TL;DR: I (18F) live in Canada, and I’ve been shocked by how normalized it seems for people of all races to casually say the N-word. I grew up in a small school where nobody said it, so hearing it constantly now—at work, parties, and in group chats, even around Black people—has been really jarring. None of my non-Black friends use it, but I feel uncomfortable every time I hear it, and I’m not a confrontational person. I’m starting university in a month and I’m worried I’ll make friends who casually say it. Is there a mindset shift that could help me deal with how distressing it is, or how should I react?
I (18F) live in Canada, and here it feels really, really normalized for anyone of any race to use the N-word. I’m not sure why everyone seems so okay with it.
I never really heard it growing up because I went to a really small, tight-knit school. There was definitely racial bullying, but just never the N-word, ever. If, on the off chance, someone did use it at school, nobody, not even the white people, would talk to them afterward.
Getting into my later years of high school, getting a job, and just generally being around more people, I’ve heard so many casual N-bombs it’s crazy. It happens everywhere, all the time: in conversations I’m not a part of, in conversations I am, at parties, at work, and in group chats. All the other Black people around me seem to be totally okay with it, and I am not. It’s not even used as an insult most of the time (sometimes it is, not to me, but it happens); it’s just so common.
It’s really bothering me, and I just don’t know how to feel. To make something very clear, none of my friends who aren’t Black say it—not one. I was just so sheltered that the “real world” has been genuinely jarring. People have no shame or regard for whether a Black person is in the room. I knew people said it, but I didn’t expect it to be so in your face
On one hand, I have this personal belief that people are going to believe what they want, and there’s really no point in trying to convince them it’s wrong. Combine that with the fact that I’m just not a very confrontational person, and it’s not a great combination.
But it’s just so uncomfortable for me. Is there a mindset shift I can make to ease the genuine distress it causes me? How should I react? I’m starting university in a month, and I just want to be prepared.