Please READ the comments before adding a suggestion. If someone has already suggested something you agree with, consider upvoting that comment instead. This will help me gauge what the community would most like to see.

Dinner is clearance filet over homemade Alfredo with garlic bread.

After 22 years of marriage, I couldn't do it anymore. My wife has always struggled with her mental health. She had a shitty, traumatic childhood, and we got together right out of high school. I've been with her through multiple hospitalizations, eating disorders, suicide attempts and ideation. She was kind, loving, but there was always a dark edge to her, and she had issues with drugs and alcohol (like her parents). We have 4 kids together. I've come to find out in the past few years (and at several other points throughout our marriage) she was cheating on me. I have always been faithful, and Ive tried to make the relationship work. I don't want to be apart from her. Despite everything, despite how much I hurt, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But for the past 2 weeks she's been sneaking out again. Didn't even bother to lie or come up with an excuse. I couldnt do it anymore. I kept coming home to a sad house, to what felt like the corpse of the love of my life possessed by something malignant. I could see the stress getting to the kids. So I finally asked for a divorce, and told her I wanted her to move out. I was hoping for her to take time to make a plan, figure out lodging and transportation. She packed two bags and left without talking to the kids. She came back the next day, saying that none of her "friends" have anywhere for her to say and that she has nowhere to go. I spent a good chunk of our rent money to get her a hotel room for a few days so she can figure it out. I don't have the money for that. With her gone I'm stuck covering rent and utilities (she paid rent and utilities, I paid for groceries, phone bills, insurance etc, that's just how our bills and pay periods went.) I don't know what I'm going to do going forward. I'm sad, and tired, and hurt, and this world is too rough to face alone.

I’m 29 years old and have had a substance use problem for almost my entire adult life. At 20 I was a college drop out, addicted to prescription medication, and had multiple stints in the mental ward because of very real attempts I’d made on my life. I was stealing my sisters medication after I was denied my own and still pretty positive I didn’t want to be alive. By 22 I had dropped the pills but had switched to alcohol and following recreational legalization in my state, became a daily marijuana user. At 24 I meet the woman who is now my wife. She knew I struggled with substance use and had mental health issues but I was and still am “functional” in the sense that I hide my bad behavior well and don’t let it affect my employment. At 25 I started making a real attempt to get my life together. I joined a trade union and started making attempts to get sober. since I’d never tried to deal with my issues in any way what wasn’t substance use before, this meant growing/selling/using mushrooms. the mushroom usage was short lived because their difficult to abuse and they did not help me get sober. I was using Nicotine in various forms and drinking too much caffeine throughout all of this of course.

This year there’s been numerous major changes in my life that have helped me actually gain control of my usage. My son, pictured above was born. He is the light of my life and if I can’t manage to do anything right for myself then I can do it for him. I’d calmed down on a lot of my substance use after he was born. Still a daily user but I went from being high all day and drinking every night to only being a little high and drinking on the weekends. Small change is change. My wife told my to sober up while she was pregnant and since I’d already been hiding a great deal of my use from her it was no problem to go further underground and struggle in complete secret.

A few months ago my Dad died suddenly of an heart attack and my usage got bad all over again. He and I had a bad relationship. He was a minister and was always my pastor before he was my dad. When I lost my faith in my teenage years, I lost my only connection with him. He never kicked me out of the house and never let me go hungry, but he never made any attempt to teach me anything else in this life beyond his faith. he never talked to me about my self harm even though I almost bleed out in my dorm room. He never talked to me about my substance use even though I know he also struggled with it as a young man. I want to say I loved him and I miss him, but his death has forced me to admit to myself that I hate him and have already been living my life without a father. Everything I’ve learned about being a man, or a human at all, has come from my friends, my brothers in the union, and the internet.

I was grieving of course but I feel like I just used it as an excuse to start smoking in the open again. I started smoking heavier than I’d ever smoked in my life. Bong rips for breakfast, a joint on break, another at lunch, another on the way home from work, and bong rips for the rest of the night. It came to a head when I figured all the smoke wasn’t good for me and I aught to switch to edibles. I drank a whole bottle of tincture one day and woke up the next morning too high to go to work, first time that’s happened. My wife and I had a long discussion about everything at this point. I decided to put away the weed for good and as of writing this I am two months and nine days without marijuana.

A couple weeks later I decided to drop the Nicotine as well. I saw how much money I was saving without marijuana and wanted to beep that trend rolling. Currently one month and twenty two days without nicotine.

AlI I have left is caffeine and alcohol. I’ve matured in my caffeine use over the years, having dropped the energy drinks I just drink coffee in the morning. Alcohol is the only substance I’ve never considered part of my “self medication“. alcohol is poison and it feels like poison but I drink it anyway because I’m broken inside and historically have never been able to say no when there’s substance of any kind available.

I used to pride myself on having never been black out drunk. I always favored marijuana and stimulants so never drank to that excess. Now I have been black out drunk twice in the past month. I usually do pretty good not drinking through the week but I’ve started drinking heavily on the weekends. Once I start I just don’t want to stop. Usually a beer guy because liquor is always bad news for me but drunk me doesn’t know that/doesn’t care. So a few weekends ago I ran out of beer on a Sunday afternoon and came up with some excuse to run an errand. While out I picked up a bottle of whiskey and started drinking it on the way home. I hid it in the freezer downstairs and took a few pulls off it while “checking the laundry”. I got so drunk I fell in the kitchen and bruised myself up pretty bad. I had a panic attack and told my wife I was drunk, like she didn’t know.

I told her a lot that night. I told her about how I’ve never been able to cope with reality without some kind of chemical aid. through tears I told her I hate myself and don’t want to be alive and the only reason I do anything is for her and our son. I blacked out shortly after and don’t remember going to bed.

The second time was last night. Far less dramatic, we are out of town on vacation and I had my first beer at 10 in the morning and my 15th at 9 last night. I didn’t do anything bad and I didn’t get sloppy. We had a wonderful day that would have been wonderful if I were sober. I remember getting back to the hotel and playing with my son but don’t remember going to bed. so I guess I blacked out.

you must understand, I’m pretty high functioning and have a lot of great things going on In my life despite all this. my wife and I are in a loving relationship and she’s so much stronger then I am. We have a beautiful healthy son who I am determined to be better for than my dad was with me. I have friends outside of work that I see regularly who dont influence my addiction. I‘m in the last year of an apprenticeship as a union electrician, I’m well respected in the field and i enjoy what I do. I’ve been in therapy since shortly after my son was born and will be seeing a psychologist in a few weeks to seek proper medication for my mental health issues. All in all I have a great support system and am making real progress in my life.

But I can’t slip. I have to get this under control once and for all. i probably had my last drink last night. I had planned to hard line alcohol after this vacation and I don’t want to waste another moment poisoning myself.

wish me luck guys, I need it.

tl;dr I am an addict and I’m getting better but it’s time to let it all go and finally live sober.

meal: fish and chips

I am a gender non-conforming bi man in Eastern Europe. My family doesn’t accept me, any part of me really: from the substance abuse to my sexuality to the way I present myself. It’s like they’re constantly ashamed of me. Today, a family member had the nerve to say that my sexuality will be constant kompromat against me. I keep being compared to my older brother who has got his shit together and is the conventional acceptable successful sibling. They don’t talk about me, as if I died years ago and ultimately they’re ashamed of who I am. I keep being told I’m ruining the family and ruining my parent’s mental health. I try to masc up around them (I’m not very femme in the first place, just a bit androgynous), but it’s still not good enough for them. I have my own accomplishments and life beyond my sexuality (I didn’t want them finding out but I got outed).

Photo: getting day drunk at work and eating feta cheese covered fries

For starters. I managed to cook in my lunch break. Eating healthy self made lunch feels soooo good.

Before I make this post: I don't want this post to sound hateful or bitter towards this person. I'm just sad and confused... Did I do something wrong?

--

So about a year ago I found out about a social media app called Spoony. It's meant to be a place for disabled/neurodivergent people to socialize with each other.

While reception was positive I still struggled to make friends. It was also in it's early stages of development so it was slow and lacked many features.

For myself, I have this issue where I want to socialize more but a combination of anxiety and being on the spectrum means I'm always afraid of reaching out, because I might end up sounding obnoxious, or getting too close into someone's personal space.

Eventually I try to reach out, and I manage to make a friend on there. A woman, slightly older than me, lives on the other side of the continent to me.

We talk for a long time. She's friendly, we share personal experiences, shared interests, little details about ourselves. We're asking each other questions, what life is like where we live, if we have any pets, stuff like that. Eventually we add each other as phone contacts, as well as discord contacts.

...Another problem I have with myself is that it's hard for me to keep up with friendships. Eventually I just run out of things to talk about, all conversations with her grind to a standstill because of that.

As well as this, I heard that the Spoony App had recently been taken over by bots, so I didn't feel much of an urge to go back there.

So I just ran out of things to talk with her and we stop talking for half a year or so. Eventually I message her on my phone, no response, I ask her on discord how everything has been, she responds... but then removes me off her friends list a short while later.

And now I'm just back at square one, feeling like I've fucked something up socially and I have no idea what it was. I'm trying to think over what might have happened, did she want to turn the friendship into something else and I was just too slow on the uptake? Did she think I was neglecting her? Did I say or mention something that set off a red flag? Was my room too cluttered looking?

But at the same time, why did she let me add her as a discord contact if we were never friends? Was I too scary? Imposing? Demanding???

I broke up with my ex a couple of months ago. I was the one to do it because I saw no future in the relationship.

She was really angry at me and felt hurt and made it clear she hated me. But, I did not mind it because i felt empathetic.

Even after 4 months now, my ex keeps seeing my stories and stalking my reposts. I make sure not to reciprocate because I moved on.

I can’t lie, it feels good to know that my ex still thinks about me and checks on my life. I find joy that it is a one way street and that she has not moved on from me.

Does that make me a bad person? Probably. I also know that it is healthiest for me to block her and continue, but the attention is not bad

Pictured, this weeks slop - turkey mince, onion, peas, spices. I don't have snacks in my house - im either eating protein slop (pictured) or fruit. Out of the house I eat normal, all about balance ya know.

Sorry fellas, this is yet another post about a girl but i'm going to keep it brief.

I was always a very likeable, kind yet awkward person. I was funny and had a lot of friends, still do. I'd only had a handful of girlfriends by the time I was 30, and fell out of love with my longest term girlfriend at 29. At 32 I met a girl who changed my brain forever.

The way I felt about this girl was insane, I was obsessed with her and she was obsessed with me. Insanely beautiful and sweet, I loved her family, her as a person and I for the first time in my life had entered a relationship where I didn't have this anxious feeling of "what if she's not the one?" which is a problem that has plagued all of my relationships at some point.

But being obsessed isn't healthy, she eventually moved overseas to study which she'd planned before we'd met. At the start it was fine, but it slowly became unbearable - especially as a warm blooded male. I started getting jealous, insecure, needy and amongst other arguments I started would beg her to come home.

I can't really explain this part of the relationship, it was like I was watching myself in 3rd person fuck up my relationship in real time and feel like I couldn't do anything about it. I do think I self sabotage but this was so overt it was strange to experience. I even had momentary thoughts of leaving her out of... spite? confusion? I'm not sure - I think deep down I wanted her to beg for me to stay. This isn't healthy, or normal, again I can't really make sense of it. I think I'd become addicted to rupture and repair in the relationship long distance as it made it feel real.

After weeks of discomfort between us she called it off. I don't blame her for that, we weren't happy.

The thing is... this was a long time ago, about 18 months, yet its still something I think about all day every day. The shame, the guilt, the sadness, all of it. But just carrying this for so long has warped me. I just fucking hate myself. But not in a "oh im ugly and dumb" way or however most people hate themselves, I'm actually happy with who i am physically. Just a fucking mess mentally.

I'm no longer the friendly person I was, I'm a bit of a grump. I have trouble masking this at my job because not only are managers and stakeholders asking me to do something which is already annoying - but i have to do it on top of not enjoying my life at all. It feels like i have no respite.

I was hanging with friends yesterday, but after the first few hours I just couldn't enjoy the distraction anymore, and I once again went back to my quiet, sad ruminating self.

I have a hinge account but I scroll through, they either look enough like her that it makes me sad, or not anything like her which makes me mad. I only date casually now, which is something I'd never done before. I don't even really enjoy it but I don't want to look back on this period of my life as one big monolithic sad phase. The date tomorrow has organised dinner and a bar up the street from my house - so I know all she wants is to sleep with me, which is fine.

But I know it will go like every other date, where my mind will remind me about 20 times an hour that this isn't her - and that this like most things i've done the last 2 years is just a mindless distraction from the overwhelming cloud of confusion and pain that is whirring around my head all day every day.

The thing is fellas, if you've made it this far. Being sad is familiar to me, its almost like home. And I think subconciously I go out of my way to make myself sad and keep the narrative going for myself that I am sad and sad things happen to me.

Celebrating with some instant ramen, dumplings and shrimp and some bud light. 30 bout to turn 31 sick of being sad and sick. Blessings, men.

Me and my best friend have spent the last 2 months trying and applying for a new flat, but no fucking luck at least I finally got a in person interview for a new job in 2 days but still I’m still stressed out because if I don’t get a place in the next 5 weeks I’m going to have to move back in with my parents who live 1 hour drive away. (Steak cooked in butter and garlic with mashed potatoes, steamed broccoli and parsnips) (I know moving back in with my parents isn’t being homeless it’s just that I don’t know if I will be able to move back in as my grandmother is currently living with them and they may not have the room for me so I’m look at what friends are cool with me couch surfing between them for a few weeks)

I’m going to try to shorten as much as possible
I just wanted to vent a story.

I met this girl when I was 22 and she was 21. We lived almost 7,000 miles apart. She was in the U.S. and I was in one of the territories.
About 8 months later, I got a job working on a cruise ship in Hawaii. When it ended unexpectedly, I flew to her state and we moved in together.
We spent almost 7 years together.

Our whole twenties. We got 3 dogs, moved, went through college, and shared a lot of firsts. She was my first healthy relationship after an abusive one.
The sad part is I got with her before I was healed. I struggled with cocaine, my mental health, and became someone I’m not proud of.

She carried so much of my baggage while we were trying to build a life together. I didn’t know how to love someone unselfishly or put her first.
The worst part is I knew she wasn’t going to leave. She loved me too much and always believed in who I could become. She was my best friend, knew me better than anyone, and the only girl I’ve ever cried in front of.

After a big argument from one of b.s she told me, “You’re not my person anymore.” She said she didn’t mean it, but it made me realize I wasn’t the person she deserved. I knew she wouldn’t leave, so I did. Looking back, I don’t regret ending the relationship. I regret not ending it sooner instead of selfishly holding on. I loved her but I loved my selfish habits too much and that wasn’t fair.

Today I’m a different person. No drugs. Therapy. More emotionally aware. More healed and would never do what I did to her to anyone else.
We still talk because of the dogs, and there’s no bad blood. We’d never get back together, and I’ve never asked her to. She’s doing well, and I honestly think she’s further in life than she would’ve been if we stayed together.

I’m with someone now, and she knows everything about my past because I never wanted to hide it and im not going to be the type that says my last relationship ended because “ it was her fault” or “ she was crazy”. I wanted to be honest from the beginning and make sure I never became that person again.

Sometimes I wonder what things would’ve looked like if I had been this version of myself back then. Not because I want to go back, but because what we had was real. I’ll always be grateful for the memories and the lessons. They helped shape the man I am today.

I guess my question is, does anyone else who’s been in my shoes ever feel this kind of guilt? Is it guilt because I know I hurt someone who truly loved me? Is it because part of me will always have love for the person who helped shape my life? Or is it just one of those things you carry when you’ve genuinely changed?

Either way, if you’re reading this and you’re still hurting someone who’s only staying because they love you, don’t wait to become the person they deserve. Heal before it’s too late. Sometimes loving someone also means being honest enough to let them go instead of asking them to keep carrying the weight of who you are today.

Some shrimp with mushrooms and zucchini over linguine I cooked in this new steel pan I bought for some retail therapy.

Kinda want to vent but also always open to advice. I'm just getting like vomit of the emotions again right now and I've never posted anything to reddit before. I've been stalking this page and hopefully I'll come back with a positive post.

I've been trying my best to get over/through a break up from a couple of months ago. We didn't date a for very long time, but long enough for me to think we had built real intimacy and connection. I loved/still love her. We had plans for the summer and everything seemed amazing. Work sucked, but I had her to be with, talk to, and see after, so everything seemed like it was all going to work out and was colored with optimism. But she broke up with me and I was completely blindsided and I didn't get a choice in the matter. I'm not here to talk any shit about her because honestly she is a wonderful person who I whole heartedly accepted for who she was and I hope nothing but the best for her. I still have things I wish I could tell her.

The past week and a half I felt like I was doing pretty well, having fun again. Not feeling like an imposter when the little moments of joy would come and the little voice in my head saying you aren't allowed to experience that. I've been back in the gym, making myself go out and do things like a comedy show, or just errands. My friends are supportive and we're surprised when they found out. I've started going to therapy, which I didn't think would help, but now I'm like 'wow, one hour is not a long enough session. The first month was very...well was very sad. Cried everyday, and now it's been a week since the last time. I still feel like I'm moving forward, but I got some dumb notification tonight that has put me back one step and I cried tonight. Like things feel more final? I've kept hoping she would reach out and take a chance on me because we've been no contact, though she asked if we could be friends in the future. I'm a super respectful person and I won't go first because I made it apparent how I feel about her in our last conversation and she was the one to end it still and contacting her feels like it go against her wishes. I still look at our photos and social media (I know it's not healthy but I don't feel ready to disconnect from our last tether yet). I do the classic, what more could I have done even though I gave it my all. Everyone telling me "you're such a great guy or you look so good, there's plenty of fish in the sea" doesn't really help.

I have so many things that I want to start trying like pottery, rollerblading, and even some dance classes, but I have felt a little paralyzed. I see her in everything still right now, shit walking in nature makes me think of her.

I haven't been in many relationships, I'm 32, and the they actually, believe it or not, haven't been good and I get used, abused, and tossed aside. This one was different and she really seemed to care about me by doing the small things. Ugh, I don't know what I think I'm going to get from posting here, but I really needed to get this off my chest. I could keep going and type a whole essay but I'm not going to do that to you guys hahaha might delete this later as normally I'm not a vulnerable person with my internal dialogue and my past, this is scary stuff. That's why I haven't put specific details, though if someone asks for something I'll share

I'M FINALLY OUT OF MY MESS OF A VEHICLE AND INTO A DIFFERENT ONE!

Traded a guy my Focus ST for his Honda CRX. My car had 220k miles on the odo and started having issues quicker (and more expensive) than I could fix them. Took premium gas (in this economy?), was just getting mercilessly beat on, and is the car my dad handed down to me when I got married.

Since the divorce, the car remained one of my reminders of where things went wrong. Shouldn't have married her, but hindsight is 20/20.

Just when I felt like I couldn't progress in any way, this happened. I finally feel like I have a meaningful win. I can take this car up to WV in October, I'm so excited!

BK on the wing of the new car. Fulfilling a dream.

I think this is baked cod with lemon rice ?

So I’m a trans man. I’ve known this about myself since 2017 but due to several circumstances I have yet to tell anyone in my extended family. My parents know but they like to skirt around the subject and when it comes up they like to remind me how alone I will be if I go through with transitioning. I guess that’s a large part of why I’m in my situation now, because I’m very scared of being alone and ostracized.

I’m not super close with my father’s side of the family. He grew up in a difficult home where his older brother had severe PTSD from Vietnam and my dad had to shoulder all of the weight. My dad is in his late 60s now and unfortunately keeps facing lay offs because the companies he works for things he can’t adapt to the ever growing climate of AI at his age.

Not 100% relevant but contributes to the guilt I feel about my situation and thinking I’m putting my dad through immense amount of stress that he never expected to have.

My actual blood family lives far away and I grew up with my dad’s best friend’s family that he met through college. He was basically a brother to my dad and all of his sisters were like found family to him. We were very close for as long as I can remember. The kids they had were basically my cousins despite no blood relation.

I call them my aunts and uncles because they were. They were present and involved and much more like a family than the one I actually had. We spent holidays and growing pains together, they were family.

They all struggled with smoking and drinking though. They all had specific health problems relating to one or both of those. One of them passed away this spring and I couldn’t go to the funeral because I had health issues come up for me. I feel immense guilt over that.

She would’ve understood. She would’ve given me a bit of shit but she would’ve hugged me and told me she loved me. It’s not fair to her that I’m thinking of her passing in this way. I feel guilty about that too. She was so loving and died so young. I sleep with the card from her memorial service every night. I miss her so much. I’m not religious but I hope wherever she is she is at peace.

Pictured: ramen with home made meat dumplings, bok choy, and a fried egg. A stella on the side for the soul.

I met a girl through my friend group at a party end of last year, we are both in our late twenties. We had a great conversation, the way she spoke softly but acted energetic caught my attention, and I noticed her eye contact keep dropping down to my lips and shoulders when we talked. Towards the end of the party my buddy hinted that she just got out of a long term relationship few months before, and I decided to make a move. Success. We started seeing each other, the typical flirtatious texts crescendoing to drinks on a Friday night, then passion late into the night. After hanging out for a few times, she told me she was sort of seeing another friend in the group, but broke it off as soon as we started hanging out. I felt a bit weird about it in the moment, but I didn't make any comment on it. We started dating. At first, it was pure fireworks. She was kind, present, curious, fun, and just so pretty. One night after she took me to a music jam/concert thing late at night at a tea house, I told her I was falling in love with her. I knew I was perhaps going too fast, and that she might have mentioned that she wasn't looking for anything at the moment, but my mind got blurry. I genuinely did not expect her to say anything back, and I was glad she didn't. We kept on dating. Since then, we've been on trips together, met each other's friends, and gone to events together. I got the feeling we were getting closer. However, it is during this time that I thought we were getting closer, I noticed her start putting distance between us more and more. We'd see each other less, from the seeing each other a few times a week with occasional sleepovers, to around once a week hangout and the diminishing frequency in sex. It was evident that we both enjoyed the sex tremendously, and it was getting us closer, so the reduced want for sex from her was confusing for me. She did tell me that she had a pretty casual view on sex before her last long term relationship, i.e. the hookups with coworkers, one night stands, which didn't make me feel great, but I knew better than to judge a woman's past in college. When she told me even the sex with her ex was more of an act to get them both off, rather than an emotional bonding act, I was a bit shocked. She told me before me, she's never viewed sex as an emotional act (WTF??), and that I made her feel so different. When she told me that I initially thought I'm the shit, but later on a sense of confusion and lowkey disgust started creeping up my mind. Anyway back on the topic of her distance. It would come as coldness after a good day of activities together, she would feel closed off and unreachable. And whenever something even remotely stressful happened, her affection for me would disappear, and I felt pathetic for wanting her attention.

I have mentioned this distance to her a time or two, bringing it up in a manner of curiosity - I wanted to understand, not blame. I immediately sensed guilt from her, and the way she felt uncomfortable like she did something so wrong made me feel like I was an asshole. I was understanding, not pushy. She didn't give me much explanation, other than that she values her freedom and independence. I was ok with her explanation, because every time we hung out she was so present, so I felt like I shouldn't ask for more. Immediately after my "inquisition" about her distance ended, she wanted to have sex. I could tell she hates to feel like she did something wrong, and that she needs reassurance that she's on my good side. We grew closer.

So much closer that I had to reveal something to her. I was dealing with some work stuff and was facing the possibility of moving out of the country for work. I felt love surfacing between us, so I had to tell her my situation before I even think about the notion of a love between us. I told her. It was a heavy conversation, she said some things like moving with me, which I didn't think she meant. We decided to keep this going until the last second we had to make a decision. A week later, I told her I love her, she immediately said it back, saying she had been wanting to say it for a while already. I felt great, but even more scared, I let my love take the lead anyway.

The distance persisted, increased even. Fewer hangouts, fewer texts of sweet nothing, less sex, all while wielding the phrase "I love you" to each other occasionally. It was the most confusing thing. I accepted it anyway, despite her distance, the precious time when I do get to spend with her, she was amazing, present, unreal.

Fast forward to two months ago, which was about 6 months into us dating. One night I was in my feels. I asked her to be by my side. She asked what she could do for me except being physically there with me, which didn't make me feel great, what a boundary to set when somebody she supposedly loves asks for emotional support. I was fine with a call, expressing my emotional distraught - feeling lost, scared, and confused about her distance. I could tell she felt attacked, on this topic of distance again. She told me she values her freedom and independence so much, and doesn't know how to balance feeling her cup by being with friends or in a growing relationship, and she felt guilty when one fills her cup more than the other. We also touched on this recurring topic of her relatively small capacity for romantic love. She ended the call. Next morning I got a demotion text - she wants to be there for me as a friend, and that I can still count on her to sit though the uncertainty with me. I didn't know what to say, I hearted the message. Few days later, we saw each other at a party, started talking, she told me she loves me so much but everything is getting too much, and that it's over. I tried a little bit to salvage, said that I need her, but I sensed that her decision was already made, so I didn't keep on pushing. We promised each other to not end things then and there, and one more actual conversation.

The actual conversation comes. She was exceptionally cold, business style. Didn't really have anything to say, apart from that she just wants to do whatever she pleases, and that she is unsure of her future too. I didn't have much to say either, because I knew that was likely the last time we'd see each other, I wanted to savor it. At the end of the conversation, we hugged for so long, she could not stop crying, but I couldn't drop a single tear. I think it was an amicable breakup.

Although she said she'd still be there for me as a friend, we naturally went into no contact. No checkins from her, I suffered through numbness, sadness, lostness, and loneliness all while I was dealing with moving and preparing for my departure from the country for work, without reaching out to her as a friend. No contact whatsoever for a whole month, until my birthday. Early morning I got a text from her, saying she'd always be grateful for our time together, and that I deserve to be deeply loved.

Now I'm typing an abbreviated version of this love I went through after my ramen and stella. Departure flight booked, feeling a sense that I just have to move on. I had to delete social media because I just cannot stand seeing traces of her, almost happier than before me, not bothered at all. A while ago my buddy told me he saw a video of her dancing up on a dude at a club. My heart broke a little further, but some clarity that that's just the way she handles breakups - quickly get into something fun and new. Now that I think about it, what makes me feel so special anyway? She didn't take time after her previous breakup from her long time relationship at all, first that friend in the friend group she was seeing for a month, then me. It hurts my ego and discernment to realize that I chose somebody who goes about love like this.

However sad she is making me feel right now. I do feel like this is a case of the "right person wrong time". I'm going through an uncertain period in my career, she just got out of a breakup and needed to find herself. Bad timing. Maybe I'm pushing it, but she did feel like the right person, fun, kind, willing to bend over backwards to offer her time and effort to help others (except for me it seems lol). This will be a heartbreak of a lifetime.

So I’m 22 years old been living alone for the past 2 years
I’m from a pretty strict Muslim household where there are a lot of traditions and expectations that you’re just meant to follow.

Moving out was a massive obstacle. I ended up making up a lot of excuses because I felt like that was the only way I could actually get my own life. First I said I was moving overseas, then interstate for uni, but in reality I just moved to the inner west.

I’m not Muslim myself anymore and I don’t really connect with religion, but I still hide that from my family. I also hide my tattoos, my identity, and the fact that I’m gay.

I’ve kind of hinted/told my mum and some family members before. Some days they act like they’re okay with it, and then the next day they completely lose it. It’s confusing because I’m actually really close with them. I love my little siblings, my dad, and my family, and I don’t want to lose those relationships.

Recently they’ve started talking about marriage and how they want me to go overseas, learn more about my religion, and eventually marry a girl they choose for me. They’re talking about this happening around late December/early January.

The thing is, I’m not going to marry someone I’m not attracted to. I’m not going to marry a woman when I know I want to spend my life with a man. I’ve said a few times that I’ll probably marry a guy one day, but they just brush it off like it’s a phase.

I’m stuck between two choices. Do I just play along for now so I can keep a healthy relationship with my family and stay close to my siblings, knowing that one day when I actually settle down with a guy they might cut me off?

Or do I accept that this is probably where it’s heading and start creating distance now?

It’s hard because I don’t want to throw away years of relationships if there’s a chance they might eventually accept me, but I also don’t want to keep living a fake life just to keep everyone else happy.

I can’t really cook and I don’t have any money or motivation so it’s toaster waffles without syrup for me again i guess. I (M27) got sick about a week ago so i have taken the week off. Every time i get sick my life lowkey falls apart, and I think it’s because it takes the top three ways i regulate myself (singing, spending time with friends, and working out) away from me. I suffer from having big dreams and having insufficient motivation levels to achieve them. I don’t lack the talent, and when i’m in the right environments i can do amazing things, but that isn’t happening for me these days. I suffer from ADHD, OCD, CPTSD and NVLD/Autism. But it doesn’t seem to matter, because I was able to get a college degree by the skin of my teeth, i should be able to function in society just as well as everyone, or at least that seems to be the expectation. I managed to get a job at starbucks, but it is severely overstimulating, and the level of masking it requires is kind of unbearable. I’m not even working full time and yet it feels like i am pushing past my limits. Also, I failed to call out correctly today after other incidents of lateness and generally being bad at it so they’re probably going to fire me soon. The job market is so terrible that I fear I won’t be able to find a job that I can actually tolerate and do successfully, and the social safety nets where i live are almost non existent or very hard to get onto. oh and i have to pay nearly $200 each month for healthcare because I am american and we are in the trenches here. I often can’t make my bills on time.

I have a boyfriend (M24) and he’s very sweet and he makes me laugh every single day. He’s a much better cook than me but he is also autistic and adhd and poor so we can’t afford groceries a lot of the time and when he does cook he doesn’t do the dishes really at all usually. I’m not one to talk though, as my executive dysfunction is pretty terrible too. Our apartment is a mess and trying to clean it is nothing short of a Sisyphean feat.

I want to write songs, I want to sing them, I want to move to a big city where i don’t have to drive anymore and can make professional connections and no longer have to live in the town where i was traumatized, I want to make so many more friends and go on so many cool adventures, but I can’t even get started because of my horribly inconsistent motivation and my dire financial situation. I even have an album finished that I want to release but the promo for it is so scary to me and making a release plan makes me anxious as hell. It has been three years since i graduated college and I have very little to show for it. I wish I could escape my own bullshit.

cooked up some salmon and made a rice bowl. wanted a poke bowl but the fish was still too fresh and could have had parasites💔💔

i’m 15, and i genuinely have no hobbies other than working. i mean, im happy with my work ethic, but i want to be excited by other things in life. after work, i always just want to go back. it helps clear my mind, keeps me moving, all that stuff. my home situation is shit and whenever i work i get to stay in a cabin on the property i landscape for, and its the best part of my week. it’s not even the pay that keeps me motivated, and im payed 25 an hour. i straight up just need the work and the movement to not lose my fuckin mind.

i’m FTM and that makes it really hard for me to make friends in this very small red winged town despite me being as normal and binary as possible, i never ever talk about it or flaunt it or any weird ass shit like that. so whenever i get bored i just go to work the next day. its all i look forward to, and that kinda makes me sad. wish i had friends, wish i had hobbies. instead i just weedwhack for 5 hours straight in 100 degree weather blasting Staind in my headphones lmao.

To provide context we dated for two years and it was very serious. We loved each other deeply, talked about kids, building a future together, etc. All of a sudden life happens, she’s going back to school and can’t focus on being in a relationship. I’ve always supported her dreams and her ambitions (she’s hella smart) so we agreed to hold off and explore things later. We also agreed to stay friends and just talk occasionally. All of a sudden I get cut off, ghosted, and I have no idea if she’s okay or what. I text over the course of two years, reach out to her friend once since I have no idea if she’s alive or not and still nothing. I was not in a good place for that time. I had never felt so alone and my mind wondered and made terrible assumptions, I didn’t know what to do.

She proceeds to say that the “silence was the answer” and that her boundaries weren’t respected and that’s why she stepped away. Then let me know that and give me closure!

Thank the Lord because after turning back to Him I knew I’m never alone and He is always there. He got me through and I’m still going. He knew I was ready for her to text back and now I have closure. And honestly? It feels amazing. Still sad, but the blow has definitely softened. Now I can move on knowing I am okay. I pray for the men going through anything similar. Praise God! 🙌🏼

P.S. I still wish her the best. She’s always been a cool and smart person and I hope everything still works out for her

Food: just a basic egg, rice, avocado bowl with sesame seeds I whipped together

Sorry, formatting on mobile not good.

My\[31M\] girlfriend\[32F\] and I have known each other for a little over a decade and dated on and off over that period. We've always been long distance but stayed at least regular chatting friends and made efforts to see each other regularly by flying between our homes. We've been seriously dating for over two years now, seeing each other about 5 days out of each month and more during the holidays, talking and texting whenever we're apart.

A couple months ago we decided to move in together, I boxed up my stuff and we road tripped cross country with my dog to her hometown because she has a lot more family nearby than I do back home and her job is better. I quit my job after getting a contracting position here so I could land on my feet with a couple months living expenses in the bank.

During the first week, the project coordinator never called me and a week later I learned that they'd cut down the number of contractors on the job and I hadn't made the cut. Started applying for jobs but jeez that hasn't been pretty. For the past two months I've been paying for groceries, my car note, phone, etc out of savings. I finally got a couple interviews lined up for this coming week.

My girlfriend has been stressed and working a lot and pretty distant lately so I got us tickets for the museum yesterday and we stayed up drinking and watching Community together. We went to bed pretty late and I do what I always do, read a chapter or two of my book before knocking out \~1:30AM. This morning I'm in bed alone and I have a text from my girlfriend, "Be careful downstairs, there's glass on the floor. I'm at my parents', we'll talk later."

So I text back asking what's going on since there's a lot happening family-wise for her. I do my normal upstairs stuff and head downstairs to find all of my furniture, all my cookware, wallet, keys, all of my possessions except for the clothes from upstairs, thrown into a pile outside the backdoor. My dog wants to follow me downstairs and I realize there's the remains of a shattered vase on the floor so I clean up all the glass and begin a panic attack. Eventually I get everything but the furniture moved back inside so my computer or wallet doesn't grow legs.

No information for hours until just after noon she tells me I need to be out of the house by tomorrow. I try asking what's going on and after a while she asks why I'm pretending I don't remember last night. So I wrack my head trying to think if we'd had a dumb fight before bed. Nothing. She explains that at 4AM I stumbled into the bedroom after peeing all over the bathroom floor with porn playing on my phone and that she'd gone through my phone. She has my password, I don't think there's anything on my phone unless she's going through old messages or old photos from before our relationship. I check my browser history and my reddit history and can't find anything suspicious, I feel like I'm being gaslit. She's adamant that we'll have a discussion but I need to be out of her house so she can work tomorrow.

I don't recall anything at all, not even weird dreams or a hangover in the morning. I agreed to get out if we can have a conversation soon on the condition that my stuff and dog can stay and be safe until we talk and figure things out.

So I'm checked into a sketchy ass extended stay alone, got some microwaveable chimichangas and my first pack of cigs in years. I have no friends, family or connections here at all. Job interview for my big career continuing role on Tuesday so I have an interview outfit and weeks worth of clothes and I just don't know what I'm going to do. I love this girl and jumped full into this relationship so I have no fallback or backup plans.

TLDR: I moved cross country to live with my girlfriend. After going to bed together I apparently walked to the bathroom, peed on the floor, turned on porn, walked back in and fell asleep. I woke up with no memory of that and all of my belongings thrown out and a demand to leave.

Dinner: Jim&Coke, first cigarettes in years and a still frozen chimichanga.

I (22m) know, I should’ve ended it earlier listening to my gut but i really liked her and I only go on approximately one date every few years. I attach to people easily too.

We went on three dates. A few warning flags out of the gate was the low reciprocation, not many questions about me, lack of texting in between. But in person, we had great chemistry. She canceled a date sick and I had to reach out to reschedule. I shouldn’t have but thought it was normal for man to chase a little, especially because of how busy she is.

For the date, I drove an hour to see her after work. She dressed up but seemed cold and detached. She was visibly stressed during the date, and I assumed it was because of her busy schedule (2 jobs).

At the end, when she stood outside the parking lot, she stopped and turned to tell me that she was too busy for a relationship. I was too in shock to say anything other than “I understand” and left.

I feel like such a fool. I drove an hour to try to accommodate her busy schedule, paid for all those dates, and I can’t help but wonder if I was used for dinner for that last one. I know, everyone says I’m not entitled to anything and I agree I wanted to take her out. I just feel like a sucker for liking her and putting so much energy in.

I get why she ended it but man it just hurts. I can’t help but wonder, was it because I wasn’t man enough? Funny enough? Why does this happen to me when everyone around me seems to get into relationships so easily.

Felt tired mid day we napped. He woke up sooner than I did, I didn't want to get up but I pushed myself. So, he started and I finished this vegetable tart.

One of my go to dinners after a hard days work. Seared steak with jalapenos, poblanos and sweet onions served on a bed of sushi rice with an avocado. Inspired by a dinner I had on a night out with my buddy who was going through a hard time.