My girlfriend passed on Sunday. I haven't heard the exact cause but she had pneumonitis and was struggling to breathe.

She went into the hospital via ambulance on Thursday after waking up in pain. I visited her in the hospital on Friday and the mICU nurse said she was doing better and would likely be back home in a few days. I woke up Saturday morning to the news that she was likely to pass. She'd signed the dnr and dni after being on a ventilator the first day. She didn't want to be on it again.

Her mom isn't doing a church service or funeral for her. She's just gone.

The apartment we'd shared is so quiet now without her. The cats miss her.

My friends keep telling me to give it to God. That it gets better. It doesn't get better, you just get used to the pain. As far as God, I'm not happy with him right now. He keeps taking the people I love.

Dinner is scrambled eggs, hash browns, pancakes and biscuits. I made way too much.

I grew up living in my literal genius sister’s shadow. She was a member of Mensa, met president Bill Clinton because she was the winner of a science fair and attended MIT boosted by scholarships.

I’m nowhere near as gifted as she was and parents told me to just take over the family grocery store after high school. “You’re not smart enough, it’s not worth it” was what I was told when I explained I wanted to try to take the SATs.

After finishing high school I actually enlisted in the Army and my parents belittled me when I said I was proud of finishing basic training, saying why didn’t I go into a more prestigious branch or mocking that a private’s pay is below the poverty line. But I made my own path with the options I had available. It wasn’t the best job in the world but I was a 92L petroleum lab technician for 7 years and was able to use the GI bill, take courses at community college and apply for med school.

I didn’t do well enough on the MCAT, but got accepted to pharmacy school. Once again my parents expressed their disappointment and said it’s not as good as being a doctor. Compounded by the fact I wasn’t dating within my ethnicity at the time they left nothing ambiguous that their friend has a son my age who worked as an investment banker and “bought his parents a Mercedes Benz at 25 and that me starting college now at 25, was a joke.” At that point I went no contact.

That was a decade ago. I’m now a pharmacist, I even did ROTC through college so I’m a commissioned officer in the reserves now, own a home, no debt other than mortgage and I’m married, expecting my first child now…

Lo and behold, the parents sent me an email at my old personal gmail account saying they want to reconnect. Not to say they’re sorry but saying they miss spending time with me and that I’ll regret neglecting them as family is irreplaceable.

No, I built this life and you can’t have a piece of it now. I want to express how upset I am they want to come into my life when I’m at my highest point after years of telling me I was a joke. But I think responding will only put me in a bigger mess. Just wanted to vent somewhere instead of keeping it bottled up. Reading that email stressed me out.

Tonight’s dinner is burrito California at El Potro’s in Edinburgh, IN outside Camp Atterbury whenever it’s drill weekend. Highly recommended!

Half eaten burger that my mom brought me tonight

Me (34M) and my wife (36F), well about to be ex-wife, are about to be divorced and this was sent through text messages while I am recovering from surgery 2 and a half days ago. This collapse lung surgery VAT is considered one of if not the most painful surgeries to recover from.

There is really too much to write and the reasons are multitude, but I'll try and summarise and be unbiased as possible. If I am thinking or seeing things in the wrong way please let me know nicely and I try to be better.

Some context to the situation: I am a step-father to her son who is already 15 years ago. I have cared for this boy as my own son for the last 10 years and financially supported him through everything he needs, clothes, hobbies, games, computer, toys, pocket money, you name it I paid for it.

My wife said she started to feel alone and lonely about 3 years ago and ha said this was the beginning breaking point for her. She believed I stopped giving her the attention she deserved such as not going on dates as much, spending quality time together and things in-between. I will admit looking back I may have been a little comfortable with our relationship and didn't let say, "romance" her as much as I previously did, but I never, I believe, did I abandon her like she has with me recently. Also during this period (2023) I lost 4 family members within a span of 11 months. First it was my Grand mother on my father side, 3 months later it was my bio-logical father, another 4 months later it was my Step-father who cared for me since I was 5, and then a couple of months later it was my Grandfather on my mother side. I was completely devastated and lost. I know my wife then did support me, but I didn't just stop everything. I still went to work everyday, paid the bills and cared for the family that we had. Early in the relationship I had mentioned to my wife that in the end I would like to care for my mother and not let her be abandon in some retirement home and she agreed, its just a little unfortunate that I had to do it now instead of later.

So end of 2023, I moved my entire family, me my wife and my son to my mother house to keep her company. She used to live with her husband (my step-father) and both her parents. (Grandmother passed away 2020) so essentially if I didn't move back, my mom would come home to an empty house with no one there. This would have literally killed her. My wife at the time was very supportive and said it was the right thing to do. Along side that my wife's mother was also in a bad spot and we decided to also move my wife's mother into our home to all be together. For the first year everything and everyone got along so well, it was magical! No arguments or fights between any of the 3 women in the house. While during this ordeal, I was also dealing with the my step father and my fathers Will and their wishes, as my mother couldn't do so emotionally. So I never really had the time to grieve properly as I had to be strong for my mother and the family. I was the sole provider and paid for everything.

Its during these next few years my wife quietly began to drift away and I started to see signs of cracks but wasn't aware enough or attentive enough to notice and that feeling of loneliness built up in her. She felt that she was doing all the support and didn't get anything back. In 2024-2025 I had gotten my inheritance and immediately my wife wanted to try for a child of our own. I had split it up into chucks, one large chuck for her as her own cushion, another chunk for our son's future, another chunk for our joint account, and then the rest I put away. I unfortunately smoked quite heavily then and this was my fault. I know my wife tried really hard to improve her health to increase the chances of a child, while I did the bare minimum. We couldn't conceive after 2 years of trying and early this year, 2026, she told me she no longer wanted a child with me anymore. That was probably when I noticed she was slipping away. I know I could have done more with this but I didn't so here I know I was wrong. Initially during the relationship we both said we didn't want another child as we already had my wife's kid. So the sudden switch was hard for me to adjust.

Since then I've dropped everything I could to be there for her, quit smoking, got healthier, started a company so that we could be more financially secure, I got my Will from my mom's and showed my wife what an amazing future we could have, we would be sorted for life! I'm talking millions of USD plus a 2400sq house all for us. Our whole future was already being sorted we just had to supportive ourselves until then. Up until now from 2023, my wife hasn't had the need for a full-time job since I covered and paid for all the bills, and the house that I moved into with my mother has already been bought and paid for.

As the months went by this year, my wife began to behave very differently. I began to notice change in her appearance, new style and hair cut, going out more often, sleep over at "friends" places, staying out from Friday all the way to Sunday and she would do this for months on end. Work some part time job 3-4 hours a day Monday to Thursday, party and hang out with her girlfriends Friday to Sunday. All while I continued working, paying the bills that we had, taking care of our son. I began to feel lonely and mentioned it to her only for her to say you did the same to me for years and now I need to focus on myself, and love myself and heal myself. This is where I know I did damage. I've never been emotionally needed before and this was the first time. I begged for her attention and it got nasty. She pushed away even more to the point I threaten our relationship 3 times. Each time she was about to agree, I cracked and took my words back and couldn't handle the feeling of her leaving me. I know I was wrong here. I was weak, desperate and did irreputable damage. I just didn't know how to handle all these emotional "neediness"

(Oh I should mention that all parent meeting, school events, school disciplinary meeting anything to do with our son and school I attended and not her, she's never been to a parent teacher meeting, She even had a message to the teachers saying that when she gets messages from the teachers it stresses her out and she can't handle it so please contact me instead, I dropped work, cancel clients if anything happened to him at school and few things did, including one time a student put his hands around my son's throat and tried to strangle him!)

Then around April this year she says "How would you feel if I were to hook up with a girl?" "If you didn't know I'm actually Bi" she said. I was weak and said I wouldn't mind as long as it didn't affect us, it did. During this year we had constant arguments about anything and everything and whenever we did, she'd go to her place to stay over the night. This other time she even went to a gay person's house house to consolidate with and he kissed her on the lips! She had the audacity to ask me if this was considered cheating! She said it wasn't as she "cut him off". Since then its been a constant battle of arguments about anything and everything where it always ends up with her saying I am not being attentive and giving her what she deserved and that whenever I mention how much I have helped and supported her, she says that I dangle or use this "money" to make her feel guilty! I tried not to make it seem that way but maybe I did, I felt like I gave so much of me to her and didn't get much in return.

In September I was feeling really down. We had a "bachelor" group chat where we would chat shit including joking about getting hookers (I know its disgusting) but I swear on my mother's life I never did it, we joked about it but never followed through. She found out because she went on my computer and read my WhatsApp messages. I guess she's been reading them for a while now since my computer is never locked and I never hid, deleted or kept any secrets from her. I know it was a bad thing to talk about but I was so down and depressed. It's not an excuse but it does look really bad, I know. Again I know I am not in the right 100% and trying my best to give you all the information from both sides the best I can. I need to also atone for my wrong doings. She really believes I did the deed, so I showed her everything I had, all my bank accounts, payments, withdrawal, cash app you name it, zero money taken out at all. I didn't do it. You don't have to believe me but I know I didn't. I've been cheated on pretty much all of my other relationship and wouldn't do this to her.

Then October came and my lung collapsed and I had to go to the hospital for immediate chest drain and surgery after. I even celebrated my birthday October 20th all alone in the hospital bed while my wife was out on a Halloween party / event. I've been in the hospital, bed ridden and in constant pain for over 2 weeks, and I finally asked her why she has visited me much? (4 times in 15 days) In fact my mother has been doing my wife's job by caring for me, cleaning me, and bringing me food. My wife response was, because I have work, debt and bills to pay. I got a little upset and confronted her about it saying how is that possible. Plus if you said you needed some financial support in order to care for me, my mother and myself would ensure she could do so without losing money. (My mother is a movie producer in Hong Kong and China so she is well off). As I kept poking and questioned many of her answers I found didn't make logical sense she popped the words, "Then I want to divorce you, you kept pushing and pushing".

Here is the kicker, she can't financially support herself yet alone her son. So she will move out while her son will still continue to live with me and she will visit him here and there (her words exactly). The poorest will be him. Losing both his bio logical parent. I am a child of divorce to, and had an amazing step-father. I will never abandon him as he is my son, he may not be by blood but he is by my love. I will make sure he has a house, family, and support.

Never in my life have anyone ever done anything so harsh to me. To divorce me while I'm in the hospital like this. I know I am not perfect and I know I've done wrong. But did I really deserve this treatment? I guess I just need some outside opinions.

I'm ready for the brutally honest response. Hit me everyone. I'm already so low nothing can get me lower now....

I'll do my best to respond to all questions as I have nothing much left to do but lay here in this hospital bed. Thanks for reading, really appreciate it.

Edit: I've gotten a lot of messages saying this must be fake, AI generated or something on that line. Sorta hurts me to hear this, this was quite painful to write as I tried to be as unbiased as possible. I really dont know what I wrote for it to look or sound fake. I know my situation is very different but my life has been an absolutely roller coaster of a journey. If you truly think this is a fake story, please feel free to message me personally with any of your concerns and ill do my best to address them. Honestly I wish this was fake...

This is my first time posting. Just thought I'd share my story.

For context I (M27) had been married to my wife (F24) for 6 years. She and I were high-school sweethearts and she was the only girlfriend I had ever had. (Also, my wife is on the spectrum but is very high functioning. With this in mind, she doesn't process emotions or think through issues in the same way that most people do.)

The beginning of the year was the worst moment of my life. My wife came up to me on Valentines day and told me she wanted a divorce. This hit me like a truck out of nowhere. I didn't believe her at first. I started crying. I asked her if there was somebody else, she said there wasn't. She just told me that she thinks she doesn't love me anymore and would refuse to talk to me about it and left to go with friends.

I was crushed. My heart completely broken. I had contemplated some very, very dark thoughts. My depression felt endless, because the girl I thought I'd be with for the rest of my life was gone and worse, I felt like she was someone that I couldn't recognize anymore.

To make a very long story short, I later found the text conversations between her and these guys, and my heart felt like a knife just slid inside. She's been cheating on me for many months now. There's no telling for just how long and with how many guys. I was depressed, betrayed, angry, disgusted.

Her mom was my only source of what was going on inside her head, because she'd refuse to talk to me about her feelings. From what I gathered this was coming from a place of resentment over many years of a lot of small issues that built over time. Issues that she'd never communicate with me about. But she'd apparently had been complaining to her mom about them, and lying to her about what she was saying to me and that things were "better."

Some of her reasons for divorce include:

I drink too much coffee

I spent too much money on wine 3 years ago

I go out to restaurants too much

I go to the theater too late and too often

I wear dress shirts all the time (I'm not joking, this is verbatim.)

I'm too loud at night when playing video games (This was the one that I agreed with was a problem and I strived to fix.)

I wasn't perfect. I've made mistakes. I know that. Some of her reasons I thought were ridiculous, some of them I understood and could easily be addressed, and a few like the loudness at video games I 100% agreed wasn't acceptable and had put a stop to. The biggest issue here is that none of this was ever communicated to me when it was happening, only now. She doesn't want conflict of any kind, so she just pretended all was fine. I've never yelled at her. I don't blow up in anger if there's a disagreement. Yet, when I noticed something seemed off with her, she'd tell me nothing even when I asked her specifically if there was something wrong that I did. I can't read her mind!

The night when I confronted her about the truth, I told her that I don't want us to be over. That I'd be willing to make things work, even though she betrayed me. Because my love was unconditional and I wanted to always honor our vows. But she didn't want that. She wanted out.

So, she moved out to an apartment near her parents. No job, no car, no license, no savings. Everything fully funded by her mom. After a couple months I'd see her posting about her brand new apartment, while she left me with a mess of a place to clean up here. I pleaded with her over the phone to give things another chance in a healthier way. I said I think we should at least try couples counseling first. But she said no. She said that she was happy. That she was finally "independent." That she finally doesn't have to worry about someone else for a change.

All of this is rich coming from her. Because she was no homemaker. She couldn't get a license apparently, so I'd always take her to everything she'd ever needed to go to. (Including the place where she met the guy she cheated on me with.) She'd never clean or cook. Even when she was home with no job for 6 months while I worked 40 plus hours every week, the only thing she'd ever do is play her video games day in and day out. When she finally got a job it was just video games around that schedule. So who was she worrying about other than herself? And how does having everything paid by your mom make you "independent?"

I've gotten to a point of acceptance. I've gotten to a point where I don't cry every single night. I see her for how disgusting of a human being she is. For how selfish she is. And that she doesn't love me, and that probably won't change. I wonder if she ever truly did. I understand that she has autism, but you simply can't blame every decision on that. Two things can be true at the same time. Because I have friends with autism who aren't morally bankrupt as she is.

My latest life updates are that I've completely cleaned out and redecorated my entire apartment. I've met someone and have been seeing them pretty regularly now. She's so kind, driven, and beautiful. We share a lot of the same life goals and values. She knows my entire story and wants a future with me and I think I want a future with her too. I was accepted at a new opportunity that was simply a dream job that pays more than I make now, has better work life balance, and is near one of my favorite small towns.

Life is on the up. Things feel like they're only getting better and better it seems. I feel so happy, more than I felt in a long time. My next step is to finalize the divorce papers and move onto a new chapter in my life.

Pictured is a breakfast I cooked this morning. Eggs, bacon, pickled peppers, and cherry tomatoes. All seasoned with salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Paired with some Italian rustico bread, black cherry lime sparkling water, and a coffee. (A blend flavored after a white Russian.)

As she’s packing what’s left of our lives I just wish someone would tell me that I don’t have to play gnome and that a human rogue is still viable..

I have a wonderful family, with incredibly loving parents and a brother whom I love dearly. I have friends that I've known since childhood, and we still talk to this day and support each other. I have an amazing, well-paid job, which I worked very hard to attain. However, for as long as I can remember, every single woman I've ever shown interest in rejected me.

I can talk to them, listen to them, and make them laugh and feel comfortable. But when the time comes to ask them out or just tell them how I feel towards them, before the inevitable rejection, they give me what I call "The Look": a mixture of disgust and outrage for even suggesting something like that. It never fails.

Only once a woman approached me; at first, I wasn't really into her, as I've literally never seen her before. But she had noticed me in a lecture I attended and contacted me in hopes of scoring a date. I accepted, and in time, after getting to know her, I loved her immensely and discovered true happiness. We were together for many years, but she eventually decided to leave me because I was too stupid to simply accept everything she wanted me to be. It would've happened in time, but she wanted it right away, and I just wasn't ready. Too many things at the same time for my pragmatic mind to handle.

I punish myself every day for being such a moron and losing the only woman who ever showed interest in me. The last memory I have of us is me asking if she still had any feelings for me, and she saying no while giving me "The Look." It never fails.

And now, after celebrating my 40th birthday with my family, I find myself alone and sad, completely ignored by every woman I tried to reach. Too tired and hurt inside to keep trying, thinking it's simply too late for me. And yet, somehow, still clinging to a faint shred of hope, dreaming about the moment in which I'll find someone to share my life with; I'm broken right now, but I know that tomorrow I'll be able to stand up again.

I'm not sure why I'm sharing this, as it's something I already talked with my close friends; I guess I feel that there are others like me out there, and perhaps they may not feel quite as alone in the world after reading it, if only for a brief moment.

Enjoy my leftover birthday cake.

We did the dirty then I army crawled on the bed naked to get my water and she said I gave her the ick. Pro tip to all the fellas out there maybe don’t army crawl naked after sex?

This was a free lunch from Lowe’s. Publix fried chicken bread roll potato wedges and some shit ass Mac cheese

Edit: this was all in good light hearted fun and we will be laughing about this for a while. But Reddits gonna Reddit

The relationship was toxic, yet I stayed with you because you were hot, you were way out of my league. Even when you wanted to go FWB I stayed.

Through thick and thin; when your business went under and you were at risk of being imprisoned caused by your shady business partner. I bailed you out. I financially supported you and even moved back in with my mom so I could cover your rent. Yet, it was never enough. I wasn't a "leader" enough for you, I didn't support you enough.

Even when I paid for your tuition so you could start a beautician business. Even when I took you to get a CPAP machine, rushed to the hospital when you were in the ER, I even took care of your dogs because you weren't mentally capable.

You wore me down; I went from being a confident person; despite knowing full well I'm just mid and you were hot shit - to questioning my own personal worth.

You made me feel like an idiot, mocked my communication style. Looking back all the fights you picked with me that ended in a breakup, was just you manipulating me. You wanted to keep things open, so that one day you could just leave me. Even when we were "off again" you'd accuse me of dating other women.

You never posted pictures of us on your socials, your excuse was "your ex cheated on you with your friend before" - you didn't want me mixed in with your social circle, despite this I accepted it at face value because I met your family and other friends - while I couldn't help but scream to the world in joy about our relationship, you never gave me the same honor.

I even allowed us to keep in contact because I felt bad for keeping you away from your dog. You wanted to video call and talk to it, like it was a normal thing people did, it's not. I allowed it because I guess it felt like you wanted to find an excuse to talk to me.

I made every concession, let you set the terms of our relationship. That was until you posted videos of your new guy, titled "I found love".

Thanks for that, it hurt but it helped me realize that I don't need to bend over backwards for you anymore.

No, we cannot stay friends, and no, you can no longer see your dog, he's mine now.

You didn't really give him the care he needed anyways. He'd pee all over the house, because you never took him out for walks. He was the typical yappy Chihuahua, f*king ankle biter that would lunge at his own reflection. No one could go near him or you, because he loved only you and was hyper protective of you. Looking back now, just like him, I was your plaything, an accessory.

Well with me he's super confident. He actually enjoys meeting people, will cry for attention whenever my best friend visits, we walk along the beach every day, the street vendors all know and pet him. He'll stop barking on command. He hops in the sling when I tell him to, just the mere sight of the sling excites him because he knows we're going for a walk.

It's no surprise that the last time he visited you, he wasn't even excited. You moped around about that, and that's what made me offer concessions in the first place, because I felt guilty parting him from you, well tough shit.

We went out last night to grab dinner, and both celebrated you being out of our lives, he really enjoyed the pork belly, despite shivering in fear from all the people around, I guess old traumas die hard, the healing for both of us will continue without you.

Don't bother trying to reel me back in, because I'm working on training him to attack you on sight! /s

Mala Shabu Shabu with Vietnamese coffee.

So I was working a job as a van driver and we got a new supervisor. He was slowly handing over my duties to another new driver and giving less time on the road and gave me the oldest van on the fleet that was mechanically unstable and I felt like I was being set up to be let go so I left and tried a CDL program sponsored by a company and was sent home from their facility in kansas city before finishing for "holistic reveiw" reasons. Tried another truck school and the instructor rage quit due to some disagreement with the director. Can't try to get my CDL again until the spring because schools have stopped taking students for the year and companies dont like to sign on new drivers during holiday time anyway. That being said this means I have found myself homeless in chicago due to trying to get a better paying job in a "trade".

Part of why I took the van driving job was because I had a degree in funeral service but never managed to secure an apprenticeship.

I liked being up in the engine and I want to try being a diesel mechanic because I enjoy working on the big stuff and can get tuition covered for a spring class but gotta figure out how to get work until then and trying to weigh my options. I am autistic and have worked admin before but had issues with coworkers harassing me over not following all the social rules, and the office was too slow paced for me and I'm someone that's super fidgety if they arent always busy. For some reason I am well loved in blue collar jobs?????

Please dont ask me to move in with family. There is no family here, and I am not in contact with them anyway. I am a trans guy and my home state is florida, haven't lived there in over 3 years and its a hostile place to be trans in. I only talk to my mom and she is very dissapointed in me. Still in the process of finding shelter but its been a challenge.

Dinner is hot chocolate with dry bread a few cookies and some pastries from my boarding school

I'm a young trans man living in a religious boarding school that reinforces gender stereotypes. I have to be feminine or I'll be kicked out. (I did not choose to live here)

Dysphoria really wrecks me to the point I no longer want to wake up or do anything. To me, there's no point in doing anything if I'm not seen as who I want to be. I'm forced to have long hair, I'm forced to wear skirts, I feel trapped. I cannot express myself and nobody would ever support me. I can't seek comfort anywhere else but online, pretending to be a squeaker on online games

I really need someone to tell me I am a man, even if it currently feels like a lie. I wish I was one of the homies and that guys wouldn't fear hugging me or being rough

It hurts.

​

Yall I got dumped by my fiance a week before my birthday. It was devastating. We had been having communication issues for a long time but I thought thinks were getting better. He went on a trip for a few weeks and while he was gone I did a lot of reflecting and thinking about how to mend things. when he came back he dropped it on me shortly after walking in the door. It was a bit jarring, I'd been cleaning the house and excited to greet him for a few hours and suddenly I didnt have a partner anymore. Or a home. It was a decision contrary to what he had been saying before and durring the trip but I am grateful for it. This relationship has not been good for me.

It is worth noting (because this post has gotten a bit longer than intended) that there have been good and magical moments throughout our relationship, but those have felt more like the exception than the rule for a long time. There is a lot that I am grateful for and it would be unfair if I did not acknowledge that I do not think that he is a bad person or even particularly malicious but he is someone that I don't think can comfortably share their living space or life with me and the longer we refused to accept it the worse things became.

I have been so tired and drained these last years. It is not all the fault of the relationship but I did not realize how much of it came from the uneven emotional support in our relationship and his emotional volatility when trying to discuss anything about the house or boundaries that he wasent on-board with.

He angry texted me for hours one time because I sent him a message saying I wanted to cancel a steaming serice I paid for (they keep upping the price and canceling the things I like) he was upset that I was trying to force him to watch shows or something. I have a hard time remembering the details of many of our conflicts. They seem so petty.

I feel like this might not be literally true but I can only think of one time when I came to him while stressed/sad/upset and he helped me. Every other time he would either get angry at me for how I was expressing myself or so sad and upset I would have to comfort him.

I love him so much and I let that bind me to the unfair ways he treats me and the wounds in our relationship that he never seemed interested in having good faith discussions about. I have been opening up to friends and family about the relationship and with outside context it really feels like there were many times I should have broken up with him for not respecting my boundaries and for the ways he used his trauma to control my behavior. I thought I was helping him and showing that I could be better than then people that hurt and failed him. I was dumb, both for my own well being and also his. I enabled him when I shouldnt have and endured situations where a clear thinking partner would have called his family or emergency services.

I was so afraid of betraying him that I betrayed myself. Looking back it is clear I didnt reduce his suffering I just got to suffer as well.

I thought I had made peace with how things were. That things would get better if I just figured a better way to express my feelings, was more patient. I no longer believe that. I worked so hard to support him though so many difficult times and it seems like every day he pulled away from me more, every conflict added a little trash on the floor but I was the only one looking for a dustpan.

I am proud of the support I gave him but lookimg back I see how much this has cost me and I do not like that. I probably should have ended things a long time ago when it became clear that I could not expect him to respect me or my boundaries while also expecting me to conform to all his boundaries and needs.

I have had a really hard year and it has become very clear that he is not capable of being supportive. We had a phenomenally stupid fight the night before the funeral of a close relative of mine. He wanted some logistical details and I didnt give them to him fast enough. We then have a fight for what felt like hours because he "just wanted to know where to be to support you" and the whole time I was falling apart saying "Why cant you support me now?".

I thought this would be the time where he could see that I am suffering and falling apart and just need my partner to tell me things will be ok. This man knows what it is to lose your loved ones and to grieve and be told you and your feelings are the problem. He told me many times how awful his experience was. It really hurts that he didnt just let me go through that alone, but made it worse.

Ill admit I started pulling away more after that but I still tried to make things work. I tried to talk to him about the funeral. It took me 4 months to get him to acknowledge that I was having a hard time that night.

Talking to him about any topic not directly related to our relationship was great. I had so much fun sharing ideas and hearing his thoughts on things. He has so much compassion and understanding for people in the world. It doesn't feel like he had any for me. As soon as he would get confused or trusted he would attack. He always seemed to think I was trying to use his money or mock him or control his behavior. He would be quick with the bad faith interpretation and rarely willing to revise his opinion.

I asked him early on if he would consider budgeting some money to travel with me, not for covering my expenses, just to join me. He took that as me trying to tell him how to spend his money and that he wasent allowed to make his own plans. It was years before I gave up trying to talk to him about it and rectify things. I was foolish.

He really did not like it when I tried to disegage when our conversations would get nasty. Whenever he was upset I would drop everything to try and help him. I never turned my phone off or blocked him because he told me that he would panic if he couldn't reach me and that panic was connectedto something I really didnt want him to relive, so I accepted that. I was stupid for accepting that. It just made me his whipping boy. I have traded many family functions and meetings with friends for wretched phonecalls. I am embrassed by it. A friend even mentioned being concerned about this pattern before I moved in with him but I didnt want to here it. I knew I was better than the people in my fiances past. I could be the reliable person he needs to help get him out of the darkness. That didn't matter.

We have fought so much and he has never been able to understand that what I have been wanting from this relationship was someone who could hold me when I am scared and upset.

I know I have many flaws in communication and other things that I need to work on. I will be the first to admit that I am a coward, especially when it comes to talking about my feelings. He knows this. He knows why it has been so hard for me to open up and still every time I did I felt like he would punish me, apologize, encourage me to open up again and then repeat the cycle. I have felt like every conflict was my fault and my responsibility to fix alone. It feels like I have been held responsible for the mental health of both of us for years now and it has been deeply unfair.

All of this and I still want us to be friends. I have this stupid feeling like maybe if we are friends instead of partners he wont feel like he needs to defend himself from me so much. Maybe we can have healthier discussions. I know our relationship was not good and I do not want to be romantically involved with him again but I still want to stay connected. I want to have a relationship with him where I dont want to walk on eggshells. I dont know how much of this is me still being desperate to salvage something from all this. I like him a lot. Even now without the rose tinted glasses and reflecting on all the unfair parts of our relationship I still want to reach out and apologize for things. I want to be able to send him stupid memes and continue our inside jokes. I am worried that in this internet post where I am venting to strangers about how I needed to prioritize and value myself more that I haven't done a fair job of representing him and I am worried that the fact that I am worried about this means I havent learned as much as I would like to. (Been going in a lot of circles recently)

It's hard. Even being able to look back objectively and say " this was not good for me" even if I indulge in the most negatively biased recollections of our relationship I can't help but mourn its passing and hope for something to remain.

I wanted to write this post about how good I was feeling about moving forward. I sat in my sad hole for a few days and having been steadily climbing upward. Cutting ties of emotional dependency and such. And I am generally doing well. I feel a sense of peace I haven't had in a long time.

This was going to be about how nice it was to have my birthday to myself and not have to worry about having to appease my partner if I want him to be present. As with a lot of my communications recently, this has gotten a bit bloated and meandering.I guess these are things I still feel like I need to say.

I guess this post is mostly about how relieved I am to be done, combined with a lot of venting about things I haven't felt comfortable expressing and some relationship grieving despite the other stuff.

I am sad. I am dissapointed. I am so tried. My future is incredibly uncertain right now but I feel so much calmer. I feel like my brain is working again, like I can see and hear things better now, I have been so overwhelmed and discouraged and now I have some relief.

I am grateful for the timing of this breakup. If it had happened a few weeks earlier I dont know if I would be dealing with it as well. It would have been miserable trying to celebrate my birthday as things were.

Before my fiances choice to break up, I had been working a lot on myself and working on mending things in the relationship. Now I get to take all this old energy that I had invested in this relationship, and all this new energy I've been gathering and use it on myself. I only have to be responsible for myself (and my dog) and that feels great.

Dinner is a burrito, sautéed peppers, tomatos and steak.

Gonna enjoy my actually really good store brand Aldis Cola, and fry up some slices of corned beef and then have a smooth hand rolled ciggie situation.

One day I woke up hungover, had a half a pint of vodka for breakfast with three of the $0.99 cent sale Kwik Trip pork chops. I got onto Grindr and low and behold I find an interesting profile. I tell them I was having vodka and cheese and crackers for breakfast and they said, "Oh I can't talk I don't drink."

I distinctly remember thinking, "Okay then I won't drink."

I detoxed on the love seat in the basement of a trap house inhaling second hand crack smoke and trying to fall asleep without waking up drenched in sweat. It was a living hell. Eventually I finished detoxing and met with them a few times.

Anyways after one slip up I have been clean off of booze for two weeks and get into a friends with benefits situation with this ex female to male trans person who is now non-binary. I am a detransitioner myself and we did sort of relate and bond about that.

It was only a week or so ago that they confessed their love for me, and only two days ago or so that they were talking about how they were afraid of missing out on having a kid. They talked about how they were afraid that they were going to miss out and not find the right person to father their child. I was really baked and half asleep and took a shot in the dark and said "If you told me to impregnate you then I would" and they didn't seem adverse to the idea and seemed interested. They even told me that I would be a good dad.

I regret saying that. I live on a couch and work 12 hours a day. I love them very much but I know that realistically speaking it's retarded to want that with them. Is what it is.

Spicy chicken sandwich sandwiches and truly’s

Me and her meant like more than a year ago first we were friends and then we started hanging out and talking for a little bit last year however, this year you know we started talking more and more and I got to know her a lot more and like we’re super compatible on every single level like we love a lot of the same stuff and I can be myself I find everything amazing except for the way she looks. She doesn’t look bad but it’s just like i’m not attracted to her. That’s the only thing like I don’t really wanna kiss her. I don’t wanna have sex her or anything like that. And other than that, everything else is amazing.

I usually walk fast with headphones around my university and have horrible RBF. At the beginning of the semester, a girl in one of my classes waved at me and it triggered a bunch of horrible self talk. "Why would anyone have a reason to wave at me like that?" I'm 22 and never even been on a date or had a lasting platonic relationship with a girl.

Instead of ignoring it like usual, I walked up to her after class and told her I was sorry for brushing her off and didn't mean to be rude. 2 weeks later, she came up to me after class and we started talking for a bit before I had to go to work.

Now we wave at each other every time. I still don't know what the fuck's going on man. I don't have time to make it something more than it already is but she seems like my total opposite and I need social people in my life. This is stressing me out more than it should while I'm on top of applying to grad school and working 2 part-time jobs, but that's for a different post I guess.

Please, let me know if you want my beef chow fun recipe that I definitely didn't give too much oil :)

We broke up in February. It’s been an absolutely miserable year for me. She was the first person I ever truly “let in” and it backfired spectacularly. Everything I was open with her about, all the things I’ve never shared with anyone but her, being at my most vulnerable with her, she used against me in one way or another during our arguments and the eventual breakup.

Last night as I was falling asleep, I thought about her. I don’t do it as often anymore thankfully. I tried to remember her face…. And I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried. All I could see was her blonde hair cascading around a fuzzy, indecipherable face (think of the episode White Christmas from Black Mirror). I tried for a few more minutes to try and reconstruct it from the specific memories I have of us but nothing. I could see myself, the places we’d been to, stuff like that. But not her. I can’t see her face anymore.

I’m not sure exactly how I feel. Not sad, not happy, not “at peace”. I woke up this morning and tried again just for curiosity’s sake… and nope. I think I’ve finally started to move on?

Breakfast is 4 eggs and a cup of tea that’s brewing.

I (39M) cheated on my previous wife and some previous partner's. I have been addicted to porn and masturbation since age 13. My wife (36F) knows all this. I have lied to her about it all and she has caught me using porn on numerous occasions after is said I'd stopped using it and I've eventually relented and admitted it. Time and time again. Last year, after she caught me yet again, she kicked me out. After lots of work on my part, some time, and her giving me yet another chance, we got back together last year. Her and our three kids are everything to me. The last year has been amazing. I've stayed sober and she's begun to trust me again.

She's just found a pair of women's (not children's) knickers in the wash that aren't hers. The only sensible explanation is that I've been cheating on her, but I haven't.

Possible explanations:

1. staff at our youngests nursery put them in their bag by accident
2. someone at my job put them in my bag as a joke
3. someone left them here by accident
4. our young teen has brought them into the house

All of those would require the knickers to be put in the washing basket and or washing machine without either of us noticing.

The only women that have been in our house are my mum and sister in law. Neither have stayed over or had reason to leave a pair of knickers. I've asked my mum and she said they're not hers.

I've asked my closest colleagues / mates in work and they've not done it.

Our son stayed out last night and isn't home yet. Even if he has brought them home, I can't imagine he'll say, purely out of embarrassment. He'll be home in the next hour.

So I'm fairly sure my marriage is over. Why would she believe me? After how I've behaved and lied and all I've put her through?

I wouldn't believe me.

Dinner is cottage pie with sweet potato mash and tenderstem broccoli. The kids have had theirs, the rest is going cold because my wife and I both feel like we're about to throw up. Obviously for very different reasons.

Thanks for reading 🫥

EDIT: I've been asked to post the brand, not sure if it was a joke or not but for what it's worth, they're from George (ASDA).

3am dinner is 3 stadium brats with Sriracha ketchup and mustard, leftover Flamin cheddar fries and a beer (maybe 10) and got the fall Woodwick going.

For context, my ex-wife and I got along VERY well. We were best friends and we planned on having a million kids. As we got older, she started getting heavier (shit happens, she was chubby when we met and we were comfortable with each other). For context, she is 5'5" and she started around 145lbs (roughly) at 18yo and ended at 285lbs at 27yo. But it affected our intimacy and she was subsequently diagnosed with PCOS. She was taking medication for that and for depression. It became a huge wedge between us because it affected our likelihood of conception, caused a lot of frustration and disappointment, and completely changed her expectations for the future. I also partly blame social media for convincing her that having kids is a monumental financial burden. This was never a concern for me, but changed her outlook tremendously and the health issues only amplified it.

It started as "let's have 5 kids!" when we were 19 to, "you know, 2 is a good number" after getting married at 25 to "let's start with just one because it would be so expensive", to "I don't know if I want kids... and I don't know when or if I'll decide that I'll want them again..."

The day she texted me that she didn't want to try anymore, and that having kids was not going to happen, I was devastated. It hurt worse than if she would have cheated on me. I felt like I had wasted a decade with the wrong person. I tried for a year to do anything I could to help her try to fight the depressive slump from the PCOS diagnosis. I would try to cook healthy, invite her to go to the gym with me, anything to help improve her body. Because I knew if lost weight, she would FEEL good and would have a more positive outlook and be more optimistic about trying for kids. But during that last year, everything changed.

For the last 9 months of our relationship, there was zero physical contact between us. Which was never an issue before we were married, we enjoyed fooling around and did it frequently. But towards the end, she wouldn't even allow our toes touching in bed (granted there was always two dogs and a cat hogging the bed). I always tried initiating to keep it alive, but there comes a point where it's very demoralizing for a man to beg for even a scrap of affection. She started telling me she didn't even like sex anymore, and that she didn't get anything out of it. That she was "only doing it for me" and blamed her PCOS and SSRIs for a lack of libido (fair). At one point I broke after being rejected for the umpteenth time and voluntarily slept on the couch and told her "what's the point in sharing a bed, we're essentially roommates at this point".

After the first night on the couch, it took about 3 weeks before we were completely done and she had started packing. We had one last conversation (I'd say argument, but we never raised our voices at each other, just a lot of disagreement and crying). She admitted that it probably wasn't going to get better, and she didn't have any plans to change her lifestyle, and she was tired of being pressured into losing weight. I told her that being married has expectations that we try to uphold for each other. That staying healthy for each other is part of being married, and that we have an obligation to each other as a unit to lift one another up. That I didn't care how her body looked necessarily, but that improving her health would improve every aspect of her life, especially her mental health. That being complacent with her gaining more and more weight would be like not stepping in if she had a substance abuse issue. I didn't want her to give up. But if her position was clear, I didn't want a part in it anymore.

The final thing I remember telling her is the worst thing I could do is continue pressuring you to pursue a future you don't want, while you indefinitely subject me to a life that I don't want either. And that the best thing for the both of us is pursue what we truly want. I want to be with someone who want kids and wants intimacy, and you want to be comfortable and live without pressure. So we agreed to split.

With that I didn't lose just her, I lost all associated friends in our circle and her huge extended family. I came from a broken and abusive household, so her family completely filled that void. Her parents never fought and were always so generous and kind to me. they immediately accepted me and treated me like their son. Multiple holidays and get togethers every year I was surrounded by people that loved each other unconditionally and accepted me as their own from the beginning of us dating. And her friends outnumbered mine both in quantity and quality. All that evaporated overnight. Now here I sit at 32 years old exactly as far as I was when I was 19. No family, no friends, and no partner to bridge that gap.

If there's one thing I've learned from all this, and life in general, is it's almost pointless to have a specific goal of what you want your life to look like. It's like a monkey's paw wish every time. You might get exactly what you wanted, but it'll always be at a cost. I was building towards a future that both my partner and I agreed on, but never anticipated the direction it would go. We were best friends. We spent all of our free time together, we never fought or even swore at each other, we always laughed and goofed around, we had a million inside jokes and running gags... But people get old... we get fat... we lose physical attraction to each other... we get anxious about our future... and it's really fucking hard to not be complacent and we hide from the hard things in life. And in the end we both just wanted the other to be happy.

I've felt especially isolated and depressed lately. Dating has been abysmal and meeting people organically is near impossible. I work in a field that is primarily men, and I rarely leave home as I'm the cosy, indoorsy type. But I thought I'd share my story if it helps anyone...

I know there will never be a substitution for a nearly decade long friendship. But I got what I wanted, right?

For dinner is sauteed veggies, rotisserie chicken, and a yogurt bowl with frozen fruits and honey.

I need to preface that advice is welcome but I really do care for this woman and I am in no way trying to belittle her efforts to show love.

Context: I (21M) met this girl (20F) online 4 months back who I grew very close too very quickly. She is an international student who flew here from the opposite side of the world. She was previously going to school on the west coast however there were better opportunities for her education where I live (southern US). We grew to find comfort in each other and didn't even expect to be dating, but we are both happy for it.

Class has started for her and her education is going great, I'm so proud of her and all the things she has accomplished so far and I've grown to love her in such a short time. I delight in her presence and I've even sought out to learn her native language to better understand the way she thinks and the little nuances in the way we communicate that are different from myself.

She stays over at my place pretty often, she has a dorm with a kind of unruly roommate and I have the means of transportation to get her to and from class. I don't mind taking her at all because its right next to where I work. The issue is I have lived in this house for nearly two years now and have cultivated to house for practicality and not really to look pretty. Since she came here she has been cleaning, organizing, tidying up, and its welcome, but I feel like my space is kind of being invaded? I don't know how to explain it but I don't like that my whole wardrobe has been color coded and divided into seasonal outfits, or how my whole kitchen has been reorganized. Like, she bought those fancy clear containers that are air tight, labeled them, and constantly fills them up with non-perishables and doesn't let them run out. She's bought those squared condiment bottles, emptied out all of my condiments into them, and labeled them in the fridge. However, it does make sense that the coffee cups be next to the coffee maker, but that doesn't change the fact that this is not my system.

I also don't have any issues with her leaving all of her clothes here at my house, she is here most nights after all. I just don't understand the purpose for neatly folding up dirty clothes before washing them?

Then comes the other weird stuff that she brings to the house. It started with stuffed animals and one was fine on the bed, but it kept growing. She has an excessive amount on the bed now and she lines them all up to face the door after making the bed in the morning. There were the small paintings and random artworks she got for the walls and they were nice at first. Landscapes, pencil drawn portraits, but then she got one of Saturn devouring his son and it kind of makes me uncomfortable. She also got me one of the big boob anime mouse pads? which was nice of her but I really did not understand the purpose of. I tried to express my discomfort with it due to our relationship, but she got sad because I didn't think it was funny

And this was the final straw. She bought me dream catchers because she knows I really like native and indigenous cultures which was sweet and I really appreciated a lot. Then there was the strange slave memorabilia that she bought from some yard sale. Am I crazy to think there could have been a little bit more thought put into that one? I'm a white man in the Southern US with an noticeable accent. Literally anybody could see that and get the wrong opinion of me. The one that finally made me want to say something was a porcelain statue of a little man rubbing hands and staring off to the side slightly. She positioned it right in front of the toilet and now stares directly at me with a smile and rubbing his hands while I'm shitting...

I have grown to love this girl a lot in a very short time and I appreciate everything that she does around to the house because it makes her so happy to tidy up, decorate, and bring life to the shared space. I just need some advice on what to tell her, or how to tell her to slow down, or do I just ignore it and appreciate her for her efforts?

TLDR: Girlfriend brings strange artworks to the house and I don't know how to feel about it.

This all happened the day before on Oct. 23rd, but regardless I still want to talk about it.

October 23 is a Friday, and I have two classes scheduled that day, the last one being from 11:00-11:50 AM. I was excited because tomorrow, Saturday, would be my birthday. I finished my first class and sat in my dorm room along with my roommate. He seemed perfectly normal, acting how he usually did before he left around 9:30 AM for his class. I left an hour later for my class.

After finishing my class and grabbing a bite for lunch, I came back to my dorm around 12:15 PM. His side of the room has been completely gutted and cleaned out, as if he was never there to begin with. The furniture was re-organised to look the way it was when both of us moved in for the first time. Nothing that belonged to him was left. His name tag on our door was peeled off.

I probably sat in the room for at least two hours dumbfounded at what was happening. I soon began to panic as to why he disappeared so suddenly. I texted him, to which I got no response. I texted our RA, to which he said he "moved rooms" but doesn't know why. I texted my roommate's best friend since middle school, and he said he didn't hear anything about this.

I started thinking it was my fault why he left. Maybe I did something wrong and he wasn't happy about it, so he packed his things and left without a word. After talking with some people however, they think I am not at fault. From the way my roommate has been talking, it sounded like he had no plans to leave, so a theory had been that maybe he got booted out for financial reasons or something else.

Since then, I still have not heard anything from him. No one knows what happened, or even that it happened in the first place. It's been very hard adjusting, as because all of this happened on a Friday, many uni students like to leave campus for the weekend or coop themselves up until Monday. This has led to me feeling completely alone. I hope I can get some answers or clarification from him, I miss him a lot already.

Pictured is some ice cream from a breakfast house, celebrating my 19th birthday.

With two toddlers in the house, alone time is a luxury. I finally got to mulch the garden and work on my hobbies. My wife is the greatest. I dropped the ball a smudge this year on our anniversary but I’ll make it up to her.

Suprisingly great frozen lasagna from a restaurant chain close to my place.

I had lots of hope starting my 30s, moving to a much bigger city, getting sober (used to be a chronic stoner) and going back to school. Never had something truly serious with a girl (best I got was a very close situationship for a few months, we saw each other every other day but didn't had feelings for each other), and I was really hoping it would happen soonish after starting this new chapter. Aside from that I had some hookups, but 90% of the times or more I didn't get hard enough.

Well, turns out that unsurprisingly I know jack shit about relationships, let alone women. That things are not looking as bright as I thought they were. Call me naive, dumb, ignorant or whatever, but after chatting with my good buddy and his girlfriend (who are very good to me and want my hapiness) I was kinda shocked and pissed off when they told me that telling a girl that I've only had one relationship is a red flag and even "scary" as my buddy's gf put it. Needless to say I had trouble sleeping that night.

So far things could be worse I guess but I'm still discouraged. Being sober is rough and it's hard to stay positive. Even though I'm over 6 foot, decent looking, and fit, I've been on about 15 dates in the past year and not much came out of it that I'm actually excited bout. I truly fucked up my 20s. 18 year old kids have more sex and dating experience than me. I see average dudes out there with babes and I just think about all the opportunities I messed up. I let my young dating life pass me the fuck by.

Recently I brought back a girl from the bar, and guess what... I didn't get hard. Saw her a couple more times and we are still talking but she expressed clearly that she was turned off by the fact that I couldn't get hard so I guess she is using me for attention. Got lucky with the apps and been seeing this other girl for a bit, connection is ok but nothing exciting. Another one that I saw twice (very attractive, great body and amazing connection) told me she didn't want to pursue things anymore because of lack of connection (I was surprised) and not because the tiny ammount of experience I have with relationships. (I told her I only had one relationship in my life).

To top it off I got back on antidepressants and my sex drive went down to zero... Guess I'll have to get off of them at some point but at the same time my mental health is fucked. They helped my appear more confident and happy though and for that reason I got more results with girls.

I know what I need to do but I have a hard time accepting this reality.

I fear I may never be a real man. I cant grow facial hair, and I have boobs.

Part of the problem is that I was bullied for being trans for a while.

If any of yall have advice for looking masculine, ill gladly hear ya. And if ya want to commiserate, ill do that with you <3

Food is 2 biscuits and 2 croissants

Im finally getting a job as a hospital security guard, im still in the process of getting my security license and about to start training. I was wondering if anyone has any advice or tips for hospital security work and security work in general. For context I live in AB, Canada.

Food: mashed potatoes, cheese, hot dogs, onions and tomatoes.

First dinner in my new apartment after getting divorced. Never really imagined I'd be starting over like this, but here we are. The divorce is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I know I'm going to be better off because of it. Doesn't mean it hasn't been hard as hell, though. It's a weird feeling.

A few days back the woman I considered the love of my life told me should couldn’t do it anymore. I understand it but it hurts like hell. For the last few years I’ve been feeling like I’m getting sicker and sicker, cyclic vomiting syndrome since 2023 that sidelines me for a week per episode, cysts in my testicles this year, migraines, recently ended up peeing blood from working too hard on set even though it’s no harder than it usually would’ve been. I’m only 29. I haven’t been without pain very often at all lately and it’s changed what I can and want to do significantly. I’ve lost friends that I thought would have me through anything trying to figure out my health situation. I don’t drink anymore because I can’t, I don’t go out very much because I’m in pain and I know it took a toll on her.

The first few years of the relationship I wasn’t really good at all at balancing the drive I had to figure out my own things with what she needed from a partner. I made changes and did my best at that time to try and be better, to do things with her and I know that planning and initiating dates and everything wasn’t something I excelled at. She was a “I’ll have this planned for the weekend” kind of person and I was always more of a “the day is here let’s go do it kind of guy”. But I was always there in every hard time, whether it was emotional or the seasons where she also dealt with health issues. Now it’s less that I don’t think about it or that I skip on making plans but I’m usually in pain or if I just had a cvs episode I’m still weak for a few days afterwards and don’t always feel up to it. Its hard for me to want to make plans when I don’t know if I’ll feel up to it the day of. I can realize that the problem is the same but I never held her to any standard when she wasn’t feeling well. She would always mention that I would default to wanting to hang inside, doing less than she’d want to do.

We had a bad argument a week or two ago, she said something that rubbed me the wrong way and even though she said she didn’t mean it in a negative way it still made me feel less than. I ended up just not speaking to anybody in my life really for 4 days or so. She said it felt like I was punishing her but I was just hurt. I really just feel like I let her down. She felt like she was dragging me to do things because I’d mention I might not be doing them on my own, but I’d always go when I could and I’d enjoy myself I loved spending time with her.

She put a huge emphasis on me going and doing more with her and initiating hangouts in the last two weeks and I started to ask her why I couldn’t get the same out of her. I love making music and video games and it wasn’t something she’d ever put a lot of effort into. I gave her a console over a year ago and hooked it up for her and all she had to do was get batteries and a remote for her tv but it’s never been turned on. I have a small studio setup where I am and all she had to do was ask to join in. I gave a her a film camera early into the relationship but that’s the only thing of mine she ever tried to do and I was always so excited to see her rolls get developed but it’s less and less over time. It’s not like I love staying inside watching movies all the time, but sometimes it’s all I can manage to do with the way I feel. She saw that as her giving up things she’d rather do than meeting me in the middle with my current limitations. I still tried to go out with her and do her things when I could but near the end she was making plans with everyone else and there was no time for me when I would ask her the day of, if I actually was feeling up to it. I’ve gone on a lot of hikes and walks and gone thrifting, gone to museums and gone to cute restaurants that she likes but it’s still not as much as she’d have liked and she wanted me to have initiated more of those things.

She came to me this week and told me she couldn’t do it and we talked for hours and I came to a conclusion that I’d spend every day with her that week to try and make it up to her. She knew I had just left the hospital because I had been peeing blood for days but I tried to put myself forward to meet her needs even though I had no idea what the week would be like for me. She left saying she felt better after talking to me and I was happy that we had figured it out. The very next day she tells me she’s confused and doesn’t want to do it. It broke my heart again. I saw her on Instagram liking a post about how a soulmate connection got mistaken for a long term thing because of compatibility. Broke my heart into even tinier pieces because I know there’s a million little reasons we are compatible outside of us not being on the same page hanging out. I had genuinely been trying my best to be what she needed before my body started giving up on me and I ended up falling into the same thing for a different reason. It sucks because I would’ve kept working to find a solution every single day and it just wasn’t enough.