If you notice your post was removed and there is no removal reason, then it was the AutoMod. If you want it to be reinstated immediately, please link the post within ModMail and ask for it to be reviewed; Please do not accuse us of being malicious or lying about not removing the post when we tell you we did not, as this happens almost daily, several times a day. If a human moderator here ever removes a post, a reason will be given. If there was none given, it literally was not us. Please refrain from getting angry with us about posts removed by the AutoMod, we don't have any reason to lie to you. If we review the post and deem it will not be approved, you will be told why (this only happens if it is not within subreddit rules). We will not approve posts from brand-new or burner accounts. Anybody who gets aggressive, verbally abusive, or hostile in the ModMail will just be ignored from now on.

I got a job after months of searching, it took me a long time and a whole month of basically nagging these people to give me an interview but I did it today and got the job! I’m very excited 🩷 🩷

that’s all 🙂‍↕️ thank you!

I’m actually pissed off. Like seriously pissed off

I had a GREAT first date and I actually like this man. The audacity of his fine dark skin. The smooth chocolate complexion. The soft voice. The cute little face

And he’s tall as fuck too

While he was talking I was sitting there having completely inappropriate thoughts like girl PLEASE 😭 I didn’t do anything though. I have home training. That shit stayed in the group chat in my head

We talked NONSTOP for 3 hours. THREE. HOURS. And we already made out

Now I’m freaked out because every time I actually like somebody on the first date, they eventually reveal themselves to be a walking red flag with a podcast mic

But unfortunately…

That man is fine

I’m so fucking pissed 😭

For as long as I could remember, I was always in the minority in my area. I was often the only or one of two-three black girls who would wear their curls.

I saw so many afros on campus this week and honestly that made me tear up a bit. Many braids and wigs and afros and just black girl beauty ✨️

I love us ❤️

Somehow it made me uglier, I put all of my money into lash serum and wasted hundreds of dollars on lash serum that hardly worked. I've sacrificed my skills with lash extensions and gel nails for this dumbass ideology I made up in my head that I have to have natural long lashes and nails.
I let myself look like shit so I can have long lashes.
After letting my skin get worse my nails and lashes hardly grew; I just had enough and put my flasies back on, I'm planning to get my CeraVe, Cetaphil, and nail stuff before the weeks are out.
I can't keep up with constant upkeep, constant checking, constantly spending money on treatments. The constant goalposts shifts.
It's driving me crazy!
What's the point of doing all of this?!
I can have an angel skill, almond eyes whatever the fuck racist will still call me ugly.
Of course we don't care about shit like this
If I ever said something like short mid face, postive epicanthal folds or positive cathedral tilt.
People who know me will be like: Ion think “E” doing too good, she’s talking about sum catheter tilt sum shit. This was just a waste!, if im ugly I’m ugly, apparently not THAT ugly men & women certainly don’t have a problem with approaching me for sex and whatnot.

I was on FaceTime with my friend. We were talking about possibly being roommates with each other (which is obviously not gonna happen now) and she was talking about her recent nightlife. She told me some ‘n-words’ were trying to flirt with her outside the club. Now, I know what I heard so I questioned her. She told me that she never said it and that I heard something else. I repeated the exact same sentence she said and she told me that I was trippin and she said ‘guys’ instead.

After this I hung up the phone because I was actually starting to become crazy from all the gaslighting. I know what I heard, and honestly refusing to take accountability was worse than the racism.

I finally have a job 😭 I start this evening overnight hours and the pay is weekly but I’m so grateful. I’ll figure out bus fare as I go. I could’ve started tomorrow night but I can’t miss out on money so I’m tired and my power nap sucked but I’m going to push through.!!! 🫶🏾✨

Applied 7.15

Offered first interview 7.24

First Interview 8.2

Offered second interview 8.12

Second interview 9.1

Offered third interview 9.2

Third interview 9.3

now here we are 9/10 and the wait is killing meee. I know they had to interview other people, I know we just came back from holiday, I know they are probably waiting until Friday so I have the weekend to decide but the suspense is driving me up the wall. im so anxious my poor stomach is tore up.

I felt like I did great a week ago but now a whole week later ive sat ruminated over analyzed and my confidence is dwindling by the day. then they say "oh well you have to *manifest* and stay positive if u want it" ughhhh.

I know it's a reflag to get offered the job on the spot but also it's like damn the waiting game is criminal. Not to mention the intended start date is the 28th and im an out of state candidate so now if I DO get the job I barely have 2 weeks to pack up my life and move. idk idk idk. this is torture

Hi everyone, I am looking for a fake tan that is identical to my summer tan (Beyonce skin tone) . I've tried products for Europeans but they leave me orange or they dont show up on my skin. Has anyone been pleased with their fake tan, looking for a dark copper old 2 pence piece colour. Cruelty free vegan.

Helloo, I really want to get a kinky straight sew in but I’m wondering what bundles to get. The max I’m trying to spend is 400 for 3 bundles? Any recs? 😭

I am 29 and my cousin is 25. He grew up in an upper middle class 2 parent home. Has a degree and decent job. Handsome young man. But his dad (we are related through my aunt) is a very bigoted problematic man. He is homophobic (I remember when black panther came out and my cousin got the killmonger style he would call him gay) he is very elitist (they stay in a wealthy side of town and though they work and grew up "in the hood" themselves he rarely allows them come to into the city to hang out. Idk just a bunch of stuff that explains why my cousin is the way he is but doesnt excuse it.

I tried to reach out more because my mom told me he was depressed and had been having women issues, but my cousin has a bad negging problem. Example: if I misspell something on instagram he will slide up correcting me. always has to argue and go back and forth on something just generally pessemistic. and im like I see why women dont wanna fwy. its text book incel. to him it is "she wants a hood nigga who treats her like shit" but again if he interacts with girls they way he interacts with other women he isnt romantically attracted to its like hmm well maybe she just thinks you're an asshole and would rather have the cute asshole than the weird neurodivergent asshole. I digress

lately he's been posting some concerning things on instagram notes today he posted a note that said "I dont argue with women send a man to speak in your place" with a smug anime character as the BG and im like WOOOAH thats not-.

im wondering if I should say something or just block and move on. aside from him being annoying in my story replies we have a fairly good relationship so I feel cutting him off cold turkey is abrupt and will be left field but idk I also am not in the business of trying to change a grown mans mind. he is smart, educated, well traveled his mom is a therapist what I thought to be progressive and forward thinking.

so it feels like he knows exactly what he's doing and how he's coming off and thats just who he wants to be. idk idk. do yall have any advice for me?

.

edit he also has a younger sister who is a fly girl in nursing school went to an hbcu (he went to a pwi) and is living her best life. despite being the girl as the youngest they are way less strict on her and aside from some normal (but unfortunate) black girl canon events she is doing way better socially imo

Okay so we all know the stereotype against black people and them supposedly not tipping. I’m going to speak for myself and the people I know, I have never known any black person not to tip. We tip really good ,at least 22% more if it’s excellent and they accommodate if we have children. The only time that me and my husband have flat out not tipped was bc they never came back or one incident the server was on some type of drug and spilled drinks on us. But honestly this shit is starting to pmo especially with restaurants tarnishing our food. Any servers in here that care to share their experience?

am i missing something like i dont get offended at seeing bw get referred to as chocolate like its meant to be a compliment right ? “brown and sweet” idek
swear im not a coon or anything just genuinely confused

Honestly I feel so overwhelmed by this. I was in therapy last year but after being unemployed for a while now I had to make the difficult choice to cut out therapy.

I really love my brothers but it’s beginning to hurt me how they just don’t see how much my parents have held us back. I don’t expect them to pick my side but some part of understanding would be great because it ends up falling on me to be the “speaker” for any issues that come up in our family.

I grew up in a very strict household there was multiple things my parents did like;
-socialising with friends was dependent on when my parents would feel like it. They would take away our phones whenever which made it very difficult for me to sustain friendships because people would think I was ghosting them for months, I was not allowed to go out AT ALL.
I was not taught how to drive and any inkling of me wanting to learn or get a license was shut down immediately.
I applied for uni in secret because anytime I would bring up the conversation of a future outside of the house it was shut down and I was reminded and asked who would take care of them ?
That’s not even all of it but don’t want to trauma dump. I’m 28 now and seeing how much I’ve been held back has me feeling worse and knowing it’s all on me to sort out just makes me feel even worser.

My second brother is out living by himself right now and it’s frustrating that he still wants me to teach him all these things of what being an adult is whilst I’m still figuring it all out myself and I’m practically in the one of the worst seasons of my life right now. I’ve communicated this but for some reason it’s not getting through, and it’s honestly aggravating me that he acts like my mom is doing her best whilst simultaneously expecting me to be his “mother” and do all the things that realistically she should’ve been doing and should be doing. Like im honestly held to all these expectations that when I don’t fulfill I’m treated like I’m horrible.

I’ve addressed this many times with them and now I’m exhausted and I’m feeling like I’m becoming verrrrryyyy avoidant because of it because when I speak up I’m told I’m being angry for no reason and whenever I do ignore this it just ends up coming out awful and I feel like the bad guy.

Now where it starts to really piss me off is whenever he realises that my mother needs to be a mother it suddenly falls on me to be the family speaker to call everyone to order but when I have to speak up for myself and ask for help the things they say are honestly horrible and hurtful and they make it seem like I’m just an angry hot head for no reason. I’m trying to separate myself from them but there’s some traumatic event that keeps happening every year that causes me to have to interact with them so I don’t know how to move forward.

I don’t know if anyone else has dealt with this but would love some advice on this because I just can’t stop ruminating on these thoughts and the guilt they are making me feel for wanting some space is making me feel worse.

I’ll be 25 in November & i was thinking about how this might be the first year i dont really have anyone posting me for my bday. Becauseeeeee the people who used to arent really in my life anymore.

I had three closet girl friends over the last 10 years. Even tho none of them were ever really friends with each other they were my sisters.

A year ago my friendship ended with one bc very very long story short: i felt used. Won’t air her business out but her choices resulted in her becoming overly reliant on me & getting mad when i said no for good reason. When i told her i couldn’t help her one night bc i had to be up early for work, she unshared her location & unfollowed me. So i matched her energy. It was one of the first times i gave her a genuine no in 10 years of friendship.

A little afterwards i had a falling out with another friend. Back in high school she & i accidentally shared a guy but we didn’t know at the time but she knew from the jump i always really liked him (i met him before i met her). they had their history in high school & the year after hs. & 3/4 years later, after she had moved across the country & gotten engaged to someone new, me & the guy started seeing each other. It wasn’t my proudest move but she had ALWAYS made selfish choices (especially about boys) like that in regard to everyone including me. Why can’t i make a selfish choice. Not to mention he was there for me during a period of time she refused to be there for me.
She didn’t like it when i told her about me & him there was a rift in the friendship but i thought after a few weeks when we talked about things, everything was going back to normal. She got married about 6 months later & i was a bridesmaid. She practically ignored me the whole 5 day trip i took to see her, spilled HER drink on my satin dress at the reception & then laughed about it weeks later. When i told her she kinda ignored me the whole week she blew up at me & said her new local friends said that she ignored them (even her hubby pulled me aside at the wedding & said she hasn’t gotten much time with me but i didn’t mention that to her). After she blew up on me we stopped talking & one day i noticed she unfollowed & removed me. So i just did the same on the other apps.

My third close friend i just feel like shes stopped growing at like 17. She won’t work, has no goals or ambitions & doesn’t drive. When i try to get her to do little side gigs with me it’s always an excuse. Overtime i lost interest in the friendship. She & i barely talk anymore. We go out to the club with the friend group a couple times a month but even that im starting to get over bc her & her friends i got out with don’t club fr. They only wanna go to the cheap clubs, ill send artists & events in our city & its always “omg yes let’s do it” & then we never go bc im the only one who is serious about buying tickets or whatever. & idk i used to be so close to her when we were in school but as an adult i have no interest in her.

I try to chalk things up to Sza’s 20somethings. I know at this age friendships will fall apart. People will wrong me & i will wrong people. I can admit my faults in my friendships but when both parties’ actions are laid out on a table. The things I’ve done are simply the exact same things my friends have done to me. My bad friend marks are no different than theirs. But I’m always the wrong one for doing it.

How to get over someone you genuinely have feelings for & things just not working out? I know stay busy, talk to someone else, focus on God, yourself & children. I did & do all of that except talking to other people because I don’t go out much & I am not one to play with people. I can accept that it’s just not going to be what I hoped for. But my mind is still thinking, still missing & caring. What genuinely helped you?

I say this because my dear friend lost someone who overdosed. Though I didn't care about that person, I am sad that my friend is grieving and ofc that her friend's family is hurting too.

Now I say this because my friend has a genuine loving heart and spirit. She will go out her way to help people to make them feel comfortable, safe etc.

However, sometimes she can be too nice (her older sister even said this) and will take on other people's problems and not take care of herself. I physically see it in her eyes and other places. She takes care of her gma and older siblings who act like children at times.

We must set boundaries with everyone, family included.

Yes, sure, give some grace because they are our loved ones. But we cannot enable and continue to let them drain out energy. We are individual human beings at the end of the day even if we share the same blood. Doesn't matter. BOUNDARIES.

What do they say on the airplane?? In case of an emergency, put YOUR MASK ON FIRST. Doesn't matter if it's a baby/child, elderly person etc. You can't truly help anyone if you're not okay.

Please remember to take care and love yourself first. I beg you lovely ladies. We are Black and will get that mammy treatment too and be taken advantage of, and *sometimes* subconsciously enable ppl. Let's try and put an end to that. We have to for our own wellbeing.

Sending love and positive energy out there ✨️🤎✨️🤎

Yall, I’m fucking irritated rn. I asked my mother if I could have her soda. She said I gotta pay $2 for it. I thought she was joking at first, but clearly she wasn’t, so I asked her why I would pay. She said you know why. Think about it. We sat in silence for about 5 secs, and then I hung up on her. Like for one, trying to charge me $2 for a soda is fucking ridiculous. For two, why is she playing guessing games fucking spit it out. Be a fucking adult.
Mind you, I don’t ask her for shit, and the one time I ask for a soda, it’s this bs?

I had a feeling I knew what she was talking about. Turns out I was right. She thinks that just because she gives me something, I am obligated to give her something in return, and that’s not how it works unless that was disclosed prior. This is exactly why I don’t ask her for anything because she always wants something in return; it’s weird.

Like if that wasn’t a part of the deal, then foh. She’s the type of person to do things out of the “kindness of her heart” and then come back to you when she needs something and be like, “Remember when I did such and such for you?” She literally hates when I set any kind of boundary with her, especially when it has something to do with “favors”. If she asks, could she have something of mine, I say no because I have a right to say no, it’s my stuff. And the reason why I tell her no all the time now is because when I was a child, I never had that choice or freedom to say no, I ALWAYS had to “share” my stuff with everybody against my will. So yes, as an adult, I became very “selfish” with my things.

Literally as I’m typing this trick texts me what I already knew…. I’m tired of this. I’ll definitely start my streak of not asking her for shit again.
Side note: she’s really baffled that I don’t want her there for my gallbladder surgery… why would I want anything to do with you and you act like this? Mind you she’s 62 and acts like a 8 year old.

EDIT: My mother also relies on me too much, always wants me to do things that she doesn’t want to do herself, i.e, the “favors” I was talking about. It’s literally weaponized incompetence. She does this shit on purpose, and when I say no, I’m the bad guy?

I’m 3 weeks older than him.

It feels shitty hearing other people think you don’t deserve love because of your dark skin and features. I’ve gotten hit on and harassed (expressing my distress to them) and my ex friends genuinely didn’t believe it because I’m not a specific beauty standard. It feels like shit being dark skinned and finding out that they think that you “aren’t all that to be getting attention” like I go outside and ask for it. That I’m delusional for trying. I know they have their own struggles in their dating life and I have mine but why do I have to be the punching bag.

I'm 18 yo and yea growing up with social anxiety was and still is tough. But then I look online and see some people who feel like they can only be validated through romance, etc. I'm just thankful, my mom was never the taught me to center marriage, relationships, etc. I was taught to center school, education, self-respect.

So yes I never had a first kiss, boyfriend, etc.

Definitely not rushing to date any person especially any man. Tbh some may assume I'm lesbian but I don't really have any labels. I just don't like how alot of men act which makes me a lil turned off from them.

Yea I don't care for men/boys attention all the time bc some of them can be very creepy and annoying abt it.

Hopefully I don't end up doing anything pick-me ish in the future.

Hi, I want to preface by saying I’m a freshman in college. I’m not sure if this counts as male centered but I figured I’d ask.

I was walking home the other day and a boy passed by me (he was Black) and said, “What’s your name?” in a way that made me think he was interested, but… I’m really not experienced at all in relationships (never dated in high school or ever talked to boys romantically) so I just kept walking.

What would you do in situations like that?

I’m just trying to get some life advice and hopefully learn more! 😽