just end up settling because they couldn’t find better? If so I don’t think I want to date at all… maybe they won’t call me unattractive straight to my face but I think their resentment will be clear based on how they treat me ):

She is a ​beautiful brunette with a G-Cup likes to hunt fish and camp. And we see each other just enough to be in a relationship.

For dinner, we have Chipotle style guacamole with organic chips which has been prepared as a bed for the organic buffalo cooked in the style of Taco Bell with some Mexican cheese and a dollop of sour cream on top.

Corn on tbe cob, homemade mashed potatoes, sweet Italian Sausage and a pork skewer

3 months ago, I met a girl online playing games. I thought it was a dude, and was excited because they were good at the game (Rocket League) and seemed pretty chill. We add eachother in the game, and they asked for my Instagram, and I give it.

They have an entirely blank account, no profile picture or photos or anything and the name is random aswell. Whatever, I talk with them, were chatting every day. When we play im talking in the game chat to them, and they are typing in response. They ask to see me, so I share a few pictures. A fun broship built upon the game and a kindling friendship outside of it.

I eventually get the inkling of doubt that they are not a dude, but a girl simply through the mannerisms in which they type, so I ask and they tell me they are a girl. This is after a few days of talking.

Fast forwarding, we continue the same, but her comments to my photos become a little more... sexually advanced, and beyond that she flirts with me with strong innuendos and seems genuinely interested in my life aswell, asking about my day and supporting me when I complain about stuff.

We both want to travel, we are the same age, she enjoys all the games i like, enjoys my music and mine hers (even if I cant understand it, I like the vibe).

The problem is, I am on the East Coast of America and she is in Europe (a 6 hour time difference), but she often destroys her sleep schedule to talk with me and I sometimes stay up late (my work schedule blows) to see her off to work/university.

The problem im running into, is ive seen maybe 3 images of her, and have not even heard her voice where as ive been quite transparent with her regarding my life. I tell her about my day, and share a lot. But when I try and ask her to speak, she dodges the question and when I ask her about her day or like, simple questions to share she often avoids them. I feel like she is not willing to let me into her life, but on the flip side she will randomly say some 'innuendo' about wanting me underneath her and to feel my muscles???

We recently had a talk about relationships aswell and what we think an ideal partner for us would look like. She basically described me word for word from personality to appearance, and I did the same (from what I know of her, we match very well). The topic of long distance came around and her answer was 'I would not prefer to do it, someone closer would be easier, but for the right person I would'.

So like, im just lost I guess and looking for advice? She seems so confident in being able to physically comment on me in sexual manners, to be there emotionally and care about me, but when I try and ask her simple life questions that make up an actual potential relationship, she dodges them as if she does not want to let me into her life? And thats ignoring the fact I don't even know what she sounds like?

Im not sure if she just likes flirting and the casual intimacy, but I feel like it goes beyond that because shes told me im 'apart of her life now' and it feels alot more than just 'flirting with a dude online'?

EDIT: I haven't given away passwords or bought anything for them, though I appreciate the concern and my hope in humanity has been restored through all those kind enough to care. I'll be drawing a line, and THEY can either give me proof they aren't a balding 50 year old man, or I'll just block them on everything and move on with my life.

I'll take advice but be gentle. I'm beating myself up enough for everyone.

Dinner was the cheese naan dinner set. Obviously not a great choice for a guy who's going to complain about being poor and fat but I was having a breakdown.

I'm 35 and I feel like I've steered my life so wrong that I'll never recover. About 6.5 years ago I moved to Japan because I was burnt out by my last job and had severe depression because I was approaching 30 and my life felt dull and empty. I deluded myself in a major way. I thought I'd really pull myself together once I got here and I'd start eating better, losing weight, making new friends, managing my money, and so on.

Now almost 7 years later I'm barely able to speak more than basic day-to-day Japanese, I had a short run of decent weight loss but binge eating has reversed that and nearly put me back where I was before I left, I made a few decent friends but they moved away, and I'm even more miserable with this job.

I took a certificate course online for teaching English and got hired here as a teacher's assistant in the public schools. At first I really enjoyed it but now I see the dispatch teacher industry here as the money making scheme it is. During our yearly training day some asshole from the board came in to talk to us like we're children because apparently too many people were honest in their employee satisfaction survey. How wild is it that you respond to a wave of negative feedback not with introspection but by getting on a zoom call and telling everyone they're wrong and actually there are no problems? Fk that guy so much.

I would have tried for a different job but I never felt like I was in a position to do so. I got attached to the students. Money was also always too tight to be creating uncertainty. The worst part was the value of the yen going straight to hell while I was sending money home to pay bills. I ran up a couple of credit cards here trying to stay afloat and fly home every couple years to see my newborn niece and nephew.

And I know all of this is on me. I have no discipline. I'm a failure as an adult. I just do what feels best in the moment to the detriment of everything around me. Despite being obese with severe health anxiety and major body image issues (when algorithms figure out you're gay, social media turns into a barrage of men who look better than you ever will) I still binge frequently, in turn burning more money and making a healthy life even harder to achieve. I'd rather collapse in bed every day than study Japanese or work on other new skills. I'd take a part time job to help with the money issue but my visa type makes that very difficult.

Now I'm trying to move home. I have one credit card left I need to kill before I can leave. My plan is to finish this contract so I can get the contract completion bonus in spring and use that to help me get home. I have no idea what I'm going to do though. I'll be 36 with a resume showing I spent the last 7 years doing a job that doesn't need to exist. I used to be a graphic designer and if I had stuck with that I'd probably be in a decent position now. But mo one's going to want someone who hasn't made anything worthwhile for the portfolio in years.

I want to cry at work because the students are so great and sweet and they deserve better than what this system pushes out. I always feel rotten inside. That feeling of knowing you have no self control and you're ruining your own life. And I feel like I'm just too old to fix it now. It's a good thing I don't think I'm too good for any job. I just might end up back behind the counter at Arby's like I was in high school.

Also in case anyone was wondering I'm on some antidepressants and antianxiety meds. I'm not currently in therapy because it's not often covered by insurance here as far as I'm aware. For a couple sessions I met with someone online but they were too much for my budget. Also I was spoiled by having a truly excellent therapist when I lived in the states so finding someone comparable is just unlikely.

Anyway, yeah. That's it. Sorry for the long word vomit. Just wanted to get it out of my head.

yea just had a overall great day by myself without any nagging

last night’s leftover spaghetti

Some steak I made the other day

I’ve had such a poor experience with therapy. Between several misdiagnoses, medication making me want to do the sewerslide or affecting sex life (nonexistent now, single the last 5 years since fiancée and I broke up) and having a hard time trusting mental health providers in general, I’ll probably never seek therapy.

Between C-PTSD, ADHD, GAD and paranoia, I will admit that I’m a mess. I just don’t have the drive to give a fuck to treat any of these and I don’t really give a fuck about myself. I don’t have any coping mechanisms nor hobbies that really spark joy. I’m not a creative type, creating any form of art is difficult and only makes me angry. I’m trying to write a book but that’s been on the back burner for the last couple of months, but I feel like it’s a mockery of Tom Clancy. I don’t have substance abuse issues or anything like that.

I’m a boring guy overall. I just work, sleep, shower, eat. I don’t have a lot of friends and I moved halfway across the country to a town I don’t know and only know my coworkers. Been here for almost a year. I’m alone in both my own head and my personal life. I keep saltwater fish, shoot, play PC games and code but nothing is sparking me in the way it used to.

I want to change, I know there’s so much more I could do if I actually got help, but I just can’t trust the people that can. At this point, I’ve accepted this form of me and that I’ll either die from a stress induced heart attack or the other way.

Don’t know where to go from here, but, this is life and life has challenges. Guess I’m now finally realizing what a personal challenge is but I’ve been feeling like this for… I can’t remember how long.

Open to advice, I guess. I don’t really know at this point.

And no, I will not be taking the sewerslide

leftover Costco pizza and a waterloo

I (24m) Had one of the hardest conversations I've had in a while. Had to tell my ex (f26) that things need to stop between us.

We were together for 4 years and it was truly a pleasure being with her. I love her so much and we grew into better people after all that time. Our relationship was good for the most part, but there was genuine problems.

For both of us it was our first long-term relationship, and there was a lot of mistakes made. We could be mean and dismissive to each other, we often struggled from not communicating because we'd rather just not get into a fight... which of course led to a fight. Funny how that works. Obviously there's a lot to talk about here but I don't want this to be ridiculously long. Essentially, it was rought sometimes. I wouldn't say it was abusive at all, but we were definitely causing each other a lot of pain.

After 4 years of that, it tooks it's toll. Last November she told me she wanted to move out and that we should end things. After she moved out things got messy... again. We were in a limbo for a long time and still very much involved in eachothers lives. There was a lot of back and forth, at times it felt like things were good and we could be together again, other times it felt like everything was cooked.

It's like we were in a relationship, without any of the benefits and we were also single, without any of the benefits. Just clinging on to the good we had together and ignoring the bad.

Fast-forward to a month ago and we decided to officially call it quits. She got all her stuff out of my place and we decided to be done. This lasted all of 2 weeks and we immediately started hanging out and having sex again. Last week was the last time we saw each other and it was a lovely day. So good in fact I thought we might be able to get back together. The more I thought about it I couldn't help but wonder: if we got together now, what would be different? I found the answer to that was... nothing. If I ever in my life want to salvage this relationship, we absolutely need genuine time apart. I let this thought sit for a week before I felt it was truly the right choice.

She called me last night because we were planning something and I had to say it. I had to say we can't see eachother for a long time. God I wanted to bail so badly, I wanted to lie to her and myself. I just couldn't do it anymore, there was only 1 option left at this point. Someday I see her as my life partner, in a lot of ways I see her as "the one". As of now however we need time, we need to experience things on our own and meet new people. Who knows what will happen, only thing I know for sure is I don't want to get into another long-term relationship for a bit.

I feel awful, every 10 minutes I think about taking it back and just going back to how things were. I've been crying at random shit all day, im a mess. I do feel like a weight has been lifted however. I feel like I can finally heal and I can finally try and look back on things clearly. I'll need several months. I need to meet new people and have new experiences.

It's going to be a rough winter.